So. This is it, huh? The stupid dyke witch says 'Bored Now' and I'm
dead? That is such shit. I don't deserve this. No MAN deserves this.
I'm smart and inventive and...I'm just-Better than you. All of you.
Better than the two little wimps I allowed to hang out with me, better than
that puffy little carpenter who couldn't even hold onto the one chick that
actually liked to screw, better than the fucking lesbos, with their 'ooh,
I'm a witch, see my magic powers' shtick. Definitely better than the
fucking Slayer. Ooh, I'm so impressed with that whore. 'Look at me, I can
kick demon ass all night, but see how I can't hold a job'. Yeah, there's a
role model for the girls of America.
Stupid little children, who couldn't even see how much better I am than they are. I mean, look at Buffy. C'mon! What, mommy gets sick, so she drops out of college? Bullshit excuse to get out before everyone realized how dumb she is, and started treating her that way. It took me two years. TWO YEARS! To get my bachelor's. And I went to Cal Poly! Not some third rate UC like UC Sunnydale. And carpenter boy? Didn't even bother wasting his lush for life parents' cash. He just went into the job market, like every other useless lemming mouth breather. He deserves everything he gets...or doesn't get, now that the easy chick's shacked up with the only cool one of the crew. Get it? Cool? Ya know, like room temperature? Ah, forget it. Probably over your head.
So, I killed the dyke with the tits, huh? SO WHAT? Hanging with you people, she was bound to bite it sooner or later. At least, she still has a body to bury, right? Maybe even open casket, 'cause I'm sure I didn't blow her head off. Evil Lesbo Willow would've said something while she was taking a bullet tour of my chest. Doesn't matter anyway. Even if nothing had happened, in what? Three years, tops? They'd have been cravin' tube steak again. It's a phase! Nothing more! C'mon, I've been to college. Cal Poly! These chicks get their first taste of freedom from their parents, and start doin' freaky shit, 'cause everyone else is doin' it, and BAM! They jump on the carpet muncher bandwagon. They just do it to get attention.
You'll probably do it too...
You're probably wondering why I sent this Dead Letter to you. Well, I was gonna send it to Spike, but no one knows where he is, not even here, wherever here is. Then I thought about easy chick, but she'd probably bitch about having to pay for postage or something. The old guy, what's his name? Geeves? He's so anal retentive, he'd have it analyzed by that group he works for and try to trace it back to its origin. Meaning he'd never read it. But I knew you would, Dawn. You're so predictable, a mysterious letter out of nowhere, with no return address? Probably thought it was some secret admirer, huh? No such luck, honey. Like anybody's gonna waste their time, much less 34 cents to say 'I like you, wanna go to the Bronze and hang?'.
Just remember this, little girl. I'm dead, but that just means I was right all along. Girls shouldn't play with stuff they don't understand. That's why God made men first. To be better. And I AM a man.
Your Better Half, Warren Meers
Stupid little children, who couldn't even see how much better I am than they are. I mean, look at Buffy. C'mon! What, mommy gets sick, so she drops out of college? Bullshit excuse to get out before everyone realized how dumb she is, and started treating her that way. It took me two years. TWO YEARS! To get my bachelor's. And I went to Cal Poly! Not some third rate UC like UC Sunnydale. And carpenter boy? Didn't even bother wasting his lush for life parents' cash. He just went into the job market, like every other useless lemming mouth breather. He deserves everything he gets...or doesn't get, now that the easy chick's shacked up with the only cool one of the crew. Get it? Cool? Ya know, like room temperature? Ah, forget it. Probably over your head.
So, I killed the dyke with the tits, huh? SO WHAT? Hanging with you people, she was bound to bite it sooner or later. At least, she still has a body to bury, right? Maybe even open casket, 'cause I'm sure I didn't blow her head off. Evil Lesbo Willow would've said something while she was taking a bullet tour of my chest. Doesn't matter anyway. Even if nothing had happened, in what? Three years, tops? They'd have been cravin' tube steak again. It's a phase! Nothing more! C'mon, I've been to college. Cal Poly! These chicks get their first taste of freedom from their parents, and start doin' freaky shit, 'cause everyone else is doin' it, and BAM! They jump on the carpet muncher bandwagon. They just do it to get attention.
You'll probably do it too...
You're probably wondering why I sent this Dead Letter to you. Well, I was gonna send it to Spike, but no one knows where he is, not even here, wherever here is. Then I thought about easy chick, but she'd probably bitch about having to pay for postage or something. The old guy, what's his name? Geeves? He's so anal retentive, he'd have it analyzed by that group he works for and try to trace it back to its origin. Meaning he'd never read it. But I knew you would, Dawn. You're so predictable, a mysterious letter out of nowhere, with no return address? Probably thought it was some secret admirer, huh? No such luck, honey. Like anybody's gonna waste their time, much less 34 cents to say 'I like you, wanna go to the Bronze and hang?'.
Just remember this, little girl. I'm dead, but that just means I was right all along. Girls shouldn't play with stuff they don't understand. That's why God made men first. To be better. And I AM a man.
Your Better Half, Warren Meers
