Dragon Ball
Part 1: The Monkey's Tale
Chapter 1: Bloomers and the Monkey King

Main Character of this Part (Part One): No one!

Note: Many sound effects are used.

Long, long ago, in a deep, dark forest far from civilization, beyond a towering range of...well, you get the idea. It's the kind of place a story like this has to begin...

A young boy is standing on a thick log, rolling it and carrying a huge jagged blade. He has wild, untamed black hair sticking out in various directions in thick clumps, with a few single strands protruding. He wears a gi with a white belt and blue wrist guards. He also, strangely enough, has a tail like a monkey's!
"Hey bro! Wuzzup?!" says the strange boy, speaking to a couple of monkeys hanging from a branch.
"Chee Chee!" exclaims a small one hanging from another one's hand merrily. The long rolls on...

______Tale 1 __
Bloomers and the
Monkey King

The boy stands in front of a small building with a curved roof. The boy takes a fighting stance, hands clawed. "Hnnn-nnnn..."he says. Suddenly, he tenses up his muscles. "Nyah!!!" His arms shoot upwards as he yells at the lying-down log. "Prepare to die!!!" He grabs the log, twice his sides-upwards, with a soft GLOMP, and tosses it into the air with an uncanny show of ability and strength. "Hi-yaa!!!" he shouts as he leaps off the ground. "No escape!!!" he yells confidently.
With a small BAKOKOKOKO..!! the boy kicks the log in to several smaller pieces!
He lands with a THOP, and the logs fall with loud GONG, one by one. "That takes care o' the wood-choppin!" says the boy, satisfied. "Only now I'm hungry..." He carries a log as his stomach growls uproariously.
He opens the door to the building, apparently his house. He holds his protesting stomach. "Hey grampa..." says the boy, to a glass orange ball with four minute stars. He evidently believes the ball holds his grandfather in some way. "I'm gonna get me some grub." The boy leaves his house and begins walking down a path. "What'd be good today..." he says. Elsewhere, birds tweet softly in trees. A tall girl with a ponytail, red bow, and bluish-green hair, hums quietly to herself, hand open over her face, searching for something. She is standing by a car.
"Got to be right...around...here..." she says to herself. She is inspecting a strange gadget of her invention. The machine beeps, and has tiny flashing dots and grids on its screen. "Or maybe just a little more to the west...?" She opens the door, climbing back into her car, which has TURBO inscribed on its back. "Anyway, I'm close... I'm close!" She drives away with a loud BWOOM. The boy is still looking for food.
"Just had bear the other day..." he says. "Wish I'd bump into a tiger..." He walks over to a very high cliff. A deafening ROOOAR.. comes from something over the side.
It is a great waterfall, and its echoing ROOOARRR... is also heard by the boy. "Oh,yeah! Fish! I forgot about fish!" The boy corageously jumps from the top of the cliff. "Whee!" he shouts. A soft HWOOSH and he is on his way. He fearlessly grabs a branch protruding from the cliffside with a quiet SHAK. Then, he skillfuly launches himself from the limb with a BOING.
The boy lands, unharmed, on a rock in a lake at the bottom of the cliff with a loud THOP. He begins takes off his shirt and begins to untie his belt. Soon he is completely naked. He plunges his tail into the water with a small PLISH. He swirls his tail around in the water. Down, in the water, a big fish catches a glimpse of a brown monkey's tail. "Huh?!" it says, surprised. He now realizes he has an easy meal. "Wa ha ha!! Got ya, ya dumb-butt little monkey!!"
The boy flips his tail up, throwing the fish into the air with a loud BLASH. The boy leaps into the air with a kick. "Hey-yaa!!!" he shouts. His foot connects with the fish, plunging it back into the water from whence it came, either dead or unconscious "Heh heh!" chuckles the monkey-boy. The boy picks up the fish from the water and begins a trip home. "Wotta catch!! Wotta catch!!" shouts the boy merrily.
The boy continues to drag the fish home, when he hears something in the distance. VRRROOOM... "Huh? Whazzat...?" he questions. Soon, the car with the girl inside appears, engine gunning loudly. "Waa!!!" shouts the boy. "Waa!!!" shouts the girl in return, catching sight of the boy, straight in her line of sight. The tires skid and screech very loudly as the girl swerves to avoid the boy, narrowly missing him and his catch.
"Ohhh...oh...whoa..." says the boy, confused and in shock.
"Watch where you're going, you road-block!!" the girl shouts.
"So...a monster, eh?!!" begins the boy. "Tryin' to snatch my prey from me, eh?!!" The boy has obviously never seen a car before. Then, the boy amazingly hunches underneath the large "monster" and begins to lift, and succeeding. "Well you're not gettin' away...with my fish...!!" says the boy untrustingly. The car groans in protest.
"What--?!" says the girl, confused why or how her car is being lifted by this small boy. "What--?!"
"Hyoh!!!!" shouts the boy as he chucks the car about five feet away. A loud D-GONG sounds and and the car is smashed. The boy grabs a staff suddenly from a sheath strapped onto his back. "Now, c'mon and FIGHT!!!" he shouts. "C'MON!! FIGHT!! C'MON!!!"
The girl begins to emerge from the window of the wrecked vehicle, coughing and sputtering, and holding a gun. "Ngh...huf...uhh...oof..."
"Yeesh...now a hideous demon emerges from the monster," says the boy. The girl squeezes off two shots. PAM PAM.
"Squelch it pee-wee!!" shouts the girl. The boy is hit.
"OWW-EEE!! OW!! OW!!" screams the boy, in pain. "Whuh was that?!! What're you, a WITCH?!"
"Yee...gods!!" says the girl, apparently surprised. "Wh-what are you...?! Why aren't you dead?!"
"Hah! Dummy! Stupid! Y'think YOU can hurt me?!With little ouchies like that!? Hah!" says the boy, confidence regqined. He now raises the staff. "Now, demon...prepare to die!!!"
"Wait! Woah! Time out!!" the girl shouts, throwing up her arms in defense. "I'm not a demon!! I'm a human!!!"
"Huh?! A human?!" the boy asks, stopping dead in his tracks. "Really?!"
"Yes, silly!! I'm just like you!!" announces the girl, somewhat relieved, even smiling. "Take a gander!"
"..." says the boy, pausing to look and think it through. (The girl is now out of the car). "Don't make a move!"
"Not very trusting are you," says the girl. VIP VIP VIP, the boy zips around the girl, looking at her from each angle.
"You're KINDA like me...but there's something DIFFERENT..." says the boy, puzzled. "You seem kinda...SOFTER...and BUMPIER!"
"Well duh, brainiac," says the girl. "You're a big he-man an' I'm a cute li'l girl!"
"G-girl?!" says the boy, surprised. "You mean...female?!"
"Heh-loh!!" says the girl, exasperated. "Surely you've seen a GIRL before!"
"I never saw another HUMAN before!" says the boy, who apparently hasn't. "My dead grampa always told me..." he begins. "'If you ever meet a girl, treat her nice.'"
The girl winks at the boy. "Well, then...don't you think you should get started?" asks the girl. The boy peers behind the girl, ignoring the question.
"So females don't have tails, eh...?" asks the boy.
"Huh?" asks the girl, confused. The tail twitches with a quiet pwik pwik as the girl notices the tail for the first time. "Man...that is WIERD..." she comments. *Snort* What a goon! she thinks to herself. Prob'ly thinks wearing that phony tail makes him look like one happenin' dude!
"So what is the monster anyway? How'd you catch it?" asks the boy, referring to the car.
"That 'monster' happens to be my car. People make them," says the girl matter-of-factly.
"So this is a car! I've heard of 'em in stories..." says the boy, awestruck. "Huh. It looks tough...but it ain't much!" says the boy. "Woah, woah, wait...are you from 'civilization'?!"
"Well...let's just say I'm from way far west," replies the girl.
"Come over to my place! You're a girl, so I'll feed you!" says the boy, picking up the Big Fish.
"As long as that's all you do..." says the girl in reply. She begins walking behind the boy. "You're pretty strong for a runt."
"Haw haw!" the boy laughs. "Grampa trained me good!"
He may be a freak... thinks the girl. ...But I can use that strength of his!
"Wait here a sec..." says the boy, opening the door with a soft KREE...
"Not much for home repair, are you?" asks the girl. They boy walks over to his "Grampa" and folds puts his hands together, straight up, as if praying.
"Grampa, look! It's a female! A human female in our house!" says the boy to the ball. The girl notices this.
"Huh?" she says.
She catches sight of the glass ball, and points at it excitedly. "THAT'S IT!!!!" she yells. "THE DRAGON BALL!!!!" she puts her hands above it. "Wa HOOOO!!!" she knocks the boy off balance with a quiet BOMP. "I knew it!! My dectector was right on!!" The boy motions to grab the girl, he is annoyed.
"Hey!! Leggo o' my grampa!!!" he says. "That was his last possession!! Even GIRLS aren't allowed to touch!!" The girl stand straight up, and begins sifting through her pack for something.
"Well...I guess I hafta let you in on my li'l secret..." she says.
"?" asks the boy. The girl pulls two orange glass balls similar to the boy's "grampa".
"VOILA'!!" she says. The boy notices the two balls, and is puzzled.
"AAA!!!" he shouts. "More grampa!! Two more grampas!!"
"No, no...tee hee.." the girl says, setting the balls down on a nearby table. "They're called 'Dragon Balls.'"
"Y'mean...some poor dragon...?" asks the boy privately.
"I found one in my cellar. I had no idea what it was..." she says, holding up the ball with two stars in it. "...And neither did anyone else I asked." The balls begin to glow in reaction to one another, and far away, the other balls glow too, but not as brightly. (Note, now the girl will speak from a narrative point of view, a voice-over, without quotations).

So I did some reasearch...and I found this old, old story that described them.

There were originally seven Dragon Balls, and each of them glows with the light of the tiny stars inside...from one star to seven... (End Narrative)

"Grampa has FOUR stars in 'im!" comments the boy brightly.
"Then that's 'Sushinchu'...the first one I found was 'Arushinchu'...'Two-star ball'..." she says. "And after WEEKS searching the North Valley..." she begins. "I finally found 'Oshinchu'...'Five-star ball'!"
"You're collectin' them?" asks the boy.
"Almost half way there! But it won't be no cake walk from here on..." comments the girl.
"Why do you want 'em? Gonna make one've them bead neclaces or somethin'?" asks the boy, getting a strange mental picture.
"Oh, but of COURSE!" says the girl, smiling and resting her head on her hand. "Listen goof...an amazing thing happens when you get all seven..."
(Begin Narrative by the girl)
...And you chant just the right chant...to summon...

...Shenlong...the dragon god!! He'll grant you any wish! But only one!! (End Narrative)

"WOW!! That's awesome!!" comments the boy.
"The last person who collected the Dragon Balls became a king!" adds the girl excitedly. "But SOMEHOW, in the centuries since, the Balls got scattered again!"she says. "Leaving it to li'l ME to bring 'em back together!
"Tee hee hee...and I've already settled on a wish!" she continues. "At first I wanted a lifetime supply of strawberries...But now I think I'm gonna go for a super-cute boyfriend!!"
"..." says the boy.
"So that's the deal!" she says, arms outstreched. "Now gimme the Sushinchu, please!!"
"No!! No way!!" says the boy, defending his Dragon Ball. "This is th' only grampa I got left!!"
"Come on, you cheapskate!!" shouts the girl, exasperated. "What are YOU gonna do with it, huh?!!"
"Nyaah!!" the boy remains.
"Oh, I get it!! You naughty boy!" says the girl, grinning. "You want something in exchange!"
"?" asks the boy, confuzzled (a new word).
"Pkay!" says she, lifting up her skirt to reveal her covered...rear..."But just one quick li'l feel *Heart*"
"Why would I wanna feel your dirty butt?!" asks the boy, slightly disgusted.
"My butt is NOT dirty!!!" she yells. Then she calms down, bending down to the boy. "Okay, okay!! You can HELP me with my quest!!" she continues. "Grampa told you to be nice to girls, right?!"
"Your...quest...?" asks the boy.
"You don't have anything better to do, do ya?!" shouts the girl. "You're a he-man! You're supposed to love quests!"
"O-kaaay...But I'm not givin' you grampa!" agrees the boy.
"Fine! Fine! I'l just borry it at the very end, 'kay?" says the girl, smiling broadly. Hee hee heeee...perfect! Idiot-lad'll be the ideal bodyguard...and he doesn't need to know that once the wish is granted, she thinks to herself. ...The Dragon Balls fly off to the ends of the Earth!! She starts to walk outside the house. "All-righ-tee!!" she says excitedly. "Let the adventure begin!! YIPEE!!"
"But how're we gonna find the other Balls if you don't know where they are?" questions the boy.
"HO HO HO!" the girl laughs proudly, smiling. "I'm not just a pretty face, y'know!
"Although I certainly am that!" she adds, taking out the device she was using earlier, which goes PEEP PEEP. "Feast your peepers on this!"
"?" asks the boy.
"It's my Ball Detector!!" says the girl, pointing to it. It has a grid with several glowing dots. It goes peep peep again. "I noticed that the Balls give off a faint electromagnetic pulse, so I constructed it! See, these three in the middle are the ones we have right now, and..." she begins. "The next closest is..." she says, studying the Detector. "...To the West! About 1,200 kilometers!!"
"?" asks the boy. "?" again. "I don't get it."
"You wrecked my car, so I'll just have to take out a new one," the girl says. "By the way, what's your name?"
"Me?" asks the boy, pointing at himself. "I'm Goku," he continues. "Son Goku!"
"How 'bout you?" asks the boy.
"I'm...Bulma..." she says.
"Doesn't that mean "Bloomers"?! Haw!!" laughs Son Goku.
"Shut up!! I didn't pick it!!!" yells the girl angrily.
"HA HA HA! "Bloomers"!!" says the Son Goku.
Little twerp...! thinks Bulma. I HATE LITTLE TWERPS! She then opened a case, filled with tiny capsules. "He made me forget which..." said Bulma, looking for something. "Oh yeah...Number 9!!"
She then took the capsule out with a PLIK. "Punch," protested the capsule as a button at the top of it to depress.
"Stand BACK!! Thar she blows!!" Bulma yelled, tossing the capsule and pushing Son Goku away. The capsule exploded in a puff of smoke, sending Son Goku into a state of shock. Soon, the smoke cleared and a motorcycle with the words "Capsule 9" printed on the side. The number on the windowshield read AF4029. "Aw right!!" Bulma said, striding towards the motorcyle. "Let's ride!!"
"Eeee-yagga!!! I KNEW it!!! You ARE a witch!!!" yelled Son Goku, amazed.
"Get OVER it, ape-boy!" instructed Bulma, climbing onto the motorcycle. "EVERYBODY in the city's got Hoi-Poi Capsules!
"Now swing your tail up here!" she commanded.
"...??" questioned Son Goku, still not completely sure, twitching with a tng tng. The motorcycle sped along, distracting a monkey from eating an apple. "Eee-yow-wow!!!" yelled Son Goku alarmingly. Bulma is quite calm. The same monkey's eyes are bugging out. "This thing goes even faster than I can run!! I didn't think that was possible!!!"
"Hey!! Watch what you're grabbin' onto!!" yelled Bulma.
"..."says the monkey, still not sure of what he saw.

20 minutes later...
ZWEEEEEEE...sounded the motorcycle quietly as it sped along. The motorcycle was about to go very fast off a steep hill. "GYAAHH!!!!" yelled Bulma as the motorcycle lifted off. "YAAARRGH!!!!!" Bulma continued as the bike continued its ascent. The bike fell with a great crash, landing firmly on the ground, straight up.
The wheels shouted SKREEEE... as they screeched to an abrupt stop. "Phew!" said Bulma.
"Man, that was incredible!! You actually made ufs FLY!!" exclaimed Son Goku.
"Y-yeah...pr-pretty good, huh...?" said Bulma shakily. I didn't think the hill'd be THAT steep...!! though Bulma. Bulma then got a strange, yet very recognizable, feeling. "'Scuse me for a sec!" she said, getting off the bike and walking away. "Be right back!"
"Huh?! Why?! Where you goin'?!" asked Son Goku.
"Dont you have any idea what a lady means when she says ''Scuse me,' you oaf?!" yelled Bulma.
"You mean you gotta pee?" asked Son Goku. Bulma runs away into the nearby woods. "Well?!" asks the boy. "Why's she gotta pee way over there? Why can't she do it right here, like a normal person?"
"AAIIEEEE," came a shout.
"Wha--?!" exclaimed Son Goku. "Now what's wrong?" asked Son Goku. "I hope her weenie didn't get bit by a snake!" he exclaimed. "HOO!!" exclaimed Son Goku.
"UH...UH...UH!!" whimpered Bulma, with good reason. She was being held by a huge pteranodon.
"Who are YOU?! Part of her PACK?!!" thundered the dinosaur.
"Nah, I just met her. You a friend o' hers?" asked Son Goku, not intimidated in the least, or else he was just ignorant of the danger.
"Waaa...eeeek!!" said Bulma.
"Yeah...friend...that's it! Bwa-ha-ha! Look, there's something I need to discuss with her in private, okay? You just wait right here!" exclaimed the dinosaur, mysteriously producing a rope, transferring Bulma to his tail, and tying Son Goku to a tree.
"Funny..." Son Goku began, a sudden wave of realization coming over him. "Why would he tie me up?" FLAP FLAP went the wings of the bird-like dinosaur loudly as he carried Bulma away. "Don't take too long, okay?"
"Wha...wha..." said Bulma.
"It's been far too long since I've tasted female human flesh! Bwa-ha-ha!!" exclaimed the dinosaur.
"What are you waiting for?!!" yelled Bulma from up high in the claws of the beast. "RESCUE ME, IDIOT!!!!"
Shouts of "BWA-HA-HA--" and "Imbecile" and "Dolt" came from up in the sky.
"Oh, so now she wants me to RESCUE her!" exclaimed Son Goku.
"I wish she'd make up her mind!" he continued.
"TUG TUG" sounded Son Goku's tail quietly as it wrapped around the ropes and pulled them free.
"Some friend HE is!" exclaimed Son Goku. "How'm I gonna do this...? I can't fl...
"Hey!!" Son Goku exclaimed, forming a plan. "That's it!!!" he shouted gleefully. His feet made a VSSSH sound as he scurried away. He jumped on the motorcycle. "If I can just remember..." he inwardly shouted at himself. "Lessee...I think she twisted this..." The bike began to move as he twisted the handle. "Yow-wah!!" Son Goku exclaimed. "Hot dog!! It's movin'!!!" he yelled over the roar of the engine. "All right!! All right!!"
Suddenly, the bike took off at a great speed. "All---" shouted he, only to find it was moving too fast. The engine sped off with an enourmous VOOM! "----RAAAAA!!!!" he yelled, about to go over the hill. "FLY, MONSTER!!!!!" he yelled as the motorcycle left the ground. But soon, it began to fall. "NO!! Don't fall NOW!!" he yelled. "Guess I gotta do it myself!!" said the boy, leaping off the bike with a quiet HWAA. He unsheathed the red staff on his back. The dinosaur's eyes bugged out as he noticed Son Goku.
"Huh?!" the dinosaur exclaimed, unsure of his own eyes.
"Okay, staff-- do your stuff!" yelled Son Goku. The staff began to extend magically. Son Goku swung it behind his back. "Have a little Nyoibo..." he yelled. "HYAH--!!!!" Son Goku yelled as he swung the staff. It went crashing down on the reptile's head, completely separating the fin on the top of its head. It let go of Bulma.
It plummetted with a loud HYUUUUNNNN, dead. "Ai-yaaaaa!!" shouted Bulma, falling.
"Relax!" reassured Son Goku. He threw the staff and landing.
"Thop" sounded his foot as he landed on tiptoes. He shielded his eyes with his open right hand, searching for Bulma. He soon saw her, the staff going through one of her sleeves and out the other, stuck in a cliffside, with Bulma hanging from the staff. The staff didn't injure her at all.
"See? All's swell that ends swell!" said Son Goku happily.
"What's so swell about peeing my pants??!!" yelled Bulma, "liquid" dripping down.

Remember your Chinese fairy tales? You don't? Not even the impish MONKEY KING and his magic staff, the NYOIBO? Oh, well...Drop in next time and you'll learn.

Next: My Balls are Missing!