Phoebe
It seems aeons ago when it happened, yet I remember every single minute insignificant detail. the look in his eyes, every flinch and cringe groaning in both of us. The tale of how we met is long forgotten, a vivacious narrative, once sparkling full of hope, dancing airily to a long deserted passion. And so, the vindictive clockworks of fate delivered us to our inevitable ending. The carving of our history discarded aimlessly on a trampled sidewalk. I tell you now of our darkest tale and I invite you to be a participant on our journey of unending sorrow as I narrate an unspoken, forgotten parable.
Part One: The Beginning of our End.
When I murdered him, I had anticipated the forthcoming pain, sorrow and grief but little did I know of what extent it would be.
My throat chokes out the words and like poison they slaughter my Cole, my insides are begging me, they scream out at me to stop but my mouth rebels and instead the empty words betray me as they escape the dry flaking confines of my throat. No matter how hard I struggle or try, those same heartless words trickle out like crimson red blood, trying to spurt out from the deepest wounds of my heart.
My heart is bleeding, I can feel the blood oozing out from the insides of my chest, those words pry my heart open like a long forgotten treasure box, the rusty hinges moans a creak of stubbornness but those words win.
They win, overcoming every single obstacle which I try to set before it, but the words are strong and with bitter might they harshly force open the set jaws of my mouth and in an empty second, just one single, meaningless second, the words flow as freely as a river gushing down a valley. A dark sinister valley, and out into the icy glaciers of air.
Cole's eyes, with a thin film of watery reflection gazes into mine, at that moment, certainties disappear into the crisp night air. His tears overflowing with pain, sting me like a sharp needle. The thin insignificant bleak metal point pierces into me and suddenly; my legs are like two toothpicks beneath me. I am suddenly balancing on two untrustworthy sticks, fragile and delicate. Almost like an innocent undeveloped child, I sway as if learning to walk for the first time; only I'm a girl, at an age of self- discovery and at an age where I should be embracing my future, shaping my own fantasies.
Instead, the bitter night air nips at my skin, like hungry birds they snap their angry beaks at my soul and piece-by-piece, they carry each piece as they spread their bony wings and fly off into the black night with every fragment of happiness left inside of me. I feel the two fragile toothpicks beneath me crumble, finally surrendering to the force of gravity.
As I sink slowly onto the ground, my limp and lifeless body puddling onto the stiff frosty ground, my nostrils fill with the intoxicating stench of scorching ground. The smell triggers flashes of spinning images into my mind, one by one, like a camera they snap into my mind with sudden blinding lights, they seem to taunt me, each only a memory but unleashing a gigantic ball of emotions inside of me.
It rolls around, bouncing off the walls of my body, pounding every bone, every muscle to get out, to escape. As freely as the wind blows, it finally unshackles itself from the restraints of my body. I finally explode all of my emotions from a long awaited bomb that had been ticking away inside of me. With every echoing tick, shadows begin to haunt me; they sweep over me waves of endless darkness.
All that is left is a void. my eyes succumb to the seduction of peace and I close my eyes before I hear him scream, before I hear the axe brought down on the execution of my love
...... Before his crimson blood showers all over my guilty hands.
The rusted yellow stained pages stare blankly up, taunting me. They hold my only key to the doorway, my last shreds of hope are embedded in those pages, and like a treasure hunter, and my hands rummage violently for the precious luminous jewels. Sweat saturates my shaking hands; the pages flip, its sound echoing menacingly in my ear. It whispers to me, like it KNOWS. it knows how to deliver him back into my sugary embrace, but it refuses to speak any louder.
No matter how much I endeavour to will him back, everyday, his face is engraved into my mind, carved deeper than any scar but the sounds ripple over my ears. No matter how my body strives, no matter how much I have to bleed, the key expresses its stubbornness and refuses to venture its way into the dark rusting recesses of my mind.
I sense it all, the aches, the waves of pain bathing over me, how my body yearns for his hand to caress my tear-stained face and how I yearn for him to lift the hard mask, moulded and thriving from the abundance of heart- breaking grief. The mask is almost permanent now, adhering to a face, a body escaped from the shackles of a sickened mind, no longer confined to toiled control.
Unless. unless I find a way. Unless, like a desperate detective, I hunt, I hunt until all the pieces of the agonizing puzzle slide in flawlessly into each other and I will undertake a pursuit for the truth and the quest to bring him back, and to save him from my own murder. even if it kills me.
It seems aeons ago when it happened, yet I remember every single minute insignificant detail. the look in his eyes, every flinch and cringe groaning in both of us. The tale of how we met is long forgotten, a vivacious narrative, once sparkling full of hope, dancing airily to a long deserted passion. And so, the vindictive clockworks of fate delivered us to our inevitable ending. The carving of our history discarded aimlessly on a trampled sidewalk. I tell you now of our darkest tale and I invite you to be a participant on our journey of unending sorrow as I narrate an unspoken, forgotten parable.
Part One: The Beginning of our End.
When I murdered him, I had anticipated the forthcoming pain, sorrow and grief but little did I know of what extent it would be.
My throat chokes out the words and like poison they slaughter my Cole, my insides are begging me, they scream out at me to stop but my mouth rebels and instead the empty words betray me as they escape the dry flaking confines of my throat. No matter how hard I struggle or try, those same heartless words trickle out like crimson red blood, trying to spurt out from the deepest wounds of my heart.
My heart is bleeding, I can feel the blood oozing out from the insides of my chest, those words pry my heart open like a long forgotten treasure box, the rusty hinges moans a creak of stubbornness but those words win.
They win, overcoming every single obstacle which I try to set before it, but the words are strong and with bitter might they harshly force open the set jaws of my mouth and in an empty second, just one single, meaningless second, the words flow as freely as a river gushing down a valley. A dark sinister valley, and out into the icy glaciers of air.
Cole's eyes, with a thin film of watery reflection gazes into mine, at that moment, certainties disappear into the crisp night air. His tears overflowing with pain, sting me like a sharp needle. The thin insignificant bleak metal point pierces into me and suddenly; my legs are like two toothpicks beneath me. I am suddenly balancing on two untrustworthy sticks, fragile and delicate. Almost like an innocent undeveloped child, I sway as if learning to walk for the first time; only I'm a girl, at an age of self- discovery and at an age where I should be embracing my future, shaping my own fantasies.
Instead, the bitter night air nips at my skin, like hungry birds they snap their angry beaks at my soul and piece-by-piece, they carry each piece as they spread their bony wings and fly off into the black night with every fragment of happiness left inside of me. I feel the two fragile toothpicks beneath me crumble, finally surrendering to the force of gravity.
As I sink slowly onto the ground, my limp and lifeless body puddling onto the stiff frosty ground, my nostrils fill with the intoxicating stench of scorching ground. The smell triggers flashes of spinning images into my mind, one by one, like a camera they snap into my mind with sudden blinding lights, they seem to taunt me, each only a memory but unleashing a gigantic ball of emotions inside of me.
It rolls around, bouncing off the walls of my body, pounding every bone, every muscle to get out, to escape. As freely as the wind blows, it finally unshackles itself from the restraints of my body. I finally explode all of my emotions from a long awaited bomb that had been ticking away inside of me. With every echoing tick, shadows begin to haunt me; they sweep over me waves of endless darkness.
All that is left is a void. my eyes succumb to the seduction of peace and I close my eyes before I hear him scream, before I hear the axe brought down on the execution of my love
...... Before his crimson blood showers all over my guilty hands.
The rusted yellow stained pages stare blankly up, taunting me. They hold my only key to the doorway, my last shreds of hope are embedded in those pages, and like a treasure hunter, and my hands rummage violently for the precious luminous jewels. Sweat saturates my shaking hands; the pages flip, its sound echoing menacingly in my ear. It whispers to me, like it KNOWS. it knows how to deliver him back into my sugary embrace, but it refuses to speak any louder.
No matter how much I endeavour to will him back, everyday, his face is engraved into my mind, carved deeper than any scar but the sounds ripple over my ears. No matter how my body strives, no matter how much I have to bleed, the key expresses its stubbornness and refuses to venture its way into the dark rusting recesses of my mind.
I sense it all, the aches, the waves of pain bathing over me, how my body yearns for his hand to caress my tear-stained face and how I yearn for him to lift the hard mask, moulded and thriving from the abundance of heart- breaking grief. The mask is almost permanent now, adhering to a face, a body escaped from the shackles of a sickened mind, no longer confined to toiled control.
Unless. unless I find a way. Unless, like a desperate detective, I hunt, I hunt until all the pieces of the agonizing puzzle slide in flawlessly into each other and I will undertake a pursuit for the truth and the quest to bring him back, and to save him from my own murder. even if it kills me.
