Disclaimer: See chapter 1, 6, 11, or 16.
PART 20
Without needing to discuss it, Willow and Spike both headed in the direction of Spike's crypt. Conversation was almost nonexistent due to the fact that they were both watching out for evil creatures bent on ruining their night. Plus that big ole honkin' threat he'd just tossed out there. She wasn't upset about it though, and she had no right to be. Understanding his jealous nature was easy.
After a few blocks, Spike suddenly stopped, pressing her back against the brick façade of Harry's Garage. She looked around, wondering if it was a vampire, a demon, or a shapeshifter. Before she could ask, she found out rather quickly that it was a vampire, but he was hardly out to ruin their night. In fact, as Spike's mouth settled over hers, she was quite happy for the interruption.
She was panting and breathless by the time he pulled away, smirking. Bending down to gather the poor, abused books she'd once again dropped, she had to be thankful they weren't old, or collector's editions.
"What was that for?" she asked him, positive that her grin was now a permanent feature on her face.
He took two of the heavier tomes from her and shrugged. "I need a reason?"
"Nope," she assured him. "Feel free to do that whenever you want. In fact, I demand it. And I'd like to place future requests." She knew she was acting silly and giddy, but she was in love. Cloud nine was like, ten stories below her at the moment. Being in love was the best feeling ever. No, strike that. Being in love and being loved back was the best feeling ever.
They made it to Spike's crypt twenty minutes later, much slower than it should've taken them. Who knew Spike had such a penchant for groping and kissing? Giles' poor books were taking a huge beating, and she was once again thankful for them not being prized possessions.
Almost as soon as they were through the door, Spike dropped the books to the floor. They landed with a loud thump, one right after the other. His eyes stayed fixed on her face as he kicked the door shut behind him and started toward her. She felt a weird sense of déjà vu. William had stalked her in a similar fashion that first time they'd slept together, and maybe now wasn't the best time to be thinking of William. Even if he was Spike.
She set her book on his bed, backing away from him. "Um," she said, licking her suddenly dry lips, "I should really..." she paused, forgetting what she was saying when he pulled his shirt off over his head. Taking a much needed breath after staring at him without breathing for a good ten seconds, she shook her head and continued. "Really, uh... oh yeah, look up a reason for you getting sick."
"Uh-huh," he mumbled, running his hand absently over his bare chest as he paced closer, in no way trying to bring attention to himself, she was sure. "You should definitely look into that."
She could see that he had no clue what they were talking about, and no intention of letting her research. "Will you stop that?" she asked, backing away another step. As much as she wanted to simply jump into his arms and have a marathon sex session, she needed to figure this out. Plus the shapeshifter. She had new resources, and she intended to find something before the decade was out. It wasn't suddenly going to be put on hold just because they'd finally admitted their feelings to one another.
"No," he returned, grinning as he moved with her.
She put the sarcophagus between them, and reached across to grab his hands, holding him there so he couldn't move around to her side. "Spike. Hello? What if you get sick again? What if it's going to get worse?" Seeing he still wasn't convinced, she made a disgusted face. "What if it happens in the middle of... something important? No offense, but that's not something I'd like to experience. Ever."
Now he looked equally as disgusted. "Yeah, I think researching is good. Go ahead," he told her generously, "research away. I'll watch the telly."
"Hey," she protested, "you could help, you know. We could cover more ground that way."
He turned her hands around in his, and kissed her palm before dropping them and heading toward his chair. "If I help you, we'll be covering ground, but it won't have anything to do with books or research." His grin was huge as he bent to turn his TV on. "All you have to do is give me the word, and I'll be there to help in a heartbeat."
She snorted, rolling her eyes at his wink. "Gee thanks, Spike. I'll be done in no time now."
Without a lot of choices for sitting spaces, she climbed on top of his stone bed, hanging her legs off the side and setting the book on her lap. Unfortunately, she was facing Spike, and his occasional looks over at her were not really occasional, and more of the all-the-time variety. She only knew this because her glances up at him were equally as all-the-time as his. And she was getting nothing done. Couldn't remember one word she'd read. After the millionth look at Spike, she toed off her shoes and rolled over onto her stomach, and scooted up until her head was near the top of his bed. His pillow went under her arms, and the book took the pillow's place.
Much better. She could read, and not see Spike unless she wanted to contort herself into all sorts of weird and painful positions, and his pillow smelled like him. Crossing her unhurt arm on top of her casted one, she rested both atop his pillow and laid her head down, setting about reading. The sound of the TV in the background and Spike's occasional laughter was more normal to her than her house with her parents in it.
How weird was that?
Half an hour later, she finally found it. The spell Tara had used to send Spike into her dreams. It was similar to the one she'd used to go into Buffy's mind when she went catatonic, but slightly different. Going into dreams was different than going into someone's thoughts and memories it seemed. And look, a major side effect of doing the spell was severe nausea. Probably to warn off anyone from doing the spell for evil purposes, or from doing it a lot. It went away on its own. Good thing Spike wasn't real prone to human frailties, otherwise she was sure he'd still be in the bathroom at the Magic Box becoming intimately acquainted with the toilet bowl.
"Found it," she called over her shoulder, not bothering to contort herself to see him. "It's a side effect of the spell Tara did on you, and it's probably already worn off. How're you feeling?"
"Bloody peachy," he said from beside her.
Oh!" She jumped in surprise, and smacked him on the arm. "Scare me to death."
He laughed at the disgruntled look on her face, and leaned down to kiss her. His hand rested on the curve of her back, not moving, but damn if it didn't cause little shivers of want and need to sweep through her.
She looked up at him, and saw, not his usual smirk gracing his lips, but a soft, tender look mixed in with a whole lot of lust and desire. It was the same expression she'd seen on his face when he looked at Buffy. And now it was for her.
She sat up rather clumsily, banging her cast on the stone a few times, but finally ended up in a position to face him. Kneeling on the hard stone, she wondered if he could possibly get a mattress or two, maybe even a real bed. "You know, they've made huge advances in bedding since you were human."
"You want a bed?" he asked, but before she could do much more than nod, he was gesturing to her book. "All done here?"
She looked from the book to him. Was she done? He was certainly looking really inviting and sexy and lusty. His hair, usually slicked back, was messed up from their earlier romping session in the Magic Box, and all the kissing and groping on the way home... and it looked so soft and inviting to the touch. One lock had fallen over his forehead, and she reached up to brush it back, letting her hand linger longer than necessary.
A sigh escaped her as she dropped her hand. They still needed to find the stupid shapeshifter. But why was she so gung-ho for doing this now, especially when all she wanted to do was be with Spike. "You know, I think I'm all researched out. Yep. Couldn't look at another word. Turn another page. Understand a single spell."
His grin now, was filled with a lot of that smirking it'd lacked earlier. "You don't say," he whispered, leaning closer to her. Instead of kissing her like she wanted him to do, he pulled her off of the sarcophagus and walked her to the end of it. "Come on." He yanked something up--a door, she realized--and gestured to the hole left behind. "After you."
Now, to say she wasn't a little nervous would be a lie, but to say she was scared would be more than an exaggeration. She trusted Spike, wholly and completely. She just didn't know what to expect from the deep, dark hole that possibly led to the sewers. Shrugging, she descended the ladder into absolute darkness. A second later, she saw Spike's shape descend the ladder, blocking the meager light from above, creating even more darkness. And then light flared bright and she could see a lantern, held by Spike.
He walked away from her, taking the light with him. "Stay there."
From what she could see, there were stone walls, possibly dirt. Carved dirt walls. Kinda smelled a little musty, but there was also something else there. Something that reminded her of Spike. "Wow," she muttered. "A hole in the ground. Every girl's dream home. Where's the Trading Spaces crew when you need them?"
Spike's laughter drifted over to her as she heard his lighter flick open. He lit another lantern, and turned it up all the way. Light flooded the underground chamber and Willow had to gasp.
"Wow," she muttered again, but this time she meant it. There was a huge bed in the corner, covered in, what else? Silk sheets and blankets. Rugs covered the floor, a dresser was against one wall, and nightstands too, pretty much everything one could need for a bedroom. Even lights. Electric lights.
She turned the switch on the lamp beside her, and light happened. Spike joined her, grinning from ear to ear at her stunned expression. His hand covered hers, still on the light's switch and turned it off. "Your bed," he said smugly, gesturing grandly to the--once again, huge came to mind--bed.
"When did... you mean this has been here the whole time? And you never once... well, no, Buffy never mentioned a bed when she told me about the chains, and Drusilla, and wow."
"I think that's been covered," he laughed. "Been gathering stuff for a few months. Got tired of sleeping on that stone slab, and craved a little more comfort." Drawing her over to the bed, he sat on the edge of it. Shirtless. On his bed. Looking at her like she was a piece of chocolate.
Waking up in Spike's bed, with Spike wrapped around her, was a little on the weird side. She'd done it before, but never with all the ingredients thrown together at once. A real bed, Spike, her, sex, love.
She reached out, smoothing her hand down his face, to his shoulder, shaking him awake. After a night filled with lots of sex and not much else, he looked perfect, if a little mussed. She, on the other hand, had bed hair, a bad case of morning breath, and an urgent need to pee.
His eyes popped open, alert to the point of scary. When he saw her, his face softened, and his eyes melted her heart. "It's morning," he mumbled, stretching languidly. "Why are you awake at this ungodly hour?" His eyes flickered to the clock on the nightstand and he groaned. "Extremely ungodly hour," he muttered.
"Noon is an ungodly hour?" she asked, sitting up with the blanket pulled to her chest. They may have had much sex recently, and be in love, but she still wasn't about to just drop all modesty and bare everything.
"It is to me, and every other vampire out there. A lot of demons too." He frowned at her as she leaned over the side of the bed and pulled her blouse on. "Going somewhere?"
"Yeah. To the nearest bathroom." She blushed, chiding herself for being embarrassed about a normal human need. "Wouldn't happen to have a master bathroom hidden around here, would ya?" she laughed, tossing the sheet back and climbing out of bed in search of her pants.
"Not exactly a master bath, but useable. Has running water, and toothpaste, mouthwash. Everything a human needs, not to mention the hygienically inclined creature of the night."
She turned back to face him, raising her eyebrows in surprise. "Really?"
He looked away, shrugging. She thought he was embarrassed, but he was only searching for his ever present cigarettes. "Got a lot of humans traipsing through here, don't I?" Realizing what he'd said, he shook his head at himself. "Did. Past tense. And the little one, she was over here all the time, begging for stories." He pulled a cigarette out, and was about to light it when he saw her look. "What?"
"You should really quit smoking. It's disgusting. Tastes really gross." She sat down to put her shoes on, sighing when he lit it anyway.
He smirked, smacking his lips. "Tastes fine to me."
Her eyes shot to his at the familiar words. William had said the exact same thing when she'd chastised him for smoking. It made sense that they'd say similar things, they were the same person, after all. But still, it was creepy.
His grin widened when she stared at him. He leaned back against the headboard, blowing smoke into the air above his head, and she knew he was going to say the same thing William had.
"Nummy," they said together.
Spike's grin faded. He was trying so hard not to look suspicious, but his confused expression was pretty pathetic, and she didn't buy it for a second. "How did you know what I was going to say?"
"Because," she answered, tying her lace and dropping her foot to the floor, "I've already had this conversation with you."
Spike's eyes narrowed, and she just knew he was going to start an argument. One she didn't want to have, at least not yet.
"Bathroom?" she reminded him.
He motioned behind her with his eyes, which were still narrowed. She turned around, looking at the wall. The darkness wasn't deeper in one spot, so she headed that way, feeling against the wall. It suddenly wasn't there anymore, and she could hear sounds further away. Dripping water and squishy, scampering sounds. Suppressing a shudder, she picked up one of the lanterns on the nightstand beside the bed, lit it with Spike's lighter and headed off.
"Oh, hey," Spike called after her, "if you happen to run into William in there, could you not have sex with him?"
Okay, she thought, making her way down the sewer tunnel, apparently Spike has issues. And, she could understand that. She'd slept with a whole lot of people... recently. Well, actually, only Spike. And William, who was Spike. Sure she'd cheated on Oz with Xander, Tara with William. William with Spike... oy.
Perhaps she should concentrate on the tunnel that was kind of gross, rather than on who she'd betrayed and how. She just needed to find a way to convince Spike that she wasn't going to cheat on him, and then everything would work itself out. Right?
She found the bathroom easily enough due to the dripping water growing louder, and the smell of something yucky and thankfully unidentifiable growing stronger. There was a heavy piece of wood hanging by new hinges on a piece of board that went the length of the doorway, and even a doorknob of sorts, though the door didn't shut all the way, or connect to anything. It swung free, but was leaning inward enough that it stayed shut without leaving too big a gap.
And as she pushed the makeshift door open, she wondered how on earth Spike had accomplished this. Sink, tub, toilet, just the barest essentials, but a miracle under the cemetery. The place was filthy, but considering it was carved out of dirt, she wasn't going to complain. The toilet, sink and tub were all clean, and-- after trying all three, she was happy to find them all in working order as well.
A couple of mint green throw rugs littered the floor, as did a couple of mismatched towels near the tub. Shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, mouthwash... It was all there, just as promised. She grinned, and hurriedly went pee, brushed her teeth with her finger, and rinsed her mouth a few times with the mouthwash.
After returning to Spike's bedroom, she stood in the doorway, crossing her arms over her chest, leaving the lantern to dangle from her fingers. "How?" was all she asked.
He was dressed as well now, and standing by the dresser. Before he shut the drawer, she saw a lot of black inside. She was proud of herself for not rolling her eyes; he might not take too kindly to being teased about his wardrobe.
"Had a few demons who owed me," he explained with a shrug, heading to the bathroom himself.
She watched him until he disappeared into the darkness of the tunnel. His footsteps, crunching on the dirt, grew fainter with each step. When she could neither see, nor hear him any longer, she sat down on his bed, bouncing happily a few times. A book on the floor beside the bed on Spike's side caught her eye. She leaned down to pick it up. It was a well-read paperback copy of a Stephen King novel.
"The Shining," she mumbled, "huh. Gosh, who'd have guessed a big bad evil vampire was a fan of Stephen King?"
"Dawn gave it to me," Spike said from behind her, so close that his breath fanned across her cheek. His no longer cigarette smelling breath.
She jumped a couple of inches, spinning around to face him. The book went flying through the air. Spike caught it as she tried to calm her racing heart. "Stop doing that," she yelled. "Is that, like, foreplay for you?"
He chuckled, tossing the book on the nightstand. "Maybe." He cupped her face, kissing her before she could say anything more.
Her anger was quickly disappearing in the face of so much touching, and nice tasting Spike lips. "Minty fresh," she said, smacking her own lips. "Now *that's* nummy. Tobacco? Not so much."
"I'll cut back," he told her, his eyes apologetic only to the point of not showing outright annoyance. "But first." He backed her against the wall, planting his hands on either side of her head, kissing her again. Deeply, thoroughly, and she knew where it was going to lead. Where she wanted it to lead.
Sliding her arms around his waist she sighed contentedly, and broke the kiss. "First, we need to talk."
"Why?" he grinned seductively. "I told you before, I can think of a whole range of things we could be doing. And not one of them involves talking." His eyebrow quirked up as he tilted his head to the side. "They do involve mouths though."
Her knees went a little weak, and she covered for it by dropping to the bed. Sex was... really, really good with Spike, and fun, and wow, and amazing, but he didn't trust her, and she needed to find out how she could make him do that.
Which meant serious big-time talking.
Judging by the grin widening on his face, he knew the effect he was having on her. "Something wrong?" he asked innocently.
Instead of denying it, she thought maybe she'd go with the truth for once. She shook her head with a smile. "Nope. I'm just-- you make me go all gooey."
Spike burst out laughing. "Good to know." He leaned back against the wall, watching her curiously. "But, if I make you go all gooey," he smirked, "then why are you over there, and I'm over here?"
"Because I can't talk and think and do other things I need to do logically when I'm near you."
"Ah," he nodded wisely. "Of course." A few seconds later, he shook his head. "Screw logic. Better yet, screw me." And there was that sexy look again. The one she needed to ignore for the time being.
"First, I need to talk. Then maybe the other." If you still want me, she added silently. "But definitely talking first." Taking a deep breath, she plunged right in. "Do you really think I'll sleep around on you?" She was hurt that he'd think that, and yet, she understood his reasoning. Her record so far was way less than stellar.
He pushed away from the wall with a sigh, looking like he didn't want to start this any more than her. After a few seconds of silence, he sat at the head of the bed, leaned back against the headboard and drew her to him, raising his legs on either side of her. She settled back against him, feeling safe and secure in his arms. And loved, definitely loved. Why couldn't he feel her love for him?
"No. Not intentionally. Not purposefully," he responded. "But temptation is sometimes really hard to resist."
She wanted to deny it immediately, answer in the negative, but she didn't think he'd believe her. She hadn't wanted to cheat on Oz or Tara either, but she had. Why? Because of temptation.
Because she wasn't completely content with them.
There was contentment when she was with Spike. A feeling of being home. That's the only way she could describe it. She hadn't felt it completely with Oz, Tara, or Xander. Not solely. There was something from each and every one of them that she'd wanted, craved, needed, but there wasn't anything about them alone that could satisfy the need in her.
She wasn't even making sense to herself now, how was she supposed to explain this to Spike?
Instead of continuing along that vein, she decided to branch off and explain it to him the same way he'd explained things to her. "Did you know that I've loved Xander since we were, like, five?"
He wrapped his arms around her waist, threading his hands with hers. "No."
"I did," she confirmed, smiling reminiscently. "When we were kids, and the other kids picked on me, Xander made them stop. He stood up to Cordelia when she was mean and I was too scared to say anything. And Harmony," she laughed, remembering their eventful first meeting with the bitch turned vampire. "He was like this big ole knight in shining armor, and I was the damsel in distress. Only he saw me as a kid sister, or worse yet, just one of the guys."
"His loss," Spike told her, trying to sound supportive, but she could tell he wasn't really in his element here. Children were probably a big mystery to him. Or tasty. Ew.
"Yeah. But then Oz came along, and he knew I loved Xander, and he was patient. Willing to wait." She remembered all the times he'd refused to let their make-out sessions go any further because he wanted her to want him, not Xander by proxy. She'd been a little ticked off at the time, and really frustrated, but grateful to him. Especially now, looking back. "Finally, I realized how stupid it was to make myself miserable just on the off chance that Xander would suddenly realize I was there. So I turned to Oz, and he was so sweet, and really nice, and--"
"Sweet, yeah, I get it." Spike shifted a little behind her.
Uncomfortable with their position, or the conversation? she wondered. "Yeah. So I moved on, and I fell in love with Oz."
"And we're moving on to something else," he said impatiently. "I don't care to hear about the boy, the dog or the witch. Why are you telling me this?"
She sat up, unlacing her hands from his. He let her go, and reached over to the nightstand to light one of those cigarettes he'd just promised to cut back on.
"I'm trying to tell you-- to explain," she said helplessly., gesturing at him. "I want you, Spike. Only you. Oz, Xander, Tara, they all had something that drew me to them, but it wasn't--" she sighed, unsure what she was trying to tell him. "When I was with them, something was missing, but I didn't realize it at the time. Looking back now, I know that it was just... incomplete. Something wasn't there when it should've been." She stood up angrily, pacing as she tried to think.
Spike watched her silently, not offering her any help, letting her work things out on her own.
"With Oz," she muttered, "he was sweet, and nice, and I loved him. But there just wasn't any..." she shook her head helplessly, "need, I guess. You know, that gotta-have-you-now sort of thing? It was more, take your time, we have all day."
"Yeah," Spike agreed, taking a drag off his cigarette. "It was like that with Dru a lot."
Okay, she really didn't want to hear that, but since she was being share-gal, she couldn't expect him not to be share-guy. Looking over at him, she wondered how it had taken so long for her to fall in love with him. "And then Tara happened," she said with a shrug. "With her, things were new, and different, and," she grinned to herself, "sort of naughty, and forbidden, and there was definitely need. But there wasn't any... passion. I mean, there was, but not like what we have." She gestured to the two of them.
"Fire," Spike offered, his face blank. She hated when he did that. She liked to know what he was thinking.
"Exactly," she agreed. "And Xander. He was just the fulfillment of a childhood crush. Something I'd wanted almost all my life, and there was the added bonus of love." She stopped pacing, turning to face him with a frown. "Do you understand what I'm saying? Because I don't know how else to explain it."
He nodded, crushing his cigarette out on the floor. Sparks and ashes fell to the dirt, and she watched them fade away. Her eyes raised back to him when he spoke.
"With Oz, you had passion, with Tara, you had need, and with Xander, you had the fulfillment of a childhood crush." Getting to his feet, he stood before her, looking down into her eyes. "What do you have with me?" he whispered.
She sucked in a breath, unsure how to answer him. What came out was inadequate, but it summed it up enough for now. "Everything."
PART 20
Without needing to discuss it, Willow and Spike both headed in the direction of Spike's crypt. Conversation was almost nonexistent due to the fact that they were both watching out for evil creatures bent on ruining their night. Plus that big ole honkin' threat he'd just tossed out there. She wasn't upset about it though, and she had no right to be. Understanding his jealous nature was easy.
After a few blocks, Spike suddenly stopped, pressing her back against the brick façade of Harry's Garage. She looked around, wondering if it was a vampire, a demon, or a shapeshifter. Before she could ask, she found out rather quickly that it was a vampire, but he was hardly out to ruin their night. In fact, as Spike's mouth settled over hers, she was quite happy for the interruption.
She was panting and breathless by the time he pulled away, smirking. Bending down to gather the poor, abused books she'd once again dropped, she had to be thankful they weren't old, or collector's editions.
"What was that for?" she asked him, positive that her grin was now a permanent feature on her face.
He took two of the heavier tomes from her and shrugged. "I need a reason?"
"Nope," she assured him. "Feel free to do that whenever you want. In fact, I demand it. And I'd like to place future requests." She knew she was acting silly and giddy, but she was in love. Cloud nine was like, ten stories below her at the moment. Being in love was the best feeling ever. No, strike that. Being in love and being loved back was the best feeling ever.
They made it to Spike's crypt twenty minutes later, much slower than it should've taken them. Who knew Spike had such a penchant for groping and kissing? Giles' poor books were taking a huge beating, and she was once again thankful for them not being prized possessions.
Almost as soon as they were through the door, Spike dropped the books to the floor. They landed with a loud thump, one right after the other. His eyes stayed fixed on her face as he kicked the door shut behind him and started toward her. She felt a weird sense of déjà vu. William had stalked her in a similar fashion that first time they'd slept together, and maybe now wasn't the best time to be thinking of William. Even if he was Spike.
She set her book on his bed, backing away from him. "Um," she said, licking her suddenly dry lips, "I should really..." she paused, forgetting what she was saying when he pulled his shirt off over his head. Taking a much needed breath after staring at him without breathing for a good ten seconds, she shook her head and continued. "Really, uh... oh yeah, look up a reason for you getting sick."
"Uh-huh," he mumbled, running his hand absently over his bare chest as he paced closer, in no way trying to bring attention to himself, she was sure. "You should definitely look into that."
She could see that he had no clue what they were talking about, and no intention of letting her research. "Will you stop that?" she asked, backing away another step. As much as she wanted to simply jump into his arms and have a marathon sex session, she needed to figure this out. Plus the shapeshifter. She had new resources, and she intended to find something before the decade was out. It wasn't suddenly going to be put on hold just because they'd finally admitted their feelings to one another.
"No," he returned, grinning as he moved with her.
She put the sarcophagus between them, and reached across to grab his hands, holding him there so he couldn't move around to her side. "Spike. Hello? What if you get sick again? What if it's going to get worse?" Seeing he still wasn't convinced, she made a disgusted face. "What if it happens in the middle of... something important? No offense, but that's not something I'd like to experience. Ever."
Now he looked equally as disgusted. "Yeah, I think researching is good. Go ahead," he told her generously, "research away. I'll watch the telly."
"Hey," she protested, "you could help, you know. We could cover more ground that way."
He turned her hands around in his, and kissed her palm before dropping them and heading toward his chair. "If I help you, we'll be covering ground, but it won't have anything to do with books or research." His grin was huge as he bent to turn his TV on. "All you have to do is give me the word, and I'll be there to help in a heartbeat."
She snorted, rolling her eyes at his wink. "Gee thanks, Spike. I'll be done in no time now."
Without a lot of choices for sitting spaces, she climbed on top of his stone bed, hanging her legs off the side and setting the book on her lap. Unfortunately, she was facing Spike, and his occasional looks over at her were not really occasional, and more of the all-the-time variety. She only knew this because her glances up at him were equally as all-the-time as his. And she was getting nothing done. Couldn't remember one word she'd read. After the millionth look at Spike, she toed off her shoes and rolled over onto her stomach, and scooted up until her head was near the top of his bed. His pillow went under her arms, and the book took the pillow's place.
Much better. She could read, and not see Spike unless she wanted to contort herself into all sorts of weird and painful positions, and his pillow smelled like him. Crossing her unhurt arm on top of her casted one, she rested both atop his pillow and laid her head down, setting about reading. The sound of the TV in the background and Spike's occasional laughter was more normal to her than her house with her parents in it.
How weird was that?
Half an hour later, she finally found it. The spell Tara had used to send Spike into her dreams. It was similar to the one she'd used to go into Buffy's mind when she went catatonic, but slightly different. Going into dreams was different than going into someone's thoughts and memories it seemed. And look, a major side effect of doing the spell was severe nausea. Probably to warn off anyone from doing the spell for evil purposes, or from doing it a lot. It went away on its own. Good thing Spike wasn't real prone to human frailties, otherwise she was sure he'd still be in the bathroom at the Magic Box becoming intimately acquainted with the toilet bowl.
"Found it," she called over her shoulder, not bothering to contort herself to see him. "It's a side effect of the spell Tara did on you, and it's probably already worn off. How're you feeling?"
"Bloody peachy," he said from beside her.
Oh!" She jumped in surprise, and smacked him on the arm. "Scare me to death."
He laughed at the disgruntled look on her face, and leaned down to kiss her. His hand rested on the curve of her back, not moving, but damn if it didn't cause little shivers of want and need to sweep through her.
She looked up at him, and saw, not his usual smirk gracing his lips, but a soft, tender look mixed in with a whole lot of lust and desire. It was the same expression she'd seen on his face when he looked at Buffy. And now it was for her.
She sat up rather clumsily, banging her cast on the stone a few times, but finally ended up in a position to face him. Kneeling on the hard stone, she wondered if he could possibly get a mattress or two, maybe even a real bed. "You know, they've made huge advances in bedding since you were human."
"You want a bed?" he asked, but before she could do much more than nod, he was gesturing to her book. "All done here?"
She looked from the book to him. Was she done? He was certainly looking really inviting and sexy and lusty. His hair, usually slicked back, was messed up from their earlier romping session in the Magic Box, and all the kissing and groping on the way home... and it looked so soft and inviting to the touch. One lock had fallen over his forehead, and she reached up to brush it back, letting her hand linger longer than necessary.
A sigh escaped her as she dropped her hand. They still needed to find the stupid shapeshifter. But why was she so gung-ho for doing this now, especially when all she wanted to do was be with Spike. "You know, I think I'm all researched out. Yep. Couldn't look at another word. Turn another page. Understand a single spell."
His grin now, was filled with a lot of that smirking it'd lacked earlier. "You don't say," he whispered, leaning closer to her. Instead of kissing her like she wanted him to do, he pulled her off of the sarcophagus and walked her to the end of it. "Come on." He yanked something up--a door, she realized--and gestured to the hole left behind. "After you."
Now, to say she wasn't a little nervous would be a lie, but to say she was scared would be more than an exaggeration. She trusted Spike, wholly and completely. She just didn't know what to expect from the deep, dark hole that possibly led to the sewers. Shrugging, she descended the ladder into absolute darkness. A second later, she saw Spike's shape descend the ladder, blocking the meager light from above, creating even more darkness. And then light flared bright and she could see a lantern, held by Spike.
He walked away from her, taking the light with him. "Stay there."
From what she could see, there were stone walls, possibly dirt. Carved dirt walls. Kinda smelled a little musty, but there was also something else there. Something that reminded her of Spike. "Wow," she muttered. "A hole in the ground. Every girl's dream home. Where's the Trading Spaces crew when you need them?"
Spike's laughter drifted over to her as she heard his lighter flick open. He lit another lantern, and turned it up all the way. Light flooded the underground chamber and Willow had to gasp.
"Wow," she muttered again, but this time she meant it. There was a huge bed in the corner, covered in, what else? Silk sheets and blankets. Rugs covered the floor, a dresser was against one wall, and nightstands too, pretty much everything one could need for a bedroom. Even lights. Electric lights.
She turned the switch on the lamp beside her, and light happened. Spike joined her, grinning from ear to ear at her stunned expression. His hand covered hers, still on the light's switch and turned it off. "Your bed," he said smugly, gesturing grandly to the--once again, huge came to mind--bed.
"When did... you mean this has been here the whole time? And you never once... well, no, Buffy never mentioned a bed when she told me about the chains, and Drusilla, and wow."
"I think that's been covered," he laughed. "Been gathering stuff for a few months. Got tired of sleeping on that stone slab, and craved a little more comfort." Drawing her over to the bed, he sat on the edge of it. Shirtless. On his bed. Looking at her like she was a piece of chocolate.
Waking up in Spike's bed, with Spike wrapped around her, was a little on the weird side. She'd done it before, but never with all the ingredients thrown together at once. A real bed, Spike, her, sex, love.
She reached out, smoothing her hand down his face, to his shoulder, shaking him awake. After a night filled with lots of sex and not much else, he looked perfect, if a little mussed. She, on the other hand, had bed hair, a bad case of morning breath, and an urgent need to pee.
His eyes popped open, alert to the point of scary. When he saw her, his face softened, and his eyes melted her heart. "It's morning," he mumbled, stretching languidly. "Why are you awake at this ungodly hour?" His eyes flickered to the clock on the nightstand and he groaned. "Extremely ungodly hour," he muttered.
"Noon is an ungodly hour?" she asked, sitting up with the blanket pulled to her chest. They may have had much sex recently, and be in love, but she still wasn't about to just drop all modesty and bare everything.
"It is to me, and every other vampire out there. A lot of demons too." He frowned at her as she leaned over the side of the bed and pulled her blouse on. "Going somewhere?"
"Yeah. To the nearest bathroom." She blushed, chiding herself for being embarrassed about a normal human need. "Wouldn't happen to have a master bathroom hidden around here, would ya?" she laughed, tossing the sheet back and climbing out of bed in search of her pants.
"Not exactly a master bath, but useable. Has running water, and toothpaste, mouthwash. Everything a human needs, not to mention the hygienically inclined creature of the night."
She turned back to face him, raising her eyebrows in surprise. "Really?"
He looked away, shrugging. She thought he was embarrassed, but he was only searching for his ever present cigarettes. "Got a lot of humans traipsing through here, don't I?" Realizing what he'd said, he shook his head at himself. "Did. Past tense. And the little one, she was over here all the time, begging for stories." He pulled a cigarette out, and was about to light it when he saw her look. "What?"
"You should really quit smoking. It's disgusting. Tastes really gross." She sat down to put her shoes on, sighing when he lit it anyway.
He smirked, smacking his lips. "Tastes fine to me."
Her eyes shot to his at the familiar words. William had said the exact same thing when she'd chastised him for smoking. It made sense that they'd say similar things, they were the same person, after all. But still, it was creepy.
His grin widened when she stared at him. He leaned back against the headboard, blowing smoke into the air above his head, and she knew he was going to say the same thing William had.
"Nummy," they said together.
Spike's grin faded. He was trying so hard not to look suspicious, but his confused expression was pretty pathetic, and she didn't buy it for a second. "How did you know what I was going to say?"
"Because," she answered, tying her lace and dropping her foot to the floor, "I've already had this conversation with you."
Spike's eyes narrowed, and she just knew he was going to start an argument. One she didn't want to have, at least not yet.
"Bathroom?" she reminded him.
He motioned behind her with his eyes, which were still narrowed. She turned around, looking at the wall. The darkness wasn't deeper in one spot, so she headed that way, feeling against the wall. It suddenly wasn't there anymore, and she could hear sounds further away. Dripping water and squishy, scampering sounds. Suppressing a shudder, she picked up one of the lanterns on the nightstand beside the bed, lit it with Spike's lighter and headed off.
"Oh, hey," Spike called after her, "if you happen to run into William in there, could you not have sex with him?"
Okay, she thought, making her way down the sewer tunnel, apparently Spike has issues. And, she could understand that. She'd slept with a whole lot of people... recently. Well, actually, only Spike. And William, who was Spike. Sure she'd cheated on Oz with Xander, Tara with William. William with Spike... oy.
Perhaps she should concentrate on the tunnel that was kind of gross, rather than on who she'd betrayed and how. She just needed to find a way to convince Spike that she wasn't going to cheat on him, and then everything would work itself out. Right?
She found the bathroom easily enough due to the dripping water growing louder, and the smell of something yucky and thankfully unidentifiable growing stronger. There was a heavy piece of wood hanging by new hinges on a piece of board that went the length of the doorway, and even a doorknob of sorts, though the door didn't shut all the way, or connect to anything. It swung free, but was leaning inward enough that it stayed shut without leaving too big a gap.
And as she pushed the makeshift door open, she wondered how on earth Spike had accomplished this. Sink, tub, toilet, just the barest essentials, but a miracle under the cemetery. The place was filthy, but considering it was carved out of dirt, she wasn't going to complain. The toilet, sink and tub were all clean, and-- after trying all three, she was happy to find them all in working order as well.
A couple of mint green throw rugs littered the floor, as did a couple of mismatched towels near the tub. Shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, mouthwash... It was all there, just as promised. She grinned, and hurriedly went pee, brushed her teeth with her finger, and rinsed her mouth a few times with the mouthwash.
After returning to Spike's bedroom, she stood in the doorway, crossing her arms over her chest, leaving the lantern to dangle from her fingers. "How?" was all she asked.
He was dressed as well now, and standing by the dresser. Before he shut the drawer, she saw a lot of black inside. She was proud of herself for not rolling her eyes; he might not take too kindly to being teased about his wardrobe.
"Had a few demons who owed me," he explained with a shrug, heading to the bathroom himself.
She watched him until he disappeared into the darkness of the tunnel. His footsteps, crunching on the dirt, grew fainter with each step. When she could neither see, nor hear him any longer, she sat down on his bed, bouncing happily a few times. A book on the floor beside the bed on Spike's side caught her eye. She leaned down to pick it up. It was a well-read paperback copy of a Stephen King novel.
"The Shining," she mumbled, "huh. Gosh, who'd have guessed a big bad evil vampire was a fan of Stephen King?"
"Dawn gave it to me," Spike said from behind her, so close that his breath fanned across her cheek. His no longer cigarette smelling breath.
She jumped a couple of inches, spinning around to face him. The book went flying through the air. Spike caught it as she tried to calm her racing heart. "Stop doing that," she yelled. "Is that, like, foreplay for you?"
He chuckled, tossing the book on the nightstand. "Maybe." He cupped her face, kissing her before she could say anything more.
Her anger was quickly disappearing in the face of so much touching, and nice tasting Spike lips. "Minty fresh," she said, smacking her own lips. "Now *that's* nummy. Tobacco? Not so much."
"I'll cut back," he told her, his eyes apologetic only to the point of not showing outright annoyance. "But first." He backed her against the wall, planting his hands on either side of her head, kissing her again. Deeply, thoroughly, and she knew where it was going to lead. Where she wanted it to lead.
Sliding her arms around his waist she sighed contentedly, and broke the kiss. "First, we need to talk."
"Why?" he grinned seductively. "I told you before, I can think of a whole range of things we could be doing. And not one of them involves talking." His eyebrow quirked up as he tilted his head to the side. "They do involve mouths though."
Her knees went a little weak, and she covered for it by dropping to the bed. Sex was... really, really good with Spike, and fun, and wow, and amazing, but he didn't trust her, and she needed to find out how she could make him do that.
Which meant serious big-time talking.
Judging by the grin widening on his face, he knew the effect he was having on her. "Something wrong?" he asked innocently.
Instead of denying it, she thought maybe she'd go with the truth for once. She shook her head with a smile. "Nope. I'm just-- you make me go all gooey."
Spike burst out laughing. "Good to know." He leaned back against the wall, watching her curiously. "But, if I make you go all gooey," he smirked, "then why are you over there, and I'm over here?"
"Because I can't talk and think and do other things I need to do logically when I'm near you."
"Ah," he nodded wisely. "Of course." A few seconds later, he shook his head. "Screw logic. Better yet, screw me." And there was that sexy look again. The one she needed to ignore for the time being.
"First, I need to talk. Then maybe the other." If you still want me, she added silently. "But definitely talking first." Taking a deep breath, she plunged right in. "Do you really think I'll sleep around on you?" She was hurt that he'd think that, and yet, she understood his reasoning. Her record so far was way less than stellar.
He pushed away from the wall with a sigh, looking like he didn't want to start this any more than her. After a few seconds of silence, he sat at the head of the bed, leaned back against the headboard and drew her to him, raising his legs on either side of her. She settled back against him, feeling safe and secure in his arms. And loved, definitely loved. Why couldn't he feel her love for him?
"No. Not intentionally. Not purposefully," he responded. "But temptation is sometimes really hard to resist."
She wanted to deny it immediately, answer in the negative, but she didn't think he'd believe her. She hadn't wanted to cheat on Oz or Tara either, but she had. Why? Because of temptation.
Because she wasn't completely content with them.
There was contentment when she was with Spike. A feeling of being home. That's the only way she could describe it. She hadn't felt it completely with Oz, Tara, or Xander. Not solely. There was something from each and every one of them that she'd wanted, craved, needed, but there wasn't anything about them alone that could satisfy the need in her.
She wasn't even making sense to herself now, how was she supposed to explain this to Spike?
Instead of continuing along that vein, she decided to branch off and explain it to him the same way he'd explained things to her. "Did you know that I've loved Xander since we were, like, five?"
He wrapped his arms around her waist, threading his hands with hers. "No."
"I did," she confirmed, smiling reminiscently. "When we were kids, and the other kids picked on me, Xander made them stop. He stood up to Cordelia when she was mean and I was too scared to say anything. And Harmony," she laughed, remembering their eventful first meeting with the bitch turned vampire. "He was like this big ole knight in shining armor, and I was the damsel in distress. Only he saw me as a kid sister, or worse yet, just one of the guys."
"His loss," Spike told her, trying to sound supportive, but she could tell he wasn't really in his element here. Children were probably a big mystery to him. Or tasty. Ew.
"Yeah. But then Oz came along, and he knew I loved Xander, and he was patient. Willing to wait." She remembered all the times he'd refused to let their make-out sessions go any further because he wanted her to want him, not Xander by proxy. She'd been a little ticked off at the time, and really frustrated, but grateful to him. Especially now, looking back. "Finally, I realized how stupid it was to make myself miserable just on the off chance that Xander would suddenly realize I was there. So I turned to Oz, and he was so sweet, and really nice, and--"
"Sweet, yeah, I get it." Spike shifted a little behind her.
Uncomfortable with their position, or the conversation? she wondered. "Yeah. So I moved on, and I fell in love with Oz."
"And we're moving on to something else," he said impatiently. "I don't care to hear about the boy, the dog or the witch. Why are you telling me this?"
She sat up, unlacing her hands from his. He let her go, and reached over to the nightstand to light one of those cigarettes he'd just promised to cut back on.
"I'm trying to tell you-- to explain," she said helplessly., gesturing at him. "I want you, Spike. Only you. Oz, Xander, Tara, they all had something that drew me to them, but it wasn't--" she sighed, unsure what she was trying to tell him. "When I was with them, something was missing, but I didn't realize it at the time. Looking back now, I know that it was just... incomplete. Something wasn't there when it should've been." She stood up angrily, pacing as she tried to think.
Spike watched her silently, not offering her any help, letting her work things out on her own.
"With Oz," she muttered, "he was sweet, and nice, and I loved him. But there just wasn't any..." she shook her head helplessly, "need, I guess. You know, that gotta-have-you-now sort of thing? It was more, take your time, we have all day."
"Yeah," Spike agreed, taking a drag off his cigarette. "It was like that with Dru a lot."
Okay, she really didn't want to hear that, but since she was being share-gal, she couldn't expect him not to be share-guy. Looking over at him, she wondered how it had taken so long for her to fall in love with him. "And then Tara happened," she said with a shrug. "With her, things were new, and different, and," she grinned to herself, "sort of naughty, and forbidden, and there was definitely need. But there wasn't any... passion. I mean, there was, but not like what we have." She gestured to the two of them.
"Fire," Spike offered, his face blank. She hated when he did that. She liked to know what he was thinking.
"Exactly," she agreed. "And Xander. He was just the fulfillment of a childhood crush. Something I'd wanted almost all my life, and there was the added bonus of love." She stopped pacing, turning to face him with a frown. "Do you understand what I'm saying? Because I don't know how else to explain it."
He nodded, crushing his cigarette out on the floor. Sparks and ashes fell to the dirt, and she watched them fade away. Her eyes raised back to him when he spoke.
"With Oz, you had passion, with Tara, you had need, and with Xander, you had the fulfillment of a childhood crush." Getting to his feet, he stood before her, looking down into her eyes. "What do you have with me?" he whispered.
She sucked in a breath, unsure how to answer him. What came out was inadequate, but it summed it up enough for now. "Everything."
