The one I loved: from the diary of Hermione Granger

Chapter two: Sirius' tears

by: Weretosia-87

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

spoilers: all or none.

pairing: Snape/Hermione

a/n: this is not like the first chapter, this is sad. This chapter is from Sirius' journal.

(Setting: Present day)

I looked around my small living room, intent on finding my keys. Out of all the things muggles invented, the motorcycle had to be my favorite. Finally, I spotted them on the end table and snatched them up.

Then, I spotted something else on the end table. My old journal. I smiled to myself as I picked it up, it was one of the only things those ministry bastards had let me take into Azkaban. One of the only things that kept me sane honestly.

I smiled to myself as I read:

January 24th, 1988

My name is Sirius Black. I can never forget that, no matter how much I want to. I am Sirius Black. I am Sirius Black, I am innocent. I am Sirius Black... I have to remember that so when, or if, I get out of here I can find that rat Peter and do the crime I was sent here for...

I closed the book and shuttered for a moment. Then continued.

December 24th, 1988

Who am I? I can't even remember that any more. Why was I sent to this God forsaken place? I look back onto previous pages and read: I am Sirius Black. Yes, it's coming back now. The rat... But, what good will remembering do if there is nothing I can do to save myself...

I tried to hold back the violent shudders that were threatening to take over my body. I succeeded somehow.

December 31st, 1993

I have been out for a few months now, and have found my way to Hogwarts. I have finally found Harry. What disturbs me most is that the rat is sleeping in the same room as him, and he doesn't even know it...

Then there's Hermione...

(December 31st, 1993)

In dog form I sulked around the edge of the forest, waiting to find out something new from my fellow creature, Crookshanks. He was a good fellow, as far as cats go. I noticed lately, however, that Crookshanks seemed preoccupied with his owner, Purr-Mione, as he called her. Or, Hermione as the students called her. I had gathered that she had been suspicious of the broom I sent Harry, and had told McGonnagal. It was good of her to do it really. Only concerned for the welfare of her best friends. That wasn't how they had seen it however.

I shook the thought from my mind as I saw someone exit the castle. It was that Hermione girl. She didn't look in a good way at all. The problems with her friends seemed to be taking quite a toll on her. She walked over to the road leading out of Hogwarts and followed it. I don't know why, but I followed her as well.

After a good half hours walk, she turned off the road and walked towards a bench under an old oak tree. She sat down onto it rather heavily and sighed sadly as she shook her head. I slowly walked over to her, curious to find out what it was about her that Crookshanks was always going on about.

She gave quite a start when she saw me, naturally. Then, oddly, she smiled. "So you're what all of the Grim nonsense is about?"

I couldn't help but smile to myself as she scratched my ear.

"Honestly," she went on, "You aren't that scary."

I barked in reply.

She smiled slightly then turned back and gazed into the small creek which ran through the area. I had many good memories of that creek...

"All I wanted to do was have the dumb thing checked..." she muttered as she got up and walked away. "I hope Harry does good in his Quidditch game..."

I watched her go in amazement, even after the way they had treated her she still managed to forgive them. It was then that he realized what Crookshanks was always going on about. I also realized...

(journal)

that I had fallen in love with Hermione Granger...

I felt tears in my eyes as I sat down and reread the last line over and over again. It was true, I had fallen in love with her... and I was still in love with her. Perhaps that was the reason I hadn't gone to her and Snape's wedding. I was still in love with that innocent angel. Even after all of the things he had put her through, after all of the evil, malicious things he had said about her, after everything, Snape still got her. That Bastard.

Then I was pulled out of my self-pity as the door bell rang. I glanced up and yelled, "Come in." rather flatly.

Hermione pushed the door in and walked inside, looking rather hurt, "Sirius, we missed you at the wedding, why didn't you come?"

I felt a tremendous dagger of guilt stab my heart as I looked into her hurt eyes. "I had... business... I needed to take care of out of town." I replied feeling even worse than before.

She frowned at me and asked, "You don't approve of me marring Severus do you?"

I felt as if my heart had been pulled out, 'Do I approve of the only one I love getting married to the awful Bastard Snape? Oh, sure of course, and I'm packing my bags and going back to Azkaban freely too.' I thought bitterly. Then it dawned on me how selfish I was being. I sighed and replied, "I approve of anything that makes you happy Mione."

"Honestly?"

"Yes." I smiled.

"Good!" Hermione said, "Well, I have to get going, see you around Sirius!" she smiled as she walked out of my life forever.

I shook my head sadly and thought to myself, 'No Hermione... You won't see me around. But, you'll always be in my dreams, and in my heart.' I hadn't told anyone about my decision to move to America, but I'll send Harry an owl once I get settled in. All I know is that I can't stand being here any longer, who knows, maybe this'll be good for me. I smiled to myself as I grabbed my keys and my bag, I looked around me once more at the life I was leaving behind.

Is it really such a bad thing that I'm leaving though. I have nothing here, I can't take care of Harry since I'm still on the run from the ministry. The rat was never caught... Alive at least. The last thing I did have is now married to Snape.

I looked out the open window at the full moon that was rising into the dark sky. The day has ended, so has my life here. A new day begins tomorrow, looks like I'll have a new life to go with it.

I jumped on my motorcycle and without a look back, left my life behind, forever. A new life, a new day, and new tears were already on their way.