Disclaimer: They belong to the WB etc.
Summary: This is the fourth installment, or chapter 7, depending on yout point of view. It's mostly about how the vacation under the sea effected Angel psychologically. Also a snippet at the end about Liam.
Cordy's still missing, Lorne is still in Vegas, Connor has learned the truth, and Angel and Wesley have started to patch things up. To learn more, read the damn story. Enjoy!
Chapter 7
Angel crashed through the front doors into the lobby swinging his battle axe and calling out as he went, "Gunn! Fred! . . . .Connor?"
He reached the middle of the lobby and turned on the spot, shifting his weight from left foot to right and searching the room with his eyes for friends that might be hidden behind the furniture. "Anyone?! Where are they?"
He knew it was possible that Fred and Gunn had done their usual thing and gone to the café for lunch, but Connor should be hear. Connor never left the hotel. It was in the rules.
Irrational panic swept over him as memories of the night that Connor had been born came flooding back. Vampires, demons and lawyers all besieging the hotel, just waiting for a chance to take the 'miracle child' and dissect him or . . . whatever.
"Connor!!! Connor where are you!!!?"
Why hadn't he taken the boy with him?!
He forced himself to be calm and stood still, listening for signs of life.
Strangely, it was his sense of smell that betrayed the boy's whereabouts first. He'd been outside, there was engine grease on his shoes. He was also crying. Angel could almost taste the salt.
Concern, anger and disappointment warred within the vampire. On one hand, Connor had broken one of the rules, on the other he obviously needed to be consoled about something.
Where had he been?
The next giveaway was the sob.
Without making a sound, Angel slowly and cautiously approached Cordelia's desk. Connor was underneath it.
The boy's head was down on his knees, hair flopping around his baggy jeans. His arms were wrapped around his legs, which were pulled into his chest. He was shaking. Angel wondered how long he'd been there.
"Hey," Angel ventured softly. The word was part greeting, part question, and part concern.
Connor's whole body twitched, and his face came up in fright. Obviously he hadn't realized the vampire had come so close.
Fright quickly descended into fury, and seconds later Angel found himself pinned to the wall, Connor's thin fists gripping the lapel's of his duster.
Shocked, Angel checked the boy's face for an explanation. Connor's eyes were filled with tears, and his face was horribly distorted.
A new kind of panic welled up and overtook Angel as a new set of memories surfaced: the quiet but persistent echoes of shifting ocean, dim shadows of drifting seaweed, dreamy hallucinations of what it had felt like to be able to move.
Memories Angel had desperately tried to repress for the sake of his own mental health.
Without thought he let loose a cry of fear, vamped out, and used all of his strength to wildly shove, claw and kick Connor away.
Somehow Connor ended up on floor with the blade of the axe against his throat, looking up at his father in shock.
The vampire's yellow eyes darted unfocussed about the room, and quick, shallow, not strictly necessary breaths came raggedly through parted lips, lips that revealed long white fangs. He was shaking. Connor could smell the vampires sweat.
Connor froze as his instincts began to fight a war within. Part of him wanted to run. Demon! It screamed. Instinctively he knew that that a serious fight with the vampire would only end in his own destruction, which meant his only option was to run.. 'Survival of the fittest' was a concept that Connor was all too familiar with.
A smaller part of him, the part that had been developing a relationship with Angel over the last three months, wondered where the mild mannered father figure, who had seemed to possess endless wells of understanding and patience, had suddenly disappeared to.
Another part of him understood that if he so much as twitched a muscle, he would lose his head.
Somehow the father figure had been replaced by a frightened, unpredictable animal.
This was only the second time Angel had shown Connor his true face. He hadn't seen it in months and had almost forgotten what it looked like. The first time, Angel had only vamped out because Connor had bullied him into demonstrating what it looked like.
This was different. This was the real thing. The vicious demon that his foster father had warned him of.
So Connor froze, unsure and terrified.
The moments blended together until Connor thought he would scream.
Then, quite suddenly, Angel's eyes stopped darting about and fixed on Connor's. Connor still did not move. Holding the vampires gaze as if trying to hypnotize him, he witnessed his father's return from madness, and welcomed it with relief. It was a subtle thing. The face did not return to it's human form. It was merely the expression that changed. Yellow eyes glossed over with tears.
Then suddenly, with one violent move, the vampire drew back the axe then slammed in into the floorboards just right of Connor's head. Connor made a muffled sound, part fear, part relief. He heard a thump, and sat up to find that Angel was on his knees, head down, hands covering his face.
Connor moved toward him, still wary of the demon, even though he sensed that the danger had passed.
He reached out to touch his father's hair, but flinched back when the vampire's head snapped up, anguished brown eyes shining with tears.
"Don't you ever do that again!" he yelled.
"Okay."
"No! Not Okay! Why did you do that?"
He looked like he was going to have a nervous breakdown. Holtz had worn that same expression when Connor had gone out to fight Guk demons alone, just for fun, at the age of five. It was the look of a parent terrified of losing a child.
And Connor remembered, "Because you keep secrets!"
Angel looked dumbfounded, "You threw me against a wall because I keep secrets?! What kind of reason is that? I could've killed you!"
"You should have told me about Holtz!"
Now Angel just looked confused, "Told you about Holtz? What about him? You mean what I did to him? I would have thought he'd given you all the details. Probably on a regular basis. He was obsessive that way."
"You never told me he killed people. You never told me he ordered Justine to kill Wesley!"
Angel stared, still dumbfounded. Then took a deep breath. "Oh. That." he paused, "What else did Wesley tell you today?" he asked carefully.
"I haven't seen Wesley since he came over before." Connor replied, not missing a beat.
Angel was impressed with the kid's lying skills.
"What else did Wesley tell you?" he asked again.
Guilt finally reached Conner's eyes as he realized he'd somehow been caught out in the lie. "Some things about Sahjahn."
"What things?"
Connor gave Angel a shrewd look.
"That he changed the prophecy you were talking about before. That he's trapped in an urn."
"What else?"
"Holtz killing. Ordering people killed."
"What else?"
"I left after that."
Angel nodded, looking pensive. Five thoughts were making their way around the vampire's head.
The first was that Wesley was betraying him all over again by giving Connor information behind his back.
The second was that maybe Wesley had the right idea giving Connor more information. It might be better if the boy was allowed to deal with his own history sooner rather than later. Perhaps the cautious approach had been the wrong one.
The third was a memory of what it had felt like to smother Wesley with a pillow.
The fourth was another memory, this one of the day he had hired Wesley. The ex-watcher had declared himself Angel's faithful servant with shining eyes.
The fifth was that Connor needed therapy of some kind, the boy's mood swings were still unpredictable and dangerous.
Connor was keeping his distance, watching his father warily.
Angel sensed the tension and attempted to diffuse it.
"It's okay. I won't attack you." he said softly, as if Connor were a frightened cat, "you just scared me before. That's all.
Connor raised his eyebrows in disbelief. Then he began to yell.
"I scared you? Do you have any idea what you looked like?! I scared you?!"
"I'm sorry." Angel replied quietly.
Connor just continued to stare in disbelief as he forced himself to calmness. Then he looked down at his shoes.
"I didn't mean to scare you." He mumbled after a moment. Then he looked his father in the eye. "I just feel . . . .crazy. It's like the world keeps changing. And every time I think I have it figured out, I find out something else that changes it all again. Things used to feel so certain, but now . . . . people I've trusted turn out to be murderers! Murderers turn out to be saviors! And nothing makes sense! I just need you to tell me everything. All of it."
Angel sighed. He glanced around the room, feeling like he needed backup. Cordelia wasn't there. He let his eyes rest on Connor. He began to speak, slowly and deliberately.
"Look. Connor. I've held things back from you. I have, and I'm sorry. It's not that I'm trying to keep secrets from you. It's just that there are some conversations that I'm not ready for. I don't want to . . . .to scare you away. You mean so much to me. I don't know if you've even realized how much, and I don't know if I could handle losing you again. And you react to things. You hear something you don't like, and people get hurt. I mean look at what just happened here."
Connor was looking like the scared cat again, a scared cat that might scratch if you tried to pick it up and hold it.
"I didn't know you would react that way. I've never seen you like that before. It was like you weren't even there."
"You've seen the fangs before."
"This is different. You don't go like that when you're fighting demons. Why with me?"
"You scared me."
"I pushed you into a wall." Connor pointed out. He found it difficult to believe that such a small act of violence could have provoked such an extreme response.
"It wasn't that. I can handle being pushed into a wall." Angel replied carefully. He took a deep breath, "It was your face. That look. The last time I saw it like that . . " he stopped. Unable to finish the sentence.
Connor's eyebrows knitted together as he tried to understand. Angel was looking down in shame.
Suddenly it became clear. The last time Connor had let emotions like these control him was six months ago at the beach.
"The coffin in the sea?"
"Yes." Angel confirmed.
Horror entered Connor's eyes as it suddenly struck him how big an impact being trapped like that had had on Angel.
The vampire had never talked about it, and Connor had never been keen to bring the topic up. Angel had sworn never to tell anyone about Connor's part in the incident, and that had been the end of it.
Now Connor realized that information on Holtz was not the only thing Angel had been hiding from him.
"But. . .but you know that I wouldn't. . . . you didn't think that I . . . . .I thought it was behind us. We had that talk! We were training. You said . . . .you said. . . "
"I said what?"
"You said that you forgave me!"
Angel's head snapped up at this. He looked closely at his son. Studied the thin frame, big blue eyes, thin brown hair, anxious expression.
Had he forgiven him? Really in his heart forgiven him?
Yes. He had.
Angel's behavior had nothing to do with resentment. It stemmed from the fact that he was still traumatized by the fear. Fear of being alone and unable to move for all eternity.
But he had forgiven Connor a long time ago. Separating the boy from the act in his mind.
He looked Connor in the eye. He was right. He did need the truth.
"I meant it Connor. I didn't lie about that. I forgave you right at the start. But what you did to me, I can't just make those memories go away." He could feel his voice shaking, and his chest constricting, as he clarified his feelings, not just for Connor, but also for himself, in his own mind.
"I can't . . . .can't just forget that it happened. I was trapped in a coffin! I didn't know if I'd be rescued, or if I'd just be alone and unable to move forever.
"I didn't know if you'd figure out what really happened or if you'd just grow old and die without ever learning the truth.
"I was terrified. I've never been so terrified. And fears like that. Fears like that don't just go away when the horror's over. I hear water filling a bathtub, and I get nervous. I smell the sea, I get claustrophobic. I see the sand on the beach, and I get scared. I see that look on your face. . . . I lose it completely.
"It's the look that haunted me for months. I have it etched into my brain!"
Connor listened in horrified silence and for the first time understood the full extent of what he had done.
Back then he hadn't really thought of Angel as a person, let alone considered what he might be experiencing emotionally. He had wanted to punish him. He had been thinking of Holtz. Thinking that Holtz would be proud of him. It made him sick.
"I'm sorry." he blurted, "I've said it before, but I never really understood. I'm sorry."
Angel looked sad. "I know you are. I don't blame you for what happened. I only told you all that because you said you needed to know. And I didn't mean to go crazy on you like that before. I didn't want you to see me that way."
"You wanted to hide it from me? Hide what I did to you? Like you hid what Holtz did? Who Sahjhan was?"
"You have enough to deal with."
Connor stood and looked down at his father, suddenly becoming very passionate as he spoke.
"But I need to know. I need to know so that I can understand. You. Wesley. How this world works. You hired Wesley to give me an education, but you hold back the things that I need to know. You need to teach me."
Angel listened quietly, trying to shake off the emotions that speaking about the coffin had aroused. He felt liberated having finally been able to share them. With the perpetrator of the crime no less. He glanced up at Connor to find him looking down on him imploringly. The scared cat had evaporated. Then Angel also stood.
"Then I'll teach you."
Connor looked part relieved part worried.
"Starting right now?" he demanded, wary and unsure.
Angel smiled, "Right now." he repeated. "Okay. What do you need to know? Um."
"About Wesley. Why you don't talk to him."
"Wesley, right. Wesley! I, I have to call Wesley. I found out how we get Cordy back. The powers, or an old . . .friend. . . .who speaks for the powers, said that I had to go back to the freeway. Create a temporal fold."
"What does that mean?"
"It means I need Wesley, 'cause I don't know how to create temporal folds. I'll call him now."
He rushed over to the phone, leaving Connor half disappointed that Angel hadn't begun to confide in him, and half hoping that the lead to Cordy panned out.
The seer had cleansed him of many of the horrors of Quor Toth. Maybe she could cleanse Angel of his underwater issues. He remembered what it had felt like to have the pure white light flow through him. He wanted that for his father.
"Dad?" he asked, as Angel began to dial.
"Connor I'm sorry. I'll explain the whole Wesley thing soon, but right now . . ."
"I love you."
Angel stopped dialing. Connor had never said that before.
"I love you too."
Galway, 1753
"Liam! It's Sunday Mornin'! You should be at church!"
Liam spun around on the street to find Thomas Avery strutting toward him.
"And what about yerself?! You must have over a thousand sins to confess at this time!"
"Nothin' to equal the exploits of young master Liam here!"
Thomas grabbed Liam by the collar and gave him a good natured shake. Liam laughed and shoved the young blacksmith away. They began to walk along in a companionable way.
"Thought I'd treat meself to a stroll outdoors this mornin' Rarely see such beautiful mornin's anymore." said Liam. He took a deep breath of fresh air to demonstrate just how good the morning was.
"Could be somthin' to do with the regular hangovers you've been experiencing of late." said Thomas with a wink. "Hmm. And after last week I'd think you'd be doing quite a bit of struttin' about!" he winked, and laughed in a conspiratory manner.
"What's that?" asked Liam with a frown.
"I've heard the rumors Liam. You and the servin' girl. Anna? She's a fine one she is. With those eyes. At I'm bettin' she's just as fine beneath the skirt! How'd you get her? Sweet words? Promises? I'd like to know your secret. Wouldn't mind beddin' that one meself."
"There's a rumor about that?" asked Liam. "Who began that then?"
"I woulda thought it'd be you." said Thomas, looking confused.
"No. I didn't want me father knowin' of it." Liam stopped walking and turned to face his friend, "Tell this to no one." he said.
"Too late my friend. Word spreads in small towns as they say." He clapped Liam on the shoulder, "What's to be frownin' of? It's not as if ye had a reputation to uphold."
Liam allowed himself a small grin at this.
"There's my lad," Thomas responded.
Liam frowned again, "The girl might though." he said.
"Might what?"
"Have a reputation to uphold," said Liam thoughtfully.
"Oh cheer up Liam!" said Thomas, as though Liam's contrition were foolish, "I've just the thing for ya."
"And what's that then?" Liam responded.
"Tonight at the Golden Goose. I'll treat ya to an ale or three. A bad woman on a good bed. You'll be feelin' fine!"
The Golden Goose was the most expensive tavern in the area.
Liam just laughed, "Not that I'm turning you down, but how're you payin' for this again? You'd hardly have the customers linin' up. You've a reputation of your own!"
"Aye that's true. But unlike some, at least I can claim I have a profession." Thomas answered smugly.
Liam just laughed and continued to walk, now with a spring in his step.
TBC
Thanks to all those still readng this, and sorry this took so long to
post. My Uni work kind of caught up with me and got in the way.
I'd love a review if you are inclined. Love reviews. I'm becoming a
review junkie you might say. Come on, it'll only take a few seconds!
Sorry I haven't brought Cordy back yet. I have plans for her though!
Never fear!
Oh, and in case it wasn't clear, the "friend" who speaks for the powers
was actually Skip. The only reason I didn't spell that out was because
Connor doesn't know Skip, so the name would be pretty meaningless to him.
Summary: This is the fourth installment, or chapter 7, depending on yout point of view. It's mostly about how the vacation under the sea effected Angel psychologically. Also a snippet at the end about Liam.
Cordy's still missing, Lorne is still in Vegas, Connor has learned the truth, and Angel and Wesley have started to patch things up. To learn more, read the damn story. Enjoy!
Chapter 7
Angel crashed through the front doors into the lobby swinging his battle axe and calling out as he went, "Gunn! Fred! . . . .Connor?"
He reached the middle of the lobby and turned on the spot, shifting his weight from left foot to right and searching the room with his eyes for friends that might be hidden behind the furniture. "Anyone?! Where are they?"
He knew it was possible that Fred and Gunn had done their usual thing and gone to the café for lunch, but Connor should be hear. Connor never left the hotel. It was in the rules.
Irrational panic swept over him as memories of the night that Connor had been born came flooding back. Vampires, demons and lawyers all besieging the hotel, just waiting for a chance to take the 'miracle child' and dissect him or . . . whatever.
"Connor!!! Connor where are you!!!?"
Why hadn't he taken the boy with him?!
He forced himself to be calm and stood still, listening for signs of life.
Strangely, it was his sense of smell that betrayed the boy's whereabouts first. He'd been outside, there was engine grease on his shoes. He was also crying. Angel could almost taste the salt.
Concern, anger and disappointment warred within the vampire. On one hand, Connor had broken one of the rules, on the other he obviously needed to be consoled about something.
Where had he been?
The next giveaway was the sob.
Without making a sound, Angel slowly and cautiously approached Cordelia's desk. Connor was underneath it.
The boy's head was down on his knees, hair flopping around his baggy jeans. His arms were wrapped around his legs, which were pulled into his chest. He was shaking. Angel wondered how long he'd been there.
"Hey," Angel ventured softly. The word was part greeting, part question, and part concern.
Connor's whole body twitched, and his face came up in fright. Obviously he hadn't realized the vampire had come so close.
Fright quickly descended into fury, and seconds later Angel found himself pinned to the wall, Connor's thin fists gripping the lapel's of his duster.
Shocked, Angel checked the boy's face for an explanation. Connor's eyes were filled with tears, and his face was horribly distorted.
A new kind of panic welled up and overtook Angel as a new set of memories surfaced: the quiet but persistent echoes of shifting ocean, dim shadows of drifting seaweed, dreamy hallucinations of what it had felt like to be able to move.
Memories Angel had desperately tried to repress for the sake of his own mental health.
Without thought he let loose a cry of fear, vamped out, and used all of his strength to wildly shove, claw and kick Connor away.
Somehow Connor ended up on floor with the blade of the axe against his throat, looking up at his father in shock.
The vampire's yellow eyes darted unfocussed about the room, and quick, shallow, not strictly necessary breaths came raggedly through parted lips, lips that revealed long white fangs. He was shaking. Connor could smell the vampires sweat.
Connor froze as his instincts began to fight a war within. Part of him wanted to run. Demon! It screamed. Instinctively he knew that that a serious fight with the vampire would only end in his own destruction, which meant his only option was to run.. 'Survival of the fittest' was a concept that Connor was all too familiar with.
A smaller part of him, the part that had been developing a relationship with Angel over the last three months, wondered where the mild mannered father figure, who had seemed to possess endless wells of understanding and patience, had suddenly disappeared to.
Another part of him understood that if he so much as twitched a muscle, he would lose his head.
Somehow the father figure had been replaced by a frightened, unpredictable animal.
This was only the second time Angel had shown Connor his true face. He hadn't seen it in months and had almost forgotten what it looked like. The first time, Angel had only vamped out because Connor had bullied him into demonstrating what it looked like.
This was different. This was the real thing. The vicious demon that his foster father had warned him of.
So Connor froze, unsure and terrified.
The moments blended together until Connor thought he would scream.
Then, quite suddenly, Angel's eyes stopped darting about and fixed on Connor's. Connor still did not move. Holding the vampires gaze as if trying to hypnotize him, he witnessed his father's return from madness, and welcomed it with relief. It was a subtle thing. The face did not return to it's human form. It was merely the expression that changed. Yellow eyes glossed over with tears.
Then suddenly, with one violent move, the vampire drew back the axe then slammed in into the floorboards just right of Connor's head. Connor made a muffled sound, part fear, part relief. He heard a thump, and sat up to find that Angel was on his knees, head down, hands covering his face.
Connor moved toward him, still wary of the demon, even though he sensed that the danger had passed.
He reached out to touch his father's hair, but flinched back when the vampire's head snapped up, anguished brown eyes shining with tears.
"Don't you ever do that again!" he yelled.
"Okay."
"No! Not Okay! Why did you do that?"
He looked like he was going to have a nervous breakdown. Holtz had worn that same expression when Connor had gone out to fight Guk demons alone, just for fun, at the age of five. It was the look of a parent terrified of losing a child.
And Connor remembered, "Because you keep secrets!"
Angel looked dumbfounded, "You threw me against a wall because I keep secrets?! What kind of reason is that? I could've killed you!"
"You should have told me about Holtz!"
Now Angel just looked confused, "Told you about Holtz? What about him? You mean what I did to him? I would have thought he'd given you all the details. Probably on a regular basis. He was obsessive that way."
"You never told me he killed people. You never told me he ordered Justine to kill Wesley!"
Angel stared, still dumbfounded. Then took a deep breath. "Oh. That." he paused, "What else did Wesley tell you today?" he asked carefully.
"I haven't seen Wesley since he came over before." Connor replied, not missing a beat.
Angel was impressed with the kid's lying skills.
"What else did Wesley tell you?" he asked again.
Guilt finally reached Conner's eyes as he realized he'd somehow been caught out in the lie. "Some things about Sahjahn."
"What things?"
Connor gave Angel a shrewd look.
"That he changed the prophecy you were talking about before. That he's trapped in an urn."
"What else?"
"Holtz killing. Ordering people killed."
"What else?"
"I left after that."
Angel nodded, looking pensive. Five thoughts were making their way around the vampire's head.
The first was that Wesley was betraying him all over again by giving Connor information behind his back.
The second was that maybe Wesley had the right idea giving Connor more information. It might be better if the boy was allowed to deal with his own history sooner rather than later. Perhaps the cautious approach had been the wrong one.
The third was a memory of what it had felt like to smother Wesley with a pillow.
The fourth was another memory, this one of the day he had hired Wesley. The ex-watcher had declared himself Angel's faithful servant with shining eyes.
The fifth was that Connor needed therapy of some kind, the boy's mood swings were still unpredictable and dangerous.
Connor was keeping his distance, watching his father warily.
Angel sensed the tension and attempted to diffuse it.
"It's okay. I won't attack you." he said softly, as if Connor were a frightened cat, "you just scared me before. That's all.
Connor raised his eyebrows in disbelief. Then he began to yell.
"I scared you? Do you have any idea what you looked like?! I scared you?!"
"I'm sorry." Angel replied quietly.
Connor just continued to stare in disbelief as he forced himself to calmness. Then he looked down at his shoes.
"I didn't mean to scare you." He mumbled after a moment. Then he looked his father in the eye. "I just feel . . . .crazy. It's like the world keeps changing. And every time I think I have it figured out, I find out something else that changes it all again. Things used to feel so certain, but now . . . . people I've trusted turn out to be murderers! Murderers turn out to be saviors! And nothing makes sense! I just need you to tell me everything. All of it."
Angel sighed. He glanced around the room, feeling like he needed backup. Cordelia wasn't there. He let his eyes rest on Connor. He began to speak, slowly and deliberately.
"Look. Connor. I've held things back from you. I have, and I'm sorry. It's not that I'm trying to keep secrets from you. It's just that there are some conversations that I'm not ready for. I don't want to . . . .to scare you away. You mean so much to me. I don't know if you've even realized how much, and I don't know if I could handle losing you again. And you react to things. You hear something you don't like, and people get hurt. I mean look at what just happened here."
Connor was looking like the scared cat again, a scared cat that might scratch if you tried to pick it up and hold it.
"I didn't know you would react that way. I've never seen you like that before. It was like you weren't even there."
"You've seen the fangs before."
"This is different. You don't go like that when you're fighting demons. Why with me?"
"You scared me."
"I pushed you into a wall." Connor pointed out. He found it difficult to believe that such a small act of violence could have provoked such an extreme response.
"It wasn't that. I can handle being pushed into a wall." Angel replied carefully. He took a deep breath, "It was your face. That look. The last time I saw it like that . . " he stopped. Unable to finish the sentence.
Connor's eyebrows knitted together as he tried to understand. Angel was looking down in shame.
Suddenly it became clear. The last time Connor had let emotions like these control him was six months ago at the beach.
"The coffin in the sea?"
"Yes." Angel confirmed.
Horror entered Connor's eyes as it suddenly struck him how big an impact being trapped like that had had on Angel.
The vampire had never talked about it, and Connor had never been keen to bring the topic up. Angel had sworn never to tell anyone about Connor's part in the incident, and that had been the end of it.
Now Connor realized that information on Holtz was not the only thing Angel had been hiding from him.
"But. . .but you know that I wouldn't. . . . you didn't think that I . . . . .I thought it was behind us. We had that talk! We were training. You said . . . .you said. . . "
"I said what?"
"You said that you forgave me!"
Angel's head snapped up at this. He looked closely at his son. Studied the thin frame, big blue eyes, thin brown hair, anxious expression.
Had he forgiven him? Really in his heart forgiven him?
Yes. He had.
Angel's behavior had nothing to do with resentment. It stemmed from the fact that he was still traumatized by the fear. Fear of being alone and unable to move for all eternity.
But he had forgiven Connor a long time ago. Separating the boy from the act in his mind.
He looked Connor in the eye. He was right. He did need the truth.
"I meant it Connor. I didn't lie about that. I forgave you right at the start. But what you did to me, I can't just make those memories go away." He could feel his voice shaking, and his chest constricting, as he clarified his feelings, not just for Connor, but also for himself, in his own mind.
"I can't . . . .can't just forget that it happened. I was trapped in a coffin! I didn't know if I'd be rescued, or if I'd just be alone and unable to move forever.
"I didn't know if you'd figure out what really happened or if you'd just grow old and die without ever learning the truth.
"I was terrified. I've never been so terrified. And fears like that. Fears like that don't just go away when the horror's over. I hear water filling a bathtub, and I get nervous. I smell the sea, I get claustrophobic. I see the sand on the beach, and I get scared. I see that look on your face. . . . I lose it completely.
"It's the look that haunted me for months. I have it etched into my brain!"
Connor listened in horrified silence and for the first time understood the full extent of what he had done.
Back then he hadn't really thought of Angel as a person, let alone considered what he might be experiencing emotionally. He had wanted to punish him. He had been thinking of Holtz. Thinking that Holtz would be proud of him. It made him sick.
"I'm sorry." he blurted, "I've said it before, but I never really understood. I'm sorry."
Angel looked sad. "I know you are. I don't blame you for what happened. I only told you all that because you said you needed to know. And I didn't mean to go crazy on you like that before. I didn't want you to see me that way."
"You wanted to hide it from me? Hide what I did to you? Like you hid what Holtz did? Who Sahjhan was?"
"You have enough to deal with."
Connor stood and looked down at his father, suddenly becoming very passionate as he spoke.
"But I need to know. I need to know so that I can understand. You. Wesley. How this world works. You hired Wesley to give me an education, but you hold back the things that I need to know. You need to teach me."
Angel listened quietly, trying to shake off the emotions that speaking about the coffin had aroused. He felt liberated having finally been able to share them. With the perpetrator of the crime no less. He glanced up at Connor to find him looking down on him imploringly. The scared cat had evaporated. Then Angel also stood.
"Then I'll teach you."
Connor looked part relieved part worried.
"Starting right now?" he demanded, wary and unsure.
Angel smiled, "Right now." he repeated. "Okay. What do you need to know? Um."
"About Wesley. Why you don't talk to him."
"Wesley, right. Wesley! I, I have to call Wesley. I found out how we get Cordy back. The powers, or an old . . .friend. . . .who speaks for the powers, said that I had to go back to the freeway. Create a temporal fold."
"What does that mean?"
"It means I need Wesley, 'cause I don't know how to create temporal folds. I'll call him now."
He rushed over to the phone, leaving Connor half disappointed that Angel hadn't begun to confide in him, and half hoping that the lead to Cordy panned out.
The seer had cleansed him of many of the horrors of Quor Toth. Maybe she could cleanse Angel of his underwater issues. He remembered what it had felt like to have the pure white light flow through him. He wanted that for his father.
"Dad?" he asked, as Angel began to dial.
"Connor I'm sorry. I'll explain the whole Wesley thing soon, but right now . . ."
"I love you."
Angel stopped dialing. Connor had never said that before.
"I love you too."
Galway, 1753
"Liam! It's Sunday Mornin'! You should be at church!"
Liam spun around on the street to find Thomas Avery strutting toward him.
"And what about yerself?! You must have over a thousand sins to confess at this time!"
"Nothin' to equal the exploits of young master Liam here!"
Thomas grabbed Liam by the collar and gave him a good natured shake. Liam laughed and shoved the young blacksmith away. They began to walk along in a companionable way.
"Thought I'd treat meself to a stroll outdoors this mornin' Rarely see such beautiful mornin's anymore." said Liam. He took a deep breath of fresh air to demonstrate just how good the morning was.
"Could be somthin' to do with the regular hangovers you've been experiencing of late." said Thomas with a wink. "Hmm. And after last week I'd think you'd be doing quite a bit of struttin' about!" he winked, and laughed in a conspiratory manner.
"What's that?" asked Liam with a frown.
"I've heard the rumors Liam. You and the servin' girl. Anna? She's a fine one she is. With those eyes. At I'm bettin' she's just as fine beneath the skirt! How'd you get her? Sweet words? Promises? I'd like to know your secret. Wouldn't mind beddin' that one meself."
"There's a rumor about that?" asked Liam. "Who began that then?"
"I woulda thought it'd be you." said Thomas, looking confused.
"No. I didn't want me father knowin' of it." Liam stopped walking and turned to face his friend, "Tell this to no one." he said.
"Too late my friend. Word spreads in small towns as they say." He clapped Liam on the shoulder, "What's to be frownin' of? It's not as if ye had a reputation to uphold."
Liam allowed himself a small grin at this.
"There's my lad," Thomas responded.
Liam frowned again, "The girl might though." he said.
"Might what?"
"Have a reputation to uphold," said Liam thoughtfully.
"Oh cheer up Liam!" said Thomas, as though Liam's contrition were foolish, "I've just the thing for ya."
"And what's that then?" Liam responded.
"Tonight at the Golden Goose. I'll treat ya to an ale or three. A bad woman on a good bed. You'll be feelin' fine!"
The Golden Goose was the most expensive tavern in the area.
Liam just laughed, "Not that I'm turning you down, but how're you payin' for this again? You'd hardly have the customers linin' up. You've a reputation of your own!"
"Aye that's true. But unlike some, at least I can claim I have a profession." Thomas answered smugly.
Liam just laughed and continued to walk, now with a spring in his step.
TBC
Thanks to all those still readng this, and sorry this took so long to
post. My Uni work kind of caught up with me and got in the way.
I'd love a review if you are inclined. Love reviews. I'm becoming a
review junkie you might say. Come on, it'll only take a few seconds!
Sorry I haven't brought Cordy back yet. I have plans for her though!
Never fear!
Oh, and in case it wasn't clear, the "friend" who speaks for the powers
was actually Skip. The only reason I didn't spell that out was because
Connor doesn't know Skip, so the name would be pretty meaningless to him.
