Dragon Ball
Part One: The Monkey's Tale
Chapter Two: No Balls!

In her quest for the seven Dragon Balls that will grant her fondest wish, Bulma has enlisted the help of the strange creature named Son Goku...

Son Goku and Bulma are riding on a motorcycle over a bridge. "Hey, we only need four more Balls, right?! That's gonna be a snap!" said Son Goku optomistically, barely heard by Bulma over the VRRREEEN of the engine.
"A 'snap' he says! I guess you wouldn't know it, living your whole life in the armpit of the world...but there's a lot of ground to cover out there!" exclaimed Bulma.
"I'm starvin,'" complained Son Goku.
"It's getting dark, too. Let's call it a night," suggested Bulma.
"I get the soft leaves for my bed!" claimed Son Goku.
"Bmp," sounded Son Goku's feet as he hopped off of the motorcycle.
"...As if," said Bulma, exasperated. "Do you really think I am going to sleep OUTSIDE?!"
"What else? I don't see no houses around here..." commented Son Goku. That's when Bulma took out her handy box of Hoi-Poi Capsules.
"Capsule time!" she exclaimed.
"No way! You're not gonna pop a HOUSE outta those whatchamacallits!" said Son Goku.
"Please...they're 'Hoipoi Capsules,'" she corrected. "That looks like a nice, level spot...
"Better clear out, monkey-boy!" she ordered. Son Goku ran away with a SSHOOOM. "Hoi!" she yelled as she threw the Hoi-poi Capsule. It exploded in an enourmous cloud of smoke.
Ta-DAAAAA. A large house with a number one and "HOIPOI CAPSULE" printed on it appeared. "Ah! How lovely!" commented Bulma. "Well? Still lusting after those LEAVES?" asked Bulma.
"....." commented Son Goku. "A-are you S-S-SURE you're not a witch?" he pulled out his Nyoi-bo.
"Cold enough to come in yet!?" asked Bulma. She walked in, Son Goku, opening the door. "Clap oni!" Lights popped on inside the house.
"Wak!! You are a witch! You turned night into day!" said Son Goku.
"You don't even know about LIGHTS? You have a long way to go, tarzan..." claimed Bulma. "Watch THIS!" she instructed as she flicked on the television set ("Flik"). TWONGA TWONGA went the guitar of a man on television.
"!?" commented Son Goku, awestruck. "!?" he continued. "!?"
"Heh heh heh heh heh heh..." chuckled Bulma, a wide grin on her face.
"Hey, get outta that box, you midget!" said Son Goku. The Nyoi-bo and his body shook like a leaf.
"TOK TOK," sounded the staff as it prodded the television set.
"Yurrgh...you're stinking up the joint..." said Bulma, holding her nose and noticing Son Goku's odor. "You're taking a BATH before we eat!"
"'Bath'? What's a 'bath'?" asked Son Goku.
"EEEW, you're KIDDING!!!" yelled Bulma.
Son Goku took his clothes off. "Guess I gotta help you. C'mere!!" commanded Bulma.
"?" said Son Goku, stepping into the bathroom.
"Will you at least cover UP?!!" yelled Bulma, seeing Son Goku's...exposed...body. Son Goku then hopped in the tub. Bulma started scrubbing his head furiously with shampoo.
"Wh-what's that? It feels weird!" complained Son Goku.
"Oh, shut up!! Do you know how many guys dream of me giving them a bath?!" asked Bulma. "What a waste of my babe-itude...
"...Okay, other side," said Bulma, turning Son Goku around. She then noticed the tail. "Huh? "What an idiot! You actually attached this stupid, phony tail to your butt?!" asked Bulma. "What phony tail?" asked Son Goku.
"Take it off! It's in the way!"
"Oww! Don't pull!" Son Goku then grabbed the scrubber out of Bulma's hands with his tail with a FWIP.
"....." said Bulma.
"I can wash my own butt!" he claimed. With a SHKKA SHKKA, he began to do just that. "How'm I doin'?" Bulma was bug-eyed.
"EEEE-YAAA!!!" screamed Bulma. The very house seemed to jump in surprise, and a bat nearby screeched at the disturbance. "Y-y-you r-r-really h-h-have a t-t-tail...!!!" said Bulma shakily, fists clenched on the bed.
"I din' think you'd be surprised..." said Son Goku, drying his head off with a tail, now out of the bath tub. "--Oh right! You don't have one, huh?" he realized. "Guess it's just guys."
Guys have...? No, no, they CAN'T...! But...it's not like I've seen a guy's NAKED BUTT before... she thought. "I knew they had SOMETHING in front, but..."
"But wait a minute...my dead grampa was a guy...but he didn't..." said Son Goku.
"You see?! You see?! Normal guys don't have tails!" exclaimed Bulma.
"O'course, grampa was kinda weird..." Son Goku claimed.
"--You're the one who's WEIRD!!!" Bulma yelled.
"Oh well! Who cares?" asked Son Goku. He put on some pants and started putting on his clothes. "....." said Bulma. "I take it back...'Weird' doesn't even come CLOSE...
"Is he for REAL? He acts like I'M a witch or something..." Bulma continued, now naked and in the bathtub. "...When he's totally like something that jumped out of a horror m..." Son Goku was standing right there, and Bulma fell into the water with a B-LOOSH! Son Goku was now clothed.
"Whadda you lookin' at?!!!" yelled Bulma.
"...So instead of a tail, you've got an extra butt?" asked Son Goku.
"It's not a butt, you idiot!! They're boobs!! An' when you get a little older you're gonna think mine are INCREDIBLE!!" claimed Bulma. "Yeesh...
"How old are you anyway, kid?" asked Bulma.
"How old am I?" question Son Goku. "14."
"EEE-YAA!! EEE-YAAA!!" screamed Bulma, chucking various bathroom supplies at Son Goku as he vacated the room in a hurry. "Voyeur!! Perv--!!" she yelled. "You're only two years younger than me!!!" One roll of toilet paper managed to conk Son Goku on the head with a TONG.
"!?" exclaimed Son Goku. "!?"
"Next time you pull that, I'm callin' the cops!!" shouted Bulma, drying her hair.
"I'm starvin'," complained Son Goku, holding his stomach. Soon a full meal was laid out in front of him. "?" asked Son Goku, eyeing the scrumptious food. He continued:
"This is food?" Son Goku asked. He tried some of the coffee and the bread. "This 'bread' stuff is all soft and nasty!" he continued:
"And the soup's BITTER..." Son Goku complained.
"--It's COFFEE, moron! Maybe if you'd ever learned how to EAT you wouldn't be such a shrimp!" Bulma exclaimed.
"I'm gonna go get you some REAL food!" claimed Son Goku, slipping on his shoes.
"Huh? What? You're goin' out?" asked Bulma.
"I'll be right back!" assured Son Goku. Time passed and a wold howled off in the distance. AWOOOOO... "I'm ho-o-o-o-ome!!" exclaimed Son Goku from the door.
"That was quick..." said Bulma. The door opened to find Son Goku holding a wolf on his extended Nyoi-bo, and a centipede in his hand.
"I caught a wolf!" said Son Goku.
"!!" yelled Bulma.
"An' a centipede for flavor!" said Son Goku, excited about the coming meal. Bulma, however, was not.
"Eeee-yaaa-aaaa!!!!" Bulma yelled. Later, Son Goku had a wolf roasting over a fire, and a centipede on a stick next to it. KRAKL KRAKL went the fire softly.
"Are you sure you don't want any?" asked Son Goku to a closed door. "I could cook yours medium!"
"Shut UP!! Don't even make me THINK about it!!!" yelled Bulma from inside. Soon Son Goku had eaten the wolf clean, leaving only the bones.
"Whoo! Well, off to dream-land!" said Son Goku, inside the house.
"At least brush your teeth!!!" yelled Bulma. Son Goku as soon bouncing up and down on the bed.
"WHEE-HEEE! This 'futon' thing is going to be FUN!" said Son Goku, still bouncing. "And I haven't slept with somebody f'r way too long!"
"'Slept...with'...? You have got to be joking! Here's your blanket...and here's the floor," said Bulma, holding a blanket. She laid it down on the floor next to the bed.
"We're sleepin' apart?" asked Son Goku.
"W'll duh!" exclaimed Bulma. "An' if you try anything, you're dead!"
"But I always used Grampa as a pillow...it was so soft and comfy..." said Son Goku innocently, hand behind head.
"You aren't using ME for a pillow, freak!!" yelled Bulma. Later that night, Bulma was brushing her teeth. "So it was just you and your grandfather, right?
"What happaned to your parents?" asked Bulma.
"I dunno," replied Son Goku truthfully. "I guess they abandoned me in the mountains when I was a baby.
"Then Grampa found me and decided to keep me!" guessed Son Goku. "HEH HEH HEH HEH..."
"How can you laugh about that...?" asked Bulma. "They prob'ly abandoned you because you had a tail..."
"Were you abandoned because you have a butt on your chest?" asked Son Goku.
"I told you, it's not a BUTT!!!" yelled Bulma. "And who says I was abandoned?!!!
"I just happen to be on summer vacation from school-- and I'm taking advantage of it!" continued Bulma, spitting into a cup. "I've only got another 30 days to find the rest of the Dragon Balls! I don't have all year like you!" Soon, Son Goku was snoring peacefully (ZZNXX ZZNXX).
"....." said Bulma. "Rrrg... if you're gonna ask questions, at least wait for the answers...!"
Night passed, and what looked like a UFO passed over head. Soon, birds were welcoming day with a morning quiet TWI TWI TWI..."?" asked one bird.
"Nnh...? Wha...?" asked Son Goku, waking up. "Nnnn-yaaaw...!" he yawned, standing up and streching.
"Huh?" asked Son Goku. Bulma was still sleeping, legs spread apart. "Woah!
"Well, her pillow's not as big as Grampa..." said Son Goku, eyeing Bulma's lap. He climbed up into bed with her. "But I can sure give it a try!" He laid his head down on her lap with a quiet KNK.
"?" asked Son Goku, noticing something strange. He pat her "south of the border.""...?" He then lifted her legs off and pulled off her underwear. He then...looked.
"!!" yelled Son Goku. A gigantic scream rang out, stirring and sending a rabbit bug-eyed. Bulma woke up, of course. She sat up, alarmed.
"What?! What?!" asked Bulma, head turning this way and that. "What happened?!
"Whatsa matter?!" asked Bulma.
"Y-y-y-you've..." began Son Goku shakily. "L-l-lost your ba-ba-ba-ba--"
"What?!!!" Bulma yelled. "I've lost my Dragon Balls?!" She leapt out of bed and bolted for her pack with a VROOOM.
"What the..." Bulma said. She had opened the pack and taken out the Dragon Balls, and was holding Arushinchu and Oshinchu. "...They're right here, idiot!
"--Geez, you freaked me out! Stop having nightmares, will you?!!" asked Bulma.

...And so Bulma sighs in relief, her greatest fear averted...but perhaps she shouldn't relax quite YET...

Next Tale of Dragon Ball: Sea Monkeys!