AN: More angst... have a tissue handy.

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Chapter 11

  Harry woke up disoriented. He could feel Remus' arms around him, but the last he knew he had been running to the hospital wing....

  Mione!

  Jerking out of the safety of his lover's arms, Harry sat up and looked around the white walls of the infirmary.

  "Harry?"

  He looked back at Remus and found sad, golden eyes watching him.

  "Mione... what happened?"

  "Oh, Harry," Remus breathed. He sat up and wrapped his arms around Harry.

  It hit him all of a sudden and his heart stopped for a moment. "Is... is she dead?"

  Remus nodded.

  Closing his eyes, Harry fought the tears that were welling up. Why had this happened? What had happened? He was so confused. When he had woken up that morning he had felt so content. Now, he didn't know what he was supposed to feel. Was he supposed to be empty? Scared? Sad? What about Ron? Or Remus? Sirius?

  "Harry?"

  He didn't opened his eyes as he buried his face in Remus' neck. "Why?" he whispered in a choked voice. "I – I didn't get to say I loved her."

  "Shh," Remus whispered. Harry felt his hands run through his hair. "She knew, Harry. She knew."

  "What if she didn't?" Harry half-cried. "I... told her...."

  "I know, Harry."

  Harry didn't say anything. Instead he tried to burrow into Remus' skin as the tears finally escaped.

******

  Sirius eyed the owl. He knew that it was Pig, but he didn't want to read the letter attached to its leg. It would ask why he and Remus hadn't shown up an hour ago, and was there a problem?

  What could he say to answer that?

  "Black, read the damn letter and write them that they are needed here immediately," Snape's voice penetrated his thoughts.

  Mentally shaking off the sadness that had accompanied the last thought, he steeled himself and opened the note. Hurriedly writing a quick note in return, he watched as Pig took to the sky once more. He wanted to go back to the infirmary and wait for Harry to wake up, wanted to comfort him and Remus, but Snape had pulled him away and dragged him to the dungeons.

  "Why did we come down here?" he eventually asked.

  "We need to make a couple of potions," Snape said as he wheeled over to the silver cauldron.

  "What!? Is that your answer to everything? Make a potion?" Sirius snapped at him.

  "Black. We will be making two potions. One can determine whether there is any semen present and the other will determine if it is from a wizard or Muggle."

  Sirius blinked. "Oh," he said in a small voice. Maybe it was a good thing that Snape had made him come down here. It would keep his mind occupied, and he'd be able to help. "Then, let's get started."

  Half an hour later they had bottled up the second potion and were on their way to the hospital wing. They were almost there when a strange roar filled the castle. Sprinting, Sirius pushed Snape down the last hallway to find the three youngest Weasleys, Ron sprawled out on the floor unconscious.

  He was glad that Snape had the presence of mind to have been hanging onto the potions and handing them to Poppy as soon as they arrived. Sirius' attention had been drawn to Harry's stark figure as he stood in the doorway to the room where he'd been, Remus directly behind him.

  "What!?" Fred Weasley was yelling at Poppy. "She can't be!"

  "There's gotta be a mistake," George was saying as he bent over his brother.

  Snape silenced them with one glare. "Albus should be arriving soon," he announced after talking with Sprout, who had stayed behind to talk with the nurse. "Now. Messrs. Weasley, pick up your brother and carry him to the room Potter is in."

  The twins obeyed the command. Sirius wasn't sure if it was shock or his being their former teacher that directed the three Weasleys into the other room.

  Crossing over to Harry and Remus, he laid a hand on his godson's shoulder. "Harry?"

  He suddenly found his arms full as the younger man wrapped his arms around Sirius' neck. Looking at Remus, he saw the sad look in his friend's golden eyes. Nodding, he picked Harry up and carried him back to the bed he'd been using. Setting him down, Sirius sat on one side as Remus sat down on the other, each of them half-hugging Harry.

  There they waited for another fifteen minutes before Dumbledore strode into the infirmary. Sirius was shocked at the change that the man had undergone. The blue eyes were dull like Harry's were, even as he tried to give a reassuring smile to Sprout.

  "Did you alert the Ministry?" he was asking. At her nod, he directed several questions to her and Poppy.

  Sirius couldn't hear their conversations, as they were speaking in low voices. Rather than concentrating on them, he comforted Harry, who every once in a while gave a shudder. He hadn't cried again, but the tracks that stained his cheeks told Sirius that he had been.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

  Remus sucked in a breath as Dumbledore shooed out the last of the St. Mungo's officials. The autopsy report would be ready in a couple of days, since the results of the tests needed to time to sit. In the meantime, they would have to wait. He was glad that the owl to Dumbledore had been a fast one. The castle had seemed to know time was of the essence, since it had sent the fastest owl in the owlery to Sprout when she needed it.

  Beside him, Harry had fallen into a natural sleep. The younger man was exhausted. He'd had to repeat his story three times before Remus and Sirius had managed to get the Ministry officials that had tagged along with the ones from St. Mungo's to leave him alone. The first time had been the hardest, since Ron had just woken up. The red head had become very distraught, so much that Poppy had dosed him with Draught of Living Death to make sure his body could adjust to the mental shock. Snape and Dumbledore had approved the action, even though several of the officials hadn't. Sprout had deferred to the two men and nurse, stating that they knew the potion better than she.

  The twins were quiet as they waited for the rest of their family to arrive. With them would be Hermione's parents, Arthur and Molly picking them up on the way to Hogwarts. They would be flooing to the Three Broomsticks, and a special charm would be cast over them to allow them to see Hogwarts as it really was. In the back of his mind, Remus wished that this hadn't been the first time they would see the school their daughter had attended for the last seven years.

  On the other side of Harry, Sirius was quietly talking to Snape. Together the two of them had described the potions they had made to the officials, but now they were conversing quite civilly. Any other time, Remus would have questioned it, but right now his mind was occupied with how he was going to help Harry with this.

  This reminded him of the Halloween that had changed the entire wizarding world. He'd met up with Dumbledore two days later and had been devastated by the news. Remus hadn't noticed anything different the day before, recovering from his change as he'd been. It had been a particularly brutal month, the full moon had created strong, high tides, which made the change all that much worse. When the news had come, he'd had to spend almost a month with Poppy. He'd been mentally drained and should have gone to St. Mungo's, but with his lycanthropy he wouldn't have been admitted. Other than Dumbledore and Poppy's help, he'd had no one to lean on. Peter was supposedly dead by Sirius' hand, who was thrown into Azkaban.

  He would make sure that Harry had the support he'd been given, scarce as it had been. Remus would make it happen.

  A fluttering at the window broke his thoughts. It had also disturbed the twins. Standing, Fred had let the tawny owl in. Tied to its leg were two letters, which the red head held gingerly.

  "They're for Ron and Harry."

  Remus held his breath even as Sirius quickly stood up. Fred handed the letters to Sirius, who looked them over. "It looks like Hermione's writing," he whispered. He watched as Sirius sent a sad look at Harry, who rested in Remus' arms. "Should we wake him?"

  Shaking his head, Remus rested his chin on Harry's head. "Let him sleep for a little bit."

******

  Harry sighed, the air seeming to come from deep within him. In his hands he held a letter, addressed to him in Hermione's neat cursive. A large part of him didn't want to open it. He didn't want to know what it said.

  He knew that Remus and Sirius were waiting for him to read it, but he wasn't sure he could do it. Looking up, he saw both sadness and encouragement in Remus' eyes, while Sirius' held sadness and curiosity. Fortified by their looks, he carefully slit the wax seal and opened it.

Dear Harry,

I am sincerely sorry that I blew up at you that day. I've come to realize that there are some things that I have yet to learn. You are one of my best friends, and I have always loved you as the brother I never had.

I hope that you haven't been too worried about me. I know that I should have gone to my parents, but I needed to be alone for a while to think things through. I've been staying in a nice, little cottage here in Brighton, along the ocean. Seeing the water helped calm me, while making me realized that what I've done and said has threatened to wash away like the sand. You and Ron have stood by me for seven years, and yet I was willing to throw it all away because I was scared. I hope you're laughing, Harry, that I, Hermione the Fearless (yes I heard Ron's nickname for me) am scared.

All of a sudden I was being thrust out into the world from my secure little niche. I was going from best of the class to a little fish in a big pond (you'll have to explain that expression to Ron – I just realized I used that in his letter as well). I was jealous of you, Harry, for getting to stay at Hogwarts when that all I wanted. But, it wasn't. After the fight with you at Ron and my engagement party added to that – I don't blame you for that at all. Please, Harry, believe me when I say that.

Last summer I spent a lot of time in church, trying to find answers to questions that came up during the war. I couldn't find them in the library at Hogwarts, which scared me, so I thought that I would be able to find them there. It confused me, and you know how much I don't like that, so I kept on spending more and more time there. One day, there was a huge debate on homosexuality, and I found myself agreeing with their points. I discounted, though, everything they had said the week before on witchcraft and its swiftly climbing rate in England.

When you said you were in love with Remus, it frightened me. Here I had been a friend with you for seven years, and all of a sudden I had no clue who you were. I had thought that you had told me everything outside of everything about the order. Ron said that you didn't tell him until our last day at Hogwarts, but I didn't believe him until I thought everything over. Aside from Ron, you were the one I felt like I knew and then everything changed.

Harry, I wish I could change these past weeks, but I've come to realize I can't. But I can say things that express what I feel now, what I know now. I miss you, miss talking to you, even if it is about Quidditch. I want to listen to you talk about Remus.

Please, if you're willing to forgive me, will you let me know if we can talk? I'm hoping that you will, and maybe Ron will forgive me as well. The two of you can come to where I am or I can meet you in Diagon Alley if you want.

Love,

Your friend always,

Hermione Granger

  Harry set the letter down, feeling a river of tears pour out of his eyes. He could feel barely Remus next to him, rubbing his hand gently over his back.

  Why hadn't the letter come earlier? If it had come even the day before, maybe this wouldn't have happened. Dimly he remembered Poppy saying that it had happened the night before, that whatever had happened had been done within three hours of her death and she had died sometime around six that morning behind the greenhouse. He wished he'd paid more attention to Dumbledore's theory of why she – or whoever did this – apparated to that section of the wards, where they were the closest to the castle of any.

  "Harry? You okay?"

  He lifted his eyes to Remus and found the other man's cheeks had a couple of tears racing down them. Raising a hand, Harry cupped his cheek for a moment before brushing them under his eyes, wiping away the tears. "No. I think it'll take a while."

  Remus nodded as he pulled Harry into his arms. Sighing, he let himself rest against the warm chest. He felt so tired, exhausted by the day's events.

******

  Remus listened with half an ear as Sprout talked about Hermione's autopsy report. Next to him Harry was tense, and it was all Remus could do to not pull him into his arms. But they were in the middle of a staff meeting, discussing – as if a discussion could make them feel better about her death – what they could do for Hermione's parents, who were devastated by their only child's death.

  The report had shown that whoever had raped her was a wizard, the semen showing up giving off traces of magical energy. There had been blood and skin underneath her nails – obviously she had put up a fight before she had been bound. But what had shocked them was the 'vision of death' charm that had shown who had done this. The charm had been invented to be used during the war by Flitwick to prove Voldemort's existence to a reluctant Ministry and an ignorant Fudge. It would show the last face she saw before her death, and what it showed was impossible – Lucius Malfoy.

  That brought up the question: who was it that Draco killed almost twenty months ago in Hogsmeade? Polyjuice Potion had been used at some point, and while it was possible to have hair samples last as long as it had been since Lucius' death, the potion couldn't be made with a sample from a dead person. They had to be living at the time the sample was given. Both Sirius and Snape had agreed on that point.

  Finally the meeting was over, allowing Remus to take Harry back to their rooms. The younger man was slowly recovering, but Remus could tell it would take a long time for a complete one. He had read the letter Hermione had sent, and while he was glad that she realized what Harry meant to her, he wished she had been able to say it in person.

  Settling Harry into bed, Remus lay next to him, holding him close as they rested. Tomorrow would be the funeral, and they would need all of their strength to get through it.

******

  Sirius' eyes burned as he watched Ron and Harry stand next to each other. He wished there was some way he could change the last four days, but he couldn't. Now he had to watch the young man he had come to love as his own child bury one of his best friends. Finally he couldn't take anymore and turned away, walking a short distance away from the gravesite. He didn't look back, even as he heard people begin to leave twenty minutes later, instead choosing to watch the trees sway in the mid August breeze.

  He waited a couple more minutes before he drew his eyes away from the weeping willow that stood at the edge of the river that swept along the back of the cemetery. Sirius was startled when he found Snape sitting next to him. More and more often over the last few days the other man had been nearby, and while he was glad for him being around, it kind of creeped him out.

  "Sirius..."

  Dark brown eyes met black. Snape looked back at him, a neutral expression on his face. But his eyes... they told a much different story. Suddenly Sirius was brought to mind the moment Snape had realized Draco had been injured in the attack on Hogsmeade. He hadn't thought that Snape would miss Hermione. After all, the man had called her a Gryffindor know-it-all many times. But now, Sirius knew how much the war had affected the other man.

  If Snape was willing to offer comfort, even when they had their difference, he wanted to return it. Sirius knew he wouldn't have been able to handle that first day if Snape hadn't pulled him together enough to make those potions.

  "Severus..." That was as good a start as any.

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AN: I am never writing a chapter like this again... It took way too much out of me, and my sister broke down reading it.

It'll be a couple of days before I feel like writing again, so it may be up to a week before the next chapter comes out.