I am not under the influence of anything...unless Pepsi counts.

Merry Muse Productions Presents...
Return of the Saturn Scouts!
By XMAN0123
------------------------------

"I want to thank you again for doing this at the last minute, Darien," Professor Tomoe said. "I know you probably had plans with Serena tonight."

"Oh, it's no trouble, sir." Darien smiled politely. "I never mind when it comes to baby-sitting your daughter. Isn't that right, Hotaru?"

"Dawien fun!" Hotaru replied, bouncing up and down on his shoulders. "Dawien fun!"

Tomoe smiled and tweaked her nose gently. "You be a good girl for Darien, sweetheart. I'll be back in a few hours."

"Daddy go bye-bye!" Hotaru yelled, waving as her father walked out of the door.

"Well, what would you like to do first, Hotaru?" Darien asked.

"Eat, eat, eat!" she insisted, tugging on his hair.

"Okay, calm down! I'll feed you in a minute." Darien walked into the kitchen and sat Hotaru down in her high chair, then opened the refrigerator. "How do you feel about vanilla pudding?"

"Faiwy!" Hotaru shouted, banging on the table. "Faiwy, faiwy, faiwy!"

Darien glanced back at her. "Hotaru, you can't eat fair...uh oh." He blinked a few times to make sure he hadn't breathed in vapors from some spoiled food. No, there was Hotaru's "fairy," real as ever, sitting on the kitchen table. Except Darien had never seen any fairies that wore overalls one size too big. Well, he'd never seen any fairies period, but since he was Sailor Moon's boyfriend, he wasn't exactly opposed to the idea of their existence, either. Weirder things had happened.

"Rats!" the fairy muttered. "I knew I should've taken a left turn at Tenchi's house."

Darien bit his lip and tried to remain calm. "Um...who are you?"

The fairy looked at him for the first time. "Hey, you're Darien Chiba! Cool! Maybe you can help me with something."

"Dawien, Dawien!" Hotaru yelled, banging on the table again.

The fairy glanced back at her. "Excitable, isn't she?"

"Look, miss fairy person," Darien said. "I don't know why you're here, but I really-"

"I am NOT a fairy," the girl interrupted sharply. "I happen to be a Muse, and a very good one, despite the rumors! Anyway, my name is Yugi, and I'm here to cut you in on the deal of the century!"

Darien was understandably skeptical. "A fairy in merchandising?"

Yugi narrowed her eyes. "Look, pal, you call me a fairy one more time, and I'll turn you into a Sailor Scout! Now, as I was saying, I have here, in my hand, the greatest-"

"There's nothing in your hand, Yugi."

She paused. "Hey, what the heck?!" Yugi looked around desperately, then snatched a stack of papers from Hotaru's sticky hands. "The greatest movie script in history!"

Darien sat down at the table. "Yugi, no offense, but I'm not exactly a movie producer."

"I know, but I need to practice my sales pitch, anyway." Yugi stood up and waved the script over her head. "Merry Muse Productions proudly presents..." She paused to imitate a drum roll. "Return of the Saturn Scouts!!!"

Darien stared at her, a blank look on his face.

"Okay, so the title needs work," she admitted. "But the rest is gold, I tell you! Pure gold!"

"Yugi, is this a sequel?"

"Well...no."

"So why is it called 'Return-"

Yugi stamped her foot. "Why does everyone keep asking me that?!"

Darien sighed heavily. "Go on and get it over with."

"Right!" Yugi smiled brightly. "Okay, you know about the Silver Millennium and everything, so I'll skip the boring details." She flipped through the script until she found the desired page. "Here we go! The Moon Kingdom is being attacked the Negaverse's army. Suddenly, a wave of darkness sweeps over the land!"

"Let me guess. It was you, right?"

Yugi glared at him. "No! I said a wave of darkness, not a wave of happy faces!"

Darien shook his head. "Okay. Wave of darkness, lots of land-sweeping, and then?"

"Then...THEY arrive!" Yugi stopped and looked at him expectantly.

After a few moments of silence, Darien nearly screamed, "WHO?!"

She grinned. "I'm a good suspense builder, right?"

"Just read the script!"

"Okay, fine." Yugi made dramatic sounds. "It's THEM...THE SATURN SCOUTS!!!" She paused again.

"Don't you dare do that suspense thing again."

"I was waiting for a reaction."

Darien rolled his eyes. "Being very scared and utterly stupefied IS a reaction. Who are the Saturn Scouts?"

"I'm glad you asked." Yugi cleared her throat and began again. "First, the leader, the mighty Pretty Soldier of Silence, Sailor Saturn! Otherwise known as Hotaru Tomoe."

"Me, me!" Hotaru yelled happily.

"That's right, chubby cheeks, you!" Yugi agreed, poking her face with a finger.

"And the others?" Darien asked.

"Next is the former space pirate and current maker of mayhem, Ryoko!"

"Who?"

"Ryoko!"

"WHO?!"

Yugi sighed. "Darien, babe, you are so uninformed. Everyone knows who Ryoko is!"

"I don't, and I'm sure I don't want to know. Continue."

"Okay. The final member of the Saturn Scouts is the unpredictable, unbeatable, and unbelievably handsome Gundam pilot, Duo Maxwell! Also known as the God of Death."

Darien closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. "And all this means what?"

"Together, they are the three elements of the planet Saturn: Silence, Chaos, and Death!"

"Whatever happened to the Moon Kingdom?"

Yugi glanced at the script. "Oh. They saved it, basically."

"All by themselves?"

"Okay, so the Deathscythe Heck Gundam helped a LITTLE..."

Darien groaned. "Then what happened?"

"Serenity was SO grateful, she crowned Hotaru the new Moon Princess, and they united the kingdoms of the Moon and Saturn to create the Saturn-Moon Alliance."

"So there is no Sailor Moon in this story?"

Yugi checked the script. "Nope."

"No other Scouts?"

"Zero."

"No Tuxedo Mask?"

"In my opinion, Duo fills the heroic cute guy role quite nicely."

Darien thought for a moment. "That's the end?"

"Of course not! Hotaru falls in love with Duo, and they have the cutest little girl named-"

"Yugi."

"Hey, good guess! Anyway, Yugi inherits the throne, and-"

Darien held up a hand for silence. "Yugi, look. I have to stop you right there. You're in the story!"

"You have a problem with this?"

"You can't pitch a movie script if you're in it."

"I'm a Muse. I can do stuff like that."

"Moose, moose, moose!" Hotaru chanted.

"Just who's Moo-er, Muse are you, anyway?" Darien asked.

"Oh, just some guy's," Yugi replied. "Look, do you like the movie idea or not?"

"It needs work."

She frowned. "You hated it."

"I never said that."

"You wanted to!"

"Yugi, I don't hate it. It's obvious you've put a lot of thought into this, and I think whoever you belong to would be very proud if they realized how...talented you are."

"You mean that?" Yugi asked.

Darien hesitated. "Yes?"

A surprised look passed over Yugi's face, and she slowly pressed a hand to her heart. "You...you really...liked it?" She sniffled quietly. "You like me! You really, really like me!"

Darien groaned and covered his face. "Yugi, I think it's time for you to go back to your owner."

"Okay, I can take a hint. But if I do a rewrite, would you be interested in the role of Masquerade Man?"

"Who...?"

"Masquerade Man. He'll be my love interest," Yugi said dreamily, a big smile on her face.

Darien sighed. "Now it's really time for you to go. Goodbye, Yugi."

Yugi waved and vanished into thin air. "I'll call you! We'll do lunch!"

* * * * *

"So did they like it?" Ryoko asked.

Yugi hesitated. "Well, Darien did. I think."

"Darien?" Duo asked. "I thought you said you knew a famous producer!"

"I do, but I kinda got lost on the way to his house..."

"Oh, well that's just great!" Ryoko muttered. "And why do we have to keep meeting in the closet like this?!"

"I told you already! If that boy I work for finds out what I've been doing, I could get in trouble!"

"YUGI!"

Yugi froze. "Uh oh. You two stay in here." She quickly slipped out of the closet and ran into the living room. "Yes?" she asked sweetly.

The boy scratched his head. "Have you been meeting with characters without my permission?"

She gasped in shock. "Of course not! I'd never do anything like that! Again, anyway."

"Oh, really?" The boy pulled the curtain aside. "Then how do you explain that?" he asked, pointing.

Yugi stared directly into the face of the Deathscythe Hell Gundam. "I can explain that! Really!"

"I don't even want to know, Yugi." The boy dropped the curtain back into place and headed for the bedroom. "Tell Ryoko they're going to tow her spaceship away in an hour."

"But...but!"

"No more excuses, Yugi. I want them gone by the time I wake up."

"You'll appreciate my talent one day!" she shouted.

His reply was the sound of the bedroom door slamming.

Yugi sighed and looked at her script. "Well, at least I got to practice the pitch. Maybe I can get Heero to make a cameo."

"I heard that!"

Yugi glared at the bedroom door. "Sometimes, I really hate that guy."
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Disclaimer: Subreality belongs to Kielle. Prof. Tomoe, Darien, and Hotaru belong to Naoke Takeuchi. Yugi & Ryoko belong to Pioneer. Duo and the Deathscythe Gundam belong to Sunrise.