Dr. Sango
Sango wasn't one to chew her nails. Nor was she one to pace. But after who-knew-how-long of pointless distressing, she found herself actively engaged in both. Reaching her designated spot in the grass for an about face, she spun on her heel and marched in the opposite direction.
With her fingernail chewed to the nub, she started on the next. The huntress had gnawed through each one eight times over. Thanks to this realm's amazing rejuvenation powers, they just kept growing back. It was a beneficial attribute…one that the damn place failed to pass on to her companion. On impulse, her gaze flicked over to him to see if maybe…just maybe…he had started to recover.
Ugh… Nope. The bloody youkai still looked for all the world like he'd gotten in a fight with a hundred samurai swords. Her eyes trailed up to his face…and she froze, mid-step. Staring back at her in weary exasperation were two golden orbs, as bloodshot and heavy-lidded as she'd ever seen.
"Y…you're conscious!" she stammered.
His lip twitched, revealing a single glistening fang.
"St…stop…pacing!"She startled, suddenly very aware of all the nervous energy she was radiating. Definitely not conducive to a get-better environment, that. She stiffened obediently, and tugged her bottom lip in between her teeth, holding her hands in fists at her sides.
He rolled his eyes upwards in visible annoyance and closed them again. Sango tried to comply and stood rigidly for all of 10 seconds before she couldn't contain her anxieties any longer.
"Gah! You're not getting any better, Sesshoumaru!"
He winced at her words, and peeked up at her through slitted lids. Even through the bruised and bloodied discoloring of his once-porcelain face, she could see his bitter response, as though to say, Obviously…
"Why?" she cried. "Why can't you heal?"
"I…t-told you," he grated, and looked away.
"You told me?" Sango's mind raced through the smattering of conversations they'd had since entering this realm. It wasn't long before she pulled the right one out of the tumble…
'Something of importance just happened, you know.'
A pause. 'Your flesh has mended itself,' he said without turning around. 'In a spiritual realm, your body is governed by your spiritual strength…'
And it hit her, like the side of a mountain. Sango blinked as the tension left her shoulders. She looked at him...really looked at him, and suddenly a whole new list of Sesshoumaru's ailments filled her mind's eye.
Instead of seeing contusions, gashes or punctures, she saw a maimed soul, a tormented mind, a broken heart…
Up until now, she'd never thought the youkai had a damn heart. She recalled what he'd told her about his past, and the attack that had broken him. An abrupt wave of sympathy washed over her for all his years lost to bitterness and hate…for a lost childhood, and all the happiness he'd sacrificed since then for the vengeful legacy of a forgotten people…
Poor, poor demon boy… Forced into such an angry life before you even got to decide.
He squirmed under her scrutinizing stare, as though ashamed, and she recognized that the great youkai lord, slayer of kin, butcher of humans - whose capacity for malevolence made her stomach turn…
…was also an orphan, a son…
…a brother…
Sesshoumaru, Sango sent silently, blinking away the sting in her eyes, Did your sisters love you as much as I loved Kohaku? She pursed her lips, deciding on the best answer.
Hai. I bet they did.
Sango felt a sudden surge of protectiveness, seeing him in an entirely new light. He wasn't her brother, but he was someone's. And as a sister, Sango knew what she had to do.
A growl from the dog demon perked her ears, and she noticed that Sesshoumaru was watching her with frustrated eyes. He must have read the look on her face. "Your
pity will kill me before the w-wounds do, woman."
She ignored him, and taking a deep breath, Sango maneuvered over behind him, and slipped her hands under his back. Moving him would hurt, but-
"Agh! What…nnngh?" He hissed angrily as she heaved him up, and started to drag him further into the sanctuary.
"I'm getting you away from the edge," she said sternly. "Can't heal your spirit if you're staring straight into the territory that broke it."
He growled loudly at her, but it was all he could do. Sango trudged inwards, her hands struggling to keep a hold of his bloodied, slippery skin, until she came to grouping of tall sandstones. Then situating herself in the grass, she leaned against one and heaved Sesshoumaru's protesting form back against her body, bracing him with a leg on each side.
She wrapped her arms protectively around his bare chest from behind, which caused him to go from tense to outright stiff. It didn't surprise her. She wondered if he even had any memories of being held as a child.
Regardless, I'll still embrace you as though you were my own, demon, and we'll see if we can't mend your wounded soul…
"Well," she said, looking through a feathering of his white hair at the colorful contrast of the green grass against yellow sandstone in front of them, "I like this view better, don't you?"
He struggled clumsily in her embrace, now fully alert, and in a great deal of pain. "Wh-whatever you're doing-"
"Sesshoumaru," she breathed above his ear, causing it to twitch. "Do you want to live?"
With his brow still knotted in pain, he blinked surprise at her blunt inquiry. He turned his head enough to see her expression in his peripheral vision, before his eyes narrowed in aggravation for being asked such an obvious question.
"Of c-course I do."
"Then let me in, demon. Let me see your heart."
"Keh. My th-thoughts are my own," he wriggled a little, trying to get free, but she tightened her hold, splaying her fingers across his busted ribs.
"I won't hold what you tell me against you," she said earnestly.
"I n-need no one."
"Bullshit."
A soft growl, and his lip curled up over his fangs.
"Dogs are pack animals, Sesshoumaru. Did you know that?" she asked, poignantly hinting at the nature of his demonhood. "They're not meant to dwell alone."
"Hn."
"And sentient beings, such as you or I, need nurturing to survive - also creatures that were never designed to live in solitude."
"Y-you can't possibly be sug…gesting-"
"I'm saying that you've been doing yourself a disservice all these years, trying to live without love. It's weakened your spirit, dog demon. Not strengthened it. That's why you were defeated in the cave."
She waited for her words to sink in. She saw the twitch in his jaw muscles as he struggled with them. Had he been whole, she didn't doubt that he would have flung her across the way for her 'observation'. But he wasn't. And he needed help.
After a long, edgy silence, Sesshoumaru sighed defeat, and finally, finally relaxed in her arms. He rested his head wearily against her collarbone, and let his one hand dangle down by the underside of her knee. "This is f-foolishness," he grated half-heartedly. "You won't be able to h-heal my wounds."
Sango breathed relief, knowing that his acquiescence meant that he'd at least let her try. "I'm going to help you heal your wounds, demon." She leaned her cheek against his scalp, momentarily surprised at how natural it felt to be this affectionate with him. Granted, there was no way in hell he'd let her do this if he had any strength left in his body. Figuring the best thing to do was to discuss the very insecurities that had led to his downfall, Sango began the counseling.
"So tell me…is it true you spared Inuyasha at one time?"
He wasn't going to answer that question. It was none of her business. Besides, how the hell would expounding on his failures help to build him back up? Sesshoumaru cursed his spirit, and he cursed his body for making him depend on a human, being forced to tolerate this cuddling as though he were a damn pet cat.
Why was she holding him like this? Sure they'd been forced into a reluctant companionship, but they were still enemies…weren't they? It was confusing. So confusing that even in the midst of the sharp, mind-numbing pains of his bloodied wounds, he was wholly aware of where his body leaned up against hers, and how warm her arms felt around his bare skin. He could even feel the light brush of her fingertips against his ribs…emanating sensation in a way that made his gashes seem like scratches.
It didn't make sense. "I th-thought you'd rather die than t-touch me," he said, wincing at his own words, and cursing his busted mouth for making him stutter like an idiot.
He felt her stiffen, and then sigh heavily against his ear - he wished she'd stop doing that. "I didn't know you then."
"You d-don't know me now."
"Oh, I think I do," she said with a disturbing confidence. "Now stop avoiding the subject, and answer my question. The sooner you start talking, the sooner we leave. Did you spare Inuyasha's life?"
He closed his eyes like she asked, giving in. Everything hurt too much to fight her anyway. "Yes."
"Why?"
"I…I could find no honor…no satisfaction…in s-slaying a child."
"But your mother told you to?"
He scowled. Was she trying to make him feel better or worse? Guilt washed over him anew of having failed his matriarch. Slaying the hanyou offspring of his cheating father had been her choice of revenge. "It was her d-dying wish."
"Hmm…" She was silent for several moments, which normally wouldn't have bothered him. But telling her the most guarded secrets of his heart…left him feeling vulnerable. Naked. He was suddenly very sensitive to how his actions were perceived. Did she see him as a traitor, too? A coward?
"Do you regret it? Not killing him back then?" she finally asked. Reflex made him snort derisively. She heard it, and before he could respond, she added a quick, "The truth, Sesshoumaru…"
Biting back his pride, he considered it. "I regret f-failing my…mother."
"But you don't regret sparing him when he was a child..."
It was odd. He imagined he should have. But he didn't. "No."
He could feel her nod, approving his answer. Hn. Like I need her approval… There was an abrupt release of tension in his chest right then, begging to differ… What…?.
"And little Rin…" she urged, switching subjects.
He cringed inwardly when he heard her name. Damn. He really didn't want to talk about that. "Sango-"
"Was it true? That which the ghoul accused you of?"
Pushy, obstinate female… "I…I don't know."
She startled, at a loss for words. If his legs were working, he'd get up and walk away. Sesshoumaru realized that in not having to answer to anyone, he'd neglected to answer to himself. The whole topic of Rin was something he'd just accepted, not wanting the self-analysis that would inevitably come if he truly wanted to understand his actions. Resurrecting the child and taking her in like that…it was impulsive. Instinctive, even. He couldn't justify it. The insane act had gone against all his conditioning.
But that didn't change the fact that it just…felt…right.
And love… It was something that he scoffed at. Would it even be in his capacity? He thought about the fierce protective attachment he felt towards young Rin. It had driven him to act rashly, resulting in his imprisonment in this place. But was that it? All he knew were the simple things, like…
"She smiles," he said quietly, hearing the child's laughter on his inner ear. "She smiles, even when she has nothing." His throat suddenly hurt. Egh. Residual swelling…
"The one time I saw her," Sango said in a nurturing, maternal tone, "she seemed to radiate happiness."
"Happiness…" the word was almost difficult to say. Foreign, both on his tongue and on his ears. "She does seem content… Not tainted by anger, or resentment… I've never met…anyone quite like that…" Cursed throat. It had swelled to the point of restricting speech. As if he didn't have enough injuries…
"There is something about a child's laughter that lifts the spirit," Sango mused reverently, hitting what he'd been trying to figure out, dead on.
"Yes. There is."
"And they have a way of loving, unconditionally."
He thought about how caring the human girl was when she found him wounded in the woods, giving him food that she needed desperately. A small ache formed in his chest as he remembered, overshadowing the blaring pain of his flesh wounds. "Hai."
"Sesshoumaru."
"Hn."
"You're not stuttering anymore."
His eyes blinked open in surprise, and he lifted the finger of his only remaining hand to his busted lips…only they weren't busted now. You've got to be kidding me, he though incredulously. Is there something she's doing to me that I'm not aware of?
Still feeling pain in his body, he looked down at his torso and legs which were still as mangled and nasty looking as the last time he'd seen them.
"Don't worry. We're not finished yet," Sango said with a hint of amusement in her voice.
He turned his head to peer confusion at her through the corner of his eye. "How did you do that?"
She tapped his chest softly with her hands and gave a quick squeeze with her arms and legs. It made the blood rush to his face, reminding him of the way his older sister used to coddle him when he was little. Oh, how it used to piss him off… Showing such a ridiculous amount of affection to the alpha son of the tribe, just because he was smaller, having no regard or respect whatsoever for how undignified it made him look…
Oddly though, the memory elicited a mental smirk. He reluctantly admitted that it wasn't so bad…being touched like this. The demon hunter's embrace was unwavering. Sure. All-encompassing. And even though it was a physical gesture, he couldn't deny that it felt like she was somehow filling up chasms in his soul that he never realized were there. Perhaps she knew what she was doing after all.
"Sesshoumaru," she urged gently, tugging him back again until his head was relaxing against her left shoulder. "Your mother… Are the memories you have of her so terrible?"
"No," he insisted without pause. "No. She was…" he paused to remember. For so long, all he'd carried in his mind's eye was how she was in those last terrible moments before death claimed her. Angry. Vengeful. Desperate. He used the visuals to motivate him to continue onwards, replaying them over and over like some macabre mantra. So much so, that he… "Gods," he said in rising panic. "I can't remember."
"Yes you can," Sango said, the breath of her words fluttering against his cheek. "Rest your eyes, and relax your mind."
He exhaled heavily and did as she said. Bits and pieces started to come to him, a whirlwind of buried memories, throwing lost images and forgotten moments up on a psychological collage. To his immense relief, he was right.
"No, she wasn't terrible," he whispered, recalling his matriarch's broad white smile, and mischievous eyes. "She was irreverent, loud…" he couldn't stop the muscles in his face from lifting the corners of his mouth, "obnoxious, troublesome…"
A certain memory of a spiked drink, and a drunk uncle made him smile outright. It was the one and only time he'd seen someone actually piss on a holy shrine. Oi, she was a prankster…
"Impish, playful, vexatious… But more than all those things," he said more somberly, "my mother was loyal…to her tribe, her husband, and her…her children..." He had to swallow past that damned swell in his throat again, as he considered that perhaps the elusive sentiment of 'love' wasn't so foreign after all. There was a time in his life when he'd been the recipient of plenty of it.
And he suddenly knew with startling clarity that his fears…his insecurities had been unfounded all these years. His mother would never have turned on him like that. Never.
"I…I see," the huntress breathed, letting pass a moment of silence.
Was it his imagination, or did her voice seem choked? Strained?
"So that's why you carry her pelt with you always?"
He cringed inwardly. The fur. It was rent in twain. He had a vague memory of Sango, as she channeled that power…the power…watching it manifest in ki blasts that spewed forth from her very palms. They had seared right through it.
He exhaled the tension, accepting that it was destroyed. The huntress was still waiting for an answer. "Added powers, to remind me of my revenge, a relic of my heritage… All those things."
Sango rested her cheek against his temple, and rocked him gently, back and forth. And a dim remnant of his former self couldn't believe he was letting her. "Maybe it's time to take strength in the things that build you up instead of tear you down."
"What are you saying?"
"Let go of your revenge, Sesshoumaru. It's leeched whatever potential happiness you could have had, and has skewed your sense of right and wrong all these years. You know that Inuyasha is innocent of the crimes against your family," she consoled with utmost confidence. "Besides, there is more to live for than the past."
He thought had it been any other circumstance, he would have punished her for such audacious words. But in this place, and this moment, they sounded unexpectedly rational. Wise. And he was starting to see the connection now to the empowering sensation he would get when his mind wasn't mired in his history.
Like right now. He could feel Sango's fingers tapping absently against his ribs, and the light puff of her exhalations on his cheek. And there was something so comfortable, and soothing about this closeness. So warm. He suddenly wondered what her scent would be like if she weren't drenched in the musky earth smell of his own blood.
"So," Sango started in a much lighter tone - a tone of casual conversation. "What is it that you do all day when you're not trying to kill your brother?"
He frowned, and opened his eyes at her. "What does that have to do with anything?"
She smiled at him…and he thought - objectively, of course - that there wasn't a better expression suited for her face, bloodied and dirty though it was. "Absolutely nothing. I was just curious, and since your guard was already down…"
"I thought you were concentrating on healing me."
"You're already healed."
He stiffened. Slowly, he looked down at his body. His left bicep had stopped leaking from where his arm had been severed. His chest, abdomen, legs…all blotched with drying blood, but completely and totally void of open wounds. Hell. He couldn't even detect a scratch. And naturally, the pain was also gone. Sesshoumaru bent his knees, and brought his legs up, and then stretched them again. They worked fine. He didn't realize he'd been holding his breath until he released it in a long, relieved exhale.
He was whole. Well, almost…
"So you think you can glue your arm back on?" she asked, uncurling her limbs from around him. He shivered involuntarily as the cool air hit the skin that she'd been touching. A small part of him regretted that their contact had to be broken so abruptly...
Sesshoumaru wasn't about to ponder why.
He leaned forward, and rolled up to his feet, somewhat annoyed at how his own hair tickled his bare back. His tattered attire was a poignant reminder of how badly he'd been beaten - betrayed by his own subconscious, no less.
Sango stood behind him, and without flinching went to retrieve his detached limb. She picked it up, and studied it. "So what kind of creature did you get this from?" She grimaced at the number of bite marks in the thing before tossing it to him.
He caught it without taking his eyes off her, and re-adhered it to his bicep. "A careless youkai who challenged the wrong individual," he answered with a mental smirk, feeling a tad more like himself. The demonic rejuvenation powers that he'd been robbed of prior, had now returned. He was relieved when he felt them working on the limb, reconnecting tendons, nerve endings, outer skin... After several seconds, it had mended enough for him to use it at will.
Sango had gathered the other items that belonged to him, and sauntered over with Tensaiga, hilt first. He took it from her, and sheathed it. His belt was the one item that had somehow avoided being ripped to shreds. Were it not for that, he'd be walking out of here naked.
Sango held his mother's ruined pelt up, and gave Sesshoumaru a good once over, quirking her brow at his tattered state. "You don't have a place for this," she said matter-of-factly, wrapping the fur in her own sash. For some reason, it didn't bother him that she had it. He didn't know that he'd ever be able to carry it with him again, after seeing how it had been his downfall…
"Let's get the hell out of here, shall we?" Sango asked companionably, hitching her gigantic boomerang in its holster on her back.
He would like nothing more. Together they went to the edge of the sanctuary to scout out their next course, and Sesshoumaru's eyes widened marginally when he saw where they were.
A great cloudy wall loomed in the distance. It curved upwards and downwards, swirling with clashing winds and ghoulish debris. "That's it. That's the rim," he said in mild astonishment. There was an even ground between here and there, with the occasional pit, and rock outcropping. It looked unmolested, though he doubted severely that such was the case.
He looked over to Sango standing next to him. Her eyes were locked on their destination - serious, longing, determined… He considered her efforts in healing him, and her previous indifference to whether or not she lived or died.
"You finally decided that living was better than dying, it seems." he said.
Staring straight ahead, her eyes crinkled in warmth. "You could say that," she said quietly. "Though if that were my only incentive to heal you, then you would have bled to death, demon." She turned, and looked at him knowingly, a kind curve to her mouth.
He schooled his face in indifference, though inside he was marveling at how well she read him already…putting another psychological bandage on a spiritual ache he didn't even want to acknowledge was there. That is, if she was suggesting what he believed she was…
Were you worried about me…? He wondered, but couldn't allow himself to ask it. He shouldn't have even cared.
"Sesshoumaru," she said intensely, locking him in her stare, "I want you to know that you can trust me. I'll guard your secrets."
It was respect, he realized. And he wasn't surprised to find that it was mutual. He nodded once, a silent thank you, and faced their last stretch. Without further words shared, they walked out of the light territory and into the dark.
"It can't have been this easy," Sango said in dubious alarm as she stood firm against the whipping winds, the reflective rim of the Shikon no Tama facing them like an upright lake. "No invasions. No last-minute attacks. There has to be a catch-"
"Give me your hand," Sesshoumaru yelled against the air friction, entwining his fingers inside of hers. Muttering a silent prayer to his ancestors, he held their arms up and touched the rim with their fingertips.
They held their breath as they met resistance. Sesshoumaru was almost about to curse his luck when the liquid wall around them started to shimmer, and ripple outwards. A split second later, the rim ripped.
They were abruptly washed in a white light, brighter than the noonday sun. And through squinted eyes he beheld the giant tear before them. It worked. Sango made a happy whooping noise beside him, and without wasting further time, he tugged her after him…
…only to have her violently yanked out of his grasp.
"Sango!" he cried, spinning around, only to see a black, slithering tentacle toss her body inside a toothy cavernous mouth. The realm beast was massive…a cross between a ghoul and an octopus. It was terrible. Evil incarnate. It would no doubt kill him if he tried to rescue her.
Besides…she was probably already dead.
He looked at the exit. Opened. Waiting for him to walk through, and meet Rin and Jaken somewhere on the other side. He looked back at the impossible odds of rescuing an individual who he shouldn't have thought twice about...
Decision made, he acted.
