"Born Again"
Chapter 5
"Vacation?"
By Brian Welch
bwelchz7@yahoo.com
Based on the manga Aa! Megami-sama
(Ah! My Goddess!/Oh My Goddess!)
The wonderful world of Aa! Megami-sama was created by Kosuke
Fujishima. Aa! Megami-sama/Oh My Goddess! characters are copyright
Kodansha Ltd. Tokyo, Studio Proteus, and Dark Horse Comics, Inc.
-----
Yggdrasil Maintenance, Heaven
-----
A lone chair floats above a ring of idly chatting computer
operators. In the chair sits a woman apparently in her mid twenties.
Her piercing green eyes and perfectly tanned skin are set off by a
cascade of gleaming white hair. The beauty of her face is currently
disfigured by a look of supreme boredom.
Urd yawned and poked at a system status panel floating next to her.
Glancing down, she looked at the idle operators. Should I yell at
them? she wondered. Get them to pay attention to the system instead
of gossiping or whatever it is they're doing? Nah, they'll be back
at it in ten minutes. Besides, it's not like there's anything going
on to pay attention to. She yawned again and stretched a bit.
Skuld appeared in her chair next to Urd and was greeted with a
disinterested look.
"What's wrong this time?" Skuld asked.
"Nothing's wrong," Urd grumbled.
And that's a problem? Skuld wondered.
"Find any interesting bugs?" Urd asked, halfheartedly.
"Nope. The new zappers and debugging routines are still handling
most of them. I thought I'd see if you needed any help."
"Sure. Knock yourself out, kiddo. You can be sys admin, it's all
yours." Urd waved her arms expansively and leaned back in her chair.
"Really? All right!" Skuld cried, ignoring the use of the "K" word
in her excitement. She began bringing up status panels and gleefully
running through diagnostic logs and performance data.
Amused, Urd watched her sister's animated face as she encountered a
minor puzzle, worked out a solution, and went on to the next
challenge.
I used to be like that, she thought, excited with every moment I
spent in this chair. Of course, back then we had REAL problems to
work on. Urd chuckled. Listen to me. I sound like somebody's
grandmother explaining how tough things were back in the "old days"!
She summoned a mirror and gave herself a critical inspection. She
didn't like what she saw. "The spark's gone out of you, girl," she
mumbled. "You haven't done anything really fun in decades. What you
need is... a VACATION!"
"What!?" Skuld jumped in her seat and looked to her sister. "What
did you say?"
"Oops!" Didn't mean to blurt that out. Urd blushed and, banishing
the mirror, looked down at the computer operators. They, too, had
ceased activity and were looking quizzically at their boss.
"Uh... I said I've decided to go on a vacation!" Urd ad-libbed,
checking for a reaction from her audience. Everyone continued
staring at her.
"Hey, what are you looking at? Get back to work!" Urd yelled down at
the operators before taking a deep breath and settling back into her
chair. "Now, where was I? Oh, yeah. Like I was saying, Skuld, you've
been doing such a good job lately, I've decided to turn the system
over to you for a while. Kind of a field trial to see how you'll do
on your own." Hey, whaddaya know, I'm feeling more relaxed already.
Yeah, this will be a good chance to hone my ping-pong skills. All I
have to do is sell the kid on the idea.
"Wow, do you really think so?" Skuld sounded hesitant. "Last time
you dumped the system on me... she thought back to the time Urd had
run off to Earth and left her alone in the heavens.
"Oh, come on. You were just a kid back then." Still are, but I'll
remind you later... after my vacation. "Besides, it's not like there
are any looming issues or anything. The System practically runs
itself these days. It's time you got a chance to be 'Acting System
Administrator', Skuld. Besides, you can always give me a call if
anything critical," translate that to 'interesting', "happens."
Skuld thought it over. Wow. The whole system... mine. It's a little
scary, but Urd's right. I'm getting pretty good at this system admin
stuff. I bet I could do a great job of running Yggdrasil. "I'll do
it!"
"Great!" I'll be out of here in no time! Urd felt her spirits
rising. "Better go let Belldandy know."
She found her sister in the Relief Goddess Office. "Hey, Belldandy?"
"Oh, hello, Urd. What brings you here?" Belldandy greeted her older
sister with characteristic warmth.
"I've decided to take some time off. Don't worry, I'm leaving the
system in Skuld's hands while I'm gone."
"Oh, Skuld will be delighted."
"Yeah, she took to the idea right away. She's come a long way in the
last few years. This gig will be good experience for her." Urd began
running through a laundry list of reasons why this was a good idea.
"Besides, the System practically runs itself these days, and Keiichi
can handle the debugging. Between the two of them, they'll keep
things in tip-top shape."
"Then I'm sure everything will be fine. Where are you going?"
"Not telling." Actually, I have no idea, but I'll think of
something. "I'm going to get as far away from Yggdrasil Maintenance
as I can. I'm not even going to think about this place."
"Well, I hope you have a nice vacation. Bring back some souvenirs,
OK?" Belldandy said. Urd thought she detected a certain wistfulness
in the response.
"Of course!" Urd paused, thinking about her sister. She just hasn't
been the same these last few years. Maybe she could use a little
decompression, herself.
"Bell?"
"Yes?"
"After I get back, why don't you and Keiichi take a break
yourselves? I'll even answer the phones for you if you'd like."
Yuck. Did I actually say that?
"Thank you, Urd. I don't know, though..."
"Think about it. A nice, quiet dimension somewhere, a place in the
mountains, nobody else around, just you and Keiichi. The offer is
open." I bet I could get Peorth to do most of the work, anyway. As
for my vacation, I think I'll start with one of those new ring world
casinos...
-----
Berkeley, California, Earth
-----
"What a day." Eric trudged up the creaky wooden stairs which ran up
the side of the building to his apartment. A breeze rustled the
fronds of the palm tree growing next to them. "For that matter, what
a week," he added as the front door opened for him and he made his
way to the kitchen. Dropping the groceries on the counter and
stowing the perishables in the fridge, he returned to the living
room and collapsed onto the couch with a sigh of relief. "Menu," he
commanded. The new holovision sprang to life, surrounding him with
myriads of offerings. It was a top-of-the-line model, producing an
incredibly realistic environment. It had also cost a bundle.
"Anything interesting?" Eric asked.
[Nothing within your normal tastes,] his AI reported.
"It figures. Thousands of channels to choose from, but there's
nothing worth watching."
"Off," he commanded, letting his head fall back against the couch,
and stared at the ceiling.
That's when the holovision exploded.
"What the...!?" Eric's head shot up as chaos enveloped him. "A power
surge?" he asked as he scrambled to his feet.
[I have queried the apartment and there has been no power surge.]
"Huh? Then... wow, what's that?"
An incredibly beautiful woman had stepped out of the blinding chaos
which had been his holovision. The expression of joyful anticipation
which filled her face rapidly faded into one of confusion.
"Wait a minute, this isn't..." Urd looked about her, scratching her
head. "This junk piled everywhere is disturbingly familiar, though."
Her gaze settled on the young man standing before her. "Hey, what am
I doing here?" Must have taken a wrong turn or something. Oh well,
I'll just leave him wondering what happened.
Turning around, she walked back into the holovision and disappeared
into another blinding flash of light.
Eric blinked, then blinked again. "That was strange," he said. "I'd
better check it out." Walking over to the set, he knelt down to
examine the 3D projector and sniffed the air. "No odor, no burn
marks, nothing seems to be obviously fried."
[Holovision diagnostics report no malfunction.]
"Good thing it's still under warranty." He began to give it a closer
inspection.
The holovision exploded again.
"Oof!" Eric was squashed to the carpet by a foot planted squarely
upon the base of his neck as Urd once again strode into the living
room. He twisted his body to dislodge whatever it was squashing him,
with predictable results.
"Hey!" Urd yelled as she collapsed on top of the mortal. Her knee
caught him on the side of the head.
"Ouch!" Eric found his face once again introduced to the carpet,
only this time he could feel some kind of fabric draped over his
head. He couldn't see a thing.
"Watch what you're doing!" Urd scolded as she began to get to her
feet.
"Huh. Who's there?" Eric asked as he reached up to brush the fabric
away from his face. His hand encountered something warm and soft.
"Hey, I said watch it!" Urd slapped Eric's hand from her thigh and
finished getting to her feet.
Eric brought his head up to look around and froze, transfixed by a
pair of very pissed off emerald eyes.
"Donovan."
"Huh?"
"I should have guessed you'd do something like this." There was ice
in Urd's voice.
Eric stood shakily and began rubbing the spot where Urd's knee had
impacted with his skull. "Who are you, and how did you get in here?"
Urd's stabbed a finger at his chest. "Just what are you trying to
pull, Donovan?"
Eric jerked like he had been hit with a stunner.
"You have three seconds to explain yourself," Urd warned.
"Who ARE you?"
"One."
"What are you doing in my apartment!?"
The pissed off expression only deepened.
"Two."
"Hey, now, just tell me what's going on, OK?" Eric changed tactics
as he raised his hands in a calming gesture.
"Don't make me laugh. If you think I'm buying this innocent routine
for one minute..."
"Innocent routine? You're the one in MY apartment, lady!"
Urd started to open her mouth, then shut it. The look in her eyes
was now deadly. "Three."
*FZAK!*
Eric wavered on his feet for a moment, then crumpled to the floor.
"Hah, what a wimp." Urd smirked, then looked puzzled. "Wait a
minute. That was way too easy. Hey, Donovan, you playing possum or
something?" Urd poked him with her toe. There was no reaction.
"Wow, he's out cold!" Hands on hips, Urd analyzed the situation. "He
should have been able to block that energy bolt easily. What's going
on, here?"
Kneeling, she passed a glowing hand over Eric. "Well, I didn't hit
him hard enough to do any real damage, and at least he can't stop me
any more. Sweet dreams, Donovan."
Turning, she walked back to the holovision and disappeared.
The holovision flared again and a very surprised Urd appeared. "What
the..." Stepping over to where Eric lay, she checked him again.
"Still sleeping like a baby. Come to think of it, he shouldn't have
been able to stop my transport in the first place since it wasn't an
attack. So if it isn't him keeping me here, it must be a system
malfunction of some sort. Hmm. Where's a phone?"
She found one in the kitchen and dialed a number. "Hello... hey,
whaddaya mean I dialed a number that isn't in service?" she barked
at the standard recording from the phone company. She dialed again
with the same result before slamming her fist down on the disconnect
button.
"Wow, the malfunction must be worse than I thought. This is
beginning to look serious," Urd said, turning to the unconscious man
on the floor, "Maybe I'm lucky I ended up here after all. If the
phones don't work I can't expect any help from Heaven, so Mr. whiz
kid here may be my best bet at figuring out what's going on. In that
case, I might as well make us both comfortable while I wait for him
to wake up."
-----
Eric awoke just as a large assault mecha came crashing towards him
across the barren landscape, guns blazing.
"Waaaaa!" he yelled as he rolled out of the way, and right off the
couch. "Oof!"
Carpet. He had landed on carpet. His carpet.
[We are still in the living room,] his AI informed him.
"Yeah," Eric said shakily. He rubbed a minor abrasion on his face.
"Maybe this new holovision is a little TOO realistic."
"Shhh, this is the best part!" came a woman's voice.
Eric's hand froze. He turned to look towards the origin of the
voice. "What the... hey, aren't you the--"
"Be quiet!" hissed Urd, her eyes never straying from the holovision.
Is she...?
[Appearance and voice pattern matches the person who appeared
spontaneously from the holovision and attacked us earlier. Recommend
extreme caution.]
And... is she really floating in mid air?
[It appears so.]
Eric began very carefully inching away. Once there was a hopefully
safe distance between himself and the impossible woman, he began
collecting his thoughts - not an easy task with a battle being waged
all around you. OK, now, let's look at this logically. Could we both
be hallucinating? Could we have taken a massive shock from the
malfunctioning holo and now we're delirious?
[My diagnostics report proper function. Your brain patterns are
within normal parameters considering the circumstances. House
reports no malfunction."
Eric sneaked another glance at the impossible woman.
"Yeah! Go get him!" Urd cheered.
This makes no sense. Why would someone who can materialize out of a
holovision and float in mid air be watching a B grade movie in my
apartment... and enjoying it?
[Insufficient data.]
That was a rhetorical question.
[Oh.]
Eric's stomach growled long and loudly.
Urd flicked a glare in his direction. "Hey, I told you to hold it
down!"
Oh, great. Eric clutched his stomach to muffle further rumblings.
I'm going to die because my stomach is interrupting this person's
movie. I wonder if I can make it to the kitchen?
[It would be more prudent to simply flee the premises and call the
police.]
And tell them a floating lady appeared from my holovision and has
taken over my living room? I don't think so. Eric began to slowly
make his way around the back of the room to the kitchen. Besides, if
she can do things like that I'm not about to risk getting her angry
with me... and I've got a funny feeling about her for some reason.
Urd, completely engrossed in the show, ignored him.
Several minutes later Eric was well into a steaming bowl of chili.
Its warmth and rich aroma had lulled his frayed nerves into a state
of bliss, allowing him to ignore the sounds of warfare coming from
the living room. He was no nearer a solution to his current
predicament, but at least he felt better.
"That's a great setup you have, there!" Urd jerked a thumb towards
the holovision as she walked into the kitchen.
Eric choked.
Unabashed, she pulled out a chair and took a seat across the table
from him. "How many channels do you get on that thing, anyway?"
Eric might have replied, but he was too busy trying to cough the
chili out of his lungs.
Urd chuckled. "You always were easily startled."
Unable to speak, he just stared between coughs. 'Always were'? What
did she mean by that?
"Donovan, do you have any idea at all of who I am?"
He shook his head emphatically.
Urd sighed, settling back into her chair and looked critically at
him for a moment. Apparently reaching a conclusion, she said "OK, it
looks like I owe you an apology, Donovan. I thought you might be
behind this crazy business about me being cut off from Heaven and,
well, I guess I lost my cool for a bit there."
Heaven? Cut off from Heaven? Eric's eyes took on a glazed look.
"Hey, I'm trying to apologize to you, Donovan." Urd leaned across
the table. "Pay attention!"
Eric's gaze flicked irresistibly to the generous amount of cleavage
the goddess was showing before he forcibly locked his eyes back onto
her face.
Urd didn't seem to notice as she collapsed back into her seat. "Why
do I get the feeling you're going to be useless in this?"
"Um, well... in what?" he answered hesitantly.
"You're not being very reassuring, Donovan. What happened to the
know-it-all whiz kid from before? I'm going to need your cooperation
until I can figure out what's going on, here, but you're certainly
not going to do me any good in this wimpy, indecisive condition, so
SNAP OUT OF IT!"
Eric jerked upright.
"There, that's better." Urd gave him a smile. "Now, since you
obviously haven't a clue as to what's going on, I need to get you up
to speed on the current situation. How about I explain everything
you need to know about this predicament and your history with us,
and then you can ask questions. Deal?"
Eric nodded.
"Good. Besides, bouncing ideas off you may help me get a better
handle on what's going on, here."
Give HER an idea of what's going on? Eric wondered.
"First off, let me introduce myself. My name is Urd. I'm a goddess."
Stunned silence, then, "Goddess?"
"Yep. Here's my card, if that helps."
Eric took what looked like an ordinary business card and examined
it. He looked back at Urd and decided to risk a response. "Goddess
Urd... Urd... as in the Norse goddess?"
"Bingo. At least you know your history."
"The winters are long where I grew up. You read a lot..." Eric's
voice trailed off as he looked down at the card again, then back at
Urd. "You say you're Urd, but you're, well, beautiful. I mean, not
to be too familiar or anything," he added hastily, "but isn't Urd
supposed to be a wizened old crone?"
Urd's eyes narrowed slightly. Temper, girl, temper, remember you
need this guy's cooperation. "Look, Donovan, why don't you put that
vaunted intuition of yours to work. You could tell right off that my
sister, Belldandy, was a goddess, so what is your intuition telling
you about me?"
"Belldandy? I don't know any..." Wait a minute. That name...
"Of course you don't," Urd sighed, exasperated. "I wasn't asking if
you knew Belldandy. I was asking about what your intuition is
telling you about me."
Dropping his train of thought, Eric answered. "I don't know. It
isn't telling me anything, really. All I'm getting is like a nagging
feeling."
"That all?"
Eric nodded.
"Oh, great. That's just wonderful!" Urd began drumming the table top
with her fingertips. "Donovan, I need both you and your intuition to
be in tip-top working order."
Eric leaned back a bit. "I'm having a little trouble grasping all
this. What exactly is the emergency?"
"I'm stranded here on this primitive mud ball of a planet in this
backwater dimension! THAT's the emergency!"
"Dimension?" Why do I have this sense of impending doom?
Urd rose abruptly from her chair, slapping her hands down upon the
table top. Eric managed to save his glass as the entire table shook
from the impact.
"Listen," she said, "I see this is hard for your suddenly limited
intellect to grasp. We're not going to get anywhere as long as you
think this is all some kind of joke, so why don't I just give you a
demonstration?" She turned and looked around the kitchen. Maybe a
little shock therapy would work? Her gaze settled upon the autochef.
Walking over to it, she gave the appliance a rap with her fist.
"Hey, you. Come out here for a minute!"
What on earth is she doing? Eric wondered, then boggled.
Something like steam rose from the autochef and immediately
condensed into a peculiar looking little man, maybe 20cm tall. He
was dressed in a loud Hawaiian shirt, bright yellow bermuda shorts,
and sandals. The spiky mess of his hair was a fiery red, which was a
perfect match for his mustache, the handlebars of which would have
reached his waist if they hadn't been sticking straight out from his
face like whiskers. He was standing with fists on hips, obviously
annoyed.
"Hey, what's the big-- yikes!" he yelped as Urd picked him up by his
collar.
"Hey, lemme go!" he protested, windmilling his arms and kicking. "I
been doin' a good job, haven't I? Especially considerin' the cut-
rate ingredients this fella," he pointed an accusing finger at Eric,
"gives me ta work with."
"I'm not concerned about your performance," Urd said. "I want you to
tell this stubborn mortal what I am." She dangled the hapless troll
in front of Eric's face.
"Nothin' doin', toots!" The troll crossed his arms. "You has already
got me in trouble as it is. This is against the rules, ya know.
There's no way..."
Urd swung the troll around to face her. Her eyes narrowed
dangerously. "I commend your dedication to following established
procedure." She began to raise her other hand. "I'm certain the
memory of how you bravely stood by your principles will be a comfort
to you during the long years of your punishment."
The troll's face went deathly white. "Sh-she's a goddess. She's a
goddess!" he blurted as a smug Urd swung him back around in front of
Eric.
"And a really scary one, too!" the troll added in a whisper.
"I heard that."
"Eep!" The handlebars on his moustache twitched.
"Now, as long as you remember that fact, my little friend, we'll get
along perfectly. Have I made myself clear?"
"Y-yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am!" The troll's head bobbed up and down
emphatically.
"Good." Urd released the little creature which immediately bounded
back to the autochef and disappeared.
She turned to Eric. "Now do you believe me?"
"Wh... what was that?"
[Insufficient data.] Even his AI sounded shaken.
"That was one of the spirits that run your autochef, of course. What
did you think it was?"
"Run the autochef. But... "
"You're going to tell me your autochef doesn't have little trolls
running around inside it making everything work."
Eric nodded dumbly.
"Donovan, I don't have time to give you a grade school lecture on
the more subtle points of reality. The question is, since you didn't
believe me, did you believe him?"
"I... guess so." What in Heaven's name have I just fallen into?
Urd sighed. "I suppose that rates as an enthusiastic response out of
you, at least for today. So, now that we have introductions out of
the way, I'll continue with explaining what I think is going on
here. You might as well finish your dinner. This will take a while."
Eric looked down at his forgotten chili. Despite the heavy ceramic
bowl, it had gone cold.
"Let me warm that up for you," Urd offered, pointing a finger at the
bowl.
*Fzzt!*
The chili began to steam once again. The familiar wave of aromatic
warmth rose to meet his nose.
Eric stared in stunned silence first at the chili, then at Urd.
She smiled. "You're welcome."
-----
"So, let me get this straight," Eric said, rubbing his temples. He
was feeling much more comfortable with a stomach full of chemical
fire, but that didn't mean his mind was having an easy time
comprehending all that he had heard.
"You're saying that you arrived here by mistake, because of a glitch
in some kind of ultimate computer?"
"Yep. My best guess is that Yggdrasil took the coordinates I had
used in my last teleport away from Heaven, which just happened to be
the time I returned you here, and substituted them for the ones I
gave it this time. The glitch must have also overloaded the system
and now I can't get back. The phone doesn't even work."
"The phone? It was working this morning."
"No, dummy, I'm talking about calling Heaven!"
"On the phone?"
"Yes, yes." This time it was Urd's turn to put a hand to her
forehead and wince. "It's not working, and that's serious." When I
think that this is the same guy who waltzed in and fixed
Yggdrasil...
"Okay, calling Heaven on the phone. I guess I can live with that."
For now. "And you think I can somehow help you get back to heaven,
that I helped you fix this Yggdrasil system a few years ago."
"That's right."
"Only, I don't remember any of it because my memories have been
sealed."
"Right again."
"So why can't you just restore my memory?"
"Because I didn't seal it. Belldandy did it, and when Belldandy does
a spell, she does it right."
Belldandy... that name again, Eric thought.
"It's going to be tough to break that seal without her password."
Can you verify this memory loss thing? Eric asked his AI.
[It will take some time to perform the necessary cross-checks.]
Do it, Eric replied absently as he suddenly recalled a disagreement
he had years ago with Mrs. Scheffler, a disagreement over a girl who
had never existed.
"Hey, anybody home?" Urd asked, waving a hand in front of his face.
"Ah! So... why were my memories sealed?"
"The usual reasons. Security, that sort of thing, but also for your
own peace of mind."
"What do you mean? You said I fixed the system, didn't I?"
"Yes, you did. However, in order to do that you broke the rules...
hacked the other side's computer system. That's a very big no-no."
"What do you mean by 'the other side'?"
"The demons, of course."
"Demons!? I hacked a computer system that belongs to demons!?"
"Hey, don't worry. They don't know who did it, just some mortal."
"Oh." They'd track me down? "So... everything is fine, now, right?"
"Yep. The system has been running as smooth as silk. Until now, of
course. It's hard to believe that Skuld could have screwed it up
this badly in such a short time."
"Skuld?"
"My baby sister. She's immature, but it really isn't like her to be
this careless. Still, it's more likely than a major system wide
failure the moment I leave Heaven. Anyway, you did a good job,
Donovan, and I need you to do it again."
"But I have no idea what I did."
"Which is what we need to work on. We need to break that memory
seal, or at least weaken it. If we can weaken it a bit, you might be
able to break it yourself."
"How would I do that?"
"Because you can kill any program running on Yggdrasil which affects
you."
"I what?"
"Don't ask me how you do it." Urd waved a hand dismissively.
"Besides, it seems to have been suppressed when your memory was
sealed. Unless you've lost it for some reason." Urd gave him a
searching look. "It's also possible that whatever barrier is
blocking the phones is also blocking your link with the system. In
any case, the way I see it our best shot is to attack that seal."
"So how do you attack a seal?"
"Oh, there are lots of ways. Seals are tricky things. They have to
be made specifically for the thing being sealed. If we could, for
example, change your nature the seal would be weakened, perhaps even
break."
"What do you mean, change my nature?" Eric asked nervously.
"Well, let's suppose you were a god/demon hybrid. If we were to,
say, split you into your god and demon halves... this is all
hypothetical, of course, the seal wouldn't be able to hold you since
it was designed to hold the hybrid form of you."
"Uh, yeah," Eric said, looking completely baffled.
"Well, like I said, that was purely hypothetical, as if anything
like that would ever happen." Her hand brushed the back of her hair
nervously. "Anyway, we'll be trying a different approach."
Eric noticed a gleam appear in Urd's eye as she said this. Somehow,
he wasn't reassured.
"I've always wanted to try something like this," she continued. "You
see, if someone is sealed with a powerful artifact, the seal may
fail due to the interaction between the seal and the artifact. Now,
of course your memory wasn't sealed with an artifact, but we may be
able to weaken the seal by introducing something of great power into
your memory.
"What do you have in mind?"
"A memory potion!"
"A potion? As in a magic potion?"
Urd nodded. "My specialty. Of course, I'll need to tech up a bit. I
don't have any of my more powerful formulas available. I'd better
start making a list of ingredients I can use as a base to build on."
"What kinds of ingredients?"
"Oh, mandrake root, tear of a banshee, that sort of thing."
"Banshee tears? I don't think we have banshees in San Francisco."
"Mmm. That could delay things. I'll need to think about scheduling a
trip to Ireland."
"How long do you think this will take?"
"I don't know. A few days, maybe a couple of weeks depending upon
how long it takes to find some of the rarer ingredients."
"Weeks... so, where do you goddesses normally stay while you're here
on Earth? Do you have a corporate apartment or something?"
"Of course not." Urd rose and walked out of the kitchen into the
living room, wrinkling her nose at the general state of clutter. "We
usually don't stay in the mortal realms long enough to warrant a
permanent residence."
"So, uh, were you thinking about a hotel downtown?" Eric asked
nervously, following her into the living room.
"I'm staying right here, of course." Urd began walking down the
hall, pausing to look into the spare bedroom.
Eric hurried after her. "OK, but there really are lots of nicer
places to stay around here."
Urd turned and gave him a level stare. "I'm not letting you out of
my sight until I'm safely back in Heaven, Donovan. You could be run
over by a bus tomorrow, and then where would I be?"
"Well, I don't think the odds are--"
"And I'm supposed to bet my future on that? Sorry, buddy boy, but
I'm staying where I can keep my eye on you."
"OK, then." He thought for a moment. "I guess I could sleep on the
couch."
"Oh, don't worry about that. I'll take the spare room."
"It's full of boxes."
"So move them out."
"But it's just four bare walls."
"That's not a problem."
Eric looked at Urd, who returned a very condescending smirk. "OK,
then, suit yourself," he said.
-----
"That's it," Eric said as he set down the last box and looked around
his bedroom. "Man, this place always was a mess, but now it's
looking like a warehouse."
Skirting a stack of boxes, he walked back to where Urd was standing
in the doorway to the spare room.
"Well, that's a start anyway," she said, tapping a finger against
her jaw.
Eric looked over Urd's shoulder and blinked.
The formerly carpeted floor was now polished hardwood with a large
sunburst design in the center. There was a large mirror on the
opposite wall. There was a bed in the corner. There were curtains on
the windows!
"Wow... you did all this?" he asked, stunned.
"Of course I did it. You haven't seen any little elves running
around here, have you?"
Remembering the troll from the autochef, Eric scanned the floor
around them.
"I was joking, silly," she said.
Urd stared at her room for a moment, then sighed. "This was supposed
to be my vacation. I never dreamed I'd be spending it in a place
like this."
"Well, Berkeley isn't exactly a vacation spot, but there are some
nice sights across the bay."
Urd didn't seem to hear as her voice became wistful. "Though...
there was a time when I was happier here on this planet than I've
been at any other time in my life."
For a fleeting instant, Eric didn't see a deity standing next to
him, but a girl very far from home.
The mood didn't last long though. Urd suddenly smiled and turned to
Eric. "You know, I could use a good, stiff drink. You don't have any
sake around here, do you?"
"Sake? That's like Chinese liquor?"
"Japanese."
"Oh, right. Sorry, but I don't have any. I don't drink."
Urd sighed. "Just my luck. So you don't have anything around here at
all? Even a beer?"
Eric began to shake his head, then stopped. "Wait, I think I have a
bottle of something a friend gave to me a while back." He headed
towards the kitchen.
Urd followed him, looking on with interest as Eric began examining
the back corners of cabinets.
"Here it is!" he exclaimed at last, pulling forth a bottle.
Urd took it and examined the label. "Wild Turkey? Never heard of...
101 proof!? You don't have a cork puller, do you?" she asked, her
voice rising in excitement.
Eric shook his head.
Urd glowered. "Of course not," she muttered as she twirled a finger
over the cork which removed itself from the bottle then settled onto
a counter.
She took a sniff and closed her eyes. "This is just what the doctor
ordered. You got a... of course not," she added as a shot glass
appeared in her hand.
Bottle in hand, Urd made her way back into the living room, turned
on the holovision, ordered up a movie involving large quantities of
mechs and destruction, poured herself a shot, stretched out in mid
air, and took a sip.
"Mmm, very nice," she purred. "Your friend has good taste. You
really should try some of this." She held the bottle out to him.
"Thank you, but no."
"Suit yourself." She reached down and placed the bottle on an end
table. "This is a great setup you have here, Donovan," she said,
rapidly becoming mesmerized by the holovision. "It might not be so
bad staying here for a while after all."
Eric shook his head. The Urd I remember from Norse mythology sure
wasn't anything like this. Still, there's something about her.
[I have found a discrepancy in my memory,] his AI informed him.
Eric felt a shiver race down his spine.
What kind of discrepancy?
[I have no data and no cross references to events over a period of
18 days in my past.]
Your memories have been erased, then?
[Yes. There is a very high probability that yours have been as
well.]
Then, what Urd said is true. When did this happen?
[The period of modification begins while we were at the Blacktail
Bed and Breakfast approximately 3 years ago. When the period ends we
were here.]
18 days... the Blacktail B&B... Mrs. Scheffler asking him about a
girl named Belldandy. It was all coming together, but he needed to
be sure. He hurried back to his room, closed the door and dialed a
number.
A familiar face answered. "Eric! What a pleasant surprise. How have
you been?"
"Just fine, Mrs. Scheffler. Sorry it's been so long since I called."
"Ernst and I know you're very busy. We're always happy whenever you
call us, Eric."
Translation: You hardly ever call, boy. "Thanks. Um, do you remember
a discussion we had a few years back about a girl named Belldandy?"
Mrs. Scheffler looked surprised. "Well, I never expected to hear
that name again! Honestly, Eric, I never knew what you were hoping
to gain by pretending that such a lovely young lady never existed."
"Well, I... uh..." How do I get information out of her without
revealing that I can't remember a thing? "So, what did you think of
her?"
"She was such a wonderful girl, Eric, so very gracious and well
mannered."
"Do you remember what we were going to do after we left?"
"How could I remember when you never told us what she was hiring you
to do? Why all these questions all of a sudden? Has she come back?
Do you think you might bring her by to visit? I'd love to talk with
her again."
"No, she hasn't come back," he answered distantly. She hired me.
"Her sister..."
"Her sister is there? Well, then you will have to bring her by to
visit!"
Now I've done it, Eric chided himself. What do I do, now? He
hesitated for a long moment before deciding upon an honest response.
"Yes, her sister is here."
"Then you absolutely must bring her to visit. What's her name?"
"It's Urd, but we're--"
"Now, now, no excuses. If she's anything like Belldandy, she must be
a lovely girl. I can't wait to meet her!"
Eric's eyes were rapidly taking on that deer-in-the-headlights look.
He found an excuse to end the conversation almost immediately.
After sitting on the bed and staring at the wall for a few minutes,
he walked back into the living room and looked at the apparently
honest to goodness goddess floating next to his couch.
He sighed. Well, there's absolutely no way I'm going to get any work
done tonight. Maybe Urd has the right idea, after all.
Walking over, he collapsed into the couch. "So, what have I missed?"
he asked.
-----
The morning sun through the bedroom window lit the room as Eric
threw off his covers, swung his legs out of bed, and stubbed his toe
on a box.
"Ouch! What's that doing there?" he asked no-one in particular. For
some reason, his bedroom was half filled with stacks of boxes. Then
the memories of yesterday came rushing back.
A goddess... in my spare bedroom... a real, honest to goodness
goddess.
Eric looked around the room again. "A goddess is living in my
apartment and the whole place is a disaster area. This isn't right.
I'd better start a major cleanup campaign."
His stomach rumbled.
"Right after breakfast," he added.
Tiptoeing past the spare bedroom, he headed for the kitchen,
prepared to order up a large breakfast from the autochef. Then he
remembered.
"Um, Autochef?" he began hesitantly, his hand frozen just short of
the control panel. Boy, I feel like an idiot talking this thing, but
still... "I promise to take better care of you in the future, but I
need to eat my breakfast now. Is that OK?"
The autochef, of course, didn't respond.
"OK, I guess I'll take that as a yes. Uh... thanks," he added for
good measure before ordering up a typically large breakfast.
Ten minutes later he was halfway through the scrambled eggs and
munching on a crispy strip of bacon when Urd walked into the
kitchen.
She was wearing a mini-dress which appeared to be made of glossy
black material which clung like a second skin. A delicate golden
chain encircled her waist.
Eric stared.
Urd smiled.
"Mmmm, that smells wonderful. What's for breakfast?" she asked,
easing into the seat across the table and snatching a piece of
toast.
"Hey!" Eric looked at the empty spot on his plate then at the toast.
"Mmm?" Urd replied, busily chewing.
"I mean, what would you like for breakfast?"
"Oh, this will do," she said. "Where's that bottle of Wild Turkey?"
"I don't think it's a good thing to drink something like that for
breakfast."
"I don't remember asking for your opinion."
"Right." Eric rose to open a cabinet and fetch the bottle.
"Besides, I'm a goddess. It isn't like I have to eat or anything,"
Urd added as she grabbed the last strip of bacon.
-----
Palm fronds clattered in the breeze coming off the Pacific. The
tide's coming in, a part of Eric's mind noted.
Urd studied a large list of potion ingredients as she walked beside
him.
"Urd, can I ask you a question?" Eric said as they neared the local
grocery store.
"Sure."
"What would you have done to that... thing in my autochef?"
"He's a troll, a nature spirit, Donovan. You'll hurt his feelings
calling him a 'thing'. You mean the punishment bit? I was just
bluffing, but then so was he."
"What do you mean?"
"All that rules nonsense. The truth is, those guys couldn't care
less about the rules. Give them half a chance and they'll slack off
on you every time."
"Really?"
Urd rolled her eyes. "I suppose you've never had anything break down
on you for no good reason?"
"Well sure, but I never put it down to stubborn trolls."
"Then you've learned something today, haven't you?"
"But... an autochef's operation is based on the physical laws of the
universe."
"There's more than one way of looking at the universe, Donovan.
You'll limit yourself if you insist upon a strictly empirical
viewpoint."
"I suppose... oh, here we are!" Eric said, motioning toward the
grocery store.
Inside, Urd squeezed past the potato chips and beef jerky and headed
straight to the liquor section at the back of the store.
Eric ignored the curious looks from the cashier and looked idly
about until his eyes settled on the display of autochef supplies.
Soon, Urd was returning with four bottles of Wild Turkey and a
variety of other things perched precariously in her arms. "You ready
to go?" she asked. "I need to get to work."
"You got four more of them?" Eric asked as he snatched several boxes
from the shelf and led them to the front of the store. "You haven't
finished the first one, yet."
"It always pays to plan ahead," Urd replied with a smile.
"What's all that other stuff?"
"Oh, nothing much, a few things off the herbal supplements rack, a
bottle of carbonated water, can of pumpkin, stuff like that." She
carefully set the load onto the counter and picked up a dusty, box.
"The big find, though, was this box of Peeps which had fallen behind
a display case!"
Eric looked at the very dusty box of yellow marshmallow things.
"Don't they sell those at Easter? They've probably expired by now."
"Nah, Peeps are virtually indestructible."
"Well, I can't argue with you there," Eric said as he began placing
groceries into bags.
The trip home was uneventful after they convinced the store's AI
that they did indeed want to pay for a box of Peeps which was over
two months past the expiration date. Soon they found themselves in
the kitchen and began unpacking their purchases. Urd took her
purchases to her room.
[Do you realize that these supplies cost nearly twice as much as the
ones you usually purchase?] his AI asked as Eric finished putting
away the groceries.
"So? I can afford it."
[Is this the start of a trend? If so, I will need to adjust the
budget.]
Through with the groceries, Eric settled into the couch and
considered for a moment. "Yeah, it's going to be a trend."
[You realize that we are overstocked on autochef supplies?]
"I'll donate them to the soup kitchen or something, just get off my
case!"
"Eh?" Urd came walking into the kitchen.
"Oh, sorry. I was arguing with my AI." Eric tapped the side of his
head.
"Oh, that's right, you had one of those. What's that like?"
"Kind of like an alter ego. An annoying one at times."
"Hmm. Must be strange, having another intelligence running around in
your head all the time. Does everyone have them?"
"They're expensive. Mostly technical and professional people get
them."
"Interesting. Well, there's still plenty of stuff left on my list of
the raw materials. I think our next stop should be--"
The phone rang.
"Never answer the phone," Urd began mumbling her standard mantra.
"You never know WHO might be call... wait!"
Eric tapped the phone and the vid screen sprang to life.
Urd skidded to a halt almost in time to keep from bumping into Eric
then stuck her head between him and the vid screen. "Hello!?"
The face on the screen was disappointingly mortal. "Oh." Urd turned
to Eric. "It's for you."
"I could tell that, thanks."
Urd headed for the couch.
"Who was that?" The face on the screen asked.
"That? Uh... just someone who stopped by for a while."
"Way to go, Eric! I hope you cleaned up your apartment, though. That
place is a disaster area."
"Yeah, well, I'm getting to it."
"Hah, I'll believe it when I read about it in the paper. So, who is
she?"
"None of your business, Kate."
"Is that any way to talk to a friend?"
"When the friend is as nosy as you are, yes. What do you want?"
"Oh, that. Well, some jocks from a club down the beach challenged us
to a beach volleyball match and Ray accepted. He said we could use
the publicity."
"And you need someone tall on your team."
"Hey, that wasn't very nice," Kate glared at Eric.
"Sorry, I'm just... kind of edgy right now."
"You should get your 'friend' to give you a back rub then, hmm?"
It was Eric's turn to glare at the vid screen. "See? This is why I
never can trust you."
"OK, OK, it looks like you're doing fine for yourself right now
without my help, anyway. The match is tomorrow afternoon, 2:00, on
the beach next to the cafe."
"Hey, wait, I never said I'd be there."
"You mean you won't help us out?" Kate looked genuinely hurt. "We
need you, Eric."
"If it's between businesses then it's an employees only match,
right?"
"Technically, but the rules are pretty lax. Besides, you've done
some work for us."
"I've worked on your point of sale system what, twice in the past
year? I see your point, but I still can't make it."
"Oh, hot date?" Kate grinned at him.
"Kate..."
"Eric, you have a gorgeous girl in your apartment! You can impress
her with your physical prowess! Make her think you're really a jock
instead of a no life geek! She'll love a day at the beach!"
"What do you mean, no life geek? Besides, she isn't that kind--"
"Beach?" Urd's voice came from beside Eric, causing him to jump.
Geez, how long has she been standing there?
"I can get some of the things on my list there."
"Great, then it's settled!" Kate said.
"What time do you want us to show up?" Eric asked, admitting defeat.
"2:00 sharp! Better yet, stop by at noon and we can all have lunch
and get to know each other."
---
End Chapter 5
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
My apologies for leaving everyone hanging for 8 months. My time has
been occupied with writing and then recovering from the AMG
Technical FAQ, available at:
http://nekomikodai.otakalypse.com/techfaq.html
among other places.
Chapter 5
"Vacation?"
By Brian Welch
bwelchz7@yahoo.com
Based on the manga Aa! Megami-sama
(Ah! My Goddess!/Oh My Goddess!)
The wonderful world of Aa! Megami-sama was created by Kosuke
Fujishima. Aa! Megami-sama/Oh My Goddess! characters are copyright
Kodansha Ltd. Tokyo, Studio Proteus, and Dark Horse Comics, Inc.
-----
Yggdrasil Maintenance, Heaven
-----
A lone chair floats above a ring of idly chatting computer
operators. In the chair sits a woman apparently in her mid twenties.
Her piercing green eyes and perfectly tanned skin are set off by a
cascade of gleaming white hair. The beauty of her face is currently
disfigured by a look of supreme boredom.
Urd yawned and poked at a system status panel floating next to her.
Glancing down, she looked at the idle operators. Should I yell at
them? she wondered. Get them to pay attention to the system instead
of gossiping or whatever it is they're doing? Nah, they'll be back
at it in ten minutes. Besides, it's not like there's anything going
on to pay attention to. She yawned again and stretched a bit.
Skuld appeared in her chair next to Urd and was greeted with a
disinterested look.
"What's wrong this time?" Skuld asked.
"Nothing's wrong," Urd grumbled.
And that's a problem? Skuld wondered.
"Find any interesting bugs?" Urd asked, halfheartedly.
"Nope. The new zappers and debugging routines are still handling
most of them. I thought I'd see if you needed any help."
"Sure. Knock yourself out, kiddo. You can be sys admin, it's all
yours." Urd waved her arms expansively and leaned back in her chair.
"Really? All right!" Skuld cried, ignoring the use of the "K" word
in her excitement. She began bringing up status panels and gleefully
running through diagnostic logs and performance data.
Amused, Urd watched her sister's animated face as she encountered a
minor puzzle, worked out a solution, and went on to the next
challenge.
I used to be like that, she thought, excited with every moment I
spent in this chair. Of course, back then we had REAL problems to
work on. Urd chuckled. Listen to me. I sound like somebody's
grandmother explaining how tough things were back in the "old days"!
She summoned a mirror and gave herself a critical inspection. She
didn't like what she saw. "The spark's gone out of you, girl," she
mumbled. "You haven't done anything really fun in decades. What you
need is... a VACATION!"
"What!?" Skuld jumped in her seat and looked to her sister. "What
did you say?"
"Oops!" Didn't mean to blurt that out. Urd blushed and, banishing
the mirror, looked down at the computer operators. They, too, had
ceased activity and were looking quizzically at their boss.
"Uh... I said I've decided to go on a vacation!" Urd ad-libbed,
checking for a reaction from her audience. Everyone continued
staring at her.
"Hey, what are you looking at? Get back to work!" Urd yelled down at
the operators before taking a deep breath and settling back into her
chair. "Now, where was I? Oh, yeah. Like I was saying, Skuld, you've
been doing such a good job lately, I've decided to turn the system
over to you for a while. Kind of a field trial to see how you'll do
on your own." Hey, whaddaya know, I'm feeling more relaxed already.
Yeah, this will be a good chance to hone my ping-pong skills. All I
have to do is sell the kid on the idea.
"Wow, do you really think so?" Skuld sounded hesitant. "Last time
you dumped the system on me... she thought back to the time Urd had
run off to Earth and left her alone in the heavens.
"Oh, come on. You were just a kid back then." Still are, but I'll
remind you later... after my vacation. "Besides, it's not like there
are any looming issues or anything. The System practically runs
itself these days. It's time you got a chance to be 'Acting System
Administrator', Skuld. Besides, you can always give me a call if
anything critical," translate that to 'interesting', "happens."
Skuld thought it over. Wow. The whole system... mine. It's a little
scary, but Urd's right. I'm getting pretty good at this system admin
stuff. I bet I could do a great job of running Yggdrasil. "I'll do
it!"
"Great!" I'll be out of here in no time! Urd felt her spirits
rising. "Better go let Belldandy know."
She found her sister in the Relief Goddess Office. "Hey, Belldandy?"
"Oh, hello, Urd. What brings you here?" Belldandy greeted her older
sister with characteristic warmth.
"I've decided to take some time off. Don't worry, I'm leaving the
system in Skuld's hands while I'm gone."
"Oh, Skuld will be delighted."
"Yeah, she took to the idea right away. She's come a long way in the
last few years. This gig will be good experience for her." Urd began
running through a laundry list of reasons why this was a good idea.
"Besides, the System practically runs itself these days, and Keiichi
can handle the debugging. Between the two of them, they'll keep
things in tip-top shape."
"Then I'm sure everything will be fine. Where are you going?"
"Not telling." Actually, I have no idea, but I'll think of
something. "I'm going to get as far away from Yggdrasil Maintenance
as I can. I'm not even going to think about this place."
"Well, I hope you have a nice vacation. Bring back some souvenirs,
OK?" Belldandy said. Urd thought she detected a certain wistfulness
in the response.
"Of course!" Urd paused, thinking about her sister. She just hasn't
been the same these last few years. Maybe she could use a little
decompression, herself.
"Bell?"
"Yes?"
"After I get back, why don't you and Keiichi take a break
yourselves? I'll even answer the phones for you if you'd like."
Yuck. Did I actually say that?
"Thank you, Urd. I don't know, though..."
"Think about it. A nice, quiet dimension somewhere, a place in the
mountains, nobody else around, just you and Keiichi. The offer is
open." I bet I could get Peorth to do most of the work, anyway. As
for my vacation, I think I'll start with one of those new ring world
casinos...
-----
Berkeley, California, Earth
-----
"What a day." Eric trudged up the creaky wooden stairs which ran up
the side of the building to his apartment. A breeze rustled the
fronds of the palm tree growing next to them. "For that matter, what
a week," he added as the front door opened for him and he made his
way to the kitchen. Dropping the groceries on the counter and
stowing the perishables in the fridge, he returned to the living
room and collapsed onto the couch with a sigh of relief. "Menu," he
commanded. The new holovision sprang to life, surrounding him with
myriads of offerings. It was a top-of-the-line model, producing an
incredibly realistic environment. It had also cost a bundle.
"Anything interesting?" Eric asked.
[Nothing within your normal tastes,] his AI reported.
"It figures. Thousands of channels to choose from, but there's
nothing worth watching."
"Off," he commanded, letting his head fall back against the couch,
and stared at the ceiling.
That's when the holovision exploded.
"What the...!?" Eric's head shot up as chaos enveloped him. "A power
surge?" he asked as he scrambled to his feet.
[I have queried the apartment and there has been no power surge.]
"Huh? Then... wow, what's that?"
An incredibly beautiful woman had stepped out of the blinding chaos
which had been his holovision. The expression of joyful anticipation
which filled her face rapidly faded into one of confusion.
"Wait a minute, this isn't..." Urd looked about her, scratching her
head. "This junk piled everywhere is disturbingly familiar, though."
Her gaze settled on the young man standing before her. "Hey, what am
I doing here?" Must have taken a wrong turn or something. Oh well,
I'll just leave him wondering what happened.
Turning around, she walked back into the holovision and disappeared
into another blinding flash of light.
Eric blinked, then blinked again. "That was strange," he said. "I'd
better check it out." Walking over to the set, he knelt down to
examine the 3D projector and sniffed the air. "No odor, no burn
marks, nothing seems to be obviously fried."
[Holovision diagnostics report no malfunction.]
"Good thing it's still under warranty." He began to give it a closer
inspection.
The holovision exploded again.
"Oof!" Eric was squashed to the carpet by a foot planted squarely
upon the base of his neck as Urd once again strode into the living
room. He twisted his body to dislodge whatever it was squashing him,
with predictable results.
"Hey!" Urd yelled as she collapsed on top of the mortal. Her knee
caught him on the side of the head.
"Ouch!" Eric found his face once again introduced to the carpet,
only this time he could feel some kind of fabric draped over his
head. He couldn't see a thing.
"Watch what you're doing!" Urd scolded as she began to get to her
feet.
"Huh. Who's there?" Eric asked as he reached up to brush the fabric
away from his face. His hand encountered something warm and soft.
"Hey, I said watch it!" Urd slapped Eric's hand from her thigh and
finished getting to her feet.
Eric brought his head up to look around and froze, transfixed by a
pair of very pissed off emerald eyes.
"Donovan."
"Huh?"
"I should have guessed you'd do something like this." There was ice
in Urd's voice.
Eric stood shakily and began rubbing the spot where Urd's knee had
impacted with his skull. "Who are you, and how did you get in here?"
Urd's stabbed a finger at his chest. "Just what are you trying to
pull, Donovan?"
Eric jerked like he had been hit with a stunner.
"You have three seconds to explain yourself," Urd warned.
"Who ARE you?"
"One."
"What are you doing in my apartment!?"
The pissed off expression only deepened.
"Two."
"Hey, now, just tell me what's going on, OK?" Eric changed tactics
as he raised his hands in a calming gesture.
"Don't make me laugh. If you think I'm buying this innocent routine
for one minute..."
"Innocent routine? You're the one in MY apartment, lady!"
Urd started to open her mouth, then shut it. The look in her eyes
was now deadly. "Three."
*FZAK!*
Eric wavered on his feet for a moment, then crumpled to the floor.
"Hah, what a wimp." Urd smirked, then looked puzzled. "Wait a
minute. That was way too easy. Hey, Donovan, you playing possum or
something?" Urd poked him with her toe. There was no reaction.
"Wow, he's out cold!" Hands on hips, Urd analyzed the situation. "He
should have been able to block that energy bolt easily. What's going
on, here?"
Kneeling, she passed a glowing hand over Eric. "Well, I didn't hit
him hard enough to do any real damage, and at least he can't stop me
any more. Sweet dreams, Donovan."
Turning, she walked back to the holovision and disappeared.
The holovision flared again and a very surprised Urd appeared. "What
the..." Stepping over to where Eric lay, she checked him again.
"Still sleeping like a baby. Come to think of it, he shouldn't have
been able to stop my transport in the first place since it wasn't an
attack. So if it isn't him keeping me here, it must be a system
malfunction of some sort. Hmm. Where's a phone?"
She found one in the kitchen and dialed a number. "Hello... hey,
whaddaya mean I dialed a number that isn't in service?" she barked
at the standard recording from the phone company. She dialed again
with the same result before slamming her fist down on the disconnect
button.
"Wow, the malfunction must be worse than I thought. This is
beginning to look serious," Urd said, turning to the unconscious man
on the floor, "Maybe I'm lucky I ended up here after all. If the
phones don't work I can't expect any help from Heaven, so Mr. whiz
kid here may be my best bet at figuring out what's going on. In that
case, I might as well make us both comfortable while I wait for him
to wake up."
-----
Eric awoke just as a large assault mecha came crashing towards him
across the barren landscape, guns blazing.
"Waaaaa!" he yelled as he rolled out of the way, and right off the
couch. "Oof!"
Carpet. He had landed on carpet. His carpet.
[We are still in the living room,] his AI informed him.
"Yeah," Eric said shakily. He rubbed a minor abrasion on his face.
"Maybe this new holovision is a little TOO realistic."
"Shhh, this is the best part!" came a woman's voice.
Eric's hand froze. He turned to look towards the origin of the
voice. "What the... hey, aren't you the--"
"Be quiet!" hissed Urd, her eyes never straying from the holovision.
Is she...?
[Appearance and voice pattern matches the person who appeared
spontaneously from the holovision and attacked us earlier. Recommend
extreme caution.]
And... is she really floating in mid air?
[It appears so.]
Eric began very carefully inching away. Once there was a hopefully
safe distance between himself and the impossible woman, he began
collecting his thoughts - not an easy task with a battle being waged
all around you. OK, now, let's look at this logically. Could we both
be hallucinating? Could we have taken a massive shock from the
malfunctioning holo and now we're delirious?
[My diagnostics report proper function. Your brain patterns are
within normal parameters considering the circumstances. House
reports no malfunction."
Eric sneaked another glance at the impossible woman.
"Yeah! Go get him!" Urd cheered.
This makes no sense. Why would someone who can materialize out of a
holovision and float in mid air be watching a B grade movie in my
apartment... and enjoying it?
[Insufficient data.]
That was a rhetorical question.
[Oh.]
Eric's stomach growled long and loudly.
Urd flicked a glare in his direction. "Hey, I told you to hold it
down!"
Oh, great. Eric clutched his stomach to muffle further rumblings.
I'm going to die because my stomach is interrupting this person's
movie. I wonder if I can make it to the kitchen?
[It would be more prudent to simply flee the premises and call the
police.]
And tell them a floating lady appeared from my holovision and has
taken over my living room? I don't think so. Eric began to slowly
make his way around the back of the room to the kitchen. Besides, if
she can do things like that I'm not about to risk getting her angry
with me... and I've got a funny feeling about her for some reason.
Urd, completely engrossed in the show, ignored him.
Several minutes later Eric was well into a steaming bowl of chili.
Its warmth and rich aroma had lulled his frayed nerves into a state
of bliss, allowing him to ignore the sounds of warfare coming from
the living room. He was no nearer a solution to his current
predicament, but at least he felt better.
"That's a great setup you have, there!" Urd jerked a thumb towards
the holovision as she walked into the kitchen.
Eric choked.
Unabashed, she pulled out a chair and took a seat across the table
from him. "How many channels do you get on that thing, anyway?"
Eric might have replied, but he was too busy trying to cough the
chili out of his lungs.
Urd chuckled. "You always were easily startled."
Unable to speak, he just stared between coughs. 'Always were'? What
did she mean by that?
"Donovan, do you have any idea at all of who I am?"
He shook his head emphatically.
Urd sighed, settling back into her chair and looked critically at
him for a moment. Apparently reaching a conclusion, she said "OK, it
looks like I owe you an apology, Donovan. I thought you might be
behind this crazy business about me being cut off from Heaven and,
well, I guess I lost my cool for a bit there."
Heaven? Cut off from Heaven? Eric's eyes took on a glazed look.
"Hey, I'm trying to apologize to you, Donovan." Urd leaned across
the table. "Pay attention!"
Eric's gaze flicked irresistibly to the generous amount of cleavage
the goddess was showing before he forcibly locked his eyes back onto
her face.
Urd didn't seem to notice as she collapsed back into her seat. "Why
do I get the feeling you're going to be useless in this?"
"Um, well... in what?" he answered hesitantly.
"You're not being very reassuring, Donovan. What happened to the
know-it-all whiz kid from before? I'm going to need your cooperation
until I can figure out what's going on, here, but you're certainly
not going to do me any good in this wimpy, indecisive condition, so
SNAP OUT OF IT!"
Eric jerked upright.
"There, that's better." Urd gave him a smile. "Now, since you
obviously haven't a clue as to what's going on, I need to get you up
to speed on the current situation. How about I explain everything
you need to know about this predicament and your history with us,
and then you can ask questions. Deal?"
Eric nodded.
"Good. Besides, bouncing ideas off you may help me get a better
handle on what's going on, here."
Give HER an idea of what's going on? Eric wondered.
"First off, let me introduce myself. My name is Urd. I'm a goddess."
Stunned silence, then, "Goddess?"
"Yep. Here's my card, if that helps."
Eric took what looked like an ordinary business card and examined
it. He looked back at Urd and decided to risk a response. "Goddess
Urd... Urd... as in the Norse goddess?"
"Bingo. At least you know your history."
"The winters are long where I grew up. You read a lot..." Eric's
voice trailed off as he looked down at the card again, then back at
Urd. "You say you're Urd, but you're, well, beautiful. I mean, not
to be too familiar or anything," he added hastily, "but isn't Urd
supposed to be a wizened old crone?"
Urd's eyes narrowed slightly. Temper, girl, temper, remember you
need this guy's cooperation. "Look, Donovan, why don't you put that
vaunted intuition of yours to work. You could tell right off that my
sister, Belldandy, was a goddess, so what is your intuition telling
you about me?"
"Belldandy? I don't know any..." Wait a minute. That name...
"Of course you don't," Urd sighed, exasperated. "I wasn't asking if
you knew Belldandy. I was asking about what your intuition is
telling you about me."
Dropping his train of thought, Eric answered. "I don't know. It
isn't telling me anything, really. All I'm getting is like a nagging
feeling."
"That all?"
Eric nodded.
"Oh, great. That's just wonderful!" Urd began drumming the table top
with her fingertips. "Donovan, I need both you and your intuition to
be in tip-top working order."
Eric leaned back a bit. "I'm having a little trouble grasping all
this. What exactly is the emergency?"
"I'm stranded here on this primitive mud ball of a planet in this
backwater dimension! THAT's the emergency!"
"Dimension?" Why do I have this sense of impending doom?
Urd rose abruptly from her chair, slapping her hands down upon the
table top. Eric managed to save his glass as the entire table shook
from the impact.
"Listen," she said, "I see this is hard for your suddenly limited
intellect to grasp. We're not going to get anywhere as long as you
think this is all some kind of joke, so why don't I just give you a
demonstration?" She turned and looked around the kitchen. Maybe a
little shock therapy would work? Her gaze settled upon the autochef.
Walking over to it, she gave the appliance a rap with her fist.
"Hey, you. Come out here for a minute!"
What on earth is she doing? Eric wondered, then boggled.
Something like steam rose from the autochef and immediately
condensed into a peculiar looking little man, maybe 20cm tall. He
was dressed in a loud Hawaiian shirt, bright yellow bermuda shorts,
and sandals. The spiky mess of his hair was a fiery red, which was a
perfect match for his mustache, the handlebars of which would have
reached his waist if they hadn't been sticking straight out from his
face like whiskers. He was standing with fists on hips, obviously
annoyed.
"Hey, what's the big-- yikes!" he yelped as Urd picked him up by his
collar.
"Hey, lemme go!" he protested, windmilling his arms and kicking. "I
been doin' a good job, haven't I? Especially considerin' the cut-
rate ingredients this fella," he pointed an accusing finger at Eric,
"gives me ta work with."
"I'm not concerned about your performance," Urd said. "I want you to
tell this stubborn mortal what I am." She dangled the hapless troll
in front of Eric's face.
"Nothin' doin', toots!" The troll crossed his arms. "You has already
got me in trouble as it is. This is against the rules, ya know.
There's no way..."
Urd swung the troll around to face her. Her eyes narrowed
dangerously. "I commend your dedication to following established
procedure." She began to raise her other hand. "I'm certain the
memory of how you bravely stood by your principles will be a comfort
to you during the long years of your punishment."
The troll's face went deathly white. "Sh-she's a goddess. She's a
goddess!" he blurted as a smug Urd swung him back around in front of
Eric.
"And a really scary one, too!" the troll added in a whisper.
"I heard that."
"Eep!" The handlebars on his moustache twitched.
"Now, as long as you remember that fact, my little friend, we'll get
along perfectly. Have I made myself clear?"
"Y-yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am!" The troll's head bobbed up and down
emphatically.
"Good." Urd released the little creature which immediately bounded
back to the autochef and disappeared.
She turned to Eric. "Now do you believe me?"
"Wh... what was that?"
[Insufficient data.] Even his AI sounded shaken.
"That was one of the spirits that run your autochef, of course. What
did you think it was?"
"Run the autochef. But... "
"You're going to tell me your autochef doesn't have little trolls
running around inside it making everything work."
Eric nodded dumbly.
"Donovan, I don't have time to give you a grade school lecture on
the more subtle points of reality. The question is, since you didn't
believe me, did you believe him?"
"I... guess so." What in Heaven's name have I just fallen into?
Urd sighed. "I suppose that rates as an enthusiastic response out of
you, at least for today. So, now that we have introductions out of
the way, I'll continue with explaining what I think is going on
here. You might as well finish your dinner. This will take a while."
Eric looked down at his forgotten chili. Despite the heavy ceramic
bowl, it had gone cold.
"Let me warm that up for you," Urd offered, pointing a finger at the
bowl.
*Fzzt!*
The chili began to steam once again. The familiar wave of aromatic
warmth rose to meet his nose.
Eric stared in stunned silence first at the chili, then at Urd.
She smiled. "You're welcome."
-----
"So, let me get this straight," Eric said, rubbing his temples. He
was feeling much more comfortable with a stomach full of chemical
fire, but that didn't mean his mind was having an easy time
comprehending all that he had heard.
"You're saying that you arrived here by mistake, because of a glitch
in some kind of ultimate computer?"
"Yep. My best guess is that Yggdrasil took the coordinates I had
used in my last teleport away from Heaven, which just happened to be
the time I returned you here, and substituted them for the ones I
gave it this time. The glitch must have also overloaded the system
and now I can't get back. The phone doesn't even work."
"The phone? It was working this morning."
"No, dummy, I'm talking about calling Heaven!"
"On the phone?"
"Yes, yes." This time it was Urd's turn to put a hand to her
forehead and wince. "It's not working, and that's serious." When I
think that this is the same guy who waltzed in and fixed
Yggdrasil...
"Okay, calling Heaven on the phone. I guess I can live with that."
For now. "And you think I can somehow help you get back to heaven,
that I helped you fix this Yggdrasil system a few years ago."
"That's right."
"Only, I don't remember any of it because my memories have been
sealed."
"Right again."
"So why can't you just restore my memory?"
"Because I didn't seal it. Belldandy did it, and when Belldandy does
a spell, she does it right."
Belldandy... that name again, Eric thought.
"It's going to be tough to break that seal without her password."
Can you verify this memory loss thing? Eric asked his AI.
[It will take some time to perform the necessary cross-checks.]
Do it, Eric replied absently as he suddenly recalled a disagreement
he had years ago with Mrs. Scheffler, a disagreement over a girl who
had never existed.
"Hey, anybody home?" Urd asked, waving a hand in front of his face.
"Ah! So... why were my memories sealed?"
"The usual reasons. Security, that sort of thing, but also for your
own peace of mind."
"What do you mean? You said I fixed the system, didn't I?"
"Yes, you did. However, in order to do that you broke the rules...
hacked the other side's computer system. That's a very big no-no."
"What do you mean by 'the other side'?"
"The demons, of course."
"Demons!? I hacked a computer system that belongs to demons!?"
"Hey, don't worry. They don't know who did it, just some mortal."
"Oh." They'd track me down? "So... everything is fine, now, right?"
"Yep. The system has been running as smooth as silk. Until now, of
course. It's hard to believe that Skuld could have screwed it up
this badly in such a short time."
"Skuld?"
"My baby sister. She's immature, but it really isn't like her to be
this careless. Still, it's more likely than a major system wide
failure the moment I leave Heaven. Anyway, you did a good job,
Donovan, and I need you to do it again."
"But I have no idea what I did."
"Which is what we need to work on. We need to break that memory
seal, or at least weaken it. If we can weaken it a bit, you might be
able to break it yourself."
"How would I do that?"
"Because you can kill any program running on Yggdrasil which affects
you."
"I what?"
"Don't ask me how you do it." Urd waved a hand dismissively.
"Besides, it seems to have been suppressed when your memory was
sealed. Unless you've lost it for some reason." Urd gave him a
searching look. "It's also possible that whatever barrier is
blocking the phones is also blocking your link with the system. In
any case, the way I see it our best shot is to attack that seal."
"So how do you attack a seal?"
"Oh, there are lots of ways. Seals are tricky things. They have to
be made specifically for the thing being sealed. If we could, for
example, change your nature the seal would be weakened, perhaps even
break."
"What do you mean, change my nature?" Eric asked nervously.
"Well, let's suppose you were a god/demon hybrid. If we were to,
say, split you into your god and demon halves... this is all
hypothetical, of course, the seal wouldn't be able to hold you since
it was designed to hold the hybrid form of you."
"Uh, yeah," Eric said, looking completely baffled.
"Well, like I said, that was purely hypothetical, as if anything
like that would ever happen." Her hand brushed the back of her hair
nervously. "Anyway, we'll be trying a different approach."
Eric noticed a gleam appear in Urd's eye as she said this. Somehow,
he wasn't reassured.
"I've always wanted to try something like this," she continued. "You
see, if someone is sealed with a powerful artifact, the seal may
fail due to the interaction between the seal and the artifact. Now,
of course your memory wasn't sealed with an artifact, but we may be
able to weaken the seal by introducing something of great power into
your memory.
"What do you have in mind?"
"A memory potion!"
"A potion? As in a magic potion?"
Urd nodded. "My specialty. Of course, I'll need to tech up a bit. I
don't have any of my more powerful formulas available. I'd better
start making a list of ingredients I can use as a base to build on."
"What kinds of ingredients?"
"Oh, mandrake root, tear of a banshee, that sort of thing."
"Banshee tears? I don't think we have banshees in San Francisco."
"Mmm. That could delay things. I'll need to think about scheduling a
trip to Ireland."
"How long do you think this will take?"
"I don't know. A few days, maybe a couple of weeks depending upon
how long it takes to find some of the rarer ingredients."
"Weeks... so, where do you goddesses normally stay while you're here
on Earth? Do you have a corporate apartment or something?"
"Of course not." Urd rose and walked out of the kitchen into the
living room, wrinkling her nose at the general state of clutter. "We
usually don't stay in the mortal realms long enough to warrant a
permanent residence."
"So, uh, were you thinking about a hotel downtown?" Eric asked
nervously, following her into the living room.
"I'm staying right here, of course." Urd began walking down the
hall, pausing to look into the spare bedroom.
Eric hurried after her. "OK, but there really are lots of nicer
places to stay around here."
Urd turned and gave him a level stare. "I'm not letting you out of
my sight until I'm safely back in Heaven, Donovan. You could be run
over by a bus tomorrow, and then where would I be?"
"Well, I don't think the odds are--"
"And I'm supposed to bet my future on that? Sorry, buddy boy, but
I'm staying where I can keep my eye on you."
"OK, then." He thought for a moment. "I guess I could sleep on the
couch."
"Oh, don't worry about that. I'll take the spare room."
"It's full of boxes."
"So move them out."
"But it's just four bare walls."
"That's not a problem."
Eric looked at Urd, who returned a very condescending smirk. "OK,
then, suit yourself," he said.
-----
"That's it," Eric said as he set down the last box and looked around
his bedroom. "Man, this place always was a mess, but now it's
looking like a warehouse."
Skirting a stack of boxes, he walked back to where Urd was standing
in the doorway to the spare room.
"Well, that's a start anyway," she said, tapping a finger against
her jaw.
Eric looked over Urd's shoulder and blinked.
The formerly carpeted floor was now polished hardwood with a large
sunburst design in the center. There was a large mirror on the
opposite wall. There was a bed in the corner. There were curtains on
the windows!
"Wow... you did all this?" he asked, stunned.
"Of course I did it. You haven't seen any little elves running
around here, have you?"
Remembering the troll from the autochef, Eric scanned the floor
around them.
"I was joking, silly," she said.
Urd stared at her room for a moment, then sighed. "This was supposed
to be my vacation. I never dreamed I'd be spending it in a place
like this."
"Well, Berkeley isn't exactly a vacation spot, but there are some
nice sights across the bay."
Urd didn't seem to hear as her voice became wistful. "Though...
there was a time when I was happier here on this planet than I've
been at any other time in my life."
For a fleeting instant, Eric didn't see a deity standing next to
him, but a girl very far from home.
The mood didn't last long though. Urd suddenly smiled and turned to
Eric. "You know, I could use a good, stiff drink. You don't have any
sake around here, do you?"
"Sake? That's like Chinese liquor?"
"Japanese."
"Oh, right. Sorry, but I don't have any. I don't drink."
Urd sighed. "Just my luck. So you don't have anything around here at
all? Even a beer?"
Eric began to shake his head, then stopped. "Wait, I think I have a
bottle of something a friend gave to me a while back." He headed
towards the kitchen.
Urd followed him, looking on with interest as Eric began examining
the back corners of cabinets.
"Here it is!" he exclaimed at last, pulling forth a bottle.
Urd took it and examined the label. "Wild Turkey? Never heard of...
101 proof!? You don't have a cork puller, do you?" she asked, her
voice rising in excitement.
Eric shook his head.
Urd glowered. "Of course not," she muttered as she twirled a finger
over the cork which removed itself from the bottle then settled onto
a counter.
She took a sniff and closed her eyes. "This is just what the doctor
ordered. You got a... of course not," she added as a shot glass
appeared in her hand.
Bottle in hand, Urd made her way back into the living room, turned
on the holovision, ordered up a movie involving large quantities of
mechs and destruction, poured herself a shot, stretched out in mid
air, and took a sip.
"Mmm, very nice," she purred. "Your friend has good taste. You
really should try some of this." She held the bottle out to him.
"Thank you, but no."
"Suit yourself." She reached down and placed the bottle on an end
table. "This is a great setup you have here, Donovan," she said,
rapidly becoming mesmerized by the holovision. "It might not be so
bad staying here for a while after all."
Eric shook his head. The Urd I remember from Norse mythology sure
wasn't anything like this. Still, there's something about her.
[I have found a discrepancy in my memory,] his AI informed him.
Eric felt a shiver race down his spine.
What kind of discrepancy?
[I have no data and no cross references to events over a period of
18 days in my past.]
Your memories have been erased, then?
[Yes. There is a very high probability that yours have been as
well.]
Then, what Urd said is true. When did this happen?
[The period of modification begins while we were at the Blacktail
Bed and Breakfast approximately 3 years ago. When the period ends we
were here.]
18 days... the Blacktail B&B... Mrs. Scheffler asking him about a
girl named Belldandy. It was all coming together, but he needed to
be sure. He hurried back to his room, closed the door and dialed a
number.
A familiar face answered. "Eric! What a pleasant surprise. How have
you been?"
"Just fine, Mrs. Scheffler. Sorry it's been so long since I called."
"Ernst and I know you're very busy. We're always happy whenever you
call us, Eric."
Translation: You hardly ever call, boy. "Thanks. Um, do you remember
a discussion we had a few years back about a girl named Belldandy?"
Mrs. Scheffler looked surprised. "Well, I never expected to hear
that name again! Honestly, Eric, I never knew what you were hoping
to gain by pretending that such a lovely young lady never existed."
"Well, I... uh..." How do I get information out of her without
revealing that I can't remember a thing? "So, what did you think of
her?"
"She was such a wonderful girl, Eric, so very gracious and well
mannered."
"Do you remember what we were going to do after we left?"
"How could I remember when you never told us what she was hiring you
to do? Why all these questions all of a sudden? Has she come back?
Do you think you might bring her by to visit? I'd love to talk with
her again."
"No, she hasn't come back," he answered distantly. She hired me.
"Her sister..."
"Her sister is there? Well, then you will have to bring her by to
visit!"
Now I've done it, Eric chided himself. What do I do, now? He
hesitated for a long moment before deciding upon an honest response.
"Yes, her sister is here."
"Then you absolutely must bring her to visit. What's her name?"
"It's Urd, but we're--"
"Now, now, no excuses. If she's anything like Belldandy, she must be
a lovely girl. I can't wait to meet her!"
Eric's eyes were rapidly taking on that deer-in-the-headlights look.
He found an excuse to end the conversation almost immediately.
After sitting on the bed and staring at the wall for a few minutes,
he walked back into the living room and looked at the apparently
honest to goodness goddess floating next to his couch.
He sighed. Well, there's absolutely no way I'm going to get any work
done tonight. Maybe Urd has the right idea, after all.
Walking over, he collapsed into the couch. "So, what have I missed?"
he asked.
-----
The morning sun through the bedroom window lit the room as Eric
threw off his covers, swung his legs out of bed, and stubbed his toe
on a box.
"Ouch! What's that doing there?" he asked no-one in particular. For
some reason, his bedroom was half filled with stacks of boxes. Then
the memories of yesterday came rushing back.
A goddess... in my spare bedroom... a real, honest to goodness
goddess.
Eric looked around the room again. "A goddess is living in my
apartment and the whole place is a disaster area. This isn't right.
I'd better start a major cleanup campaign."
His stomach rumbled.
"Right after breakfast," he added.
Tiptoeing past the spare bedroom, he headed for the kitchen,
prepared to order up a large breakfast from the autochef. Then he
remembered.
"Um, Autochef?" he began hesitantly, his hand frozen just short of
the control panel. Boy, I feel like an idiot talking this thing, but
still... "I promise to take better care of you in the future, but I
need to eat my breakfast now. Is that OK?"
The autochef, of course, didn't respond.
"OK, I guess I'll take that as a yes. Uh... thanks," he added for
good measure before ordering up a typically large breakfast.
Ten minutes later he was halfway through the scrambled eggs and
munching on a crispy strip of bacon when Urd walked into the
kitchen.
She was wearing a mini-dress which appeared to be made of glossy
black material which clung like a second skin. A delicate golden
chain encircled her waist.
Eric stared.
Urd smiled.
"Mmmm, that smells wonderful. What's for breakfast?" she asked,
easing into the seat across the table and snatching a piece of
toast.
"Hey!" Eric looked at the empty spot on his plate then at the toast.
"Mmm?" Urd replied, busily chewing.
"I mean, what would you like for breakfast?"
"Oh, this will do," she said. "Where's that bottle of Wild Turkey?"
"I don't think it's a good thing to drink something like that for
breakfast."
"I don't remember asking for your opinion."
"Right." Eric rose to open a cabinet and fetch the bottle.
"Besides, I'm a goddess. It isn't like I have to eat or anything,"
Urd added as she grabbed the last strip of bacon.
-----
Palm fronds clattered in the breeze coming off the Pacific. The
tide's coming in, a part of Eric's mind noted.
Urd studied a large list of potion ingredients as she walked beside
him.
"Urd, can I ask you a question?" Eric said as they neared the local
grocery store.
"Sure."
"What would you have done to that... thing in my autochef?"
"He's a troll, a nature spirit, Donovan. You'll hurt his feelings
calling him a 'thing'. You mean the punishment bit? I was just
bluffing, but then so was he."
"What do you mean?"
"All that rules nonsense. The truth is, those guys couldn't care
less about the rules. Give them half a chance and they'll slack off
on you every time."
"Really?"
Urd rolled her eyes. "I suppose you've never had anything break down
on you for no good reason?"
"Well sure, but I never put it down to stubborn trolls."
"Then you've learned something today, haven't you?"
"But... an autochef's operation is based on the physical laws of the
universe."
"There's more than one way of looking at the universe, Donovan.
You'll limit yourself if you insist upon a strictly empirical
viewpoint."
"I suppose... oh, here we are!" Eric said, motioning toward the
grocery store.
Inside, Urd squeezed past the potato chips and beef jerky and headed
straight to the liquor section at the back of the store.
Eric ignored the curious looks from the cashier and looked idly
about until his eyes settled on the display of autochef supplies.
Soon, Urd was returning with four bottles of Wild Turkey and a
variety of other things perched precariously in her arms. "You ready
to go?" she asked. "I need to get to work."
"You got four more of them?" Eric asked as he snatched several boxes
from the shelf and led them to the front of the store. "You haven't
finished the first one, yet."
"It always pays to plan ahead," Urd replied with a smile.
"What's all that other stuff?"
"Oh, nothing much, a few things off the herbal supplements rack, a
bottle of carbonated water, can of pumpkin, stuff like that." She
carefully set the load onto the counter and picked up a dusty, box.
"The big find, though, was this box of Peeps which had fallen behind
a display case!"
Eric looked at the very dusty box of yellow marshmallow things.
"Don't they sell those at Easter? They've probably expired by now."
"Nah, Peeps are virtually indestructible."
"Well, I can't argue with you there," Eric said as he began placing
groceries into bags.
The trip home was uneventful after they convinced the store's AI
that they did indeed want to pay for a box of Peeps which was over
two months past the expiration date. Soon they found themselves in
the kitchen and began unpacking their purchases. Urd took her
purchases to her room.
[Do you realize that these supplies cost nearly twice as much as the
ones you usually purchase?] his AI asked as Eric finished putting
away the groceries.
"So? I can afford it."
[Is this the start of a trend? If so, I will need to adjust the
budget.]
Through with the groceries, Eric settled into the couch and
considered for a moment. "Yeah, it's going to be a trend."
[You realize that we are overstocked on autochef supplies?]
"I'll donate them to the soup kitchen or something, just get off my
case!"
"Eh?" Urd came walking into the kitchen.
"Oh, sorry. I was arguing with my AI." Eric tapped the side of his
head.
"Oh, that's right, you had one of those. What's that like?"
"Kind of like an alter ego. An annoying one at times."
"Hmm. Must be strange, having another intelligence running around in
your head all the time. Does everyone have them?"
"They're expensive. Mostly technical and professional people get
them."
"Interesting. Well, there's still plenty of stuff left on my list of
the raw materials. I think our next stop should be--"
The phone rang.
"Never answer the phone," Urd began mumbling her standard mantra.
"You never know WHO might be call... wait!"
Eric tapped the phone and the vid screen sprang to life.
Urd skidded to a halt almost in time to keep from bumping into Eric
then stuck her head between him and the vid screen. "Hello!?"
The face on the screen was disappointingly mortal. "Oh." Urd turned
to Eric. "It's for you."
"I could tell that, thanks."
Urd headed for the couch.
"Who was that?" The face on the screen asked.
"That? Uh... just someone who stopped by for a while."
"Way to go, Eric! I hope you cleaned up your apartment, though. That
place is a disaster area."
"Yeah, well, I'm getting to it."
"Hah, I'll believe it when I read about it in the paper. So, who is
she?"
"None of your business, Kate."
"Is that any way to talk to a friend?"
"When the friend is as nosy as you are, yes. What do you want?"
"Oh, that. Well, some jocks from a club down the beach challenged us
to a beach volleyball match and Ray accepted. He said we could use
the publicity."
"And you need someone tall on your team."
"Hey, that wasn't very nice," Kate glared at Eric.
"Sorry, I'm just... kind of edgy right now."
"You should get your 'friend' to give you a back rub then, hmm?"
It was Eric's turn to glare at the vid screen. "See? This is why I
never can trust you."
"OK, OK, it looks like you're doing fine for yourself right now
without my help, anyway. The match is tomorrow afternoon, 2:00, on
the beach next to the cafe."
"Hey, wait, I never said I'd be there."
"You mean you won't help us out?" Kate looked genuinely hurt. "We
need you, Eric."
"If it's between businesses then it's an employees only match,
right?"
"Technically, but the rules are pretty lax. Besides, you've done
some work for us."
"I've worked on your point of sale system what, twice in the past
year? I see your point, but I still can't make it."
"Oh, hot date?" Kate grinned at him.
"Kate..."
"Eric, you have a gorgeous girl in your apartment! You can impress
her with your physical prowess! Make her think you're really a jock
instead of a no life geek! She'll love a day at the beach!"
"What do you mean, no life geek? Besides, she isn't that kind--"
"Beach?" Urd's voice came from beside Eric, causing him to jump.
Geez, how long has she been standing there?
"I can get some of the things on my list there."
"Great, then it's settled!" Kate said.
"What time do you want us to show up?" Eric asked, admitting defeat.
"2:00 sharp! Better yet, stop by at noon and we can all have lunch
and get to know each other."
---
End Chapter 5
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
My apologies for leaving everyone hanging for 8 months. My time has
been occupied with writing and then recovering from the AMG
Technical FAQ, available at:
http://nekomikodai.otakalypse.com/techfaq.html
among other places.
