CHAOTIC SNIPPETS

WARNING - The author of this fic disavows any and all responsibility for damage to monitors, keyboards, mice, pets, offspring, partners etc, caused by peoples reactions to this fic. If you don't have enough sense by now to move all foodstuffs and liquids to a safe distance *before* reading this fic, then there's no hope for you g

WARNING - some of these snippets are based on spoilers for season 9 including the recently aired season premiere. Others just come straight from the sick and twisted recesses of my mind. But a few of them are courtesy of Fat Cat who gave me the ideas for them.

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Luka looked at the chart as he walked into the exam room. "So...you've been having some headaches, Mr. Sobriki..." His voice trailed off and his pleasant expression faded from his face as he looked at the man who was in restraints on the bed. "You!" he said coldly.

Paul Sobriki cowered down in the bed, scared by the thunderous expression that had appeared on the doctor's face.

Luka stormed over to the bed and grabbed Sobriki by the neck. "Why the hell couldn't you have done a better job, you idiot?"

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Mark leaned against the doorway and said smugly, "Anyway, I gave Rachel a lecture about smoking and I'm sure she's not going to do it again. Honestly, she didn't even realize how careless she was by leaving her cigarette lighter in her jeans."

"Yes Mark," said Elizabeth automatically, as she continued sorting through the laundry.

Mark continued, "And personally I think that on some subconscious level she just *wanted* to get caught because she knew that she was having a problem with things and she wanted her father to sort them out for her. And of course I was able to do that for her."

Elizabeth pulled her hand out of Mark's pocket, which she had just been emptying. "So you think she wanted to get caught?" she asked, with deceptive sweetness.

"Oh of course, I mean she's only a teenager, but she's not dumb enough to leave incriminating evidence somewhere it's going to be easily found."

"Then maybe you can explain *these*," said Elizabeth, holding out the set of earplugs.

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Luka did his best to stop the bleeding from Romano's arm. "Get the limb into ice," he yelled. "We may be able to re-attach it!"

Romano grabbed at him with his remaining hand. "Never mind the arm...just make sure you don't lose my Rolex."

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Abby hurried up to Jing-Mei. "You've got to help me," she announced. "Carter and I are already bored stiff with each other. If I don't do something drastic, our relationship isn't going to last."

"You haven't even been together a week," said Jing-Mei. "How can you be bored already?"

"Because there's been nothing to do but talk, and I've already used up a years worth of conversation with him."

"So what do you want to do? I mean you can't exactly grow a different personality overnight. It's not like hair that'll grow two inches in a week."

"Hair! That's it!" squealed Abby. She grabbed Jing-Mei by the arm and started dragging her towards the supply closet. "If I go blonde, then it doesn't matter how dull I am, Carter will still be interested."

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Abby had a towel wrapped round her shoulders as she leaned over a basin. "Just pour it all on," she ordered Jing-Mei. "I can't wait to be a blonde."

"Are you sure about this?" asked Jing-Mei, cautiously as she held the jug. "I mean, I don't know. Maybe you should wait and get a professional stylist. You know, with the right chemicals, instead of just stealing something from the ER."

"Just go ahead and pour. I know what I'm doing. After all, I *was* second in my class at med-school. And the only reason I dropped out was because I *love* being a nurse."

Jing-Mei mouthed 'I love being a nurse' along with Abby and rolled her eyes. Out loud she said, "Okay then, hold still," and tipped the jug, pouring a generous amount over Abby's head.

"Ouch ouch ouch!" yelped Abby. "It's stinging!"

Jing-Mei quickly stopped pouring. "It shouldn't do that...I mean, you diluted it enough, right?" There was no response from Abby. "Don't tell me that Miss 'I was second in my class at med school' decided to put *neat* bleach on her hair."

"But I wanted to be really really blonde," wailed Abby.

"Well...how do you feel about being a red-head?" asked Jing-Mei. "Cause that's what you are now...no hair, just a red head."

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"Yo, Dr. Kovac!" called Malik, as the Croatian doctor walked through the crowd of County staff who had gathered round the hospital once the evacuation was complete.

"What are you doing?" asked Luka, looking round at the group.

"We're just setting up the latest pool. You want in?"

"What is it now?" asked Luka, tiredly. "How many days until the next major disaster? It can't be on when Carter and Abby get together, because I know that Lydia already won that one."

"It's how long until somebody snaps under the quarantine and starts killing everybody. You can pick who you think is going to go nuts, and who you think gets bumped off first. Want to join in?"

"Oh most definitely," said Luka, an evil grin on his face. "But what happens if the quarantine is lifted first."

"Oh you don't need to worry about that," answered Kerry, who had suddenly appeared by his shoulder. "I've made arrangements with the CDC. The quarantine stays up until someone dies. And I've rigged the security cameras so that we can see everything that happens. I figure that we can sell the video rights and recover all our costs."

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Luka walked down the corridors of County General whistling merrily. "Good morning, Haleh," he said, catching the nurse around the waist and giving her a quick hug. "And is it not a beautiful day."

Haleh tried not to swoon from being in such close proximity to the luscious Doctor Kovac. "It's just after getting a whole lot better," she replied, a smile on her face. "You seem in a great mood. What happened?"

"Ah," said Luka, letting go of Haleh, and skipping merrily around her. "I have just heard that Carter and Abby are finally a couple."

"Oh honey," said Haleh, trying not to get dizzy as Luka started doing cartwheels. She wished that he wasn't wearing so many clothes. Hell, she wished that he wasn't wearing *any*. "I'm so sorry. I know you and she...I'm sorry honey."

"Don't be," said Luka, a big grin almost splitting his face in two. "I am really happy...just think of how miserable she is going to make Carter!"

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Kerry stared at Abby's time card in shock and disgust. "You really expect to be paid overtime for every single hour you were under quarantine?"

"Hey," replied Abby, "I was stuck with Carter for two whole weeks. Of course I expect to be paid."

"Well I'm not sure if we'll be able to afford it," said Kerry. "Carter, Chen and Pratt have already filed a suit for emotional distress caused by being locked up in close proximity to *you* for two whole weeks." She rummaged in her pocket. "But maybe this will allow us to recoup some of our costs." She handed a sheet of paper to Abby. "This is an invoice for all the food, condoms, and bleach that you consumed during the two weeks. Also, I've added in a charge for rent, light and heat, and laundry bills."

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Abby smiled smugly as she sat in Kerry's office.

"Are you sure that you want to be paid this overtime?" asked Kerry. "The hospital would have been more than willing to pay you your average weekly wage plus usual overtime for the past two weeks. But there's no need to be greedy."

"I'm entitled to it," said Abby. "After all, I *was* in the hospital for two weeks."

"Doing about as much work as usual," muttered Kerry under her breath as she handed Abby the check.

Abby took it and left without even a thank you.

Kerry waited until she judged that Abby had reached the admit desk before she reached for the microphone that was connected to the intercom system. Clearing her throat, she flipped the switch to 'transmit', and started to speak. "This is a message to all of the nurses currently in the ER. I regret to inform you, that thanks to Abby Lockhart insisting on being paid for two weeks solid overtime, there is no money left in the budget to give you the raises that you were promised. I apologize most sincerely, but the matter was completely beyond my control."

Kerry flipped the switch to 'receive' and counted under her breath. She had reached three when she heard the first of Abby's screams.

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"Um, Abby..." said Carter as he saw her frolicking in the water of Lake Michigan. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"C'mon Carter," yelled Abby. "Don't tell me you're afraid of catching cold."

"No, I'm not afraid of catching cold," replied Carter. "Didn't you read the newspapers at all when you got out of quarantine?"

Abby shook her head, "No, what did I miss? Can't imagine it was anything interesting or relevant."

"Weeeelll..." said Carter. "I think that the sudden and unexpected discovery of a shoal of piranha in Lake Michigan might be of some relevance." He had stooped to pick up Abby's discarded clothing, and when he looked up again, all that was to be seen in the water was a large pool of blood. "Oops! Maybe I should have mentioned that a little earlier."

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THE END...for now!