Snippets in the sky (well what else did you think I could call it g)
Hard to believe that this is the fifteenth installment.
For those of you who weren't paying attention, previous chapters were, Christmas 1, Christmas 2, Valentines, Yet more snippets, April Snippets, Sailing Snippets, Even more snippets, Snipp a dee doo dah, Oh no, it's more snippets, Guess what? I've been snippetting again, Snipp this!, Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to snipp I go!, Where Eagles Snipp, Virtual Snippets
And the warnings once again.
No food, no drink, no fragile objects should be kept nearby.
Anyone else in the vicinity should be given earplugs, or better yet, let them read it as well.
Sucking on a slice of lemon should wipe the smile off your face if you're reading this at work, and if you *are* reading it at work, you should be ashamed of yourself ;-)
There's spoilers up to and including 'Orion in the Sky'. Anything else is just my sick and twisted mind at work, with maybe a bit of wishful thinking thrown in g
Enjoy!
-------------------------
Mark held up the basketballs and looked at them. "No wonder I'm getting nowhere. My ball's aren't firm enough…perhaps they need to be inflated."
He and Carter looked around them expectantly, but nothing happened.
Mark cleared his throat and said again, in a slightly louder tone, "My balls are way too soft…maybe they need inflating?"
The two men waited, but still nothing happened.
"Didn't you hear me?" yelled Mark, "I *said*…"
Cein looked up from her keyboard. "I heard you the first time and there's not a chance in hell of me going anywhere near *your* balls!"
-------------------------
Abby started rummaging frantically through her bag. "Oh shit oh shit oh shit," she said.
"What's up girl?" asked Chuny. "You lose something?"
"Worse than that," said Abby, a horrified look on her face as she pulled out a packet of herbal tea. "I just made Dr. Greene a cup of herbal tea…to help boost his immune system."
"That was nice of you," commented Chuny.
"I know…but I'm after using the wrong packet…I gave him my *special* brew."
Chuny looked at her, "Not the special love potion one that's specially formulated to make Carter and Luka crazy about you?"
Abby nodded.
"This I've *got* to see," grinned Chuny as she ran for the door.
She started laughing at the sight of Mark running frantically through the ER, with Luka and Carter in hot pursuit.
"Stop my love," called Luka. "Let me show you how much I love you."
"Don't listen to him," called Carter. "*I'm* the one who's meant to be with you…and besides, I have a bigger bank account than he does!"
"That's about the only thing that *is* bigger," muttered Luka. He had almost caught up with Mark, only to have him dodge through the closing doors of the elevator car. Luka slammed into them and sighed. "Soon my love."
-------------------------
Mark glanced up quickly as Romano entered the elevator.
"Rumor has it that today's your last day," he commented idly as the car began to move.
"Yes," said Mark, condescendingly. "I've come to the conclusion that the ER will just have to manage without me from now on. I know it won't be easy; after all, I *have* been the center of it for so long. They may fall apart for a while, but I'm sure that eventually they'll be able to cope without me."
"Whatever," said Romano. "Well, guess this is my last chance then." He quickly thumped the emergency stop button.
Before Mark could react, Romano had floored him with a Gyaku Mawashi Geri Kodan.
Sitting on top of him, he produced a bone saw from his lab coat pocket.
"No! Don't hurt me," begged Mark, as Romano clicked the switch and set the saw buzzing.
"Oh don't be such a wuss," said Romano as he lowered the saw towards Mark's skull.
"Why…why are you doing this?"
"I'm sorry…but you have something I need," replied Romano evenly as the saw reached its target.
----------------------
Dave was standing outside the elevator doors. "Man! That equipment sure needs a servicing," he said to Malik. "Listen to the screeching coming from the metal."
"Yeah," agreed Malik. Then he looked quickly at Dave. "Hey, weren't you fired a few months ago?"
Dave shrugged. "Sure was. But the continuity round here is so crappy that I figured I could just turn up for work and nobody would notice." He pointed over to admit where Jerry was ceremonially sacrificing a cream bun. "Big guy over there showed me how."
"And it worked?"
"Hell, I've been here three months and you're the first person to say anything."
-----------------------
Mark found himself standing in a long line of people. "Odd," he thought to himself. "How did I get here?" The last thing he remembered was being in the elevator. "Hmm, that's odd…" He looked at the people around him. There was something odd about them. Mark's jaw dropped open as a woman in front of him turned slightly and revealed a gaping bullet hole in the side of her face. The odd thing was that she didn't seem to be at all bothered by it.
Opening his mouth to scream, Mark heard someone say, "Hey, take it easy newbie…guess it takes a little getting used to."
Turning he saw an elderly man standing behind him.
"I'm dead!" squeaked Mark.
"Yeah…we all are. It's a bit of a shock the first time round."
"The first time?"
"Yeah, I've been reincarnated about half a dozen times. You get used to it. My names Charles, by the way." He held out his hand for Mark to shake.
Mark took it gingerly. "I'm Mark. What…what did you…die of?"
"Shot by a jealous husband," replied Charles, ruefully. "Still, can't complain. Got seventy years out of this body, which is better than some. What about you?"
"Someone I disagreed with, ate me," said Mark sadly.
------------------------
Romano sauntered into the scrub room. Yes he thought. That had been a *most* filling lunch…pity about the aftertaste that was left in his mouth…
He smiled to himself as he turned on the taps. Things had gone just according to plan. Anyone examining the body would be sure to believe that the guy had chosen a bizarre but effective method of suicide…and even if they figured it was murder…well, after the so called 'advice' that he had been handing out all day, there was sure to be a long list of people with motive enough. And then there was that weird group that he'd heard about on the Internet…PMT or PEMG or something like that. Rumor was that he'd been on their hit list as well. Whatever…it was almost a pity he couldn't tell them…they'd probably give him a medal or something. Mentally he reviewed his work…the bone saw had been left in Greene's lifeless hand. The cuts had been made at just the right angle that a person inflicting them himself would make. He had known that watching that show CSI would come in useful one of these days. Man, the chicks on it were pretty hot.
Elizabeth walked in the door scowling.
"Good afternoon Lizzie," smiled Romano, before belching loudly.
"Having a little gastro-intestinal trouble, are we?" asked Elizabeth.
"Must have been something I ate."
-----------------------
Finally after what seemed like an eternity, Mark reached the top of the queue.
"Ah yes, Dr. Greene," said the (Mark guessed it was an angel or something). "Welcome to the afterlife."
"Hello," said Mark. "So what happens next? Do I get a set of wings or something? I mean, I'm pretty sure I deserve a halo."
"Oh, did nobody tell you?"
"Tell me what? You're the first person…er angel…er 'being' that I've met that hasn't just died."
"Oh dear. Normally we have someone standing by to greet people like you, but you arrived a bit earlier than we anticipated."
"People like me?"
"Yes…you see your fate is to haunt the scene of your death for the next ten years."
Mark's face fell. "You mean I'm a ghost? Shit!" A bell rang.
The 'being' frowned and made a note on his pad. "I'm afraid that it's now twelve years…The Powers That Be don't allow swearing around here. It has to be all PG-13…whatever *that* means."
--------------------------
Carter, Luka and Abby looked at Elizabeth in horror.
"What do you mean, you're joining in our 'triangle'?" asked Carter, shock evident on his face.
"Exactly what I said," snapped Elizabeth. "Do you people realize that I've been in one relationship or another since I arrived at County? I can't possibly be expected to be single. Besides, the single mother plot has already been done too many times."
"Okay, so you don't want to be single," said Abby. "But why pick on *us*?"
"Romano is a loathsome little toad, Gallant and Pratt are too young for me. You two guys are the only ones left. So come on now, quit stalling. I intend to jump *someone's* bones tonight. So the first person to come after me is going to get me, and Abby, you can have the other one."
Elizabeth turned and walked away. Behind her, Abby looked smugly at both men. "Well?" Her face turned sour as both Carter and Luka nearly fell over each other in their efforts to get out the door first.
--------------------
Mark looked down at himself as he materialized in the elevator car. "Oh," he said, glumly. "I didn't think I'd still be wearing this." He plucked at the scrubs that were stained with his blood.
"Part of the rules," replied the 'being'. "You only have what you died in. Look on the bright side…at least it'll make it easier to scare people."
"Hmph," grunted Mark. "Hey, can I at least take my shirt off?" he asked hopefully.
"Lord no! We just want to shock them a bit…not scare them to death!"
Mark frowned. "So I'm going to be stuck here for twelve years. That's not really fair."
The 'being' shrugged. "It could be worse…at least you have a roommate." He raised his voice. "Hey there, come out and show yourself."
Mark's face brightened as a shadowy figure materialized…then it froze as the face became clear.
"Derek Fossen, meet Mark Greene."
---------------------
Kerry banged on the elevator doors impatiently. "Dammit," she swore. "Frank," she called over to admit. "Phone Maintenance…tell them that Elevator number two is screeching again."
----------------------
"Hi honey, I'm home," called Romano, as he carefully hung up his coat. As usual, Gretel came bounding down the stairs to meet him. He crouched down and petted her as she started licking his face. "Yes Gretel, Daddy had himself a very nice lunch today, thank you very much. It was that nasty Dr. Greene."
Gretel whined at him. "No, don't worry, Daddy was very careful to make sure nobody saw him."
"Whine whine."
"Nope, no security cameras around. Thanks to Dr. Greene actually. See at the last budget meeting, he argued that having cameras in the elevator cars were an invasion of privacy or something. Whatever." He scratched Gretel behind the ears.
She barked.
"What's that? You don't think I should have eaten him? Well maybe not…but what the hell, he was a jerk."
Gretel whined and pawed at Romano.
Romano frowned. "What's that girl? Some cultures believe that by eating a person's flesh that you start to take on some of their characteristics?" He started to look a little queasy. "Strange…I have this overwhelming desire to remove my shirt…oh no!"
He made a mad dash for the bathroom and puked in the toilet.
Dogs can't smile…but Gretel made a damn good attempt at it. That'd teach him to cut down on her biscuit ration.
----------------------
Notes: The Romano eating Mark thing is a reference to the 'Leonard Betts' episode of 'the X-files' where Paul McCrane played a guy who used to cut cancer out of people and eat it. (Yeah, I know, I'm sick and twisted, okay?)
PEMG is Posters for the Euthanasia of Mark Greene. Their motto 'JUST KILL HIM ALREADY!" (Thank you Susan!)
I know that some people who have suffered losses from cancer have posted about being upset/offended by all the jokes about tumors and killing off Mark. Well I have lost my Mother, two of my Grandparents, a great-aunt, a great-uncle, and last month a cousin of mine to Cancer. Sometimes joking about it is the only way to get through it, so I'm *not* apologizing for it.
Ceindreadh
Hard to believe that this is the fifteenth installment.
For those of you who weren't paying attention, previous chapters were, Christmas 1, Christmas 2, Valentines, Yet more snippets, April Snippets, Sailing Snippets, Even more snippets, Snipp a dee doo dah, Oh no, it's more snippets, Guess what? I've been snippetting again, Snipp this!, Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to snipp I go!, Where Eagles Snipp, Virtual Snippets
And the warnings once again.
No food, no drink, no fragile objects should be kept nearby.
Anyone else in the vicinity should be given earplugs, or better yet, let them read it as well.
Sucking on a slice of lemon should wipe the smile off your face if you're reading this at work, and if you *are* reading it at work, you should be ashamed of yourself ;-)
There's spoilers up to and including 'Orion in the Sky'. Anything else is just my sick and twisted mind at work, with maybe a bit of wishful thinking thrown in g
Enjoy!
-------------------------
Mark held up the basketballs and looked at them. "No wonder I'm getting nowhere. My ball's aren't firm enough…perhaps they need to be inflated."
He and Carter looked around them expectantly, but nothing happened.
Mark cleared his throat and said again, in a slightly louder tone, "My balls are way too soft…maybe they need inflating?"
The two men waited, but still nothing happened.
"Didn't you hear me?" yelled Mark, "I *said*…"
Cein looked up from her keyboard. "I heard you the first time and there's not a chance in hell of me going anywhere near *your* balls!"
-------------------------
Abby started rummaging frantically through her bag. "Oh shit oh shit oh shit," she said.
"What's up girl?" asked Chuny. "You lose something?"
"Worse than that," said Abby, a horrified look on her face as she pulled out a packet of herbal tea. "I just made Dr. Greene a cup of herbal tea…to help boost his immune system."
"That was nice of you," commented Chuny.
"I know…but I'm after using the wrong packet…I gave him my *special* brew."
Chuny looked at her, "Not the special love potion one that's specially formulated to make Carter and Luka crazy about you?"
Abby nodded.
"This I've *got* to see," grinned Chuny as she ran for the door.
She started laughing at the sight of Mark running frantically through the ER, with Luka and Carter in hot pursuit.
"Stop my love," called Luka. "Let me show you how much I love you."
"Don't listen to him," called Carter. "*I'm* the one who's meant to be with you…and besides, I have a bigger bank account than he does!"
"That's about the only thing that *is* bigger," muttered Luka. He had almost caught up with Mark, only to have him dodge through the closing doors of the elevator car. Luka slammed into them and sighed. "Soon my love."
-------------------------
Mark glanced up quickly as Romano entered the elevator.
"Rumor has it that today's your last day," he commented idly as the car began to move.
"Yes," said Mark, condescendingly. "I've come to the conclusion that the ER will just have to manage without me from now on. I know it won't be easy; after all, I *have* been the center of it for so long. They may fall apart for a while, but I'm sure that eventually they'll be able to cope without me."
"Whatever," said Romano. "Well, guess this is my last chance then." He quickly thumped the emergency stop button.
Before Mark could react, Romano had floored him with a Gyaku Mawashi Geri Kodan.
Sitting on top of him, he produced a bone saw from his lab coat pocket.
"No! Don't hurt me," begged Mark, as Romano clicked the switch and set the saw buzzing.
"Oh don't be such a wuss," said Romano as he lowered the saw towards Mark's skull.
"Why…why are you doing this?"
"I'm sorry…but you have something I need," replied Romano evenly as the saw reached its target.
----------------------
Dave was standing outside the elevator doors. "Man! That equipment sure needs a servicing," he said to Malik. "Listen to the screeching coming from the metal."
"Yeah," agreed Malik. Then he looked quickly at Dave. "Hey, weren't you fired a few months ago?"
Dave shrugged. "Sure was. But the continuity round here is so crappy that I figured I could just turn up for work and nobody would notice." He pointed over to admit where Jerry was ceremonially sacrificing a cream bun. "Big guy over there showed me how."
"And it worked?"
"Hell, I've been here three months and you're the first person to say anything."
-----------------------
Mark found himself standing in a long line of people. "Odd," he thought to himself. "How did I get here?" The last thing he remembered was being in the elevator. "Hmm, that's odd…" He looked at the people around him. There was something odd about them. Mark's jaw dropped open as a woman in front of him turned slightly and revealed a gaping bullet hole in the side of her face. The odd thing was that she didn't seem to be at all bothered by it.
Opening his mouth to scream, Mark heard someone say, "Hey, take it easy newbie…guess it takes a little getting used to."
Turning he saw an elderly man standing behind him.
"I'm dead!" squeaked Mark.
"Yeah…we all are. It's a bit of a shock the first time round."
"The first time?"
"Yeah, I've been reincarnated about half a dozen times. You get used to it. My names Charles, by the way." He held out his hand for Mark to shake.
Mark took it gingerly. "I'm Mark. What…what did you…die of?"
"Shot by a jealous husband," replied Charles, ruefully. "Still, can't complain. Got seventy years out of this body, which is better than some. What about you?"
"Someone I disagreed with, ate me," said Mark sadly.
------------------------
Romano sauntered into the scrub room. Yes he thought. That had been a *most* filling lunch…pity about the aftertaste that was left in his mouth…
He smiled to himself as he turned on the taps. Things had gone just according to plan. Anyone examining the body would be sure to believe that the guy had chosen a bizarre but effective method of suicide…and even if they figured it was murder…well, after the so called 'advice' that he had been handing out all day, there was sure to be a long list of people with motive enough. And then there was that weird group that he'd heard about on the Internet…PMT or PEMG or something like that. Rumor was that he'd been on their hit list as well. Whatever…it was almost a pity he couldn't tell them…they'd probably give him a medal or something. Mentally he reviewed his work…the bone saw had been left in Greene's lifeless hand. The cuts had been made at just the right angle that a person inflicting them himself would make. He had known that watching that show CSI would come in useful one of these days. Man, the chicks on it were pretty hot.
Elizabeth walked in the door scowling.
"Good afternoon Lizzie," smiled Romano, before belching loudly.
"Having a little gastro-intestinal trouble, are we?" asked Elizabeth.
"Must have been something I ate."
-----------------------
Finally after what seemed like an eternity, Mark reached the top of the queue.
"Ah yes, Dr. Greene," said the (Mark guessed it was an angel or something). "Welcome to the afterlife."
"Hello," said Mark. "So what happens next? Do I get a set of wings or something? I mean, I'm pretty sure I deserve a halo."
"Oh, did nobody tell you?"
"Tell me what? You're the first person…er angel…er 'being' that I've met that hasn't just died."
"Oh dear. Normally we have someone standing by to greet people like you, but you arrived a bit earlier than we anticipated."
"People like me?"
"Yes…you see your fate is to haunt the scene of your death for the next ten years."
Mark's face fell. "You mean I'm a ghost? Shit!" A bell rang.
The 'being' frowned and made a note on his pad. "I'm afraid that it's now twelve years…The Powers That Be don't allow swearing around here. It has to be all PG-13…whatever *that* means."
--------------------------
Carter, Luka and Abby looked at Elizabeth in horror.
"What do you mean, you're joining in our 'triangle'?" asked Carter, shock evident on his face.
"Exactly what I said," snapped Elizabeth. "Do you people realize that I've been in one relationship or another since I arrived at County? I can't possibly be expected to be single. Besides, the single mother plot has already been done too many times."
"Okay, so you don't want to be single," said Abby. "But why pick on *us*?"
"Romano is a loathsome little toad, Gallant and Pratt are too young for me. You two guys are the only ones left. So come on now, quit stalling. I intend to jump *someone's* bones tonight. So the first person to come after me is going to get me, and Abby, you can have the other one."
Elizabeth turned and walked away. Behind her, Abby looked smugly at both men. "Well?" Her face turned sour as both Carter and Luka nearly fell over each other in their efforts to get out the door first.
--------------------
Mark looked down at himself as he materialized in the elevator car. "Oh," he said, glumly. "I didn't think I'd still be wearing this." He plucked at the scrubs that were stained with his blood.
"Part of the rules," replied the 'being'. "You only have what you died in. Look on the bright side…at least it'll make it easier to scare people."
"Hmph," grunted Mark. "Hey, can I at least take my shirt off?" he asked hopefully.
"Lord no! We just want to shock them a bit…not scare them to death!"
Mark frowned. "So I'm going to be stuck here for twelve years. That's not really fair."
The 'being' shrugged. "It could be worse…at least you have a roommate." He raised his voice. "Hey there, come out and show yourself."
Mark's face brightened as a shadowy figure materialized…then it froze as the face became clear.
"Derek Fossen, meet Mark Greene."
---------------------
Kerry banged on the elevator doors impatiently. "Dammit," she swore. "Frank," she called over to admit. "Phone Maintenance…tell them that Elevator number two is screeching again."
----------------------
"Hi honey, I'm home," called Romano, as he carefully hung up his coat. As usual, Gretel came bounding down the stairs to meet him. He crouched down and petted her as she started licking his face. "Yes Gretel, Daddy had himself a very nice lunch today, thank you very much. It was that nasty Dr. Greene."
Gretel whined at him. "No, don't worry, Daddy was very careful to make sure nobody saw him."
"Whine whine."
"Nope, no security cameras around. Thanks to Dr. Greene actually. See at the last budget meeting, he argued that having cameras in the elevator cars were an invasion of privacy or something. Whatever." He scratched Gretel behind the ears.
She barked.
"What's that? You don't think I should have eaten him? Well maybe not…but what the hell, he was a jerk."
Gretel whined and pawed at Romano.
Romano frowned. "What's that girl? Some cultures believe that by eating a person's flesh that you start to take on some of their characteristics?" He started to look a little queasy. "Strange…I have this overwhelming desire to remove my shirt…oh no!"
He made a mad dash for the bathroom and puked in the toilet.
Dogs can't smile…but Gretel made a damn good attempt at it. That'd teach him to cut down on her biscuit ration.
----------------------
Notes: The Romano eating Mark thing is a reference to the 'Leonard Betts' episode of 'the X-files' where Paul McCrane played a guy who used to cut cancer out of people and eat it. (Yeah, I know, I'm sick and twisted, okay?)
PEMG is Posters for the Euthanasia of Mark Greene. Their motto 'JUST KILL HIM ALREADY!" (Thank you Susan!)
I know that some people who have suffered losses from cancer have posted about being upset/offended by all the jokes about tumors and killing off Mark. Well I have lost my Mother, two of my Grandparents, a great-aunt, a great-uncle, and last month a cousin of mine to Cancer. Sometimes joking about it is the only way to get through it, so I'm *not* apologizing for it.
Ceindreadh
