Chapter 17 : "Torn in Two"
Albus Dumbledore returned from London the following afternoon. That evening, he met in his office with Frodo and Sam. They talked for a long while about the events of the previous night.
"Poor Mr. Harry," said Sam. "When that awful Dark Lord started torturing me, he leapt up and tried to save me. It was a rash move, but a brave one."
"Yes, poor Harry. He was brave and good. I shall grieve for him long. It was his doom to be killed by the Dark Lord, though he escaped that fate many times," said Dumbledore, sadly.
"Before Sam and Severus showed up, Lord Voldemort tried to do something to me," said Frodo. "Something very bad. It was torture, though an almost pleasant kind of torture, in a—in a horrible sort of way. I can't describe it." He shuddered at the memory.
"I was afraid of that," said Dumbledore. "Seduction is Lord Voldemort's specialty. Once caught in that kind of snare, few ever escape his clutches. In fact, only one that I know of."
"Who?" asked Frodo.
"Severus Snape," answered Dumbledore. "Lord Voldemort offered him everything he could ever have wanted. Things more seductive than power, glory, or fortune, though he offered these, too. But Severus recognized the evil. He found the strength to turn away; he found some humility, some basic goodness deep within. The life Severus chose instead, here at Hogwarts, is painful for him in many ways. I do not know, but I suppose he thinks, often, about what he gave up.
"To turn away from, and reject Lord Voldemort is vastly more difficult than never becoming associated with him in the first place. It is an addiction of sorts. But Severus is like you, Frodo. He bears his burdens and follows his path; often imperfectly, but as well as he can. That is why I appointed him Ringbearer, for a little while. He did not want the Ring, but he accepted it.
"I will be sending you back as soon as the moon sets. You have time to make some final goodbyes," said Dumbledore.
Just then the door opened. Severus Snape walked in, looking ill and greatly fatigued. The Hobbits started to speak to him, but he waved them off.
"Later," he said. "Make your good-byes. I'll be there to see you off."
Snape lowered himself into a chair and watched the Hobbits leave.
"Severus," said Dumbledore. "You know that there was nothing you could have done to save Harry."
Snape closed his eyes and nodded, imperceptibly.
Dumbledore went on, "Harry should not have been there. He sought his doom. A fight with Lord Voldemort would have been disastrous. And then Voldemort would have had the Ring."
"The Ring," Snape said, quietly. He began to shiver.
"I felt it, Albus. From the moment I took the Ring, I felt it call me. I felt it search for me. I felt the presence of an Eye, the presence of Sauron himself. Yet it was not ugly. It was beautiful. It promised me…it promised me…" Snape stopped speaking and looked down. Then he said, "It promised me the same thing that Lord Voldemort did. And still does."
In a quiet, halting voice he continued, "To have both the Ring and Voldemort at the same time calling me…to have no resistance left, and yet no choice but to resist…it is too much." He had a forlorn, faraway gaze in his eyes. His voice became quieter still. "I am torn in two and utterly bereft. They are both gone to me now. I turned from one and gave the other away. I can never have them back." Here Severus Snape broke off. He could say no more.
Dumbledore had no words of comfort. He put his hand on Snape's shoulder.
Almost imperceptibly, Snape shook his head. Dumbledore hesitated; then drew his hand back.
Dumbledore's phoenix, Fawkes, at that moment stirred and rustled its feathers. It hopped off of its perch and into Snape's lap. Its intelligent eyes filled with tears. It put its head against Snape's face and wept.
"Phoenix tears are said to cure all wounds," thought Dumbledore. "This one too, I hope."
