The knock at the door came suddenly and without warning. Willow wanted to run. She could sense who it was, and she did not want to discuss anything this visitor could bring to talk about. But, Giles opened the door anyway. brbr
"Willow! Oh my God, I, wow! It's so good just to see you again! Are you alright?" Buffy ran in and hugged her friend, babbling excitedly. Willow nodded and hugged back, feeling slightly detached, "Yeah, Buff, I'm fine and dandy. Don't you just see me skipping with joy?" the sarcasm in her voice was a bit more harsh than it should've been. brbr
Giles glanced around and said, "Buffy, Willow, I'm going to give you two a few hours alone. I'll be at the café, you know my cell number," and with that, he left. brbr
Buffy sat down next to Willow and said, "Will, I know you've been through too much lately, and I just want to help. Please, talk to me. I need to hear what you're going through." Willow put her head on her friends shoulder. "Buffy, I needed someone to talk to so bad. Giles would never understand, and I'm not sure you would either, but God knows I needed you," she said, starting to cry. brbr
Buffy hugged her friend, "Go ahead, Wills, I'm listening." Willow spilled everything to her best friend. She told how the Council just deleted everything about the murder, and sent her off to a coven that taught her. They taught her about everything being connected, and they showed her how to use her power for good, and to keep everything in mind when doing magic. brbr
She left out one thing though. She was scared to tell Buffy about the telepathic call she had heard from Spike. But, to start the conversation gently, Willow brought up the topic of Spike. brbr
"Buff, what happened between you and Spike? Save me the little details, but please give me the summary. As your best friend, I need to know," she prodded gently. brbr
Buffy sighed, "Oh, it's a really long story. But, we're going to be here a while, so I guess I will. I've made you talk about stuff you're uncomfortable with too. brbr
"Ok, I won't lie to you. I've always thought Spike was a hottie, please excuse my teenish terms. Since that night in High School, I've had a crush on the guy. I always knew he was evil though, and I knew better than to act on it. Especially since my ordeal with Angel. brbr
"When he discovered he liked me, though he called it love, I was disgusted. I never loved him. I couldn't love him. The chip was just a short-termed thing, and I knew he would be evil again. He acted so sweet, though. I started to think that he might actually know what love was. brbr
"So, things changed. Crush turned to like, and like turned to lust. I don't know if it ever went further on my side. Remember the curse that made us sing and dance? Happy times, I suppose, but that was when we first kissed. It was amazing. After the Riley thing, I wondered if I would be happy again. I knew normal people wouldn't work for me though. brbr
"When he discovered his chip stopped working, he tried to fight me. I don't know why, and I could feel he never meant it. He was just frustrated with what I was putting him through. I liked him too much to leave him alone, but I was too ashamed of him and myself to talk to anyone about it. Well, that night he challenged me to a fight, at an abandoned house. brbr
"The fight was intense, but as the tension built between us, I gave in. Lust overcame my thoughts of disgust and hatred and we slept together. Bringing the house down, literally," Buffy added with a smile, and then frowned. brbr
"Not to be offensive, but since that night, we were doing it like bunnies. And, amazingly enough, he wanted to discuss it. Women were supposed to be the ones who wanted to know more, not men. My inability to share my feelings with him, and my friends made him more and more upset. And though he enjoyed the sex, it wasn't entirely what he wanted. brbr
"So, I called it off. I was using him, and I told him. That wasn't good enough for him, though. He "knew"," she said making quotation marks in the air, "That I loved him. brbr
"He finally tried to make me love him. He attempted to rape me, in a drunken rage. I can't hold it against him any longer though. He was right, but I'm too late," she ended, sadly. brbrhr
Spike awoke with a start. He felt a million tons lift off of his chest. He could hear words ringing in his head, "I can't hold it against him any longer. He was right, and I'm too late," kept echoing. He had been forgiven. He felt his mind freed too, yet he still felt lost. He grinned at the warm feeling of freedom, yet he frowned again, due to his unwillingness to move. brbr
He felt he should stay here. For his guide would be coming any day now. brbrhr
Willow looked at her friend, trying to think of how to start the next piece of the conversation. "Wow, Buffy, all that time and you never spoke to any of us about it? How did you deal?" brbr
Buffy looked back up, "I beat him up. When I wasn't making love to him I beat the crap out of him. And he never fought back. That's how I dealt. I made sure I knew that I wasn't in love with him by fighting the feelings in the flesh." brbr
Willow took a deep breath and sighed, "I have something to tell you, and I'm not sure how it's going to go over, but please, listen." Buffy nodded. brbr
"Ok then. Earlier this afternoon, I fell asleep here on Giles's couch. I was dreaming, and soon I felt this thought rush into my head, piercing the dream. It wasn't really words, more of a feeling, and the feelings had a voice. The thought spoke for itself though. It was a cry for love and guidance, and I don't know why it came to me, but I know who it's from, and I know where he is." brbr
Buffy tilted her head a bit and a look of recognition came over her face, "Spike. Willow, I don't know," she started. Willow shook her head, "I know! It's crazy, but I have had feelings for him, not love, but I've always thought of him as attractive. He's not the same as he was when he first came here, we both know that. I want to give him a chance, if he even meant to call out for me. I don't think it was a conscious decision for it to go to me." brbr
Buffy sighed again, "Willow, I'll tell you this now. I cannot condone you falling in love with Spike, but I will sidestep out of the way, and make Xander do it too, if you feel this is what will make you happy. I owe you at least that much respect for all you've done." Willow grinned sheepishly, "Buffy, do you mean it? I mean, I've never really thought about being in love with him, but, just thinking of how he could need me, it just, wow, you know? Alright, I'm hopeless, but you have no idea how much what you just said means to me!" Willow hugged Buffy as hard as she could, and Buffy hugged back. brbr
"Will, I'm glad you're back alright. I know there's a lot to come to terms with, but you can do it. However, I need to go patrol, and I think there's somebody you need to go find," she grinned, "G'night, Will." Buffy stood and hugged Willow once more, and left. brbr
"'Night Buffy," Willow said as her friend walked out the door. Willow searched around for a post-it note. After digging around in Giles's desk, she found one, and wrote, "Be back later tonight or tomorrow, gone in search of message sender." She put the note on the door and locked his apartment. brbr
She sent a message out to Spike, "I'm coming. Stay there, I'll be there soon."hr
