A/N: The big finale! And I do mean big. Twice the size of a regular chapter. This story is done. I think. Eep! :P The spell towards the end is a roughly…and I mean roughly…translated Romanian deal. Made it up, nothing real. Some spoilers may be in here, I forget. Hehe. Enjoy, and let me know how you liked the ending. Or, hey, if it sucked, let me know! Muah!
The sun was up, and shining brightly, the sky a sea of blue dotted here and there with fluffy white clouds. There was a gentle breeze blowing just hard enough to cool off the heat of the blazing sun. Another beautiful day in Sunnydale.
Inside the Magic shop, blissfully hidden from the sun, Spike sat in the back room, waiting. He absently twirled a dagger between his fingers, now and then flicking it into the air and lightly catching it by the blade.
"Impressive," a voice said from the doorway.
He turned to see Giles and set the dagger down. "Just the man I was looking for."
"And why's that?" Giles asked, setting a carton of books down.
Spike looked down at his boots. "I uh…I need some help."
When he looked up Giles motioned for him to join him and take a seat on the couch.
"Wouldn't this be the time you usually tell me to get lost?" Spike asked nervously.
"That was when I thought of you as a cold-blooded killer," Giles explained.
Spike gave him an odd look. "You don't anymore?"
"Not with the soul," he answered. To Spike's shocked look, he said, "Buffy. She told me."
Spike nodded. "Yeah…"
"Now, advice? From me?" Giles began.
"You're the only I could think of who might be able help me," he said sadly. "Cause, frankly, if I don't get help, I think I'm gonna go insane."
Giles laughed, but stopped when he realized Spike was serious. He cleared his throat. "Go on."
Spike sighed. "Look, Rupert, I know I'm a still vampire, and I know Buffy could never love me, but I love her. I've tried everything. Killing her, killing myself, leaving town…nothing makes it go away. On top of that, this bleedin' soul…the pain…I don't think I can do it much longer."
Giles nodded seriously. "Understandable."
"I've thought of doin' the deed, you know?" Spike continued, putting the heel of his hand on his temple. "Stake, sunlight, downin' a pitcher of Holy water. Something effective, painful. I don't know why I can't do it. God knows how I want to."
Giles frowned, but allowed him to continue.
"I still can't figure why I can't bring myself to do it. I've got the reason, I've got the resources. Hell, I've even got a section cheering me on. I think maybe I just need to know that when I'm gone Buffy and the Bit are gonna be taken care of. If it means pullin' in Angel, running away, do it. Anything, just make sure…" he trailed off in thought.
"Spike, I do wish you would consider other options," Giles said, systematically cleaning his glasses.
"From where I'm sittin' there are none," Spike said stonily. "I can't be with the one I love, and I'm slowly going insane because I'm living with almost two hundred years of violence on top of that."
"I do know a spell," Giles stated. "A ritual. It could make you…human."
Spike looked up at this. "Human?"
"Yes," Giles nodded. "It would require someone with a great amount of power…"
Spike knew what he was thinking. "Couldn't ask Red to do that. Besides. Human I'd be no good. Just another body to worry about for the Slayer. You know how she has to look out for the rest of you. I'm not sure either of us could take that."
Giles nodded. "I'll look for other ways. Put this off until I can find something, Spike. If I can't find another way…"
Spike sighed. "I'm not getting my hopes up. Just don't tell anyone. And Giles…I do appreciate this. For what it's worth, I'm sorry."
"For what?" the Englishman asked.
"Before. The things I did to you. The things I watched be done."
Giles nodded and watched as Spike slipped out of the room, to the basement.
He stood up. He had work to do.
Spike knelt by the altar, warily, the presence of the crosses, statues, and churchgoers full of faith pressing heavily against the demon inside him. He felt slightly drained, ill at ease.
He light a candle and sat back to watch it burn, feeling out of place. He laughed a low laugh in his throat. "A vampire with a soul come to confess his sins and pray for atonement to a God that very well may not exist. What a sight to see. If they could see me now."
From a bag he had sitting a considerable distance away from his legs he pulled out a small bundle, unwrapping the cloth to reveal a shining silver cross.
He took in a deep breath and stifled a laugh that threatened to break loose. With shaking hands he picked up the cross.
Instantaneously there was a smell of burnt meat and smoke began to rise from his hands. He tightened his hold, gripping to cross to his chest, facial muscles clenched in an effort to hold down a scream of pain.
He closed his eyes, opened them, and looked up at the crucifix hanging above him.
In a controlled, pain filled voice, he began. "Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee…"
"Buffy, did you talk to Spike today?" Dawn asked, flying in the front door.
Buffy looked up from her coffee. The clock read three. She winced. "Sorry. I didn't see the time or I would've had something ready."
Dawn rolled her eyes. "Buffy, I'm not six. Did you see him today?"
"No," Buffy sighed. "I left him there yesterday, but when I went back today there was no one there. I looked all over. No one's seen him."
Dawn sighed and sat heavily in one of the chairs. "Oh."
"I'm sorry, Dawnie," Buffy said softly. "I should've stayed with him. He was looking bad yesterday."
"He's looked bad since he came back," Dawn replied.
"Yeah," Buffy acknowledged. "But he wasn't going all Mental Ward before!"
"It scared me," Dawn said in a small voice. "I've never seen him like that before."
Her older sister nodded. "Neither have I. It was freaky."
"Can we at least go look for him tonight?" Dawn asked. "It's a Friday, and I don't have much homework, and…I really don't think he should be out there alone."
"You're right," Buffy said.
"Oh, come ON, Buffy--" Dawn caught herself. "What? We can?"
Buffy nodded. "Yeah."
Dawn squealed. "You're the greatest!"
Buffy smiled, but it was a sad smile. She hoped there was still someone left to find.
It was a quiet night. Something seemed wrong about that, being a Hellmouth and all, but at the same time it seemed fitting.
They stalked side by side, stopping now and then to take care of a vamp, but all in all the night was uneventful.
"Great," Dawn said, twirling her stake. "No Spike, no killing things. I gave up a Friday night for this?"
Buffy laughed. "Welcome to the life of a Slayer."
She expected Dawn to laugh too, or at least make a smart comment like usual, but when she stopped to look at her little sister she saw her staring somewhere in front of them.
"Dawn, what…?" she trailed off as she saw what she was looking at.
Spike was kneeling in front of Tara's grave stone, gently touching one of the flower's Willow had lain there earlier on.
"Spike?" Dawn whispered.
"Hello, luv," Spike said emotionlessly, not bothering to look up from the grave.
He was almost motionless, just staring with empty eyes, tracing the soft petal of the flower.
"Spike, what're you doing?" Buffy asked, getting Dawn by her side and slowly moving closer.
"Havin' a chat with an old friend," he said listlessly. "Glinda here's been tellin' me all about Heaven. Says it shines like the stars, she does."
"Buffy?" Dawn whispered. He was scaring her.
"Spike…Tara's gone," Buffy said slowly.
"Gone to Heaven," he nodded. "Up there with yer Mum, she is. They talk sometimes. Make sure they know you're doin' alright."
"Mommy?" the girls whispered in barely audible voices.
Mad now, Buffy spoke louder. "Spike, don't do this. You can't talk about my Mom like that."
"Sends her love," he whispered. "Says you're doin' a good job with Dawn. She always wanted to see you with your own daughter…but this is almost as good."
A tear trickled unwillingly from her eye. "Damn it, Spike! How could you know that?"
"I told you," he said angrily, standing up, swaying. "Her n' Tinkerbell been having a nice conversation with me."
He laughed shortly, an insane laugh.
"I'm almost with them. Almost dead. Last talk with them, though. Sure won't be goin' to Heaven myself," he said sadly. "Not with a demon in me. Don't know what's gonna happen to me."
Dawn looked at her sister. "What's he talking about?"
"I don't know, Dawnie," Buffy said, never once taking her eyes off the vampire.
He cleared his throat, looking serious, and sane. "Right then. Got a man to see. Cheers."
He walked off, leaving the stunned women behind to contemplate the meaning of his words.
"Anything?" Spike asked Giles, already knowing what the answer would be.
"Uh, well, no, not yet," Giles said. "But I do have a lead on another sort of ritual."
Spike looked up at this. "What does it involve?"
Giles looked down.
"Right. Got ya. Just tryin' to stall," he said with a satisfied nod. "Don't know why you should want me alive, Rupert."
"Nor do I," Giles said truthfully.
"Well then, give my regards to the others," Spike said, standing up. "It's time to get this over with before I put it off any longer."
"Spike, I do wish you'd reconsider," Giles said, grabbing Spike's shoulder as he began his walk out the door of the Magic Box.
"The sky's falling," he whispered softly, looking up at the stars.
Giles frowned again. "Yes…I suppose it is."
Spike gave him a small smile. "Thank you for helping."
Giles nodded. "It was no trouble. But still…there may be other ways."
"There are lots of ways to kill a vampire," Spike said in confusion.
Giles opened his mouth to speak, but decided against it. There was no reasoning with someone who couldn't even understand the concept of reason.
With no further words, Spike walked away, disappearing down the road with a purpose in his stride.
Buffy buried her head in her hands, ignoring the salad before her and groaning.
"Buffy, what's wrong?" Willow asked, looking up from her own chicken salad.
"Will, have you ever made a really big mistake?" Buffy asked softly, looking up with watery eyes.
Willow gave her a look. "About a hundred."
"Right. Sorry," Buffy apologized.
Willow shook her head. "No, go on. What mistake did you make?"
"I told Spike I could never love him," Buffy said, tears spilling over. "But it wasn't the truth. I already do love him. I have."
Willow's eyes went wide. "How long have you known?"
"I think it was one of those, 'don't know what you've got till it's gone' deals," she sniffed. "You know?"
Willow nodded. "Yeah."
"I mean, look at it. The person there when my Mom found out I was a Slayer? Spike. The person there to comfort me when my mom was sick, and I didn't tell anyone. Spike. The person who saved me every night after I died…The first to know I was in Heaven."
Willow looked away at this.
"Don't worry, Wills. Everything's cool. I'm just starting to think that I really have loved him all this time. And now he's just so messed," Buffy said, a pained look marring her face. "Messed because of me."
"God, Buffy, no," Willow said. "Not because of you."
Buffy sighed. "Mainly."
Willow bit her lip. "I'm sorry Buff."
Her friend nodded. "Me, too. But I don't have to worry much longer. The next time I see him I'm going to tell him the truth. I…love him."
"Willow?" Giles asked, holding the phone to his ear while paging through a book. "I need your help. I need to know exactly how to do a spell."
He listened to the other end, obviously her protest. "No, Willow, you misunderstand. It's of the utmost importance. I need to know how to perform this ritual. I'm not asking you to partake in it."
He listened again. "Mm hmm. Right. See you in twenty minutes."
"I hope it's not too late," he added as he hung up.
Spike sat atop the hill, picking blades of grass with his green tinged fingers, twirling them between the digits, then letting them blow away in the wind.
He was counting down the hours before sunrise.
"Giles, he's what?" Willow asked incredulously, holding the book he'd handed her.
"Willow, I know you heard me," Giles said, occupied with drawing the chalk pentagram on the concrete floor of the training room, mats moved aside.
"But…why?" she asked unsurely.
Giles paused, looked up from what he was doing. "Imagine the grief and guilt you felt when you returned from your…magic trip."
Her face blanched.
"Now multiply that by over a hundred years, and add the extra helping of guilt of hurting the one woman you are can't make yourself not be in love with," Giles said, adjusting his glasses.
Willow bit her cheek and nodded.
Giles went back to drawing the large pentacle.
"Giles?" Willow said softly.
"Yes?" he asked, looking back at her.
"Let me do this spell," she said.
"Willow?" he questioned. "I don't think that's wise."
"I have power, Giles. I'm quite possibly the only one who does have enough to make the spell work right. I used my powers wrong before. I used them too much and for the wrong reasons. But this, Giles. This is for good. This will help. Not only him…me too," Willow pleaded. "Let me do this, Giles. I can start making things right again."
Giles recognized her 'resolve face'. He sighed. "Very well."
Willow smiled nervously. "Good. I think."
Spike looked at the sky, sniffed the air twice. He chuckled dryly.
"Two to go," he muttered.
"Buffy!" Dawn cried as her sister opened the door and stepped back inside after an additional patrol.
"Dawn," Buffy scolded immediately. "You should be asleep, it's nearly five!"
"I know, I know," she rushed. "Trust me, it's for a good reason. Giles called, he said Spike's all suicidal and he thinks he's gonna do something stupid. We gotta find him!"
"What?" Buffy cried. "Where is he?"
"I have no idea," Dawn lamented. "Buffy, please. We can't let him die."
"I know, Dawnie, I know," Buffy agreed, pulling her sister into a hug. "Get your jacket. We're going searching."
"Right," Dawn said.
"I wish it could always be this quiet," Anya said, snuggling up against Xander's chest. "It feels so good just to be near you again.."
Xander smiled, playing with her hair. "I know. I know exactly how you feel."
She turned to him, returning the smile.
They lost themselves as their lips met, the past forgotten, paving way for a perfect future…well, almost perfect. It was Sunnydale, after all.
They would take what they could get.
"Hurry up, Giles," Willow worried. "I don't think we have much more time."
Giles nodded, burning the edge of a stick in a small cauldron of fire. "I know, Willow."
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine," Spike sang softly to himself. He remembered when Dru used to sing that song to the little girls before she killed them. She'd always loved that song. "You make me happy when skies are grey."
"Spike!" Buffy's voice called from behind him.
He sighed. "Here she is, come to save the day."
"Spike, I know what you're trying to do. You can't just do this to us, not again!" she cried.
"Us?" he asked, turning his head. "Ah, bring the Bit along for a bit of fun?"
"Spike, don't do this," Dawn pleaded.
"Should be in bed," he said sullenly. "Dreaming dreams all safe n' warm. Or maybe it's better you're not. No more screaming to hear in the dreams, eh?"
Buffy looked at her sister to find the younger girl looking down at her sneakers.
"Not much longer, Slayer," he said. "Dunno if you two wanna be 'round for this."
"There's no 'this', Spike," Buffy said. "You're coming with us before you turn into extra crispy vamp."
"Not goin' anywhere," he said, staring at the pink tinged sky. "Nowhere but hell…or wherever it is a thing like me's damned to."
"Spike, come on," Dawn said, roughly grabbing him by the arm to haul him to his feet. "This is no time to fuck around. If you die I'll kick your ass!"
He glared at her. "What'd I tell you 'bout language?"
"Shut up!" she snapped. "Why should I listen to you? Huh? Remember last summer? What you told me? 'Don't even think that, Bit. Suicide's not the way out of this. It only gets better with time'!"
Buffy gaped. "You thought about killing yourself?"
Dawn glared. "Yeah, all right? Until Spike put me straight. And there's no way I'm gonna let you do this!"
He jerked his arm away sadly. "It's different, Bit."
"NO!" she screamed. "No, it's not!"
He reached up to wipe away a tear that fell, and she batted his hand away. "If you die, I'm never gonna forgive you. I will NEVER forgive you."
"Then I'm sorry you'll never forgive me," he said plainly.
"No," Buffy stepped in. "It's not going down like this."
No miracle snowfall to save this vampire.
"I won't do this again," she whispered.
Spike glanced at the sun, the edges now orange with the onset of the sun.
"Ten," he said with a strange smile.
Dressed in a white gown, Willow stood in the middle of the chalk pentagram, arms held out to her sides, a coal pentagram smeared on her forehead. She squeezed her eyes shut, mumbled a small power incantation, and opened her eyes, the irises totally black with power.
"Earth, air, fire, water
Spirits, hear my plea!
As above, so below
Give your strength to me!
Flesh to bone
Bone to blood
Blood to being
Spirits, hear me!"
She felt a shudder of magic course through her body, and channeled it. It was working.
"Ce o data acum pauza. Inima si sînge si suflare. Soul, si puternic si corp. Pauza As my will, so mote it be!" Willow cried, the Romanian words slipping easily from her tongue.
A bright flash of light filled the room and slowly died, leaving the witch in the middle of the room, exhausted.
"Spike, we have to go, NOW!" Buffy cried, tugging on his arm as the sunlight fell across them. "I won't let this happen. I love you!"
He fell to his knees, gasping in pain, but to their immense surprise, did not burst into flames.
"Spike?" Dawn whispered, knlleing by Buffy, who still had a grip on his arm.
He looked up in fear and confusion, gasping deeply, his unused heart beating stolen blood through his veins.
"What's going on?" Buffy asked, noticing just how pale he was in the sunlight.
He looked up at her, seeing the way the sunlight played off her blonde hair. "You're an angel."
She furrowed her brow. "Not quite…"
"Why are you not dead?" Dawn asked. "Not that I'm not all glad and stuff."
Spike painfully reached up and grabbed her hand, placing it to his chest.
"Oh, God," Dawn cried, eyes wide in shock. "You're alive!?"
"Willow?" Giles asked, concerned, kneeling by her.
"It worked," she grinned. "It worked."
Giles smiled in relief. "Thank God. Wait…did I actually just say that about Spike?"
Willow grinned. "Admit it. He's grown on you."
Giles sighed.
"Alive?" Buffy asked in a childish voice.
"You love me?" he asked at the same time. "I must be dreaming."
Buffy sobbed, pulling him into a hug. "Don't ever do that again! You had me so scared."
Spike smiled a half smile. "You love me."
She wiped away a tear. "Yes, you idiot. I love you. I have loved you."
"Me too," Dawn whispered. "Only not like that."
Spike laughed and held tightly to the two girls he loved more than anything, the sunlight heating them as they lay on the grass.
He was thinking much more clearly now, almost as if he'd never feared for his sanity. All he knew was that for once in his unlife he felt warm and safe and loved in the light.
The shadows had been driven back.
"I'll be fine," he whispered to the sky. "Tell Red thanks."
"Thanks for my life," he thought as he kissed Buffy and Dawn's heads in turn.
"You're welcome," Willow whispered herself. "And thank you."
"I knew you could do it," Tara said to herself, watching from someplace up above.
With everything safe and sound for now, she slowly disappeared, finally at rest.
Everything had worked out.
All it took was time.
The sun was up, and shining brightly, the sky a sea of blue dotted here and there with fluffy white clouds. There was a gentle breeze blowing just hard enough to cool off the heat of the blazing sun. Another beautiful day in Sunnydale.
Inside the Magic shop, blissfully hidden from the sun, Spike sat in the back room, waiting. He absently twirled a dagger between his fingers, now and then flicking it into the air and lightly catching it by the blade.
"Impressive," a voice said from the doorway.
He turned to see Giles and set the dagger down. "Just the man I was looking for."
"And why's that?" Giles asked, setting a carton of books down.
Spike looked down at his boots. "I uh…I need some help."
When he looked up Giles motioned for him to join him and take a seat on the couch.
"Wouldn't this be the time you usually tell me to get lost?" Spike asked nervously.
"That was when I thought of you as a cold-blooded killer," Giles explained.
Spike gave him an odd look. "You don't anymore?"
"Not with the soul," he answered. To Spike's shocked look, he said, "Buffy. She told me."
Spike nodded. "Yeah…"
"Now, advice? From me?" Giles began.
"You're the only I could think of who might be able help me," he said sadly. "Cause, frankly, if I don't get help, I think I'm gonna go insane."
Giles laughed, but stopped when he realized Spike was serious. He cleared his throat. "Go on."
Spike sighed. "Look, Rupert, I know I'm a still vampire, and I know Buffy could never love me, but I love her. I've tried everything. Killing her, killing myself, leaving town…nothing makes it go away. On top of that, this bleedin' soul…the pain…I don't think I can do it much longer."
Giles nodded seriously. "Understandable."
"I've thought of doin' the deed, you know?" Spike continued, putting the heel of his hand on his temple. "Stake, sunlight, downin' a pitcher of Holy water. Something effective, painful. I don't know why I can't do it. God knows how I want to."
Giles frowned, but allowed him to continue.
"I still can't figure why I can't bring myself to do it. I've got the reason, I've got the resources. Hell, I've even got a section cheering me on. I think maybe I just need to know that when I'm gone Buffy and the Bit are gonna be taken care of. If it means pullin' in Angel, running away, do it. Anything, just make sure…" he trailed off in thought.
"Spike, I do wish you would consider other options," Giles said, systematically cleaning his glasses.
"From where I'm sittin' there are none," Spike said stonily. "I can't be with the one I love, and I'm slowly going insane because I'm living with almost two hundred years of violence on top of that."
"I do know a spell," Giles stated. "A ritual. It could make you…human."
Spike looked up at this. "Human?"
"Yes," Giles nodded. "It would require someone with a great amount of power…"
Spike knew what he was thinking. "Couldn't ask Red to do that. Besides. Human I'd be no good. Just another body to worry about for the Slayer. You know how she has to look out for the rest of you. I'm not sure either of us could take that."
Giles nodded. "I'll look for other ways. Put this off until I can find something, Spike. If I can't find another way…"
Spike sighed. "I'm not getting my hopes up. Just don't tell anyone. And Giles…I do appreciate this. For what it's worth, I'm sorry."
"For what?" the Englishman asked.
"Before. The things I did to you. The things I watched be done."
Giles nodded and watched as Spike slipped out of the room, to the basement.
He stood up. He had work to do.
Spike knelt by the altar, warily, the presence of the crosses, statues, and churchgoers full of faith pressing heavily against the demon inside him. He felt slightly drained, ill at ease.
He light a candle and sat back to watch it burn, feeling out of place. He laughed a low laugh in his throat. "A vampire with a soul come to confess his sins and pray for atonement to a God that very well may not exist. What a sight to see. If they could see me now."
From a bag he had sitting a considerable distance away from his legs he pulled out a small bundle, unwrapping the cloth to reveal a shining silver cross.
He took in a deep breath and stifled a laugh that threatened to break loose. With shaking hands he picked up the cross.
Instantaneously there was a smell of burnt meat and smoke began to rise from his hands. He tightened his hold, gripping to cross to his chest, facial muscles clenched in an effort to hold down a scream of pain.
He closed his eyes, opened them, and looked up at the crucifix hanging above him.
In a controlled, pain filled voice, he began. "Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee…"
"Buffy, did you talk to Spike today?" Dawn asked, flying in the front door.
Buffy looked up from her coffee. The clock read three. She winced. "Sorry. I didn't see the time or I would've had something ready."
Dawn rolled her eyes. "Buffy, I'm not six. Did you see him today?"
"No," Buffy sighed. "I left him there yesterday, but when I went back today there was no one there. I looked all over. No one's seen him."
Dawn sighed and sat heavily in one of the chairs. "Oh."
"I'm sorry, Dawnie," Buffy said softly. "I should've stayed with him. He was looking bad yesterday."
"He's looked bad since he came back," Dawn replied.
"Yeah," Buffy acknowledged. "But he wasn't going all Mental Ward before!"
"It scared me," Dawn said in a small voice. "I've never seen him like that before."
Her older sister nodded. "Neither have I. It was freaky."
"Can we at least go look for him tonight?" Dawn asked. "It's a Friday, and I don't have much homework, and…I really don't think he should be out there alone."
"You're right," Buffy said.
"Oh, come ON, Buffy--" Dawn caught herself. "What? We can?"
Buffy nodded. "Yeah."
Dawn squealed. "You're the greatest!"
Buffy smiled, but it was a sad smile. She hoped there was still someone left to find.
It was a quiet night. Something seemed wrong about that, being a Hellmouth and all, but at the same time it seemed fitting.
They stalked side by side, stopping now and then to take care of a vamp, but all in all the night was uneventful.
"Great," Dawn said, twirling her stake. "No Spike, no killing things. I gave up a Friday night for this?"
Buffy laughed. "Welcome to the life of a Slayer."
She expected Dawn to laugh too, or at least make a smart comment like usual, but when she stopped to look at her little sister she saw her staring somewhere in front of them.
"Dawn, what…?" she trailed off as she saw what she was looking at.
Spike was kneeling in front of Tara's grave stone, gently touching one of the flower's Willow had lain there earlier on.
"Spike?" Dawn whispered.
"Hello, luv," Spike said emotionlessly, not bothering to look up from the grave.
He was almost motionless, just staring with empty eyes, tracing the soft petal of the flower.
"Spike, what're you doing?" Buffy asked, getting Dawn by her side and slowly moving closer.
"Havin' a chat with an old friend," he said listlessly. "Glinda here's been tellin' me all about Heaven. Says it shines like the stars, she does."
"Buffy?" Dawn whispered. He was scaring her.
"Spike…Tara's gone," Buffy said slowly.
"Gone to Heaven," he nodded. "Up there with yer Mum, she is. They talk sometimes. Make sure they know you're doin' alright."
"Mommy?" the girls whispered in barely audible voices.
Mad now, Buffy spoke louder. "Spike, don't do this. You can't talk about my Mom like that."
"Sends her love," he whispered. "Says you're doin' a good job with Dawn. She always wanted to see you with your own daughter…but this is almost as good."
A tear trickled unwillingly from her eye. "Damn it, Spike! How could you know that?"
"I told you," he said angrily, standing up, swaying. "Her n' Tinkerbell been having a nice conversation with me."
He laughed shortly, an insane laugh.
"I'm almost with them. Almost dead. Last talk with them, though. Sure won't be goin' to Heaven myself," he said sadly. "Not with a demon in me. Don't know what's gonna happen to me."
Dawn looked at her sister. "What's he talking about?"
"I don't know, Dawnie," Buffy said, never once taking her eyes off the vampire.
He cleared his throat, looking serious, and sane. "Right then. Got a man to see. Cheers."
He walked off, leaving the stunned women behind to contemplate the meaning of his words.
"Anything?" Spike asked Giles, already knowing what the answer would be.
"Uh, well, no, not yet," Giles said. "But I do have a lead on another sort of ritual."
Spike looked up at this. "What does it involve?"
Giles looked down.
"Right. Got ya. Just tryin' to stall," he said with a satisfied nod. "Don't know why you should want me alive, Rupert."
"Nor do I," Giles said truthfully.
"Well then, give my regards to the others," Spike said, standing up. "It's time to get this over with before I put it off any longer."
"Spike, I do wish you'd reconsider," Giles said, grabbing Spike's shoulder as he began his walk out the door of the Magic Box.
"The sky's falling," he whispered softly, looking up at the stars.
Giles frowned again. "Yes…I suppose it is."
Spike gave him a small smile. "Thank you for helping."
Giles nodded. "It was no trouble. But still…there may be other ways."
"There are lots of ways to kill a vampire," Spike said in confusion.
Giles opened his mouth to speak, but decided against it. There was no reasoning with someone who couldn't even understand the concept of reason.
With no further words, Spike walked away, disappearing down the road with a purpose in his stride.
Buffy buried her head in her hands, ignoring the salad before her and groaning.
"Buffy, what's wrong?" Willow asked, looking up from her own chicken salad.
"Will, have you ever made a really big mistake?" Buffy asked softly, looking up with watery eyes.
Willow gave her a look. "About a hundred."
"Right. Sorry," Buffy apologized.
Willow shook her head. "No, go on. What mistake did you make?"
"I told Spike I could never love him," Buffy said, tears spilling over. "But it wasn't the truth. I already do love him. I have."
Willow's eyes went wide. "How long have you known?"
"I think it was one of those, 'don't know what you've got till it's gone' deals," she sniffed. "You know?"
Willow nodded. "Yeah."
"I mean, look at it. The person there when my Mom found out I was a Slayer? Spike. The person there to comfort me when my mom was sick, and I didn't tell anyone. Spike. The person who saved me every night after I died…The first to know I was in Heaven."
Willow looked away at this.
"Don't worry, Wills. Everything's cool. I'm just starting to think that I really have loved him all this time. And now he's just so messed," Buffy said, a pained look marring her face. "Messed because of me."
"God, Buffy, no," Willow said. "Not because of you."
Buffy sighed. "Mainly."
Willow bit her lip. "I'm sorry Buff."
Her friend nodded. "Me, too. But I don't have to worry much longer. The next time I see him I'm going to tell him the truth. I…love him."
"Willow?" Giles asked, holding the phone to his ear while paging through a book. "I need your help. I need to know exactly how to do a spell."
He listened to the other end, obviously her protest. "No, Willow, you misunderstand. It's of the utmost importance. I need to know how to perform this ritual. I'm not asking you to partake in it."
He listened again. "Mm hmm. Right. See you in twenty minutes."
"I hope it's not too late," he added as he hung up.
Spike sat atop the hill, picking blades of grass with his green tinged fingers, twirling them between the digits, then letting them blow away in the wind.
He was counting down the hours before sunrise.
"Giles, he's what?" Willow asked incredulously, holding the book he'd handed her.
"Willow, I know you heard me," Giles said, occupied with drawing the chalk pentagram on the concrete floor of the training room, mats moved aside.
"But…why?" she asked unsurely.
Giles paused, looked up from what he was doing. "Imagine the grief and guilt you felt when you returned from your…magic trip."
Her face blanched.
"Now multiply that by over a hundred years, and add the extra helping of guilt of hurting the one woman you are can't make yourself not be in love with," Giles said, adjusting his glasses.
Willow bit her cheek and nodded.
Giles went back to drawing the large pentacle.
"Giles?" Willow said softly.
"Yes?" he asked, looking back at her.
"Let me do this spell," she said.
"Willow?" he questioned. "I don't think that's wise."
"I have power, Giles. I'm quite possibly the only one who does have enough to make the spell work right. I used my powers wrong before. I used them too much and for the wrong reasons. But this, Giles. This is for good. This will help. Not only him…me too," Willow pleaded. "Let me do this, Giles. I can start making things right again."
Giles recognized her 'resolve face'. He sighed. "Very well."
Willow smiled nervously. "Good. I think."
Spike looked at the sky, sniffed the air twice. He chuckled dryly.
"Two to go," he muttered.
"Buffy!" Dawn cried as her sister opened the door and stepped back inside after an additional patrol.
"Dawn," Buffy scolded immediately. "You should be asleep, it's nearly five!"
"I know, I know," she rushed. "Trust me, it's for a good reason. Giles called, he said Spike's all suicidal and he thinks he's gonna do something stupid. We gotta find him!"
"What?" Buffy cried. "Where is he?"
"I have no idea," Dawn lamented. "Buffy, please. We can't let him die."
"I know, Dawnie, I know," Buffy agreed, pulling her sister into a hug. "Get your jacket. We're going searching."
"Right," Dawn said.
"I wish it could always be this quiet," Anya said, snuggling up against Xander's chest. "It feels so good just to be near you again.."
Xander smiled, playing with her hair. "I know. I know exactly how you feel."
She turned to him, returning the smile.
They lost themselves as their lips met, the past forgotten, paving way for a perfect future…well, almost perfect. It was Sunnydale, after all.
They would take what they could get.
"Hurry up, Giles," Willow worried. "I don't think we have much more time."
Giles nodded, burning the edge of a stick in a small cauldron of fire. "I know, Willow."
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine," Spike sang softly to himself. He remembered when Dru used to sing that song to the little girls before she killed them. She'd always loved that song. "You make me happy when skies are grey."
"Spike!" Buffy's voice called from behind him.
He sighed. "Here she is, come to save the day."
"Spike, I know what you're trying to do. You can't just do this to us, not again!" she cried.
"Us?" he asked, turning his head. "Ah, bring the Bit along for a bit of fun?"
"Spike, don't do this," Dawn pleaded.
"Should be in bed," he said sullenly. "Dreaming dreams all safe n' warm. Or maybe it's better you're not. No more screaming to hear in the dreams, eh?"
Buffy looked at her sister to find the younger girl looking down at her sneakers.
"Not much longer, Slayer," he said. "Dunno if you two wanna be 'round for this."
"There's no 'this', Spike," Buffy said. "You're coming with us before you turn into extra crispy vamp."
"Not goin' anywhere," he said, staring at the pink tinged sky. "Nowhere but hell…or wherever it is a thing like me's damned to."
"Spike, come on," Dawn said, roughly grabbing him by the arm to haul him to his feet. "This is no time to fuck around. If you die I'll kick your ass!"
He glared at her. "What'd I tell you 'bout language?"
"Shut up!" she snapped. "Why should I listen to you? Huh? Remember last summer? What you told me? 'Don't even think that, Bit. Suicide's not the way out of this. It only gets better with time'!"
Buffy gaped. "You thought about killing yourself?"
Dawn glared. "Yeah, all right? Until Spike put me straight. And there's no way I'm gonna let you do this!"
He jerked his arm away sadly. "It's different, Bit."
"NO!" she screamed. "No, it's not!"
He reached up to wipe away a tear that fell, and she batted his hand away. "If you die, I'm never gonna forgive you. I will NEVER forgive you."
"Then I'm sorry you'll never forgive me," he said plainly.
"No," Buffy stepped in. "It's not going down like this."
No miracle snowfall to save this vampire.
"I won't do this again," she whispered.
Spike glanced at the sun, the edges now orange with the onset of the sun.
"Ten," he said with a strange smile.
Dressed in a white gown, Willow stood in the middle of the chalk pentagram, arms held out to her sides, a coal pentagram smeared on her forehead. She squeezed her eyes shut, mumbled a small power incantation, and opened her eyes, the irises totally black with power.
"Earth, air, fire, water
Spirits, hear my plea!
As above, so below
Give your strength to me!
Flesh to bone
Bone to blood
Blood to being
Spirits, hear me!"
She felt a shudder of magic course through her body, and channeled it. It was working.
"Ce o data acum pauza. Inima si sînge si suflare. Soul, si puternic si corp. Pauza As my will, so mote it be!" Willow cried, the Romanian words slipping easily from her tongue.
A bright flash of light filled the room and slowly died, leaving the witch in the middle of the room, exhausted.
"Spike, we have to go, NOW!" Buffy cried, tugging on his arm as the sunlight fell across them. "I won't let this happen. I love you!"
He fell to his knees, gasping in pain, but to their immense surprise, did not burst into flames.
"Spike?" Dawn whispered, knlleing by Buffy, who still had a grip on his arm.
He looked up in fear and confusion, gasping deeply, his unused heart beating stolen blood through his veins.
"What's going on?" Buffy asked, noticing just how pale he was in the sunlight.
He looked up at her, seeing the way the sunlight played off her blonde hair. "You're an angel."
She furrowed her brow. "Not quite…"
"Why are you not dead?" Dawn asked. "Not that I'm not all glad and stuff."
Spike painfully reached up and grabbed her hand, placing it to his chest.
"Oh, God," Dawn cried, eyes wide in shock. "You're alive!?"
"Willow?" Giles asked, concerned, kneeling by her.
"It worked," she grinned. "It worked."
Giles smiled in relief. "Thank God. Wait…did I actually just say that about Spike?"
Willow grinned. "Admit it. He's grown on you."
Giles sighed.
"Alive?" Buffy asked in a childish voice.
"You love me?" he asked at the same time. "I must be dreaming."
Buffy sobbed, pulling him into a hug. "Don't ever do that again! You had me so scared."
Spike smiled a half smile. "You love me."
She wiped away a tear. "Yes, you idiot. I love you. I have loved you."
"Me too," Dawn whispered. "Only not like that."
Spike laughed and held tightly to the two girls he loved more than anything, the sunlight heating them as they lay on the grass.
He was thinking much more clearly now, almost as if he'd never feared for his sanity. All he knew was that for once in his unlife he felt warm and safe and loved in the light.
The shadows had been driven back.
"I'll be fine," he whispered to the sky. "Tell Red thanks."
"Thanks for my life," he thought as he kissed Buffy and Dawn's heads in turn.
"You're welcome," Willow whispered herself. "And thank you."
"I knew you could do it," Tara said to herself, watching from someplace up above.
With everything safe and sound for now, she slowly disappeared, finally at rest.
Everything had worked out.
All it took was time.
