INT. LUKE'S DINER- NIGHT


LORELAI, RORY, and SOOKIE are eating.



SOOKIE
It was so weird. I looked on the Weather Channel
and it didn't say anything about snow. Not a single word.
But I learned some interesting stuff. Did you know
that tornadoes are formed when hot moist air collides with
really cold air, and it makes a super cell'- that's the meteorologist
slang, super cell'

Lorelai holds up her hand

LORELAI
Whoa, calm down there. We've all seen that
Twister movie.


SOOKIE
Sorry. But it IS weird, isn't it?

RORY
Completely.

LORELAI
At least we haven't had tornadoes.

EXT. OUTSIDE LUKE'S DINER- NIGHT


LUKE and JESS are tackling the exciting task of putting out the garbage.


JESS
Do you hear that?

LUKE
Yeah, it's the sound of slacker.

JESS
More like an ominous roaring sound.

LUKE
You think a tiger escaped from the circus?

JESS
I can only hope it finds Taylor soon.

LUKE
Hope is a good thing.

Random pieces of garbage that are strewn in the alley begin moving, swirling around
and catching in the air.

LUKE
What the hell?

JESS
Uh... It might be good to run.

Jess points down the alley. ANGLE TO: A good size TORNADO, bearing down on them. They drop
the garbage and run back to the back door of the diner, but the tornado catches them. They struggle with
the door, Luke's hat flies away. Luke and Jess disappear as the tornado gets stronger.

INT. LUKE'S DINER- NIGHT


LORELAI
Do you hear something?


SOOKIE
It sounds a little windy outside.


There is a loud BANG followed by some CLATTERS, then LUKE and JESS stumble into the diner. Jess's shirt is
ripped to shreds, so he's basically bare chested. Luke's flannel and cap are gone.

LORELAI
Whoa. No one told me Tuesday night was
Stripper Night!

LUKE
There was a tornado.

JESS
We decided to inherit the wind.

RORY
It's your fault, Mom! You jinxed them.

LORELAI
(frowning)
It is. I did make that tornado comment.

LUKE
Did you make the tornado too?

LORELAI
Yeah, because I can control the weather.

Her words weigh heavy and there is silence for a few beats.

SOOKIE
This may sound a little crazy, but.

LORELAI
Do you think

RORY
That someone's controlling the weather?

LUKE
That's ridiculous.

JESS
It might explain the strange occurrences.
(beat)
Although maybe not, considering the town.
Some people might think seven shops about
unicorns is strange.

The bell over the door JINGLES. MISS PATTY rushes in.

MISS PATTY
I saw a tornado! Is everyone alright?

She finally notices shirt-less Jess and flannel-less Luke.

MISS PATTY
Oh, I see everyone is FINE.

Patty winks at Luke and Jess

.

LORELAI
The tornado's gotten Luke to do what
no woman could get him to do: Remove
the flannel.

LUKE
I'm glad my traumatic experience
amuses you.

LORELAI
(ignoring the sarcasm)
Great! Then we're all happy.

JESS
(sarcastically- what else?)
Sorry to interrupt the banter, but what
about this whole weather thing?

SOOKIE
Maybe there's a mad scientist
who wants to take over the world so
he- or she, I guess mad scientists could
be women- built a weather machine.

RORY
Oh! There was this one episode of X-Files where
some guy unconsciously created weather because of the
feelings he had for a woman he unrequitedly loved.

LORELAI
Yes! The episode where Scully hints
at having feelings for Mulder! And some guy
only had one leg!

MISS PATTY
Luke, your feelings aren't creating
the weather are they?

LUKE
I don't know what you're talking about.

JESS
She's talking about you jonesing on Lorelai.

SOOKIE
Wow. I always thought that would be revealed
in a much more romantic way.

LUKE
Nothing is being revealed!

LORELAI
(trying to act cool)
Except your undershirt.

RORY
And Jess's bare chest.

JESS
I feel like a piece of meat.

MISS PATTY
(to herself)
I could just eat him up

LORELAI
Here, Patty, wipe your chin.

Lorelai hands Patty a napkin. Patty rolls her eyes.

LUKE
Since I'd desperately like to get back
to the matter at hand- Who's smart enough
to build a weather machine?

SOOKIE
Rory's smart. It's not you, is it?

RORY
Nope.

LORELAI
Unless she went all schitzo and it's one of her
multiple personalities.

LUKE
I don't think she's the one with multiple personalities.

MISS PATTY
You know, now that I think about it, I haven't seen
Kirk in a few days


JESS
That freak's smart enough to build a weather
machine?


RORY
He does watch a lot of Star Trek.

LORELAI
And we all know how warped
those Trek geeks are.

Lorelai pokes Luke with her finger.

LUKE
Careful, or your coffee may be lost
in a transporter accident.

Lorelai stops poking him, and pets his shoulder instead.

LORELAI
You wouldn't do that would you? Not to little
ol' me?

JESS
(under his breath)
Jesus. Just have sex already.

MISS PATTY
Amen to that.

RORY
So, should we try to find Kirk?

LORELAI
Even if he's not responsible, we could
have so much fun interrogating him!

They exit the diner as a group.



EXT. STARS HOLLOW TOWN SQUARE- NIGHT

SOOKIE, LORELAI, RORY, JESS, LUKE, and MISS PATTY exit the diner, running into LANE.

LANE
Hey! Is there a big party I wasn't invited to?

RORY
Well, we tried but your mother pulled out the bible.

LORELAI
We think someone invented a weather machine.
(beat)
Okay, that sounded really silly just now.

LUKE
No sillier than what you usually say.

LANE
A weather machine?

RORY
Yep. Maybe next week will be a
time machine.

LORELAI
That would be so cool!

JESS
Would be handy.

LUKE
Don't even get any ideas.

MISS PATTY
(dreamily)
I could send him back to when I was a
younger and thinner.

Jess shudders.

LORELAI
(to Lane)
Have you seen Kirk?

LANE
Not since two weeks ago. Of course,
that might be because my mom hasn't
let me out of the house in two weeks.

RORY
What horrible deed did you do this time?

LANE
Oh, it wasn't me. Actually, it was none
other than Kirk. We were at Doose's
and he asked me when I turned
eighteen and my mom heard and
after she recovered from her stroke yelled
at him, You can only date my daughter
when it snows in September!
(beat)
Oh no. Does this mean I have to date Kirk?