Title: Shin no Shin (Heart of Truth)
Genre: Shonen-ai/ Gravitation
Pairing: Ryuichi x Tohma
Rating: R
Author: Naoko Siru sprialx@hotmail.com
Disclaimer: I do not own any form of animation or
character copyright AT THIS TIME… please get back to me
in the future on the off chance I may have money.


Seguichi Tohma was amazed to see the city lights
winking at him when he looked up from his desk. The
trash pile of long neglected office work had taken longer
than a few hours to complete. Afternoon and dinner had
disappeared. It was now late into the evening. Below his
tenth floor window, Tokyo shined as if rolled in fairy
dust. Unseen in the night, life flowed down streets and
into the alleys. Young business folk, not quiet certain
in their successes, spent their money loosely on Karaoke,
movies, and more livacious things.
Seguichi sighed. He pulled away from the cool press
of the glass to straighten his desk. With Nittle
Grasper's tour coming up, he didn't have time to go down
to Harry's bar for a drink with Noriko or even Sakuma-
san. Nor did he know when he would step back into his
roll of President of NG Productions. For the next few
weeks he was merely a band member and producer of Nittle
Grasper. When he could return, the paperwork would yet
again be piled high in his In box. With everything that
could be done by phone, fax, or e-mail, he marveled that
there was still archaic paper work.
Seguichi grabbed his briefcase and white furred
coat. As he flicked the light switch, he wondered if he
should have the place shrouded in dust covers to preserve
it for his return. With that half mocking thought, he
headed down stairs, savoring each step in turn.
NG Productions was in a lull. New albums weren't
scheduled until the beginning of next fiscal quarter, and
new shows weren't due until next month. A few talents
were already out on the road. Only Nittle Grasper
themselves had a tour in production. That way, very
little would happen in his absence. Instead of the usual
late night hussle of creative minds, the ground floor
studios were mostly abandoned. If he hadn't seen that
profits were up, Seguichi would have worried.
Like a good, production mineded boss, he popped his
head inside the sparse few studios that had their red
"recording" lights on. In one was his dear cousin, trying
vainly to put Shindo-san's lyrics to his song. Seguichi
stayed just as long as was necessary, then ambled down
the deserted hall. Near the end was one last shinning
light. Tired, he was silently scooting by, when he
caught a flash of pink from the corner of his eye.
On top of a brand new blue courier bag, sat
Kumagorou. In his arms was a sweaty bottle of Calpis
Peach. Seguichi bowed down to the bunny's level. It
seemed that Sakuma-san was nowhere in sight.
"What are you doing here, by yourself?" asked
Seguichi.
He waited for a moment. He felt a blush crept up
his cheeks. Sakuma's insanity must be catching after all
these years. Seguichi had actually been waiting for the
toy to reply.
"I won't tell if you won't," said Seguichi Tohma in
a hushed tone. Courious, Seguichi reached for the bottle.
The Calpis was still cool to the touch. He picked up the
bunny by its ears and rose. After two quick knocks,
Seguichi opened the studio door.
Sakuma Ryuichi sat at the mixing board with his back
to the door. Thick headphones crushed the life out of the
lead singer's perpetually fluffy hair. With the
restrained touch of an expert, Sakuma played with the
slides and levers that studded the mixing boards smooth
face. In his earphones, he was making minute changes to
his private concert. Seguichi moved to the side so that
he could catch a glimpse of Sakuma's face. His eyes were
closed, creating two perfect crescents on his cheeks,
slightly flushed with effort. A look of distaste flashed
across his face and sent the hand flying across the panel
again, mixing and testing.
Seguichi cleared his throat.
"Ah, Sakuma-san. Here you are!"
Seguichi drew back a step as Sakuma turned around.
His eyes had that hard edge to them, as they had once had
in the past. Perhaps he was still in there, Shin no
Sakuma, the TRUE Sakuma. The one that Seguichi had
thought he'd seen die years ago from media pressure.
Sakuma's eyes slid away from Seguichi to the pink bunny
he held in front of him by the ears. Ryuichi's eyes
peeked out, and a doltish boy-smile infested his face.
In a moment, Shin no Sakuma was gone, and boy type Ryu-
chan was back.
Ryuichi pulled down the massive headphones, beaming.
"Tohma! Ah, Kumagorou!" Ryuichi whined as he
snatched the toy from Seguichi's grasp. "Mou! You were
supposed to tell me when someone was coming! Hum?
Daijoubou. I think meanie Tohma has punished you enough
by pulling your ears."
"Gomen, gomen," said Seguichi. "So, Kumagorou was
acting as a night watchman out in the hall by himself. I
was concerned you had dropped him and maybe went for
something to go with your cold drink."
"I never drop my friend, neh, Kuma?"
Suddenly, things became still between them. It was
as if the room had suddenly been covered in permafrost.
An unspoken accusation hung frozen from Sakuma's lips.
Sakuma placed Kumagorou in a chair behind him and
silently went back to work at the mixing board. Sakuma's
movements were the precise ones of a man again. Seguichi
moved towards him to look at his face. It was back to
his serious one. The one reserved for the past and the
stage. Sakuma pulsed with energy and heart. Seguichi
could count the number of times he had seen this face off
the stage on one hand. None of those occurrences had been
on the same night, much less in the same five minutes.
Tiny sounds escaped from the headphones around Sakuma's
neck.
"What are you working on? It's been years since
I've seen you making tracks," Seguichi said quietly.
Sakuma jerked the earphone jack out of the wall.
The small booth was filled with song. It was Nittle
Grasper. Sakuma was singing, and Seguichi heard himself
coming in loud and clear. In fact, he was so loud, it was
almost as if he were singing a duet with Sakuma.
Seguichi couldn't place the tune.
"We recorded this almost ten years ago," said
Sakuma. "It was a first test for the first song I ever
wrote by myself. It was killed in production. Never saw
air time."
Seguichi knew why. It was a good song, but it was a
love ballad. It didn't fit the image of Nittle Grasper.
The music was too slow. All their songs followed a
certain formula, and that's what had made them a success.
Ten years ago, this song would have been a gamble the
group could not afford to make.

Lights of heaven in your eyes,
Angels' breathe to flavor your sighs.
My body rises at your touch,
Because through you I pray to god.

"Bad Luck would be great for this song. Nakano-san
can carry a tune much better than I can!" Seguichi
smiled. "If you want to get it recorded…"
"It's your song," Ryuichi's eyes peered our from
under his tossled bangs. As always, his eyes reminded
Seguichi of emerald almonds.
"But, I thought you said you wrote it."
"I wrote it for you, back when it was okay to feel
like this about you. Before everything went wrong
between us."
Seguichi suddenly found himself three steps away.
Long ago, this had been an issue. But, at least five
years had past since then. It was before the bunny, and
the boy controlling Sakuma's body. Before he was married
to his wife, whom he did love in his own fashion.
"Sakuma-san. Nothing went wrong between us, because
there never was an 'us' to begin with."
It was there in his voice, the heavy sound of never-
was and never-will-be.
"There should have been," Sakuma protested, "I can
count the number of times I could have taken you. Eiri
broke your heart with his repeated refusals. Mika-san
doubted your feelings were nothing else but concern from
her bastard brother."
The right hook caught them both off guard. Seguichi
didn't think he would blantantly punch Sakuma for what
he'd said. Suddenly Seguichi wanted Sakuma to keep his
damn mouth shut before he said anymore shit about Yuki
nee Usegi Eiri. The punch caught Sakuma just left of his
chin, and sent him careening around in his chair. With a
metallic thud, Sakuma caught the ledge of the soundboard.
His hand slid, pushing the treble balance to the max, and
the room was suddenly filled with singing chipmunks.
Sakuma used the board to spin himself back around and
launch himself at Seguichi with a roar of rage. His
punch hit squarely on Seguichi's left cheek and was
easily twice as strong.
Seguichi found himself on the floor with a hand
covering the left side of his face. Sakuma hovered over
him on his hands and knees, his chest heaving with
effort. A familiar spark flashed through Seguichi's
brain. It was the start of evil plans that tended to
ruin careers and lives. If Sakuma knew how angry Tohma
was, he didn't show fear. In fact, a single droplet of
water landed on Seguichi's silk Armani tie and was
absorbed. No other tears followed down Sakuma's cheeks.
"Get over it!" yelled Ryuichi. "He's happy with
Shuichi. Having you interfere and fawn over him is just
making it more difficult. Let the selfish asshole heal,
and move on with his pathetic existence! He doesn't care
about you."
Seguichi rose up onto his elbows. A small gawf
escaped his throat.
"Sakuma-san, you should take your own advice. 'Let
him heal' you say. Yet here you are, trying to pull me
back into your fantasy."
"There is a difference. You are captured by guilt.
I'm caught by the curiosity." Sakuma leaned slowly down.
His chestnut hair flowed down to cover his expression.
"What would it be like? What would he feel like beside
me or inside of me? Would I be totally rejected? What
does he…taste…like?"
Seguichi could now see the individual lashes that
framed Sakuma's almond eyes. The other man's breath was
tickling the small hairs of his face. Then, suddenly,
Sakuma nose was brushing the tip of his.
"Maybe, it's time I just found out," said Sakuma.
Seguichi barely had a chance to whisper, "Ryuichi,"
before Sakuma's lips cut off his words. For an instant,
the world glittered at the edges as Sakuma laced his arm
through Seguichi's and pulled him into his kiss.