TITLE: Denial-Land is a nice place to be (6/?)
AUTHOR: Goddess Arundhathi goddess_arundhathi@yahoo.co.uk
RATING: R (for slashy thoughts)
PAIRING: Spike/Xander (kinda)
FEEDBACK: Yes please.
ARCHIVE: If you want, but please let me know.
DISCLAIMER: None of them are mine. If they were, things wouldn't be this way. Joss, UPN etc. etc. own them all, and they need to start looking after them properly
SPOILERS: Up to end of Season 5
SUMMARY: Xander 'mind bubble' (Thank you, Meleesa) during the episodes Intervention to The Gift. As the Scoobies try to deal with Glory, Xander is struggling to escape from denial and deal with new thoughts about Spike.
A/N: Set during the events of Season 5 (Intervention onwards). Probably helps if you've seen these eps recently.
DEDICATION: Everyone who's said they liked it, especially Veronica. If you keep sending me such distracting ideas, (chocolate-covered Xander, ruffled-hair Spike, licking) I'll never finish, and, just like Joss, I'll never get Xander out of denial. That can't possibly be a good thing!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Man, I hate hospitals. I've spent far too much time here in the last few years. Everyone I know has been hospitalised at some time or another. Buffy a couple of times, Willow's coma, Joyce when she was sick, Riley, Tara, even Anya when Harmony's crew broke her arm. Now Giles. I'm the only one who's never done major hospital time. And that's pretty much tempted fate, hasn't it. I really need to learn to shut up. Even when I'm not actually talking out loud. Better go see how Giles is doing. Maybe he's ready to leave.
"Uh, can you, uh…" Huh? Oh right - one arm working, can't put his coat on. Sure, I'll play nurse to the librarian. That sounds like some sort of kinky game. And ugh, can't believe I thought kinky in a sentence about Giles. There's not enough yuck in the world. Okay, jacket on, let's go.
"There. How you doing?" If it's anything like as bad as you look, we're in trouble.
"It only hurts while I answer pointless questions. Where's Buffy?" Ooh, touchy. I guess I deserved that though. How's he supposed to be doing after the whole knight attacking him with a lance thing? And I think there was a question. That was it. Buffy.
"Willow's on it. Or ... in it. She's workin' some spell, trying to reach Buffy psychically." And doesn't that sound like a fun way to spend the evening. Communing with the comatose slayer's brain. Who needs TV or Pictionary?
"Uh, she's gone into Buffy's mind?" Giles sounds about as thrilled with that idea as me. It could be dangerous, or something. I mean, danger, in Sunnydale. What are the odds?
"Pretty tricky stuff." Lets pretend I'm not totally freaked, and maybe Giles will tell me it's really not that difficult, and there's nothing to worry about.
"It's extraordinarily advanced. Um, I was thinking we should check on Glory's victims while ... we're here." Not quite the huge reassurance I was looking for but, never mind. I'll deal with the fear. As always. Magic pretty much not a good thing in my book, what with the disastrous love spell and the mystical syphilis and all. What did Giles say? Oh, yeah, Glory's victims
"Oh, the mental ward? I already been. The vegetable section's closed. Nobody there. It's like they all just got up and walked away." And isn't that a cheering thought. Oh, Spike's here. Good. I mean 'cause of the rescuing Dawn thing. Did he just steal some blood off that trolley? I can't believe he…Oh, who am I kidding. Of course I can believe he did it. Maybe I won't say anything to Giles though. He'll get all high-moral whatsit and open his stitches.
"Checked out Glory's flat. Looks like the great one has scampered." He's gonna pretend he didn't do anything. I know he saw me see him steal it. Oh well, if I say anything, he'll just do the whole, 'Hello, I'm evil' thing, and that song is getting old and a little pathetic. Especially when he's put his life on the line for us. Well, for Buffy and Dawn. Pretty embarrassing for a master vampire to be in that position. Not that I'm sympathising with him for having to help the good guys, but it must be pretty rough, and okay, I'm totally sympathising. Time to stop thinking about Billy Idol here and focus on the big issue.
"Gone to, uh, perform her ritual with Dawn and leaving us entirely clueless." Thanks for another happy thought, Giles. I know there's impending disaster and all, but could you at least pretend to think we can fix it. We do usually. Okay so usually we have a fully functioning Buffy on our side, and twice as much witchy power, but still, we've done major disaster before and survived. A little hope wouldn't go amiss.
"Not entirely." Although, gotta say, I wasn't expecting it to come from Spike. He has moments when I don't think that I'm totally wrong to like him. Although not often. Most of the time I don't even like him, let alone think its okay, and shutting up now. Mentally, cause I was actually silent anyway.
Oops, Spike was giving us hope. Need to listen. "I know this bloke. Well, not so much a bloke so much as a demon. But still, bookish. All tuned in to the nastier corners of this our magic world. It's a bit of a last resort really, but still, we might persuade him to suss out Glory's game plan." Oh my god, he's gonna light a cigarette. This is a hospital. And again, why am I surprised. He's already pillaged the blood supplies. I wish I could remember he's not a good guy. I never used to have a problem with that. Even when he was at his most pathetic, it was Will that wouldn't let me help him stake himself. I wanted to kill him just cause he's a vamp, and now I'm all shocked that he's ignoring No Smoking signs. I need a serious reality check. Maybe then I'd stop with the lusty bad thoughts that I am totally not having, so there's no need to stop. Glad we've got that settled
"Sound worthy?" What, oh right, demon book guy. I guess we've got nothing to lose. Just for a change!
"Off we go then. Meet back at the shop." We? Oh, me and him. Spike wants me to go with. Cool. No, not cool. What am I thinking? This is not about the evil undead guy wanting to spend time with me. Right? I wish it was though. Yeurgh. No I don't. I don't care what he thinks of me. Not like that.
Oh, leaving now. Giles'll have to hobble back to the magic shop on his own.
"Found Ben's room at Glory's. Didn't learn much." Ben has a room at Glory's. What's that about?
"Wait, wait, wait. Ben? At Glory's? You're saying all this time he's been subletting from her?"
"This ... is gonna be worth it." What? Ouch. Pain. Spike hit me.
"Ow!!" Pain for him too, though. Hey, did he just touch my ass. No, he can't have been copping a feel. Maybe just preventing a chip-inflicted collapse to the floor. And maybe he didn't touch me at all and I'm having some sort of hallucinations. Wish-fulfilment or something. No, I don't mean that. Spike hands on my ass. Eeew. Why did he hit me, anyway?
"Last time. From the top." Guess he'll explain it all on the way. There better have been a good reason. That really hurt. Which means it must have really hurt him, too.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"It's always open!" Well, I guess we're coming in then. Does that count as an invite? Not that it matters. I guess Spike must have been here before, and anyway, he said this guy's a demon, so no invite rule anyway.
"What can I do for you boys? Want some cocoa?" He sure doesn't look like a demon, or sound like one. In my experience, they usually pummel first, offer hot beverages later. Or not at all. This man is more like somebody's granddad. Although, not my grandfather, what with having clean clothes and not smelling like the bathroom at Willy's. No disrespect to my grandfather, but the man does bring a whole new world of meaning to the word incontinent.
"No. We need information. We need-" Spike's being all forceful and manly. It's quite sexy in a - Oh my God. Ben. Glory.
"Ben's Glory!" I remember now. They did that shape shifting morph thing.
"Who's what?" Right, the old guy doesn't know what I'm talking about. But at least I do, finally.
"Look at this. Special Ed remembers." Yes I do. And also, hey.
"Yeah. I do. Ben's Glory and Glory's Ben. It's like this... fog's lifting." So that's why Spike hit me. Guess he wasn't just trying to cop a feel, then. Damn. No, I don't mean that.
"Wonderful. But not why we're here. Hell-god type. Name of Glory-" Hey, dead punk wannabe. I remembered. You could at least give me credit for that.
"A.K.A. Ben." It totally makes sense now. Ben is Glory, Glory is Ben. And Spike's talking. I should probably pretend to be listening.
"-Has gone missing. She's brewing up some major-league bad, and she's nicked the Slayer's kid sister in the bargain."
"Hmm. That girl you brought here." What. He brought Dawn here? "Sweet little thing. How'd things work out with her mom? Changed her mind, didn't she?" Oh my God. Spike helped Dawn try and resurrect Joyce? What a jerk. That's supposed to be really dangerous. And once more, why am I even remotely surprised. These things never used to surprise me. When did I start thinking of Spike as a good guy? Probably about the time Buffy suggested I was having sex with him and now is really not the time for that train of thought. Not in public, anyway.
"Yeah. You got any idea where Glory would take her?" Please say yes. I need to go somewhere, do something, stop thinking lusty thoughts about the vampire. I just want to get some action. In a total non-sex, just fighting sort of way, I mean.
"Glory ... Glory. Oh! You don't mean Glorificus. Gosh. What do you wanna get mixed up with her for? That's a sure way to get yourselves killed. I hear she's awfully unpleasant. When it comes to hell gods, my best advice ... is get out of the way ... and stay there." Much as we'd love to, it's a bit late, what with the she's-kidnapped-Dawn thing.
"Love to. Can't." Whaddaya know. Something Spike and me agree on. How scary is that?
"Well, uh, other than that ... I'd like to help ... but I-I'm a small-town guy." Yeah, real quaint, demon Grandpa Joe. Whatever. He's acting a little strange now. There's something off about him. Beside the whole sweet and innocent demon thing. My spider sense is tingling, as Buffy would say.
"This Glorificus, if it is her ... whoo, she's big city." Cute, Mister I'm-a-demon-who-looks-like-a-benign-OAP. Can you help, or not?
"She's got Dawn." Spike really sounds like he gives a shit. I suppose he does care about Dawn, in a freaky 'he's a vampire who shouldn't really care about anything except blood and sex' way. And can I please stop thinking Spike and sex in the same sentence. That way lies embarrassment and sweaty palms, as Willow would say.
"Right. Well, I may know a fella ... you know, who knows a fella in...in China. He might-" China. Real helpful.
"How the hell are we supposed to get to China? Teleport?" Oh, I never thought of that. Well, it could be fun, and - oh, right. Sarcasm. You'd think I'd be able to spot it seeing as it's such a key part of my own brand of humour. Or maybe you wouldn't think that at all. Maybe you'd just expect me to be all dense and not work it out. And as I'm having this conversation in my own head, who the hell are *you*?
"I guess." Demon-grandpa didn't get the sarcasm thing either. I'm glad it's not just me.
"You know, if you're in that much of a hurry." Is he hiding something?
"Wish you luck." Sure you do, pal. He seems to be in a bit of a hurry to get rid of us. Maybe we should -
"You're lying." - out and out accuse him of lying. That'll persuade him to help. What the hell is Spike playing at?
"And what's more ... I believe you're standing right in front of the very thing we need." That box. I thought this guy was too small-town-demon to be true.
And, oh my god, he's gonna decapitate Spike. That'll kill him, and I've never even kissed him, and *so* not the time for that thought. Okay, he's a demon. Spike can fight back. Good, that's good. Until he falls over and gets himself killed or…
Eew. Giant tongue. Headed straight for me. And ow. Wall. Head. Pain. C'mon Spike. Get up. Fight. You're the one here with the super-strength. I'm just the bait, or something.
"You think only underworld bottom-feeders worship the beast?" Isn't that just typical. Spike finds us a lead, and he's in league with the other side. Why am I not surprised? But it's good that I'm not surprised, cause that means I'm remembering the whole Spike is evil aspect of this relationship. In the 'we know each other' sense, not in the dating, kissing sense of relationship. Obviously. Cause Spike and I do not have, do not want to have, will not ever have that sort of relationship. Especially if I just lie here and watch the denture-demon here kill him.
"Her day is coming, boys! And when she returns, then you're gonna see something" Okay, getting up. Helping Spike. Fighting with the demon. Ouch. Ooh, sword. That could be useful. Especially if Spike's gonna let me get beaten to a bloody pulp while he...sticks his hands in the fire. What's he doing? Vampires and flames, not really mixing. Oh right, getting the box. And I'm fighting still. Sword. Stab demon. Oh, gross. Demon blood. Blue demon blood. Typical.
How's Spike? Not all incinerated. That's good And he got the box. That's even better. Every evil undead demon has its day, I guess
"What do we got?" Hope it's something that helps.
"Something worth dying for." Yay me. I killed a demon. All by myself. And Spike saw me. Wonder if he'll be impressed. Wonder why the hell that matters to me. I've got to see Anya soon, remind myself who I really want, cause this is getting stupid. Thinking he was hot was one thing, but wanting him to like me and be wowed by my demon bashing. That suggests my mind is in a serious mess. Oh well, lets go. Time enough to worry about my impending gender-orientation crisis after we deal with the marginally more important Hellmouth-related disaster. Hell, now I'm channelling Willow, or possibly Giles. Someone who thinks long words are necessary.
Given my current brain-frying confusion, maybe it's a good job I live in Sunnydale? Less time to think. Although, if I lived anywhere else, less chance of meeting ludicrously sexy blond vampire men. That was supposed to be a good - the less chance of meeting Spike like vampires thing - but looking at that ass, I've forgotten why. And leaving now. Not thinking. Or ogling. Not at all.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Buffy? She's back." Oh thank god. I thought Giles was gonna make us drink more tea. And also because of the we need her to help us save Dawn thing. Which is a much bigger issue, obviously. Wonder how she's doing
"You're okay?" Please say yes. Or anything. Just function, and all will be right with the world.
"Yeah. I'm okay." Well that's a start. A good start. We have a fully operational slayer on our side. That makes me feel a little less panicky about the whole hell-dimensional thing that Giles just told us. And now he's gonna have to tell Buffy. Boy do I not envy him that job.
"Hear you found the ritual text." Sure. We found it. Don't much want to talk about it though.
"Uh, something like that, yes." Neither does Giles. Don't blame him.
"Did you know that ... Ben is Glory?" And I'm changing the subject. Man, I'm such a coward. I just really don't want to be here for this conversation.
"So I'm told. What do we know?" The Buffster is obviously not to be distracted though. Still, points for effort. Maybe.
"Um ... well, uh ...according to these scrolls, uh, it's possible for Glory to be stopped." Giles doesn't want to do this either. At least I'm not the one who actually has to say it. And, Buffy is not gonna let him delay it much longer.
"I-I'm afraid it's, um ... well, Buffy, I've read these things very carefully and there's not much ... margin for error. You understand what I'm saying?"
"Might help if you actually said it." She's not stupid. She knows there's something bad coming. Giles is opting for the take off your glasses and pretend they need cleaning tactic. Never delays the inevitable though. Just makes it harder to see your impending doom. Which is probably a good thing
"Um ... Glory ... plans to open a ... dimensional portal ... by way of a ritual bloodletting." And here we go.
"Dawn's blood." Buffy is catching on pretty quick. G-Man had to explain this to me twice. Although I think the reason I had a problem was one part not wanting to hear what he was saying and one part being distracted by Spike sitting there trying to look like he wasn't interested. I could watch him for hours.
Gah. Purely out of scientific interest, obviously. You know, curiosity about the habits of another species, that sort of thing… and why am I trying to convince myself. I already know I have the warm-and-fuzzies. I just don't understand why. He's bad, and male and a vampire, and I am straight, and not evil, and have a very lovely, if a little strange, girlfriend. What is wrong with me? Maybe it's a little pre-apocalyptic panic. Totally understandable, given the whole pre-apocalyptic situation. Which I really should be focussing on. Look at Giles, not Spike. And certainly not in the same way I'm looking at Spike, because, well, eew, to borrow a popular Dawn-ism..
"Yes." Huh? Dawn's blood. That's what we were talking about. "Once the blood is shed at a certain time and place ... the fabric which separates all realities will ... be ripped apart."
"Dimensions will ... pour into one another, uh, with no barriers to stop them" Hey, I know this one. Hordes of hell beasts flood the earth et cetera "Reality as we know it will be destroyed, and ... chaos will reign on earth." Sounds like the sort of fun that's not.
"So how do we stop it?" Oh, god she asked. Please don't say it Giles. Please
"The portal will only close once the blood is stopped ... and the only way for that to happen is, um …" He can't even look at her. I can't believe he has to tell her this.
"Buffy, the only way is to kill Dawn." He said it. He actually said it. Shit. Now what.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
TBC
