Okay, so I don't exactly own my Muses, I just borrow them... indefinitely. But at least I give credit where it's due.
Cheating On My Muse (And Getting Away with It!): A Writer's Handbook
by XMAN0123
--------------------
Trunks bit into his bacon cheeseburger with a loud crunch. "Y'know, you should really take your fictives out to lunch more often."
XMAN0123 sighed and watched the kid polish off the third burger before saying anything. "I need your help, Trunks. It's about Yugi."
Trunks stopped chewing for a moment. "What'd she do this time?"
"Nothing. For once, it's my fault. I...I..."
"What?" Trunks asked, already dreading the answer.
"I cheated on her!" XMAN0123 finally blurted out, a worried look on his face.
"Uh oh." Trunks stared at the Writer. "That was pretty stupid."
"I didn't WANT to do it! It just...happened! One minute, I was dreaming, and the next thing I know, I'm in bed with another Muse!" Trunks's eyes widened, suddenly reminding the Writer of the boy's age. "But maybe I should be discussing this with the older version of you."
Trunks nodded. "Uh huh. You gonna eat your fries?"
So, after a phone call and a quick walk to the Subreality Cafe, XMAN0123 was watching another of his borrowed fictives put away three cheeseburgers. The fact that they were both versions of the same person was hardly interesting anymore, considering the magnitude of his problem.
"From what Young Trunks told me, you've got a big problem," Trunks said, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. "So talk to me."
"I cheated on Yugi, and I don't know what to do."
Trunks smirked. "Simple. You die. Possibly in pieces, but in a bloody heap of bones and organs if you're lucky. Sort of."
The Writer rolled his eyes. "I meant how do I SURVIVE this?"
"Oh, that. Well, no one's ever gotten away with it, to my knowledge. But then, I'm just a fictive. Muses are total mysteries to me. I only listen to Writers, and they get their orders from Muses."
"So you can't help me?" XMAN0123 asked with a sigh.
"No, but maybe you'd better tell me the whole story, anyway."
The Writer folded his hands on the table and closed his eyes. "I'd just gotten the first Fandom.com Advance Order Catalog for the new year, and that's when I saw her. I'd dreamed of her many times, but this was the first time that she could actually be mine, and only for twenty bucks, if I sent my order in before January 31st."
Trunks stared at him. "You BOUGHT a Muse out of a catalog?"
"Not exactly..."
* * * * *
"Hey, boss!" Yugi shouted. "You've got mail!"
The Writer slowly opened his eyes. "Yugi, remember that talk we had about how you wake me up?"
"Yeah. So what?"
"Remember what the number one way NOT to do it was?"
"Um...sitting on your chest and screaming in your face?"
"That's right. What did you just do?"
"But you've got a box!" Yugi said, shoving the package in his face. "Boxes in the mail are always good! They've got cool stuff like gifts and presents! There might even be one for ME!"
XMAN0123 closed his eyes, searching for his last bit of patience. "Yugi, you're a Muse and a fictive. The only mail you get either goes through Subreality or Pioneer. This box is for ME, not you."
"So you gonna open it?" she asked, poking at one of the corners.
"As soon as you leave. Goodbye, Yugi."
Yugi pouted. "I wanna see what it is!"
"Well, I don't want you to. Leave."
Yugi's bottom lip trembled. "I thought we had something special."
"We do. You're my Muse...on loan from Pioneer."
"Then why don't you trust me?!"
The Writer sighed. "I do trust you, Yugi. But there are some things even you can't know about me."
Yugi raised an eyebrow. "Is this one of those XXX-rated gifts that only pervs get in the mail?"
"NO."
"So lemme see!" she whined.
"Fine!" XMAN0123 ripped open the box and poured the contents all over the bed. Amid a flood of green Styrofoam bits, a mop of dark hair was visible.
"What is it?" Yugi asked fearfully, taking a step back.
The Writer fished the doll out of the Styrofoam. "It's my new Death doll. It would've been signed by Neil Gaiman, but that costs extra." He held her up for Yugi's inspection.
Yugi stared at the bushy hair, pale skin, and the shiny ankh sewn into the doll's dress. Then she frowned, flipped her blond hair behind her back, and said, "It's ugly."
XMAN0123 frowned and tucked the doll under his arm. "She is NOT ugly. She's perfectly beautiful...in a Gothic sort of way."
"I don't like her." Yugi poked at the doll's foot. "You're not going to SLEEP with that thing, are you?"
"Why wouldn't--I mean, that's none of your business!"
Yugi stared up at him. "I'm cuter than she is. If anything, you should take me to bed with you."
"That's illegal EVERYWHERE, not to mention the main problem."
"What?"
"I have absolutely no desire to." He smiled and kissed her forehead. "Bye."
Yugi wiped off her forehead. "Don't kiss me while you have that...that thing!"
XMAN0123 grinned. "You're jealous of a DOLL? It's not even alive!"
"I'm not jealous! I just think it's stupid that you're gonna sleep with that...thing!"
"You are jealous. How cute!" The Writer grinned even wider. "My little Yugi's grown into a big girl with emotions, romantic dreams, and a huge crush on me to boot! You might even get pimples!"
Yugi turned bright red. "Stop making fun of me!"
"Okay, I'm sorry." He pulled her into his lap. "Yugi, you know you'll always be the only Muse for me, don't you?"
Yugi refused to look at him. "You don't mean that. You're just saying that so I won't be mad."
"I DO mean it," he insisted, tilting her head upward so he could look into her blue eyes. "Know what else?"
"What?" she asked quietly, a dreamy look on her face.
"I love you," he whispered, kissing her forehead.
"You mean it?"
"Would I lie to you?"
"I guess not." Yugi pressed her head against his chest. "So...if you really love me, could you do me a favor?"
"What?"
"Get rid of the doll?" she asked hopefully.
"Gimme twenty bucks, and you can do whatever you want with her."
"You'd just get another one, wouldn't you?"
"Yup." XMAN0123 smiled. "Yugi, it's no big deal. It's a doll. I just need something to hug when you're not here."
"You can hug me all the time! I could move in with you!" she cried.
"No, you couldn't."
"I'll stay with you all the time, I promise!"
"You can't. You've got responsibilities to Pioneer. You're only on loan, remember? I don't write well enough to buy you from them yet. Maybe if I can get a novel published or something, but until then, you can only do this part-time."
Yugi's eyes brimmed with tears. "But you don't need that stupid thing! You've got me!"
The Writer sighed and stroked her long hair. "Yugi, please don't cry. No one could ever take your place in my heart, especially not a doll. It's like a pillow with an ankh, okay?"
Yugi sniffled. "You promise?" she asked, hugging him tightly.
"I promise, sweetheart," he said, kissing her hair.
* * * * *
"I don't get it," Trunks said. "How's that cheating on Yugi?"
XMAN0123 rolled his eyes. "You didn't let me finish. After she went home, I went back to bed and had this dream..."
* * * * *
"So it's you again," Dream murmured as XMAN0123 appeared in front of him. "You're one of my regulars here, you know that?"
"Can't help it. A Writer's gotta have dreams."
"True. But not many Writers actually want to spend time with me," he pointed out. "Most just want to meet me so they can say they did."
"It's a trade-off. I've never even seen one of your comics."
Dream nodded. "I suppose. So what would like tonight? Perhaps an action-packed one? Or maybe you're in the mood for something...dare I say...reserved for a mature audience?"
The Writer turned red. "Well, actually, I just had a question."
"Oh. Fire away, then."
"Uh...I know you must get this all the time, but...can I meet your sister?"
Dream arched an eyebrow, either out of curiosity or surprise. "Which?"
"Death. I'm...a fan."
"Aren't we all?" Dream continued to stare at him. "And what might be the nature of this meeting?"
"I was hoping she could sign my d--er, action figure!"
"Really? That's...new."
"It is?" XMAN0123 asked.
"Yes. Most people just want to sleep with her. But most of them end up dying." After a horrified look from the Writer, he quickly added, "In their sleep. I despise perverts."
"Oh. I was gonna say, I know she's prolly good--I mean, the best, but killer? That'd be--" He stopped and looked at the Lord of Dreams. "Oh, man. I am SO sorry. I didn't mean to imply that she might be....uh..."
"It's okay, friend. I know what you meant. I'll see if I can set up a date."
"DATE?!"
Dream looked puzzled. "I meant a day when she could see you."
XMAN0123 sighed in relief.
"She's free...right now," Dream replied a few seconds later. "She's on her way."
"What?!" the Writer cried. "But I'm not ready yet! I don't even know what to say!"
"You're a Writer. You'll think of something. Ah, here she is now."
A portal in the shape of an ankh appeared before them, and Death stepped out, looking more radiant than usual. It was quite obvious that she loved meeting fans, at least, in the Dreaming, anyway.
"My dear sister. Always a pleasure," Dream said as he took her hand.
"Good to see you, too, little brother," she replied, kissing his cheek. Her eyes turned to the Writer. "Is this him?" she asked, not sounding surprised at all.
"Yes. This is...well...that moniker you go by isn't really your name, is it?"
XMAN0123 looked pale. "Uh...no. I guess you can just call me Nate."
"Delighted," Death said, offering her hand.
Nate hesitated, then accepted her hand and impulsively kissed it.
"Oooh!" she cooed, smiling. "I like him already."
* * * * *
"You put the moves on Death?" Trunks asked in disbelief.
"It wasn't a move! I was nervous! I wanted her to like me!"
Trunks just shook his head. "You're a brave man. So then what happened?"
"Well, we talked for a bit, she signed the doll, and we talked some more. Then I woke up."
"So where does the cheating come in?" Trunks wanted to know.
"I'm getting to that," the Writer replied with a sigh. "I woke up around midnight, and that's when it happened..."
* * * * *
After a quick trip to the bathroom, Nate went back to bed, only to find something strange. When he'd gotten up, the Death doll was sitting on his pillow. Now it was in the center of the bed, hogging all the covers. Since it was too late and Nate was too tired to give it much thought, he moved the doll over and slipped beneath the covers. He didn't even notice when the "doll" snuggled up to him and rested its head on his chest.
However, when he woke up the following morning to find it sitting on his chest as Yugi had done so many times, he wanted to scream. Not because it was scary or anything. It was just that dolls didn't usually come to life without some sort of magic.
Nate bit his lip, then formed the word in his mind before speaking. "How?"
"My guess would be this," she replied, holding out her arm.
Nate slowly took her arm. He could even see that it was real skin now, not just some material layered over cotton. He could also see Death's signature printed in bold letters, along with a little happy face that had just been black ink before. Now it was yellow and even happier. Not that it made him feel any better.
"Can I have my arm back now?"
Nate blinked and let her go. "Sorry. Do you have a name? Like Mini-Death or something?"
"No, just Death will be fine. Or D. Or Diana. I always liked that name."
"Great. What are you doing here?"
Death smirked. "I'm your new Muse, silly!"
"WHAT?!" Nate sat up, spilling her onto the bed.
"What's your problem?!" she shouted, getting to her feet. "This is no way to treat your inspiration!"
"But I already have a Muse!" He pointed to the photo of Yugi and himself on his bedside table. "See?"
"So now you have two." Death straightened out her skirt. "Anyway, some ground rules. I don't like to be thrown around like a rag doll. I am very real, so I want to be treated like a real person. For example: the cuddling last night. That was much nicer."
Nate shook his head. "I am SO dead. When Yugi finds out...no, wait. I won't tell her."
"Doesn't work like that. You have a special bond with your Muse. If you get another one, she'll know."
Nate groaned and pulled a pillow over his head. "My life is ruined!"
Death reached over and patted his back. "Tell you what. You go out and prepare yourself for the explosion, and I'll just hang out somewhere. When you're ready for me to meet her, just call, okay?"
"Why would I do that? She'll try to kill you!"
"Nope. She'll try to kill YOU. She'll just be really mad at me."
* * * * *
"So you got another Muse?" Trunks tapped his chin thoughtfully. "I didn't know you could do that."
"Well, I didn't either. But now I'm stuck with her." Nate sighed heavily. "Of course, it happens after I tell Yugi she's the only Muse for me."
"Did you try contacting the original Death?" Trunks suggested.
"Yeah. She said that she could sense my...fondness for her, and that D would be a great source of inspiration for my non-anime stories."
"In other words, she wouldn't undo it."
"Basically."
"So...if Yugi's your Anime Humor Muse, what kind of Muse is D?"
Nate shrugged. "That's what I've been trying to figure out. Along with how I'll live to see tomorrow, of course." He glanced at his watch. "Well, Yugi's probably at my place by now. I guess I should go home and face the music."
"You really do seem sorry about this, though," Trunks said.
"I AM sorry. I didn't ask for this to happen. I really do care about Yugi, and now she's gonna hate me. I don't know what I'll do without her."
"No offense, but you sound like you're talking about a girlfriend."
Nate looked at Trunks. "Um...we've got a weird relationship. She walks a line between 'little sister/best friend I can't touch' and 'girl of my dreams'...although that last one belongs to Death now, apparently."
"And you're just gonna go home and face her?"
"I have to, Trunks. I refuse to lie to her. I'll just tell her what I told you and hope she can forgive me."
Trunks nodded. "Well, in case I never work for you again? I think you're a pretty good Writer."
"Thanks, I think. Wish me luck."
* * * * *
The apartment was strangely quiet when Nate got home that night. He peeked into the kitchen and was surprised to find Vegeta and Cell sitting around the table. "Uh...hello?"
Vegeta looked up. "Oh. It's YOU."
"Now, now, Vegeta," Cell said. "We promised we'd give him a chance to explain BEFORE we killed him. Because why?"
Vegeta looked more than annoyed as he muttered, "He can't explain when he's dead."
Cell pulled him aside. "It's better that you don't talk to him. He wants to kill you, and we agreed it would be cruel to do that before Yugi found out why you broke her heart. She's waiting in your bedroom."
"Oh. Thanks for the warning."
Cell nodded. "Anyway, go in there and fix the mess you made. Just remember that if you try to run, I'll trip you up and hold you down while Vegeta burns the flesh from your bones."
The Writer swallowed noisily. "I'll keep that in mind." He slowly walked toward the bedroom. He paused just outside the door, took a deep breath, and went inside.
Yugi was lying on his pillow, curled up in the fetal position. The only reason she probably didn't kill him immediately was the fact that she wasn't facing the doorway. Her best friend, Sasami, was sitting next to her, offering what little comfort she could.
Sasami looked up as he came closer.
"How is she?" Nate asked slowly.
"I just hope you've got a backup plan for inspiration. I don't think she'll be working anytime soon." Sasami patted Yugi's back and lowered her voice. "Good luck," she said, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze before leaving the room.
Nate sat down on the bed and started to stroke Yugi's hair, then thought better of it. He decided to start the only way he could. "Yugi, I'm so sorry. I never meant for this to happen."
"You said...I was the only Muse for you," she said quietly. "You lied to me."
"No, I didn't! I never asked for another Muse. Death thought I needed one."
Yugi sniffled a bit. "Maybe you understand why I was jealous...now that your little doll is alive."
"I'm sorry I teased you, but I didn't know how strong your feelings for me were. I'm just realizing how I felt about you, too."
"If you didn't want to work with me anymore, you should have said something."
Nate placed his hand on her shoulder. "It was never about that, Yugi. I love having you as my Muse. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."
"So why do you need her?"
"I don't know. Death says I do, and I can't really argue with her. She's the equivalent of a god just about everywhere, especially Subreality. I think she did it for a reason, and there's only one way to find out."
Yugi finally rolled over and looked up at him. "You...you're gonna use her?"
"I have to, Yugi. A Writer can't ignore a Muse. It's like trying to go a year without using the bathroom. It's just not natural."
"Love the analogy," she muttered, a smile on her lips.
"So does that mean you forgive me?" he asked hopefully.
"No, that means I'll still be your Muse. I have a right to be pissed at you for at least a year. Make no mistake about it, this is NOT an alliance with D or any kind of acceptance. This is pure competition over who the better Muse is. In short, this means war."
Nate smiled at her. "That's my girl."
"No, that's your Muse, and don't you forget it, buster." Yugi sat up and brushed the hair out of her eyes. "So. Am I cuter than her?"
"I can't really--"
"Wait, that's not fair. I've been crying. Lemme clean up first, then tell me."
Nate rolled his eyes. "Yugi, I'm not going to be part of this contest of yours. I have two Muses, and I'm not going to treat either one better than the other. You will both receive equal attention from me."
Yugi smirked. "Oh yeah?" She crawled across the bed and stood in Nate's lap, wrapping her arms around his neck. "How's this for equal attention? I bet you aren't even thinking about--"
"Me?" D asked as she appeared behind Yugi.
Yugi's face fell. "You called her, didn't you?"
"Yup," Nate answered with a grin.
"So you're the one trying to take my job?" Yugi asked.
"Nope," D replied as she made room in Nate's lap for herself. "I'm the one that has your job."
"That's enough, you two," Nate said firmly. "You're here to inspire me, not fight."
"I bet I can inspire him better," D added.
"You wish," Yugi replied.
"Care to make a wager, then?"
"Fine. The winner gets a kiss."
Nate eyed them with some concern, yet a bit of obvious interest. "You're going to kiss each other?"
"No!" Yugi cried in disgust. "You're going to kiss the winner."
"I'll be sure to wear my black lipstick," D said, eyeing Nate suggestively.
"Hey, back off!" Yugi shouted, shoving her. "The contest hasn't even started yet!"
"That's where you're wrong. I was in bed with him last night."
Nate was already racing out of the room before Yugi could strangle him.
* * * * *
"Let me see if I understand this. You have two Muses, both underage, that want to sleep with you?"
"It's more than that," Nate said. "They're both in love with me. At least, they say they are."
"And you give them equal attention?"
"I do my best, but I guess I'm partial to Yugi. She was my first...er, Muse. We haven't...y'know."
"Good. At least you have some morals. What about the other one?"
"D? Well, like the original, she's...very difficult to ignore. Then there's Yugi. She wasn't always that obvious about her feelings for me before, but with D around, she's practically throwing herself at me."
"Do you encourage that?"
"It's hard to say. I can't push her away too much, or she'll think I'm choosing D over her. But if I let her do anything she wants, D will get jealous."
"So you basically have two Muses that are madly in love with you, and you want to choose the one that's best for you."
"Huh? What are you, crazy?! I'm not asking for help, I'm happy! I wouldn't change this for the world! With this much inspiration, in two years, I could become the best fanfic writer there is!"
"So why did you call me, Nate?"
"Oh. I was really just looking for Washu. I'm thinking about getting another Muse."
"You want Washu to be your Muse?"
"No, I want her to make one for me. I figure if it has Yugi's adorable cuteness and D's alarming beauty, it'll be the perfect Muse for me."
"Nate, I'm really worried about you. You're starting to sound more like a pimp than a Writer."
"Hey, this has nothing to do with money! I'm doing this because I deserve the attention!"
"Uh...what?"
"Women have been ignoring me all my life! Being a gentleman never worked, and no matter what I did to please them, it was never enough! Well, now I've got the power, and I won't stop until a have a million mighty Muses, all madly in love with me! BA HA HA HA!!!"
"...Nate, are you okay?"
"Sorry about that. It's great to feel loved after being alone for so long. You understand that, right?"
"Yes, but I think there's a such thing as too much love."
"Fine, I'll only get one more Muse. Eventually. Right now, I'm okay with the two I have."
"Nate, you are still using your Muses for inspiration, aren't you?"
"Oh, sure! I write almost all the time now. Well, except for the daily naps."
"What?"
"I take three naps a day."
"I'm afraid to ask why."
"Okay, then. Talk to you later, Tenchi." Nate turned off his cell phone.
"Who was that?" Yugi murmured, opening her eyes.
"Just an old friend. Go back to sleep."
"She's got more blanket than I do, Nate! Make her share!" D whined.
"Both of you stop it or no one gets to sleep here again."
"We'll be good!" Yugi promised.
"I'll be better!" D agreed.
"Good. Now go to sleep."
"Why does SHE get the left side?"
"I was the first Muse, so I get first pick of sides!"
"But if you were any good in the first place, he wouldn't need me!"
"He doesn't need you! He's just too nice to say you SUCK!"
Nate closed his eyes. "I will kick out the next Muse who speaks."
Silence.
Nate smiled. "Good night, girls."
I can still say goodnight like this, right? I mean, telepathy isn't REALLY speaking, and--
Good NIGHT, Yugi...
--------------------
1. Get advice from trusted fictives who have experience with your Muse.
2. Always be ready to repeat your story. You may have to tell the tale several times before you find someone that can help.
3. Be careful what you wish for, you just might get a twisted version of it (especially in Subreality).
4. Be sure you know your Muse's friends, particularly the ones with destructive powers, as they might be used against you.
5. Never lie to your Muse. Just tip-toe around the truth until there is no other choice.
6. Always use terms of endearment when speaking to your angry Muse.
7. NEVER tell your Muse the details of what you did with another. Use words/phrases like "all a blur," "can't recall," "missed it in a drunken haze," and, "Hey, don't blame me; it's Subreality! ANYTHING can happen!"
8. Try to treat all your Muses equally. Ex. If one of them drags you into a hot tub, you better have a big one.
9. Muses will almost always fight. Empty threats usually squash these conflicts.
10. Once you know the rules, share them. You're not only one with Muse trouble.
--------------------
Disclaimer: Yugi, Sasami, and Tenchi belong to Pioneer, Death & Dream belong to Vertigo Comics, Trunks (both), Cell, and Vegeta belong to Akira Toriyama, and Subreality belongs to Kielle, but you knew that already.
Cheating On My Muse (And Getting Away with It!): A Writer's Handbook
by XMAN0123
--------------------
Trunks bit into his bacon cheeseburger with a loud crunch. "Y'know, you should really take your fictives out to lunch more often."
XMAN0123 sighed and watched the kid polish off the third burger before saying anything. "I need your help, Trunks. It's about Yugi."
Trunks stopped chewing for a moment. "What'd she do this time?"
"Nothing. For once, it's my fault. I...I..."
"What?" Trunks asked, already dreading the answer.
"I cheated on her!" XMAN0123 finally blurted out, a worried look on his face.
"Uh oh." Trunks stared at the Writer. "That was pretty stupid."
"I didn't WANT to do it! It just...happened! One minute, I was dreaming, and the next thing I know, I'm in bed with another Muse!" Trunks's eyes widened, suddenly reminding the Writer of the boy's age. "But maybe I should be discussing this with the older version of you."
Trunks nodded. "Uh huh. You gonna eat your fries?"
So, after a phone call and a quick walk to the Subreality Cafe, XMAN0123 was watching another of his borrowed fictives put away three cheeseburgers. The fact that they were both versions of the same person was hardly interesting anymore, considering the magnitude of his problem.
"From what Young Trunks told me, you've got a big problem," Trunks said, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. "So talk to me."
"I cheated on Yugi, and I don't know what to do."
Trunks smirked. "Simple. You die. Possibly in pieces, but in a bloody heap of bones and organs if you're lucky. Sort of."
The Writer rolled his eyes. "I meant how do I SURVIVE this?"
"Oh, that. Well, no one's ever gotten away with it, to my knowledge. But then, I'm just a fictive. Muses are total mysteries to me. I only listen to Writers, and they get their orders from Muses."
"So you can't help me?" XMAN0123 asked with a sigh.
"No, but maybe you'd better tell me the whole story, anyway."
The Writer folded his hands on the table and closed his eyes. "I'd just gotten the first Fandom.com Advance Order Catalog for the new year, and that's when I saw her. I'd dreamed of her many times, but this was the first time that she could actually be mine, and only for twenty bucks, if I sent my order in before January 31st."
Trunks stared at him. "You BOUGHT a Muse out of a catalog?"
"Not exactly..."
* * * * *
"Hey, boss!" Yugi shouted. "You've got mail!"
The Writer slowly opened his eyes. "Yugi, remember that talk we had about how you wake me up?"
"Yeah. So what?"
"Remember what the number one way NOT to do it was?"
"Um...sitting on your chest and screaming in your face?"
"That's right. What did you just do?"
"But you've got a box!" Yugi said, shoving the package in his face. "Boxes in the mail are always good! They've got cool stuff like gifts and presents! There might even be one for ME!"
XMAN0123 closed his eyes, searching for his last bit of patience. "Yugi, you're a Muse and a fictive. The only mail you get either goes through Subreality or Pioneer. This box is for ME, not you."
"So you gonna open it?" she asked, poking at one of the corners.
"As soon as you leave. Goodbye, Yugi."
Yugi pouted. "I wanna see what it is!"
"Well, I don't want you to. Leave."
Yugi's bottom lip trembled. "I thought we had something special."
"We do. You're my Muse...on loan from Pioneer."
"Then why don't you trust me?!"
The Writer sighed. "I do trust you, Yugi. But there are some things even you can't know about me."
Yugi raised an eyebrow. "Is this one of those XXX-rated gifts that only pervs get in the mail?"
"NO."
"So lemme see!" she whined.
"Fine!" XMAN0123 ripped open the box and poured the contents all over the bed. Amid a flood of green Styrofoam bits, a mop of dark hair was visible.
"What is it?" Yugi asked fearfully, taking a step back.
The Writer fished the doll out of the Styrofoam. "It's my new Death doll. It would've been signed by Neil Gaiman, but that costs extra." He held her up for Yugi's inspection.
Yugi stared at the bushy hair, pale skin, and the shiny ankh sewn into the doll's dress. Then she frowned, flipped her blond hair behind her back, and said, "It's ugly."
XMAN0123 frowned and tucked the doll under his arm. "She is NOT ugly. She's perfectly beautiful...in a Gothic sort of way."
"I don't like her." Yugi poked at the doll's foot. "You're not going to SLEEP with that thing, are you?"
"Why wouldn't--I mean, that's none of your business!"
Yugi stared up at him. "I'm cuter than she is. If anything, you should take me to bed with you."
"That's illegal EVERYWHERE, not to mention the main problem."
"What?"
"I have absolutely no desire to." He smiled and kissed her forehead. "Bye."
Yugi wiped off her forehead. "Don't kiss me while you have that...that thing!"
XMAN0123 grinned. "You're jealous of a DOLL? It's not even alive!"
"I'm not jealous! I just think it's stupid that you're gonna sleep with that...thing!"
"You are jealous. How cute!" The Writer grinned even wider. "My little Yugi's grown into a big girl with emotions, romantic dreams, and a huge crush on me to boot! You might even get pimples!"
Yugi turned bright red. "Stop making fun of me!"
"Okay, I'm sorry." He pulled her into his lap. "Yugi, you know you'll always be the only Muse for me, don't you?"
Yugi refused to look at him. "You don't mean that. You're just saying that so I won't be mad."
"I DO mean it," he insisted, tilting her head upward so he could look into her blue eyes. "Know what else?"
"What?" she asked quietly, a dreamy look on her face.
"I love you," he whispered, kissing her forehead.
"You mean it?"
"Would I lie to you?"
"I guess not." Yugi pressed her head against his chest. "So...if you really love me, could you do me a favor?"
"What?"
"Get rid of the doll?" she asked hopefully.
"Gimme twenty bucks, and you can do whatever you want with her."
"You'd just get another one, wouldn't you?"
"Yup." XMAN0123 smiled. "Yugi, it's no big deal. It's a doll. I just need something to hug when you're not here."
"You can hug me all the time! I could move in with you!" she cried.
"No, you couldn't."
"I'll stay with you all the time, I promise!"
"You can't. You've got responsibilities to Pioneer. You're only on loan, remember? I don't write well enough to buy you from them yet. Maybe if I can get a novel published or something, but until then, you can only do this part-time."
Yugi's eyes brimmed with tears. "But you don't need that stupid thing! You've got me!"
The Writer sighed and stroked her long hair. "Yugi, please don't cry. No one could ever take your place in my heart, especially not a doll. It's like a pillow with an ankh, okay?"
Yugi sniffled. "You promise?" she asked, hugging him tightly.
"I promise, sweetheart," he said, kissing her hair.
* * * * *
"I don't get it," Trunks said. "How's that cheating on Yugi?"
XMAN0123 rolled his eyes. "You didn't let me finish. After she went home, I went back to bed and had this dream..."
* * * * *
"So it's you again," Dream murmured as XMAN0123 appeared in front of him. "You're one of my regulars here, you know that?"
"Can't help it. A Writer's gotta have dreams."
"True. But not many Writers actually want to spend time with me," he pointed out. "Most just want to meet me so they can say they did."
"It's a trade-off. I've never even seen one of your comics."
Dream nodded. "I suppose. So what would like tonight? Perhaps an action-packed one? Or maybe you're in the mood for something...dare I say...reserved for a mature audience?"
The Writer turned red. "Well, actually, I just had a question."
"Oh. Fire away, then."
"Uh...I know you must get this all the time, but...can I meet your sister?"
Dream arched an eyebrow, either out of curiosity or surprise. "Which?"
"Death. I'm...a fan."
"Aren't we all?" Dream continued to stare at him. "And what might be the nature of this meeting?"
"I was hoping she could sign my d--er, action figure!"
"Really? That's...new."
"It is?" XMAN0123 asked.
"Yes. Most people just want to sleep with her. But most of them end up dying." After a horrified look from the Writer, he quickly added, "In their sleep. I despise perverts."
"Oh. I was gonna say, I know she's prolly good--I mean, the best, but killer? That'd be--" He stopped and looked at the Lord of Dreams. "Oh, man. I am SO sorry. I didn't mean to imply that she might be....uh..."
"It's okay, friend. I know what you meant. I'll see if I can set up a date."
"DATE?!"
Dream looked puzzled. "I meant a day when she could see you."
XMAN0123 sighed in relief.
"She's free...right now," Dream replied a few seconds later. "She's on her way."
"What?!" the Writer cried. "But I'm not ready yet! I don't even know what to say!"
"You're a Writer. You'll think of something. Ah, here she is now."
A portal in the shape of an ankh appeared before them, and Death stepped out, looking more radiant than usual. It was quite obvious that she loved meeting fans, at least, in the Dreaming, anyway.
"My dear sister. Always a pleasure," Dream said as he took her hand.
"Good to see you, too, little brother," she replied, kissing his cheek. Her eyes turned to the Writer. "Is this him?" she asked, not sounding surprised at all.
"Yes. This is...well...that moniker you go by isn't really your name, is it?"
XMAN0123 looked pale. "Uh...no. I guess you can just call me Nate."
"Delighted," Death said, offering her hand.
Nate hesitated, then accepted her hand and impulsively kissed it.
"Oooh!" she cooed, smiling. "I like him already."
* * * * *
"You put the moves on Death?" Trunks asked in disbelief.
"It wasn't a move! I was nervous! I wanted her to like me!"
Trunks just shook his head. "You're a brave man. So then what happened?"
"Well, we talked for a bit, she signed the doll, and we talked some more. Then I woke up."
"So where does the cheating come in?" Trunks wanted to know.
"I'm getting to that," the Writer replied with a sigh. "I woke up around midnight, and that's when it happened..."
* * * * *
After a quick trip to the bathroom, Nate went back to bed, only to find something strange. When he'd gotten up, the Death doll was sitting on his pillow. Now it was in the center of the bed, hogging all the covers. Since it was too late and Nate was too tired to give it much thought, he moved the doll over and slipped beneath the covers. He didn't even notice when the "doll" snuggled up to him and rested its head on his chest.
However, when he woke up the following morning to find it sitting on his chest as Yugi had done so many times, he wanted to scream. Not because it was scary or anything. It was just that dolls didn't usually come to life without some sort of magic.
Nate bit his lip, then formed the word in his mind before speaking. "How?"
"My guess would be this," she replied, holding out her arm.
Nate slowly took her arm. He could even see that it was real skin now, not just some material layered over cotton. He could also see Death's signature printed in bold letters, along with a little happy face that had just been black ink before. Now it was yellow and even happier. Not that it made him feel any better.
"Can I have my arm back now?"
Nate blinked and let her go. "Sorry. Do you have a name? Like Mini-Death or something?"
"No, just Death will be fine. Or D. Or Diana. I always liked that name."
"Great. What are you doing here?"
Death smirked. "I'm your new Muse, silly!"
"WHAT?!" Nate sat up, spilling her onto the bed.
"What's your problem?!" she shouted, getting to her feet. "This is no way to treat your inspiration!"
"But I already have a Muse!" He pointed to the photo of Yugi and himself on his bedside table. "See?"
"So now you have two." Death straightened out her skirt. "Anyway, some ground rules. I don't like to be thrown around like a rag doll. I am very real, so I want to be treated like a real person. For example: the cuddling last night. That was much nicer."
Nate shook his head. "I am SO dead. When Yugi finds out...no, wait. I won't tell her."
"Doesn't work like that. You have a special bond with your Muse. If you get another one, she'll know."
Nate groaned and pulled a pillow over his head. "My life is ruined!"
Death reached over and patted his back. "Tell you what. You go out and prepare yourself for the explosion, and I'll just hang out somewhere. When you're ready for me to meet her, just call, okay?"
"Why would I do that? She'll try to kill you!"
"Nope. She'll try to kill YOU. She'll just be really mad at me."
* * * * *
"So you got another Muse?" Trunks tapped his chin thoughtfully. "I didn't know you could do that."
"Well, I didn't either. But now I'm stuck with her." Nate sighed heavily. "Of course, it happens after I tell Yugi she's the only Muse for me."
"Did you try contacting the original Death?" Trunks suggested.
"Yeah. She said that she could sense my...fondness for her, and that D would be a great source of inspiration for my non-anime stories."
"In other words, she wouldn't undo it."
"Basically."
"So...if Yugi's your Anime Humor Muse, what kind of Muse is D?"
Nate shrugged. "That's what I've been trying to figure out. Along with how I'll live to see tomorrow, of course." He glanced at his watch. "Well, Yugi's probably at my place by now. I guess I should go home and face the music."
"You really do seem sorry about this, though," Trunks said.
"I AM sorry. I didn't ask for this to happen. I really do care about Yugi, and now she's gonna hate me. I don't know what I'll do without her."
"No offense, but you sound like you're talking about a girlfriend."
Nate looked at Trunks. "Um...we've got a weird relationship. She walks a line between 'little sister/best friend I can't touch' and 'girl of my dreams'...although that last one belongs to Death now, apparently."
"And you're just gonna go home and face her?"
"I have to, Trunks. I refuse to lie to her. I'll just tell her what I told you and hope she can forgive me."
Trunks nodded. "Well, in case I never work for you again? I think you're a pretty good Writer."
"Thanks, I think. Wish me luck."
* * * * *
The apartment was strangely quiet when Nate got home that night. He peeked into the kitchen and was surprised to find Vegeta and Cell sitting around the table. "Uh...hello?"
Vegeta looked up. "Oh. It's YOU."
"Now, now, Vegeta," Cell said. "We promised we'd give him a chance to explain BEFORE we killed him. Because why?"
Vegeta looked more than annoyed as he muttered, "He can't explain when he's dead."
Cell pulled him aside. "It's better that you don't talk to him. He wants to kill you, and we agreed it would be cruel to do that before Yugi found out why you broke her heart. She's waiting in your bedroom."
"Oh. Thanks for the warning."
Cell nodded. "Anyway, go in there and fix the mess you made. Just remember that if you try to run, I'll trip you up and hold you down while Vegeta burns the flesh from your bones."
The Writer swallowed noisily. "I'll keep that in mind." He slowly walked toward the bedroom. He paused just outside the door, took a deep breath, and went inside.
Yugi was lying on his pillow, curled up in the fetal position. The only reason she probably didn't kill him immediately was the fact that she wasn't facing the doorway. Her best friend, Sasami, was sitting next to her, offering what little comfort she could.
Sasami looked up as he came closer.
"How is she?" Nate asked slowly.
"I just hope you've got a backup plan for inspiration. I don't think she'll be working anytime soon." Sasami patted Yugi's back and lowered her voice. "Good luck," she said, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze before leaving the room.
Nate sat down on the bed and started to stroke Yugi's hair, then thought better of it. He decided to start the only way he could. "Yugi, I'm so sorry. I never meant for this to happen."
"You said...I was the only Muse for you," she said quietly. "You lied to me."
"No, I didn't! I never asked for another Muse. Death thought I needed one."
Yugi sniffled a bit. "Maybe you understand why I was jealous...now that your little doll is alive."
"I'm sorry I teased you, but I didn't know how strong your feelings for me were. I'm just realizing how I felt about you, too."
"If you didn't want to work with me anymore, you should have said something."
Nate placed his hand on her shoulder. "It was never about that, Yugi. I love having you as my Muse. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."
"So why do you need her?"
"I don't know. Death says I do, and I can't really argue with her. She's the equivalent of a god just about everywhere, especially Subreality. I think she did it for a reason, and there's only one way to find out."
Yugi finally rolled over and looked up at him. "You...you're gonna use her?"
"I have to, Yugi. A Writer can't ignore a Muse. It's like trying to go a year without using the bathroom. It's just not natural."
"Love the analogy," she muttered, a smile on her lips.
"So does that mean you forgive me?" he asked hopefully.
"No, that means I'll still be your Muse. I have a right to be pissed at you for at least a year. Make no mistake about it, this is NOT an alliance with D or any kind of acceptance. This is pure competition over who the better Muse is. In short, this means war."
Nate smiled at her. "That's my girl."
"No, that's your Muse, and don't you forget it, buster." Yugi sat up and brushed the hair out of her eyes. "So. Am I cuter than her?"
"I can't really--"
"Wait, that's not fair. I've been crying. Lemme clean up first, then tell me."
Nate rolled his eyes. "Yugi, I'm not going to be part of this contest of yours. I have two Muses, and I'm not going to treat either one better than the other. You will both receive equal attention from me."
Yugi smirked. "Oh yeah?" She crawled across the bed and stood in Nate's lap, wrapping her arms around his neck. "How's this for equal attention? I bet you aren't even thinking about--"
"Me?" D asked as she appeared behind Yugi.
Yugi's face fell. "You called her, didn't you?"
"Yup," Nate answered with a grin.
"So you're the one trying to take my job?" Yugi asked.
"Nope," D replied as she made room in Nate's lap for herself. "I'm the one that has your job."
"That's enough, you two," Nate said firmly. "You're here to inspire me, not fight."
"I bet I can inspire him better," D added.
"You wish," Yugi replied.
"Care to make a wager, then?"
"Fine. The winner gets a kiss."
Nate eyed them with some concern, yet a bit of obvious interest. "You're going to kiss each other?"
"No!" Yugi cried in disgust. "You're going to kiss the winner."
"I'll be sure to wear my black lipstick," D said, eyeing Nate suggestively.
"Hey, back off!" Yugi shouted, shoving her. "The contest hasn't even started yet!"
"That's where you're wrong. I was in bed with him last night."
Nate was already racing out of the room before Yugi could strangle him.
* * * * *
"Let me see if I understand this. You have two Muses, both underage, that want to sleep with you?"
"It's more than that," Nate said. "They're both in love with me. At least, they say they are."
"And you give them equal attention?"
"I do my best, but I guess I'm partial to Yugi. She was my first...er, Muse. We haven't...y'know."
"Good. At least you have some morals. What about the other one?"
"D? Well, like the original, she's...very difficult to ignore. Then there's Yugi. She wasn't always that obvious about her feelings for me before, but with D around, she's practically throwing herself at me."
"Do you encourage that?"
"It's hard to say. I can't push her away too much, or she'll think I'm choosing D over her. But if I let her do anything she wants, D will get jealous."
"So you basically have two Muses that are madly in love with you, and you want to choose the one that's best for you."
"Huh? What are you, crazy?! I'm not asking for help, I'm happy! I wouldn't change this for the world! With this much inspiration, in two years, I could become the best fanfic writer there is!"
"So why did you call me, Nate?"
"Oh. I was really just looking for Washu. I'm thinking about getting another Muse."
"You want Washu to be your Muse?"
"No, I want her to make one for me. I figure if it has Yugi's adorable cuteness and D's alarming beauty, it'll be the perfect Muse for me."
"Nate, I'm really worried about you. You're starting to sound more like a pimp than a Writer."
"Hey, this has nothing to do with money! I'm doing this because I deserve the attention!"
"Uh...what?"
"Women have been ignoring me all my life! Being a gentleman never worked, and no matter what I did to please them, it was never enough! Well, now I've got the power, and I won't stop until a have a million mighty Muses, all madly in love with me! BA HA HA HA!!!"
"...Nate, are you okay?"
"Sorry about that. It's great to feel loved after being alone for so long. You understand that, right?"
"Yes, but I think there's a such thing as too much love."
"Fine, I'll only get one more Muse. Eventually. Right now, I'm okay with the two I have."
"Nate, you are still using your Muses for inspiration, aren't you?"
"Oh, sure! I write almost all the time now. Well, except for the daily naps."
"What?"
"I take three naps a day."
"I'm afraid to ask why."
"Okay, then. Talk to you later, Tenchi." Nate turned off his cell phone.
"Who was that?" Yugi murmured, opening her eyes.
"Just an old friend. Go back to sleep."
"She's got more blanket than I do, Nate! Make her share!" D whined.
"Both of you stop it or no one gets to sleep here again."
"We'll be good!" Yugi promised.
"I'll be better!" D agreed.
"Good. Now go to sleep."
"Why does SHE get the left side?"
"I was the first Muse, so I get first pick of sides!"
"But if you were any good in the first place, he wouldn't need me!"
"He doesn't need you! He's just too nice to say you SUCK!"
Nate closed his eyes. "I will kick out the next Muse who speaks."
Silence.
Nate smiled. "Good night, girls."
I can still say goodnight like this, right? I mean, telepathy isn't REALLY speaking, and--
Good NIGHT, Yugi...
--------------------
1. Get advice from trusted fictives who have experience with your Muse.
2. Always be ready to repeat your story. You may have to tell the tale several times before you find someone that can help.
3. Be careful what you wish for, you just might get a twisted version of it (especially in Subreality).
4. Be sure you know your Muse's friends, particularly the ones with destructive powers, as they might be used against you.
5. Never lie to your Muse. Just tip-toe around the truth until there is no other choice.
6. Always use terms of endearment when speaking to your angry Muse.
7. NEVER tell your Muse the details of what you did with another. Use words/phrases like "all a blur," "can't recall," "missed it in a drunken haze," and, "Hey, don't blame me; it's Subreality! ANYTHING can happen!"
8. Try to treat all your Muses equally. Ex. If one of them drags you into a hot tub, you better have a big one.
9. Muses will almost always fight. Empty threats usually squash these conflicts.
10. Once you know the rules, share them. You're not only one with Muse trouble.
--------------------
Disclaimer: Yugi, Sasami, and Tenchi belong to Pioneer, Death & Dream belong to Vertigo Comics, Trunks (both), Cell, and Vegeta belong to Akira Toriyama, and Subreality belongs to Kielle, but you knew that already.
