Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to Snipp I go!
WARNING - The author of this fic disavows any and all responsibility for damage to monitors, keyboards, mice, pets, offspring, partners etc, caused by peoples reactions to this fic. If you don't have enough sense by now to move all foodstuffs and liquids to a safe distance *before* reading this fic, then there's no hope for you
Enjoy.
There's one spoiler for episode 10, but by the time this hits the servers most of you guys should have seen it (and unless you've been hiding under a rock, you're probably well aware of it anyway).
-------------------------
Mark and Kerry are standing in front of a blackboard with chalk in their hands.
"I really don't think this is necessary," protested Mark.
"Not that I normally agree with him," said Kerry. "But in this instance I have to. I mean, what good will it do us to write out 500 times 'I will not treat an OB case unless there is no other doctor for 1000 miles'."
"Because then maybe I won't have to put my foot through the TV when you make more mistakes than a second year med-student," snapped Doc Sharon. "Now start writing."
"But..." started Mark.
"No buts. I am the Queen ER moron, so start writing."
-------------------------
Carol screams her way through another labor pain.
Doug wipes the sweat from her brow and asks gently, "Is there anything I can do?"
Carol nods weakly, "You can phone Mark and tell him thanks for nothing...bastard...how dare he make them save my uterus."
---------------------------
Carter looked at the note in his hand. "Darling, meet me up on the roof at exactly midnight. Love Susan." Pushing open the door, he stepped out onto the roof.
"Um, Susan? Where are you?" he called.
The door slammed shut behind him and he heard a voice say, "I'm right here, darling."
Turning around he was surprised to see a young woman with dark blonde hair and greenish blue eyes. The light from the moon glinted off the three piercings, clearly visible in each ear.
"Um, you're not Susan Lewis," said Carter.
"Damn right I'm not," replied the woman. "I'm much better for you than *her*." She slowly moved forward and put her arms round Carter, pulling him into a tight embrace.
Carter resisted only slightly, saying, "But what happens if Dr. Lewis catches us? She can be pretty mean."
Susan pulled away slightly. "I am Susan, the head of Carterholic's Anonymous, and I can kick her ass."
"Oh, okay then," said Carter, kissing her.
-----------------------
"You can't get into the ambulance," yelled Sandy. "It's too dangerous."
"There's a pregnant woman in there," snapped Kerry. "Of course I'm getting in."
"Just wait..." Before the words were out of her mouth, Kerry had taken a short run and used her crutch to vault into the vehicle. There was a brief flash of electricity.
"Oh dammit," swore Sandy. "That's the third doctor that's got fried. Why the hell won't these people listen to me? I mean, do I walk into their ER and ignore *their* warnings?"
-----------------------
"Um, Mark?" said Luka. "Why are you putting that little motor inside that turkey?"
"It's to help Elizabeth out at Thanksgiving," said Mark. "See, she's always saying that she can carve the turkey better than me because she's such a good surgeon, but last year it looked like it had been through a shredder."
"And having the motor inside it will help, how?"
Mark beamed proudly. "Well, I figure that it's awkward for her because the turkey's dead."
"Or at least it should be," commented Luka.
"And she's not used to working on dead things."
"She should be, what with the increased mortality rate of her patients," muttered Luka.
Mark glared at him, "You'd know all about *that* wouldn't you?" He held Luka's gaze for a few seconds before remembering what had happened to the last bald man that had pissed off the Croatian. Swallowing hard, he continued, "Anyway, with this remote control, I can make the turkey look as if it's breathing and Elizabeth will do a great job on it. I figure that after a gesture like that I'm bound to get some major action from her."
"Oh I'm sure you will," said Luka, trying to keep a straight face. "I'm sure you will."
--------------------------
Kim (not Legaspi) sat on the steps looking miserable.
"I'm really sorry Kim," said Cein. "But if I'd signed your name to the end of the note, Carter would have handed it over to Kerry."
Kim muttered something under her breath.
"Hey!" said Cein, indignantly. "We'll have none of that now. Be good or I won't write you into the next chapter of Road Trip."
--------------------------
Chuny listened intently to the radio as Zadro filled her in on the incoming patient.
"So you say Dr. Corday took the turkey and stuck it where?"
-------------------------
Elizabeth hurried down the corridor until she had caught up with Peter. "I'm so glad I caught you," she said with a smile. "I'd have hated for you to leave without saying goodbye."
Peter smiled at her, "Don't you mean 'au revoir'? Or have you forgotten the Plan?"
Elizabeth punched him playfully on the arm. "As if. You marry Cleo, get full custody of Reese, then a few months later she'll have a 'sudden car accident'."
"And in the meantime you'll be replacing Mark's chemotherapy wafers one by one with 'wafer thin mints'. His head should explode in a few months time."
"And after a short period of mourning for both of us, it'll be only natural for two bereaved former colleagues to find consolation with each other," added Elizabeth, an evil gleam in her eye, as she kissed Peter quickly. "Mmm, you're so much better than Mark."
-------------------------
Mark was lying face down on the gurney as it was wheeled into Trauma one.
"What took you guys so long?" asked Chuny. "You called it in over half an hour ago."
Zadro shrugged. "Dr. Greene insisted we stop along the way to get more batteries for the remote."
--------------------------
Carter staggered exhaustedly down the stairs to the ER.
"Yo Carter, where've you been?" asked Dave, grinning as he looked at the other resident.
"Rooftop...Susan..." was all Carter was able to gasp.
Dave nodded knowingly. "Well, you might want to go and put your clothes on the right way round. Otherwise people will know *exactly* what you've been doing."
"Thanks Malucci," said Carter, lurching off.
"Of course, they'll know for sure once I *tell* them," smirked Dave, once Carter was out of earshot.
---------------------------
Thanks to Hunter Rose for the Mark/uterus idea
Susan on the rooftop, is of course lilichild@aol.com, the head of Carterholic's Anonymous http://www.geocities.com/er/carterholic
Kim is of course Keg41182@aol.com, second only to Susan in terms of her Carterholic addiction.
Thanks also to Doc Sharon for allowing me to drag her into the fic as well.
WARNING - The author of this fic disavows any and all responsibility for damage to monitors, keyboards, mice, pets, offspring, partners etc, caused by peoples reactions to this fic. If you don't have enough sense by now to move all foodstuffs and liquids to a safe distance *before* reading this fic, then there's no hope for you
Enjoy.
There's one spoiler for episode 10, but by the time this hits the servers most of you guys should have seen it (and unless you've been hiding under a rock, you're probably well aware of it anyway).
-------------------------
Mark and Kerry are standing in front of a blackboard with chalk in their hands.
"I really don't think this is necessary," protested Mark.
"Not that I normally agree with him," said Kerry. "But in this instance I have to. I mean, what good will it do us to write out 500 times 'I will not treat an OB case unless there is no other doctor for 1000 miles'."
"Because then maybe I won't have to put my foot through the TV when you make more mistakes than a second year med-student," snapped Doc Sharon. "Now start writing."
"But..." started Mark.
"No buts. I am the Queen ER moron, so start writing."
-------------------------
Carol screams her way through another labor pain.
Doug wipes the sweat from her brow and asks gently, "Is there anything I can do?"
Carol nods weakly, "You can phone Mark and tell him thanks for nothing...bastard...how dare he make them save my uterus."
---------------------------
Carter looked at the note in his hand. "Darling, meet me up on the roof at exactly midnight. Love Susan." Pushing open the door, he stepped out onto the roof.
"Um, Susan? Where are you?" he called.
The door slammed shut behind him and he heard a voice say, "I'm right here, darling."
Turning around he was surprised to see a young woman with dark blonde hair and greenish blue eyes. The light from the moon glinted off the three piercings, clearly visible in each ear.
"Um, you're not Susan Lewis," said Carter.
"Damn right I'm not," replied the woman. "I'm much better for you than *her*." She slowly moved forward and put her arms round Carter, pulling him into a tight embrace.
Carter resisted only slightly, saying, "But what happens if Dr. Lewis catches us? She can be pretty mean."
Susan pulled away slightly. "I am Susan, the head of Carterholic's Anonymous, and I can kick her ass."
"Oh, okay then," said Carter, kissing her.
-----------------------
"You can't get into the ambulance," yelled Sandy. "It's too dangerous."
"There's a pregnant woman in there," snapped Kerry. "Of course I'm getting in."
"Just wait..." Before the words were out of her mouth, Kerry had taken a short run and used her crutch to vault into the vehicle. There was a brief flash of electricity.
"Oh dammit," swore Sandy. "That's the third doctor that's got fried. Why the hell won't these people listen to me? I mean, do I walk into their ER and ignore *their* warnings?"
-----------------------
"Um, Mark?" said Luka. "Why are you putting that little motor inside that turkey?"
"It's to help Elizabeth out at Thanksgiving," said Mark. "See, she's always saying that she can carve the turkey better than me because she's such a good surgeon, but last year it looked like it had been through a shredder."
"And having the motor inside it will help, how?"
Mark beamed proudly. "Well, I figure that it's awkward for her because the turkey's dead."
"Or at least it should be," commented Luka.
"And she's not used to working on dead things."
"She should be, what with the increased mortality rate of her patients," muttered Luka.
Mark glared at him, "You'd know all about *that* wouldn't you?" He held Luka's gaze for a few seconds before remembering what had happened to the last bald man that had pissed off the Croatian. Swallowing hard, he continued, "Anyway, with this remote control, I can make the turkey look as if it's breathing and Elizabeth will do a great job on it. I figure that after a gesture like that I'm bound to get some major action from her."
"Oh I'm sure you will," said Luka, trying to keep a straight face. "I'm sure you will."
--------------------------
Kim (not Legaspi) sat on the steps looking miserable.
"I'm really sorry Kim," said Cein. "But if I'd signed your name to the end of the note, Carter would have handed it over to Kerry."
Kim muttered something under her breath.
"Hey!" said Cein, indignantly. "We'll have none of that now. Be good or I won't write you into the next chapter of Road Trip."
--------------------------
Chuny listened intently to the radio as Zadro filled her in on the incoming patient.
"So you say Dr. Corday took the turkey and stuck it where?"
-------------------------
Elizabeth hurried down the corridor until she had caught up with Peter. "I'm so glad I caught you," she said with a smile. "I'd have hated for you to leave without saying goodbye."
Peter smiled at her, "Don't you mean 'au revoir'? Or have you forgotten the Plan?"
Elizabeth punched him playfully on the arm. "As if. You marry Cleo, get full custody of Reese, then a few months later she'll have a 'sudden car accident'."
"And in the meantime you'll be replacing Mark's chemotherapy wafers one by one with 'wafer thin mints'. His head should explode in a few months time."
"And after a short period of mourning for both of us, it'll be only natural for two bereaved former colleagues to find consolation with each other," added Elizabeth, an evil gleam in her eye, as she kissed Peter quickly. "Mmm, you're so much better than Mark."
-------------------------
Mark was lying face down on the gurney as it was wheeled into Trauma one.
"What took you guys so long?" asked Chuny. "You called it in over half an hour ago."
Zadro shrugged. "Dr. Greene insisted we stop along the way to get more batteries for the remote."
--------------------------
Carter staggered exhaustedly down the stairs to the ER.
"Yo Carter, where've you been?" asked Dave, grinning as he looked at the other resident.
"Rooftop...Susan..." was all Carter was able to gasp.
Dave nodded knowingly. "Well, you might want to go and put your clothes on the right way round. Otherwise people will know *exactly* what you've been doing."
"Thanks Malucci," said Carter, lurching off.
"Of course, they'll know for sure once I *tell* them," smirked Dave, once Carter was out of earshot.
---------------------------
Thanks to Hunter Rose for the Mark/uterus idea
Susan on the rooftop, is of course lilichild@aol.com, the head of Carterholic's Anonymous http://www.geocities.com/er/carterholic
Kim is of course Keg41182@aol.com, second only to Susan in terms of her Carterholic addiction.
Thanks also to Doc Sharon for allowing me to drag her into the fic as well.
