Title: Mind's Memory
Author: Jen Zoromski AKA Jennis524
Rating: PG13
Archive: Anywhere, just let me know.
Summary: Mulder finds himself in a place where things he once thought were true never existed at all.
Keywords: Mulder/Scully angst, MSR, AU
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, even though I think that Chris Carter could give them to me for keeps now:)
Author's Note: I got this idea after watching A Beautiful Mind since Mulder has always seemed somewhat schizophrenic with the thoughts of a conspiracy and such I thought it would be a great thing to explore more.
Please R&R
"Nobody down here, except for the FBI's most unwanted," I yell at the knock on the door, not even turning around to acknowledge the person entering through the door behind me.
"Agent Mulder," a young, cheery voice says behind me. "I'm Dana Scully. I've been assigned to work with you."
I study her over for a moment and then smile smugly. "I was under the impression that you were sent to spy on me."
*******
Years later I still remember that first meeting, but now after everything that has happened I have to wonder if any of it really was a part of my reality.
Her crystal blue eyes stare at me through the glass window. What kind of life did I really lead for all of these years, if it wasn't the one I knew?
Minutes later I hear the echo of footsteps outside. The shuffling stops outside of the door.
Through the dim light I can see a familiar shadowy figure - of a man I have come to despise.
"Fox it's time for you to come with me," the smoking bastard says.
I struggle against him, kicking and swinging my arms.
"No, I won't let you. You've been part of the conspiracy all along. You can't hide the truth for much longer," I scream at him.
Two burly nurses nearly run through the door and help Spender to restrain me.
A sharp prick stings my arm and I start to fall into a hazy world. Dreams start to pass me by, mixing both fact and fiction until I reach a dark oblivion.
******
"I don't understand it. How could this have gone on for so long?" a confused Dana Scully inquires nervously playing with a diamond ring on her left hand.
Spender sympathetically smiles at her and then starts to explain.
"I have never seen a case of schizophrenia as bad as his. It is as though most of the things that have happened to him in the past two years have to him been eight years in a dream world," Spender pauses.
"But you being a medical doctor, Doctor Scully, you know what I'm talking about with the paranoia, seeing people, believing that there is a conspiracy, and of all things he thinks for the past eight years he has been investigating an unknown and unheard of department of the FBI call the X-Files."
Heavy footsteps echo in the nearly quiet hallway outside of Mulder's room.
Scully turns around and is face to face with a confused, but very concerned John Doggett.
"Dana, I came as soon as I heard he was admitted. What's going on?"
"John, you didn't have to come. Monica needs you more that Mulder or I need you--"
"--she's a week away from her due date, plus she said she'd call if anything changed," Doggett interrupts. "So what the hell is going on?"
"I'm Doctor Greg Spender, the psychologist that's been assigned to his case. Who are you?"
"Special Agent John Doggett. I've been Mulder's partner in the Violent Crimes Unit for five years."
"Nice to meet you."
"What's his condition?" Doggett inquires looking from Spender to Scully for an answer.
"Mr. Mulder is exhibiting symptoms of a severe form of schizophrenia."
"And what does that mean?" Doggett asks concerned.
"It means that he can't separate fact from his dream world. Apparently in the past year and a half it has gotten severely worse," Spender explains.
"Okay, but what does that do to him?" Doggett questions definitely showing his investigative skills.
Scully chokes back tears as she continues Spender's explanation.
"Imagine, John, having some of the people you cared about or events that defined the person you became are not dead or gone, but rather worse...they never existed."
"Dana, does he remember you?" John asks.
She nods her head wiping away tears off her cheek.
"He does, but he thinks he's been working in a division of the FBI that investigated the paranormal -- he said that we investigated a conspiracy to conceal the existence of extraterrestrials," Scully pauses.
"What am I going to do? He...he..."
Scully's face goes from red to pale in less than a few seconds as she starts to feel herself falling--
Falling into a dark world of nothing.
*******
A knock comes from my door and seconds later footsteps pound into my living room. I turn to see her pained expression planted on her face.
"Scully, what's wrong?"
"Salt Lake City, Utah," she says softly, "Transfer effective immediately."
I stare at her, refusing to believe that our partnership is going to be broken apart.
"After what you saw last night--after all you've seen, Scully, you can't just walk away," I tell her.
"I have...I did. It's done."
I watch her stunned for a moment, "Just like that..."
"I'm contacting the state board Monday to file my medical reinstatement papers--"
"But I need you on this Scully!" I plead urgently.
"You don't, Mulder. You've never needed me. I've only held you back," she says biting her lip to keep herself from crying. "I've got to go."
Scully leaves my apartment headed out to the rest of her life.
I run after her, grabbing her arm, pulling her around, "You're wrong."
A fierce, fiery gaze looks at me. "Why was I assigned to you? To debunk your work. To reign you in...to shut you down."
I shake my head disagreeing. "No, you've saved me, Scully. AS difficult and frustrating as its been sometimes your goddamn, strict rationalism and science have saved me a thousand times over." I pause briefly.
"You've kept me honest and made me a whole person. I owe you everything and you owe me nothing."
I stop and continue in a voice barely audible. "I don't want to do this without you. I don't know if I can. And if I quit now--they win..."
*******
"Mr. Mulder, It's time to wake up," a soft voice says through the darkness.
I blink my eyes and stare at the young, almost angelic nurse that stands before me.
"Who are you?" I whisper.
"I'm Gabi," she says.
My surroundings are still the same. White walls, no windows, and a door with a small glass frame in it.
"What happened to me?" I inquire looking at Gabi.
"They are trying a new medication on you to help with the visions. Dr. Spender gave you a mild sedative."
I nod, understanding. But the name Spender makes me somewhat uneasy and I can't exactly place my finger on it.
"Where's Scully?" I ask trying to see if she is out in the hallway.
Gabi's entire demeanor shifts to a dread filled expression. Her eyes tell it all.
"What happened to Scully?" I nearly scream at the girl.
"She...she collapsed in the hallway about six hours ago. Dr. Spender has given me orders to keep you here, but I think you have a right to see your wife," she says quickly.
"Will you please take me to her. I need to see her."
Gabi nods helping me out of bed and into a wheelchair. Hardly anyone is in the hallways as she wheels me down a long corridor and onto an elevator.
We finally stop in front of a room. Scully's room.
Gabi opens the door and wheels me into the room. An IV is hooked to Scully's arm. She seems to be sleeping peacefully, but for some reason I doubt it.
I turn to ask Gabi a question, but as I look around the open door she is no where in sight.
Vanished.
I shake it off and wheel myself into Scully's room, taking my usual bedside vigil.
Her flesh is cold and I try to warm her hand up. With her fire red hair spread over the white pillow she almost looks surreal.
I pray to God that she is real. After learning that half of my life, the things that I thought I saw and the events I thought I experienced were not true, I don't need to have Scully be something fake.
Events that I thought defined my life and the person I became were never truly real or never happened at all. If the relationship that I thought I had with Scully isn't true then I don't know how I will survive.
After almost a decade - imaginary or not I came to depend on her. I learned how to trust another and how to love unconditionally.
Somewhere along the way darkness over came me as I found myself once again falling into my dream world -- my utopia.
********
Opening the door and gazing at her somber blue eyes snaps me out of my victory celebration. I adjust the hat on my head brushing against the bandage that covers an attempt by the smoking bastard to take the world's fate into his own hands.
"Scully, what are you doing here? Actually, I was just getting dressed to come and see you, but I couldn't find a tie to go with my victory cap."
Scully tries to smile, "Mulder no work," she says removing my cap. "You have to go back to bed."
"I was coming down to work to tell you that Albert Hosteen is dead. He died last night in New Mexico. He'd been in a coma for two weeks. There was no way he could have been in your apartment."
Scully shakes her head insisting that they had prayed together.
"Mulder, I don't believe that. I don't believe it. It's impossible."
I shake my head at her skepticism -- always the same.
"Is it any more impossible than what you saw in Africa? Or what you saw in me?"
Scully breaks our gaze -- looking down, nervously. "I don't know what to believe anymore. I was so determined to find a cure, to save you, that I could deny what it was that I saw. And now, I don't know what the truth is. I don't know who to listen to, I don't know who to trust," she says struggling to hold back her tears.
I pull her in for a deep embrace.
"Scully, I was like you once. I didn't know who to trust. And I chose another path, another life, another fate, where I found my sister. And even though my world was unrecognizable and upside down there was one thing that remained the same."
I pull back, cupping her face in my hands staring at her intently.
"You were my friend and you told me the truth. Even when the world was falling apart, you were my constant...my touchstone," I tell her softly.
"...And you were mine," she replies through her tears.
*****
