Disclaimer: Don't own it, never will.

(A/N) This takes place right after the Majin Buu Saga. Bura is not born yet, and Trunks and Goten are eight and seven.

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Goku watches Edward glumly, still in bed, listening to him read out loud Sense and Sensibility. Goku yawns and thinks, {This has to be the most boring book on the face of the Earth. And Eddy's enjoying it! I have to get out of here before he drives me insane!}

He looks down at his long furry appendage, which by now seems to be connected to Edward's fist. {Dumb tail. You've never caused me anything but trouble.}

Edward notices the other saiyajin's sullen expression and asks, "What's the matter Kaka-Chan, baby?"

Goku says tearfully, "I wanna go home! I don't like it here!"

Edward frowns, "But you've only been here for two hours."

Goku wails, "I miss my family!" Vegeta, still inside of Edward's head, feels something similar to pity for his low-level rival. But, of course, it's nothing to what he's feeling for himself.

However, Edward merely turns back to his book and says in a nonchalant manner, "I suppose it's natural for you to miss them. But I'm not so sure if they feel the same way about you."

Goku blinks, "What?"

Edward continues as if it's no big deal, "In fact I've heard them talking behind your back about how much they hate you, and they'd be perfectly happy if you never showed your face again."

Goku says, obviously flabbergasted, "That's not true. You're lying. They don't hate me! They love me!"

Edward says, looking up at the revolving ceiling fan, "You might think that, I'm sure. But wouldn't they have tried to rescue you by now."

Goku twiddles his fingers, "I guess so..."

Vegeta yells, KAKAROT! DON'T LISTEN TO THAT SICK MIND!

Goku crosses his arms and says indignantly, "But I still don't believe you."

Edward raises an eyebrow, "Really? Well I suppose I can get you some proof..."

Goku frowns, "No way. You'll do something sneaky, like that thermometer bit."

The possessed ouji puts his hand to his chest and pledges, "Kaka-Chan, I swear that all I will do is talk to Bulma to get it for me. I won't even leave this room. You just have to promise me to stay put, okay?"

Goku bites his lip, thinking it over. Finally he says, "Alright. But if I see anything funny, then I'm out of here."

Edward smiles, "Deal." He puts his hand in his pocket and feels for the note he had placed in there earlier, just for this occasion. He unlocks the door and sees Bulma passing by in the hallway, "Psst. Honey dear. I need you to get something for me."

Bulma frowns, "What is it, Edward?"

Edward whispers loudly, "I need you to go and get the 'evidence.'" But he silently slips Bulma the note without Goku noticing.

As Bulma quickly reads the note, her eyes widen, showing trace amounts of fear in them. She says, "Of course, Edward. I'll get it for you."

Edward says, "Thank you, honey. Bye." He closes the door and promptly sits back down in his chair, next to Goku's bed.

Goku asks, "Now what?"

"We wait, Kaka-Chan. We wait."

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Goten reads Edward's note and asks, "Is Daddy really sick?"

Bulma nods, "I'm afraid so, Goten. Can you get your mother and brother?"

Goten nods and yells into the house, "MOMMY! GOHAN! AUNTIE BULMA'S HERE!"

Bulma winces at his high-pitched voice and thinks, {I could have done that.}

ChiChi and Gohan enter the living room and see Bulma waiting at the front door. ChiChi demands, "Okay, where's Goku?! You called him and he's been missing for hours!"

Gohan hisses, "Mom, please," and turns to Bulma, "really, how is my dad doing?"

Bulma says solemnly, "That's what I came here to talk about. I think you better read this," and hands Gohan the note.

Gohan takes it and reads it out loud, "After careful examination of the patient, I have determined that he has Hyperkenteliosa Quantimus, a rare, highly contagious, saiyajin brain disease that cannot be cured. However, it can be treated, although the chances are unlikely that he'll ever be able to live a normal lifestyle. He is currently experiencing delusions that his family loves him so much that they want to kill him. I believe if his family were to tell them how much they hate him, he'll calm down, further ensuring recovery. It is necessary that they stay far away from the patient in order to make sure that he doesn't know they are lying and so that they don't contract the disease themselves. A video is preferred."

ChiChi stares at the note in disbelief, "What is this?! Some kind of sick joke?!"

Bulma says, "I'm afraid it's not a joke."

Gohan exclaims, "But the note says it's a saiyajin disease! How can the doctor know about saiyajins?!"

ChiChi demands, "It's Vegeta, isn't it?! It's Vegeta, who's playing doctor on my poor Go-Chan! You can't trust that man!"

Bulma growls, slightly ticked off, "I happen to be married to that man. But he's not the doctor, I swear. The doctor is someone much more reliable, and he knows a lot about saiyajins. So why don't you just trust me on this one?"

However the two still seem a little skeptical. Gohan asks, "Have you seen yourself how sick he is?"

Bulma says flatly, "When Mirai measured his temperature, the thermometer popped from sheer heat. And Son-Kun's having delusions about my husband coming onto him."

ChiChi and Gohan stare at her in disbelief. Gohan says, "That is bad."

ChiChi wails, "Oh my poor little Go-Chan!"

Bulma points to her bag and says, "I have the DVD camera right here."

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Bulma hands Edward the DVD, "Here you go, Edward. Hope your idea works."

Edward smiles, "I know it will."

Bulma says, "One more thing. How come you're not sick?"

Edward says simply, "I am already immune to the disease. My father was very paranoid to this sort of thing."

Bulma says, "Oh...I see. Well take care of Son-Kun."

Edward nods, "Alright, dear." He closes the door and smiles very evilly, "I'll take VERY good care of Kaka-Chan."

Vegeta growls, You sick mind.

Edward looks over to the sleeping Goku and smiles, {Aww... He looks so cute, when he's asleep!}

Goku whimpers, reaching his hand out, "No, don't leave. I need you. No! Don't go!"

Edward takes Goku's hand and says soothingly, "Don't worry Kaka-Chan, I'll never leave you."

Goku smiles, but then he opens his eyes to see the possessed ouji hanging onto him. He shrieks and falls out of bed. Goku yells angrily, "DON'T DO THAT!"

Edward says in a singsong voice, "Oh Kaka-Chan, look what I have," flashing the DVD in front of his face.

Almost all color leaves Goku's face, "Don't tell me you actually have that."

Edward says solemnly, "I'm sorry, but it's true. All you have to do is look."

Goku eyes the disc suspiciously and his eyes turn over towards the TV. Edward pops in the DVD and sits back to enjoy the show.

**ChiChi is shown standing alone**

Goku waves and smiles, "Hi ChiChi!"

**ChiChi looks down and says, "Goku, I'm sorry I have to tell you this, but I hate you. I always have."**

Goku stares at the screen in disbelief, "No, it can't be. Eddy! Stop the tape!"

Edward asks, "But don't you want to see the rest?"

Goku trembles, "There's more?"

**Gohan is the next on the screen.**

Goku moans, "Oh no...not you too."

**Gohan clenches his fists and struggles to say, "Father... I...I...I hate you." He glares up at the camera and growls, "Turn that thing off. I already said what nee-**

Goku says, "This is wrong. This is all wrong. They can't hate me."

**Finally the camera sneaks up behind Goten playing with some blocks. Gohan says, "Goten, what do you have to say to Dad?"**

Goku pleads, "Please don't say you hate me. Please don't say you hate me."

**Goten looks up at the camera with big eyes and asks, "Daddy? When are you going to come home?"**

Goku smiles, "As soon as possible, Goten."

**"Cuz I hope you never come back! I hate you! And I don't ever want to see your face again!" Goten's face disappears, replaced by static.**

Goku stares at the TV in horror, "They hate me...They really hate me..."

Edward says, "I'm sorry I had to be the first one to tell you, Kaka-Chan. But you had to know...The Truth." Another flash of lightning strikes behind Edward for emphasis.

Goku looks down at his hand and says quietly, "I can't believe they hate me... Why didn't they ever tell me..."

Edward says, "Aww...poor baby. You know... I don't hate you. I'll love you forever and ever. Not like those meanies. I'll even let you stay with me."

Vegeta can hardly believe how sneaky and manipulative Edward is, That twisted mind! Even I'm not that bad!

Goku sniffles, "Thank you, Veggie. At least one person still loves me."

Edward says flatly, "It's Eddy."

Goku ignores his remark, "But I don't wanna stay with you. You've been really creeping me out."

Edward says quietly, "I see," and turns away from Goku. Goku can swear he can hear Edward crying.

Goku asks with alarm, "What's the matter?"

Edward sniffles, "Kaka-Chan, how could you? After all I've done for you, you go and backstab me. You're being just as mean as ChiChi was to you!"

Goku pales, "I-I am?"

"Do you want me to hate you too?!"

Goku panics, "No! Not at all! I don't want that! I'll be all alone in this big cruel world!"

Edward demands, "Then say you love me too."

Goku bites his lip and looks around to make sure no one is listening. He leans close to Edward's ear and whispers, "I love you too."

Vegeta burns with embarrassment, Kakarot loves me? Oh Kami, I hope he doesn't mean that.

But Edward smiles, "Aww... That is so sweet! I love you too, Kaka-Chan!"

Goku yelps, "No! Not so loud! It's only as a friend!"

Edward looks up at the larger saiyajin with big sparkly eyes, "Does this mean you'll stay with me forever?"

Goku shifts uncomfortably in bed and says, "Well... I guess so... I don't exactly have anywhere else to go."

Edward hugs Goku tightly, "I'm so excited! We're gonna have so much fun!"

Goku looks up at the ceiling and thinks, {What did I ever do to deserve this?}

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Miyanon: Hey guys! How's Goku ever going to get out of this one? And is Hyperkenteliosa Quantimus a real disease? Don't forget Vegeta. All this coming up on the next chapter of "Split Ends!"