CHAPTER TWELVE: LIME

She crept back into the bed, her thoughts jumbled and moving at a pace far too fast for her to really decipher anything.  Stephen was Angel's son.  Holtz had been talking to her for two years about the demon who had killed his family, and Buffy had wished that she could exact the vengeance that Holtz so desperately wanted.

The question was, was she willing to go through with the thoughts of killing the evil vampire that had killed Holtz's family.  Angel was different now.  He had a soul. 

The thoughts about how Angelus had killed Holtz's family though stuck with her.  She had heard the tales.  Had heard how Holtz's wife Caroline had been raped and beaten and finally drained by the two vampires who had been able to produce a child together.  She had heard how Holtz's little girl Sarah, who couldn't have been more than eight years old, had been turned so that her father would have to kill her by throwing her outside into the sun. 

It was the cruellest thing she had ever heard, and listening to a victim of Angelus' violence, she had wanted to do whatever she could to eradicate this vampire that had caused so much pain.  The problem was, Angel was suffering for the sis of Angelus.  She knew first-hand that Angel and Angelus were two very different creatures.

Plus, Holtz had always spoken of how Angelus was now suffering because Holtz had taken his son away from him.  It seemed fitting for Holtz to take Angel's family seeing aas Angelus had taken Holtz's.  She couldn't understand why Holtz had taken such good care of Stephen though.  Perhaps it was just in case they had ever found a way out of Quortoth.  There was no worse punishment than having your child call someone else 'dad'.

Stephen shifted in his sleep, automatically readjusting himself on the narrow bed to accommodate for Buffy even though they had never before been in the same bed.  She snuggled close to him, somewhat comforted by the warmth of his arms. 

Then there was the other bombshells that Whistler had dropped.  Holtz wouldn't be waking up in the morning.  She was going to have a child, something else she had never thought she would ever get because of her Slayer status and then her eternity in hell.  It seemed strange that she not only had managed to outlive every single Slayer, but she had also married and was about to have a child with a wonderful man that she loved and that loved her.  The world worked in strange ways.

After another hour of thoughts that generated no answers whatsoever, she knew she wouldn't be getting anymore sleep that night.  She gently pulled out of Stephen's grasp once more and made her way to the front porch where Holtz was still peacefully sleeping.  She touched his shoulder, immediately alerting him to her presence.

He squinted in the half-light and smiled at her, the smile fading when he saw her tears.

"Buffy.  What's wrong?"

She shrugged and knelt in front of him, burying her face in his lap.  He put his hands on her head, running his hands through her hair affectionately.

"I just wanted to talk to you," she explained.

"Is it Stephen?  There's nothing wrong is there?  You two seemed to be getting along so well before I dozed off," Holtz said quietly.

"Things with Stephen are fine.  More than fine actually," she said, managing to smile at the memory.  "It's just…you never told me that Stephen's father was Angelus."

Holtz's eyes narrowed.

"Stephen told you that?"

She shook her head.  "No.  He didn't.  It doesn't matter how I found out, but…you could have trusted me with this."

"I…I didn't think it mattered.  Do you know Angelus?"

She sniffed back tears and nodded, ducking her head.  She was thoroughly ashamed at having to admit such an intimate moment of her life with her brand new father-in-law on her wedding night.

"Angel and I…we were lovers.  When I was seventeen," she said.

Holtz's eyes flew open and Buffy was sure that he would let go of her hands in disgust, but his grip tightened, but not threateningly.

"You loved this creature?"

She nodded and wiped her tears from her eyes.

"I fell in love with him before I knew who…what he was.  I was sixteen when I met him, I…I didn't know any better.  He…he was good to me.  He loved me, and…and I didn't know how cruel he was without the soul.  Not until a year later," she explained.

"What happened a year later?"

"He lost his soul.  The gypsies who cursed him put a loophole in the curse.  If he managed to be perfectly happy, even for a moment, he would lose his soul.  And…when he and I…when we…when we made love, he lost his soul.  He tormented me for months, killed several of my friends and tried to end the world.  But…I killed him.  His soul was restored to him just before I stuck a sword through him.  The…The Powers That Be brought him back cos…he helps people.  In L.A.  He's trying to make up for what he did."

"He can never make up for what he did to my family," Holtz said vehemently.

"I know," she whispered, looking up at him, eyes filled with tears and sincerity.  "He can never make up for what he did to anyone and I didn't see that until I heard what he did to your family.  That's why you took Stephen."

Holtz nodded and gently wiped a tear from Buffy's eyes.  She gave him a small smile, grateful that she hadn't been pushed away after her confession of loving the creature that had destroyed his family.

"Do you…do you still have feelings for him?" Holtz asked.

She shook her head automatically.  Four hundred years had certainly given her a lot of perspective.  She had hated the creature that killed Holtz's family and the fact that it was Angel did nothing to deter that hatred.

"I love Stephen, Daniel.  With all that I am, I love him," she assured him, knowing that it was true in her heart.  When she looked at Stephen, she could feel her heart bursting with love and devotion.  She could remember the feelings that came with Angel.  There was love of course, but there was also a lingering heaviness that had made their relationship end in a bad place.

"If…if you somehow find a way back to your dimension, could you…could you extract the vengeance that you swore you would do?" he asked.

She remembered the many conversations they had had where Buffy would tell him of her wish to make the creature pay for his sins.  She swallowed hard but knew that even though she had once loved Angel, she now hated what he had done.  She hated him with every fibre of her being, and she knew that he had to be eliminated so that no other families could ever be hurt as Holtz's had been hurt.

"I could."

Holtz nodded and tucked a strand of Buffy's hair behind her ears.

"Good girl."

She smiled and kissed his hand.

"I don't want you to kill him," Holtz said quietly, causing Buffy to jerk her head upwards in confusion, a questioning look written clearly in her eyes.

"Let the creature live.  Don't let Stephen destroy him either.  Let the creature live knowing that not only did he lose his son, but he has forever lost his lover as well," Holtz explained.

She was hesitant, but finally nodded.  She had to admit that she didn't particularly wish to kill Angel, though if Holtz had requested it, she would have granted a dying man a final request.

Holtz sighed and leant back in his chair tiredly.

"You should come inside Daniel," she said quietly.

He just smiled at her and touched her face affectionately.

"I wish to stay out here.  See one last sunrise before I die."

"You're not going to die Daniel.  Not today," she said, even though the tears in her eyes told her that she knew better than that.

He smiled indulgently and shook his head.

"I'm an old man.  And I have seen my son do all that he was meant to do," Holtz whispered.  "Will you…will you tell him I love him?"

She nodded and tried to keep from sobbing.  Holtz looked over Buffy's head and saw the sun coming over the horizon.  In the early hours of the morning, he could almost pretend to be back in England again, just watching the sunrise, pretending that that was the only reason the sky was red. 

Holtz closed his eyes and Buffy stood to kiss the man's forehead.  His head tilted forward and she knew that he would never open his eyes again.