Professor Trelawney looked mistily at the assembled 5th years. As
was her special talent, she was ignoring the evil glare the students were
giving her in return, and was instead giving the details of the play as if
they were all as excited about it as she was.
"This is a wonderful musical. I find the Muggle view of magic so fascinating. They really have no clue, do they? Ahh, but some of you will not know the plot. Your own Professor Snape didn't know it until he read it this afternoon. I trust he was as enchanted as I was."
Snape looked anything but enchanted. Full of rage, yes. Homicidal, yes. Enchanted, no.
Professor Trelawney seemed to notice this, and so quickly cleared her throat and continued. In this story, a young Muggle girl named Dorothy is transported to a magical world and must defeat and evil witch with the help of three new friends. I have chosen Miss Granger to play Dorothy because I felt she best exemplified the Muggle ignorance and inability to comprehend magic."
Hermione gasped in outrage and muttered to Ron, "If this is how she's going to treat me, I'll show that crazy old bat the "Muggle comprehension" of the Twitchy Ears Hex!"
Professor Trelawney continued, "Professor Snape will be acting as musical director, since I, myself, have little musical talent. My talent lies in my ability to foresee where the actors should be and how they should act. I feel we should start off with the music, since that's going to be the hardest part."
Harry raised his hand, "But Professor Trelawney, I can't sing!"
Hermione and Ron said in unison, "Neither can I!"
The rest of the cast members all chimed in, inharmoniously, to add that they too could not sing.
"Can anyone here sing?" asked Professor Snape nastily.
Goyle started to raise his hand, but Malfoy quickly slapped it down. "He means can anyone sing something besides 'My Ding-a-Ling,' Goyle!"
"Well, in that case, Professor Snape, why don't you work with a few of the leads on the left side of the stage, and I'll work on some blocking on the right side of the stage."
The rehearsal just went downhill from there. Snape, who delighted in humiliating Harry at any opportunity, wanted to work on Harry's solo.
"I would not be such a nothin', my head all full of stuffin'..." Harry warbled in a voice that sounded like it could raise the dead.
"Stop, stop, stop," yelled Snape, "In addition to being completely tone-deaf, you seem to lack any sense of rhythm. Take it from 'nothin''."
Snape nodded to Ginny Weasley, who had agreed to play piano at rehearsals in lieu of appearing in the 4th year production of "Hogwarts: A History Comes Alive."
The music started up again, "I would not be such a nothin', my head all full of stuffin'."
"Start again, Mr. Potter," snapped Snape.
"I would not be such a nothin', my head all full of stuffin'."
"Again!"
"I would not be such a nothin', my head all full of stuffin'."
"Again!"
Harry suddenly realized that Snape was enjoying hearing him remark on his own stupidity over and over again.
"Professor, why don't you sing it to me, so I can see how it's done properly?" Harry asked in what he hoped was a polite manner.
Snape almost fell for it, but realized the folly of singing about his own head being "full of stuffin'" in front of his students.
"Let's move on to the next part of the song."
Hermione wasn't doing much better on her side of the stage. Professor Trelawney had just told her that her acting resembled a piece of wood and too make matters worse, Crabbe was getting far too into his part.
"Professor, Crabbe *bit* me again! Could you please make him stop??"
"Please, Miss Granger, keep your mind on the task at hand. You're a young farm girl and you're very upset that somebody has been mean to your precious dog. Remember, you adore Toto. So please stop looking at him in revulsion. Start again."
Hermione looked down at her script and read rather stiffly, "She isn't coming yet, Toto. Did she hurt you? She tried to, didn't she?" She bent down to scratch Goyle behind the ear, and he licked her face.
Hermione shrieked and fell back into a piece of old set lying at the back of the stage. Malfoy started laughing and couldn't seem to stop. Things only got worse when Snape suddenly yelled, "Potter, it doesn't MATTER what a 'ding-a-derry' is, just sing!!!!!"
"This is a wonderful musical. I find the Muggle view of magic so fascinating. They really have no clue, do they? Ahh, but some of you will not know the plot. Your own Professor Snape didn't know it until he read it this afternoon. I trust he was as enchanted as I was."
Snape looked anything but enchanted. Full of rage, yes. Homicidal, yes. Enchanted, no.
Professor Trelawney seemed to notice this, and so quickly cleared her throat and continued. In this story, a young Muggle girl named Dorothy is transported to a magical world and must defeat and evil witch with the help of three new friends. I have chosen Miss Granger to play Dorothy because I felt she best exemplified the Muggle ignorance and inability to comprehend magic."
Hermione gasped in outrage and muttered to Ron, "If this is how she's going to treat me, I'll show that crazy old bat the "Muggle comprehension" of the Twitchy Ears Hex!"
Professor Trelawney continued, "Professor Snape will be acting as musical director, since I, myself, have little musical talent. My talent lies in my ability to foresee where the actors should be and how they should act. I feel we should start off with the music, since that's going to be the hardest part."
Harry raised his hand, "But Professor Trelawney, I can't sing!"
Hermione and Ron said in unison, "Neither can I!"
The rest of the cast members all chimed in, inharmoniously, to add that they too could not sing.
"Can anyone here sing?" asked Professor Snape nastily.
Goyle started to raise his hand, but Malfoy quickly slapped it down. "He means can anyone sing something besides 'My Ding-a-Ling,' Goyle!"
"Well, in that case, Professor Snape, why don't you work with a few of the leads on the left side of the stage, and I'll work on some blocking on the right side of the stage."
The rehearsal just went downhill from there. Snape, who delighted in humiliating Harry at any opportunity, wanted to work on Harry's solo.
"I would not be such a nothin', my head all full of stuffin'..." Harry warbled in a voice that sounded like it could raise the dead.
"Stop, stop, stop," yelled Snape, "In addition to being completely tone-deaf, you seem to lack any sense of rhythm. Take it from 'nothin''."
Snape nodded to Ginny Weasley, who had agreed to play piano at rehearsals in lieu of appearing in the 4th year production of "Hogwarts: A History Comes Alive."
The music started up again, "I would not be such a nothin', my head all full of stuffin'."
"Start again, Mr. Potter," snapped Snape.
"I would not be such a nothin', my head all full of stuffin'."
"Again!"
"I would not be such a nothin', my head all full of stuffin'."
"Again!"
Harry suddenly realized that Snape was enjoying hearing him remark on his own stupidity over and over again.
"Professor, why don't you sing it to me, so I can see how it's done properly?" Harry asked in what he hoped was a polite manner.
Snape almost fell for it, but realized the folly of singing about his own head being "full of stuffin'" in front of his students.
"Let's move on to the next part of the song."
Hermione wasn't doing much better on her side of the stage. Professor Trelawney had just told her that her acting resembled a piece of wood and too make matters worse, Crabbe was getting far too into his part.
"Professor, Crabbe *bit* me again! Could you please make him stop??"
"Please, Miss Granger, keep your mind on the task at hand. You're a young farm girl and you're very upset that somebody has been mean to your precious dog. Remember, you adore Toto. So please stop looking at him in revulsion. Start again."
Hermione looked down at her script and read rather stiffly, "She isn't coming yet, Toto. Did she hurt you? She tried to, didn't she?" She bent down to scratch Goyle behind the ear, and he licked her face.
Hermione shrieked and fell back into a piece of old set lying at the back of the stage. Malfoy started laughing and couldn't seem to stop. Things only got worse when Snape suddenly yelled, "Potter, it doesn't MATTER what a 'ding-a-derry' is, just sing!!!!!"
