Chapter 7
Oh wow. I can't believe he said it. That was the scariest thing ever. Buffy just went all stary and silent. It was so quiet in hear you could have heard a heartbeat. You could have heard Spike's heartbeat. Then there was this almighty crash from outside, and Buffy went running out like Glory, Adam and The Master were all chasing her. I hope she comes back. Buffy running away would be bad right about now. I think I can hear her coming back. That's good. Wouldn't want to be stuck here facing an apocalypse with Spike as our number one weapon. Okay, Buffy's back. Just gonna sit here and pretend, well, pretend I'm *not* here. I hate the whole tension thing.
"Something goin' on out back?" Or, I could just ask stupid questions and make sure pissed-off Buffy knows I'm here. That works too. Idiot Jed, glutton for punishment strikes again.
"Vampire." Sure, why not? Hell god not giving you enough stress? How about some normal everyday vampires as well? And how did I end up with a life where vampires are normal and everyday? A life where I'm thinking about the kinky things I could do to the bleached blond one sat three yards away from me? Oh, stop asking youself pointless questions and say something helpful.
"Oh." Nice. Totally contributing to the conversation. All right, shutting up now.
"Anything?" In these books? You mean other than the whole 'you can save the world by killing your sister' option? Zilch. Nada. Niente. Absolutely nothing. But who's got the balls to tell Buffy that?
"Nothing you want to hear. The ritual is, uh…" Okay, so Giles is braver, or possibly stupider than I thought. And as I never thought of him as stupid, that's entirely possible. But still, why would he want to do this?
"Explain it again." Maybe cause Buffy's not gonna give him a choice. She's gonna listen to that all over again. I guess Idiot Jed's fallen to second place in the Glutton for Punishment Championships.
"There's nothing new to-"
"Go through it again." Oh, this is harsh. I've seen Buffy look scary before but this is the worst. Worse than after she died. Worse than when the Angelus thing was happening. Way worse than all that. Even than when Joyce died. Dawn is all she has left, and we're sitting here telling her that the only way to save the world might be to kill her.
"The key was ... living energy. It needed to be channelled, poured into a specific place at a specific time. The energy ... would flow into that spot, the walls between the dimensions break down. It stops, the energy's used up, the walls come back up. Glory uses that time to get back into her own dimension, not caring that all manner of hell will be unleashed on earth in the meantime."
Great. Hell on earth. Done this one before. A couple of times. However many apocalypses you see, it never gets any less scary. Must be strange for the fangless one though. Not the potential apocalypse - hundred and twenty years, he's probably seen a few more than we have - but being on the how do we stop it side for a change. Although, I guess he did have that whole truce with Buffy over the Acathla thing.
Maybe he really doesn't want the world to end. He's not such a bad guy for a, well, bad guy. And I am gonna stop justifying my fucked up attraction to him, and accept that it's wrong. He's a demon and a man. And I am straight, and human, and on the side that wants to stop apocalypses. Apocali? Whatever the plural is. We're supposed to be preventing one, and I should pay attention. What am I paying attention to? Oh, right, the channelling energy to bring hell to earth thing. Nope, that really doesn't sound any better the second time around.
"Um, but only for a little while, right? The walls come back up, uh, n-no more hell?" Here's hoping. You'd think Anya would be a little more blasé about all this. I mean, eleven hundred years old, she makes Spike look like a pre-schooler. But becoming mortal really hit her hard in terms of not wanting to die. Not that it's surprising that she really doesn't want to face hell on earth any more than the rest of us. You'd just think that she'd be less freaked by the possibility.
"That's only if the energy is stopped. And now the key is human ...is Dawn." That's still making no sense to me. Dawn is not a key. She's a teenage girl. She's Buffy's little sister, who has a crush on me. Or she did until the bleached blond menace came along all dangerous and strong and sexy and, okay, she's in good company with the whole crush on Spike thing.
""The blood flows, the gates will open. The gates will close when it flows no more." When Dawn is dead." Oh god. This is awful. We're talking about Dawn dying and I'm sitting here day-dreaming about the vampire with the bad peroxide job, who thinks he's in love with the slayer. He's crazy. I'm crazy. I'm sick and depraved and I need help.
"I have places to be!" But hey, at least I'm sharing the crazy train with Tara. Although, to be fair, she has a better excuse, what with getting her brain sucked by the Hell God. I have no excuse beyond the never ending lunacy that is my mind. Which is so messed up, I need more than help. I need shooting. Seeing as no one here - other than Spike, who can't - is likely to be prepared to do that, maybe I should concentrate on my impending death by apocalypse now, and contemplate the possibility that it would probably be a welcome release *if* it doesn't happen tonight.
"Why blood? Why Dawn's blood? I mean, why couldn't it be like a, a lymph ritual?" Great. Even when I try to be helpful, it comes out sounding like a stupid joke, like I don't care. Which, obviously, I do.
"'Cause it's always got to be blood." Sure, Mr 'Blood is Life', you would say that. Just when I think Spike might be okay, he has to remind me of the whole he's a blood-sucking monster issue. That's probably good, cause it puts me off a little, which really can't be a bad thing.
"We're not actually discussing dinner right now." That's good. Sound like you're pissed at him. That way, hopefully no-one will realise you're actually thinking about what it would be like to kiss him, or lick that amazingly toned body from top to bottom, and back up again. Oh. As Dawn would say, eew. Enough. Remember, we don't want people, especially Spike, to know what we're thinking.
"Blood is life, lackbrain. Why do you think we eat it? It's what keeps you going. Makes you warm. Makes you hard. Makes you other than dead. Course it's her blood." Oh boy. He's really not helping. Hard Spike. That's quite a thought. A bad one. This is ridiculous. I'm getting all hot and bothered because Spike's talking about blood. There really is not enough yuck to describe how vile that is. Which is why I'm not at all turned on by it. Really I'm not. These trousers are just really tight. Me being known for my tight fitting clothes, of course. Aaargh. This is stupid. World ending here. Focus.
"Pretty simple math here. We stop Glory before she can start the ritual. We still have a couple of hours, right?" Thank you, Buffy. We're talking about saving Dawn. From now on, my thoughts are totally focussed on that. I'm not gonna think about Spike hard, or licking Spike, or Spike licking me, or…enough. That is it. No more thinking. At all. I'm fairly sure no one'll notice the difference.
"If my calculations are right. But Buffy-" Maybe Giles is trying to compete with me and the Buffster in the Glutton for Punishment tournament. He really is very stupid. And I never thought I'd be thinking that about Mr I've read every book in this reality and some that haven't been written yet.
"I don't wanna hear it." Buffy's going for the ostrich approach. Stick your head in the sand and hope it goes away. Well, it's worked for me so far. Where's the fun in facing your inner turmoil when you can let it stay both inner and turmoily until you totally lose control of it and can't think about anything other than naked vampires. Yeah, denial is the best.
"I understand that-" Oh boy. Guess Giles really is stupid. Even I know that trying to tell Buffy he understands anything about this is the surest way to be beaten to a bloody pulp. Not that she would. But you'd think he'd try and remember that she *could* when he starts trying to tell to kill her own sister
"No! No, you don't understand. We are not talking about this." And again with the ostrich, Buff. I hate this, but I know we have to talk about it.
"Yes, we bloody well are!" Okay then. This is as bad as it gets. When Giles starts shouting, you know we've hit rock bottom. It doesn't go with the whole British staid and stuffy breeding thing. And I hate it. I've always hated shouting, and this is the worst kind. Even Spike looks a little stunned. Guess he didn't think the watcher had it in him. He probably doesn't know about the Ripper side of Giles' teenage years.
"If Glory begins the ritual ... if we can't stop her…" Please, G-Man, stop. This is all gonna end in tears. What am I saying? Of course it's gonna end in tears, Hell's gonna be released onto the Earth. I'd say tears are pretty much inevitable.
"Come on. Say it. We're bloody well talking about this. Tell me to kill my sister." Shit. I think we all forgot what this conversation was about. How can we even be talking about this?
"She's not your sister." Christ, Giles. How can you say that? I know he remembers Dawn the same as the rest of us. As the littlest Summers. The annoying one who was always getting in the way and breaking things when he was trying to train Buffy. And I know he's saying this because it has to be said, but this is beyond harsh.
"No. She's not. She's more than that. She's me. The monks made her out of me. I hold her ... and I feel closer to her than … It's not just the memories they built. It's physical. Dawn ... is a part of me. The only part that I-" Oh, Buff, please don't cry. Tears would not be a good thing right now. We need super-strength slayer, not freaked out catatonic girl.
"We'll solve this. We will. Don't have another coma, okay?" Looks like Will's thinking the same as me. She's really holding things together right now, even with Tara being all mind mushed. How did my little Willow get so brave and strong? It's actually kind of embarrassing that the girls around here are keeping it all going, and I'm sitting having a mental breakdown because I can't cope with lusty thoughts about the chipped vampire. Could this get any worse?
"If the ritual starts, then every living creature in this and every other dimension imaginable will suffer unbearable torment and death ...including Dawn." Why do I ask such stupid questions? Of course it could get worse. It always does.
"Then the last thing she'll see is me protecting her." I hate this. I've never been good at the whole tense silence thing. That's why I always open my mouth and insert my foot at moments like this. Unfortunately, even I can't think of anything incredibly stupid to say right now. Maybe somebody else could do it for me. Spike? Giles?
"You'll fail. You'll die. We all will." Okay then. I was thinking more along the lines of 'who wants tea', not 'we're all facing certain death and there's nothing we can do.' Maybe it would've been better if Spike had chipped in, pun not intended. More chance of something stupid being said. And, he probably feels less bad about the apocalypse thing, given that he's an undead demon and all. So possibly slightly more cheerful. Or maybe not. He'd probably agree with Giles just to get a happy from seeing us freaked. I know. That's not really fair. He really does give a crap about Dawnie, and he thinks he's in love with Buffy, so maybe I should cut him some slack.
Did I really just think that? There will be no cutting of slack for the evil vampire. He is bad and not your friend and in no way the recurring star in your nocturnal fantasies and now I'm talking to myself. I can't believe Buffy let the vampire who thinks he's in love with her hang around so that I could drive myself crazy thinking about the things I could do to his body with my tongue and a bottle of maple syrup. Why would she do that to me?
"I'm sorry." Huh? Did I say that out loud? Is Buffy answering me. Please, no. Okay, I can't have done. Spike isn't laughing and, for once, everybody isn't looking at me like I'm insane. She's apologising for something else then. That's good. But what is she sorry for?
"I love you all ... but I'm sorry." Oh right, of course. The whole, I won't kill my sister to stop hell being released onto earth, so you're all gonna die thing. Forgot about that for a minute. Which says a lot about my mental state at the minute. Insane. I'm totally insane.
"Okay. All in favour of stopping Glory *before* the ritual. Suggestions, ideas? Time's a-wastin'." Alright. That's a good idea Anya. Stop this before killing Dawn becomes our only option for world-saveage. I can't believe Buffy felt she had to apologise for this. I mean, I'm not really up for dying right now, but I don't expect Buffy to kill her sister to save the world. Who the hell would be unfeeling enough to even…
"Uh ... when you say you love us all…" Apart from Spike. Okay, so there are those whose sensitivity is a little impaired. Why can't he just get over it?
"Shut up." Gaah. Great, now I'm synchronised speaking with Giles. Admittedly, wanting Spike to shut up, not the deepest thought ever. And I'm fairly sure we didn't think it for the same reason. At least I hope not. Really don't want to think about Giles being jealous because Spike wants to get groiny with Buffy instead of him. And now I've thought it and yeuch, now I want to wash my brain out with bleach. Bad enough that I'm thinking about me and Spike doing the nasty, but *Giles* and Spike? That's seriously disturbed. I'm gonna stop thinking at all now, and worry about the less confusing stuff instead. You know, the life and death, facing the end of the world stuff.
"Willow. I bet you've got some dark spell a-brewin'. Uh, make her a, a, a toad? Little hoppy toad, we can hit her with a hammer?" Anya still on with the super helpful vibe. She's really freaked by being mortal and facing death. If I remember rightly, last time things got apocalypsy she hightailed it out of here. But maybe she's right. We should start thinking seriously about ways to stop this. And, thinking about it, I realise that everyone else probably already was. I'm sure I'm the only one here having such crazy thoughts when there's an end of the world scenario to deal with.
"Hoppy toad." Okay, maybe not the only one. But certainly the only one without a valid excuse. Being brain sucked by a hell god is a slightly better explanation for insanity than I've got. Wanting to be sucked by Spike is probably not gonna be acceptable to the others - especially my beloved girlfriend - as a reason why I can't come up with any helpful stop-the-world-from-ending suggestions. Gyah. There will be no sucking. Okay. Enough mad thinking. I'm totally gonna contribute now. There's got be something in my messed up head that can help.
"What about Ben? He can be killed, right? I mean, I know he's an innocent, but, you know, not like Dawn innocent. We could kill a ... regular guy." Okay, so I'm helping. Or not. Did I really just say that? Being around Spike really has rubbed off on me. Oh and there's a pretty mental picture. Gah. Focus. I can't believe I just suggested killing someone.
"God." Man, there are times when I amaze even myself with my lack of thinking before speaking. How could I even think that? We can't kill someone. Maybe - well okay, definitely - Spike could, if it wasn't for the chip, but not the rest of us. And it's Ben, a person I know. Okay, so I didn't like him much, but this is awful.
"It's doubtful he'll surface again this close to the ritual. We can expect its Glory we're dealing with." Oh that's good. No one's going to ask me to kill Ben. Obviously. No one who wasn't as insane as me would even have suggested it. Okay, so Spike might, but he probably falls into the insane category too, so no prizes for that one.
"We don't have to kill her. Uh, we just have to stop her from doing the ritual. I mean, there's only the one time that she can do it, right?" Okay, that's good, we're coming up with sane, useful suggestions now. Well, I say we - actually, I'm gonna shut up and let everyone forget about my totally helpful murder the human idea. Except Spike. Maybe he'll think it's cool, and stop thinking of me as the total loser. Oh yeah, and I really want to get in Spike's good books that way. Not that I care what he thinks of me at all.
"Yeah. We get her on the ropes, we just gotta keep her occupied till it's too late." Great, even he has more to contribute than I do. And Anya is being more useful than me. The two demonic types - granted one ex and one neutered, but still demons - are trying to help save the world and all I can do is make pointless, murderous suggestions. Brilliant. My sanity is no longer in question because my lack of any at all has been confirmed. At least so far it's only me who's realised that. I think. Maybe if I'm very quiet and don't think about Spike, I can keep it that way until hell opens up. Which, I'm remembering, may well be tonight.
"Okay. But I'm still not hearing enough ideas. She's a god. Let's think outside the box." Much as Anya wants to help, I think all this enthusiasm from someone who used to revel in apocalypses - apocali, whatever - is likely to really annoy somebody if she doesn't tone it down.
"Why don't *you* go think outside the bleeding box." As, for example, Spike.
"Yes, Anya, apart from your incredibly uninfectious enthusiasm, have you anything else to contribu-" And obviously Giles also. That's my girl! Try to help and utterly irritate everyone, live and dead, within a five-mile radius. Why would anyone think I had strange tastes? Anya, Cordy, Spike. All with a fairly major talent for pissing people off. What does it say about me that I find that attractive? And why am I still thinking that way about Spike. Enough already. There's a Hell God to fight, and I'm not helping.
"The Dagon sphere!" Huh? The what
"Sorry?" Oh, good. Giles doesn't know either. That means the problem here is probably Anya's approach rather than my brain, or lack thereof. Thereof. That's a Giles word. I really have lost it.
"When Buffy first met Glory, she found that magical ... glowy sphere that was meant to repel Glory. We've got it in the basement. It might drive her away or hurt her. Ooh!" Go, Anya. Why is everyone looking so surprised. Anya may be a total pain, but she's not stupid. I'm the crazy idiot in our relationship. Talking of which, I have to break up with her. This is totally unfair on her. She has a right to a boyfriend who doesn't spend most nights dreaming about the things he could do to the impotent vampire in the corner. Although, hopefully not too impotent, because where's the fun?
"And Olaf the troll god's enchanted hammer." Okay, Anya is still here, and still your girlfriend. And she's really kicking ass today. Only in a metaphorical way. Although I realise that could change if she knew what I was thinking. Hopefully, that will never *ever* happen.
"You wanna fight a god, use the weapon of a god." Well, that makes sense. Maybe if my brain wasn't so messed up with Spike thoughts, I'd be able to come up with some useful suggestions.
"Uh, nah, that thing's too heavy to- Yeah. Good." Hah. That was pretty funny. Spike's face when Buffy just picked the axe up like it was a balloon. Hey, Spike looking stupid gave me a happy. That's progress, right? Laughing at him is better than wanting to jump him when my girlfriend is in the room. My ex-vengeance demon girlfriend. Who's really on top form today. Oh, I don't have a death wish at all.
"I like this. Thanks." Boy, oh boy. Buffy thanking Anya for help with the slaying thing. Never thought I'd see the day. Check out the irony. I've spent months wishing my friends would accept my girlfriend as part of the group. Now they've started to, and I just wish she'd go away so I could get a little closer to the vampire. The very *male* vampire. And there's nothing on this earth that will make them accept him as part of the group. Not in an 'I'm Xander's boyfriend' way, anyway. What am I talking about. I don't want Spike as my boyfriend. This is strictly stress related hormone overload. Not actual attraction to the very male very dead vampire. No way.
"Here to help. Wanna live." Especially not with my currently ass-kicking ex-demon girlfriend around to witness, suspect or even have an inkling about it. I really don't want her to know that I'm thinking about the possibilities for Spike, our shower and large quantities of lubricating substances. Oh, Gross. Please stop thinking before you open your big mouth and say something stupid.
"Smart chicks are soooo hot." Did I say that? That's pretty scary. Maybe my subconscious is protecting me from the whole death wish thing after all, because that is so far from what I was really thinking, it's on a different planet - a nice, safe one, where I'm totally convinced of my own heterosexuality and there are no sexy blond vampire men helping us to save the world. Still, at least some part of my brain is going to prevent me from being eviscerated or castrated by a seriously vengeful woman
"You couldn't have figured that out in tenth grade?" Or possibly not. Hmm, who to piss off. The millennium-old vengeance demon or the hugely powerful sorceress? The words 'rock' and 'hard place' spring to mind. And not in a double entendre kind of way, either. Still, Willow's smiling at me, so we're probably okay for now. At least as long as the survival instinct part of me carries on making me say things that aren't going to put me in a very embarrassing position. As long as I don't *ever* say what I'm thinking. Or I start to think something different. Hey, I could think about the end of the world. That's less dangerous.
"Well, we have some ideas, if we could actually get Glory on the run, but, um…" C'mon Giles, spit it out. What big stumbling block have we hit now. He's really pessimist guy today. Which is not really surprising, given the circumstances, but as Watcher guy, shouldn't he be waving the flag in the slayer parade and giving us lots of false hope? That would be nice right about now.
"But, we still have no idea how to find her." Oh right. Finding Glory. That could be a problem.
"Big day. Oh, it calls me! I have to be there!" Or possibly not. Tara could just lead us right there. That would work.
"Big day!" You got it Tara. Big day. Save Dawn. Save the world. Work out how to break up with Anya without losing an essential part of my anatomy. Deal with the fact that I have the hots for an evil creature of the night who hates me, and claims to be in love with one of my best friends. Biggest day ever. I can hardly wait.
TBC
