AN. Ok, so this is my first Rory/Jess fic and I am nervous as hell. This is also my first NC17 fic. It's rated R for now-just to be safe, but it will become NC17 if I don't loose my nerve. I hope to god this is in character.

I wanna thank a few people too.

D_beaux: for being my sound board when I need one, and for inspiring me to try NC17

Also, to all the people who I beta read for, (there are too many to name) for their encouragement to write my own stuff, (it's been a while since I've written my own fics) and for giving me the time to do so.

Ok, that all being said

Disclaimer: I own nothing, although anyone that knows me knows that I wish to god that I did. And in my dreams, I do. Luke/Jewls/Jess dreams, ummmm…ok, enough of my perversions. (Dana, shut up, or I will have to make your Trike obsession public)

Enjoy, and PLEASE review





Rory got out of the shower and went into her bedroom. As she was walking to her bed, she passes the full-length mirror hanging on her wall. She stopped and looked at herself. Teeth chattering, wet hair, and covered in a pink towel. She felt like crying.

When Dean had first shown an interest in her, she had never felt more beautiful. When he looked at her with adoring eyes, kissed her on the check, held her hand-it all felt so magical. She would hear girls talking about sex, and making out with their boyfriends, they made it sound like it was the best feeling in the world. While being with Dean was nice, she never felt that feeling.

Once, while kissing her, Dean accidentally kneed her in her pelvic area. He apologized profusely, but the truth was, Rory never felt pleasure like that before. It was one second, one time, and that's all it took. Kissing Dean wasn't enough. She wanted more. She wanted to feel what else her body was capable of feeling. But whenever she was with Dean and tried to take it further, he stopped her. She knew that he meant well, but in trying to be nice, he only made her feel cheap. He made her feel like she wanted was wrong. He made her feel ugly, and that's exactly what she saw in her reflection.

"What's wrong with me?" She asked herself out loud. "Why doesn't he want me?"

She began to turn back to her bed, when her towel came undone. Rather then fix it; she let it drop to the floor. She turned once again to face herself in the mirror and stared at her reflection. Not being able to take the sight of the girl in front of her, she closed her eyes as tears started to fall slowly down the side of her face. When she opened her eyes again, she gasped. Peering into the reflection she saw a pair of dark brown eyes starring at her.



Jess had been passing by the Gilmore house as per his usual schedule. It had started out during his first week in Stars Hollow. After sneaking out of the tiny apartment he shared with his uncle, he decided to walk around the town trying to find any place that he could feel normal. He found it outside Rory's window. He would watch her for a few minutes. Sometimes she would read, other times she would be doing work, and sometimes she would be sleeping. He never stayed for long; just long enough to feel his sadness and anger melt away. He knew it was wrong, hell it was illegal, but he couldn't help himself. She was the one person in this town that didn't make him feel like a pariah. During the day, he couldn't really watch her. Either Luke was there, or Lorlai, or Dean. But at night, she was alone, and just seeing her made his heart feel less heavy and his life seem less tiresome.

That night, he really needed her smile, her peace. He had spoken to one of his friends from back home earlier that evening. After hearing about what they were up to, he was unimpressed. He didn't have anything in common with those people anymore. They would tell him about raves and fights, and all he could do was roll his eyes and think of excuses to get off the phone. He knew that he didn't belong in Stars Hollow, and now he realized that he no longer belonged to the place he had always considered home either.

He found himself outside Rory's window around midnight. As he approached, he saw that the light was on in her room. Stepping up to the window, he expected to find Rory reading, but instead saw something that made his eyes grow wide and his knees go weak. There was Rory, standing naked in front of a mirror. Jess knew he should look away, but he couldn't. He saw her close her eyes, and when tears started running down the side of her face, he couldn't stop himself from crawling into the window. He walked over to her, and stood behind her. All he wanted to do was to touch her, hold her, wipe those tears away. But he did none of that. He just stood there, looking at himself standing behind her beautiful naked form. And suddenly, he was looking at her eyes staring back into his.





"What the hell are you doing here?" Rory cried, grabbing the towel and covering herself.

"Sorry," Jess stammered, "I was walking by and I saw you and I…..I'm sorry"

"What the hell is wrong with you?! You come into my room, invade my privacy….after everything, I thought we were friends Jess, god!"

**This is it**, Jess thought. **I was wondering I'd screw this up and I got my answer. Shit, just when she was starting to like me**

"I'm sorry Rory, really. I just…you were crying and I tried to walk away but I couldn't. I'm sorry. I'll go now, bye"

And with that Jess left the way he came, leaving Rory to stare at the open window.

Truth was, Rory was less angry at Jess's invasion on privacy and more embarrassed that he had seen her like that. No guy had ever even seen her bare breasted and here was Jess having seen everything. She was humiliated, but when their eyes met, she felt a charge. A vulnerability that she never felt before. She turned off the light, and crawled into bed, not knowing what to think or feel.