I Know She Didn't Mean It Mady Bay - mbay@binghamton.edu October 3, 2002

I know she didn't mean it. And she wasn't just lashing out at the first person that came along, me just happening to be that one. It wouldn't have been Sully or Davis. Only me. Really. And I don't blame her. I mean, her husband just had a freakin' heart attack. They were doin' CPR on the guy. Who wouldn't be stressed out? And Faith. she don't usually keep things inside. She's gotta find a way to let it all out. And believe me, I've been on the receiving end enough times. Yeah, tonight was different. Some of it hurt. Okay, a lot of it hurt. But again, I know she didn't mean it.

We'll talk later on; she'll apologize. Hell, maybe even I'll apologize. for whatever she needs me to. Whatever she needs. That's it right there. Whatever she needs done, I'll do. For her. Not for Fred. Maybe even not for the kids. Okay, for the kids, too. But mainly, for Faith. She's more than just a partner at work for me. If it wasn't for her, I'd be out of a job or in the looney bin by now. Maybe both. Sometimes I wonder why she sticks with me. Or maybe it goes both ways. Maybe she wonders why I stick with her? Though, if she don't know that, then I've seriously overestimated her!

Some people would say that she just needed to cry or needed a hug. But not my Faith. As feminine as she can sometimes be, she's still a tough one, not some little prissy girl. She needed something to punch or hit or hurt as much as she was hurting inside. Not to say she's not allowed to cry or nothin', just that she won't. Not in front of anyone like this. Because cops don't cry. And even though her husband was there, basically dead on the table, she was still in cop mode.

I still don't know what I'm gonna tell Em and Charlie when I get to the apartment. Em. she got me good earlier, didn't she? She's just like her mom. Yeah, bringing the kids to Faith is what she needs. They can take care of her; let her be a mom and a wife instead of a cop for a while. With me, or any of the other guys, she'd just be the cop. Maybe one of these days we'll be able to get around that. Hell, maybe I'll be the one to give her that hug she might need later on. And she'll take it, too. Because I know she didn't mean it.