Disclaimermobob: Ya'll know I don't own YYH. It's on my "To-Do" list. (See
47)
47. Overthrow FUNimation and own Yu Yu Hakusho, Inuyasha, and Gundam Wing AC.
Koenma rapped hard on the dressing room doors. He wore tan director's pants, a rather poofy white shirt, and knee-high black boots. In his hand were a megaphone and a script that looked as if it were written in crayon. Blue crayon. And it was smudged. A lot. As if some idiot had tried to erase crayon. Idiot. Everyone knows you can't erase crayon. It's like the world's most non-erasable substance. Well, besides permanent markers and.you know what I mean, damnit! Right, but I digress.
"I sent you all in there two hours ago! What the hell is the holdup?!" shouted the toddler to a bright golden star bearing the name "Yusuke."
A small muffled sound came from inside.
"What?!" Koenma asked, loosing patience with the cast.
"I think I have the wrong costume." came the voice from behind the door.
"The wrong costume?" Koenma smacked his forehead. "Okay, fine, come on out."
There was a slight pause, and the door opened a crack. A brown eye looked out to make sure the coast was clear before pushing it open all the way. It was all Koenma could do to keep from laughing. There stood Yusuke in a shiny, blue go-go girl dress, with high blue boots and a blue and white cap that resembled that of a taxi cab driver's. . .only this too was shiny.
"Well look at that," Koenma said, stifling laughter. "It IS the wrong costume."
"Oh thank gods!" Yusuke said. "I was beginning to think I was the girl. . ."
Koenma grinned. "That could be arranged. I mean, you're already in costume. . ."
"NO!" Yusuke shouted, a little loud.
"Fine, I have to go see what's taking everyone else." And with that Koenma continued down the hallway until he came upon Keiko's room. Again he knocked on the door. Minutes past, and Koenma checked his watch impatiently.
"Keiko!" he shouted. No answer. With a sigh, he reached for the doorknob.
CRASH!
"WHAT WAS THAT?!" Koenma opened the door and found Keiko in a black suit, sprawled across the floor, with a floor lamp lying on top of her. She had a gun prop in her hand.
The toddler in director's clothes stepped over the cluttered papers, no doubt the script to his movie, and asked the girl, "What are you doing?"
Keiko looked up with a grin on her face. "I was practicing."
Confused, Koenma checked the cast list and sighed. "For what?"
"My role, of course!"
"You aren't James Bond."
"I'm. . .I'm NOT?!"
"You're his girl, who doesn't have a name."
"I. . .I don't have a NAME?!"
"'Fraid not. Yusuke got your costume, and you got his."
"Aw crap, I really liked being the hero."
Koenma shut his eyes and counted to ten slowly. Then he found the door marked "Kuwabara". He knocked.
"What?" said Kuwabara.
"Showtime, let's go!"
"Hmmmm. . .no, I'm busy."
"Kuwa---grrrr. . .you better be out here in ten seconds!" The toddler didn't have time for this. He approached Kurama's door. Before he could even raise his hand to knock, the door opened and Hiei came out looking upset.
There was a loud sneeze. Koenma poked his head around the door. The red- haired cutie stood in the middle of the room. His nose was bright red and he stood amidst a pile of used tissues. His eyes looked bloodshot.
"He didn't TELL me he was allergic to tulips!" Hiei insisted. Koenma could only guess what had happened.
"Just. . .just get out on the set. . .now." Koenma rounded on the sneezing Kurama. "And you, you just try to control your sneezing. . .remember, evil doctors don't sneeze."
"Eby-one sneebzes!" Kurama said through a stuffy nose.
"Oh gods. . ."
Once everyone was on the set, Koenma flipped his black sunglasses down and paced back and forth in front of the assembly.
"Now," he said importantly. "We are about to create the finest movie ever made! This will triumph over Casablanca, run circles around Gone with the Wind, and spit in the face of Monty Python! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries! Any questions?"
"Kuwabara's not here," Yusuke piped in, who, might I add, was in a dashing black suit with shiny black shoes and a blue bowtie.
"And my dad's a barber, he really shouldn't smell of wine," said someone, whose voice was unrecognizable.
"Kuwabara!!!" screamed Koenma, who was surprisingly loud for one so small.
"GAH! Coming!" said Kuwabara as he appeared in the doorway. . .wearing a paper bag over his head with two holes for his eyes.
Yusuke burst into laughter.
"Gr. . .SHUT UP, URAMESHI!" the bag-clad guy bellowed.
Yusuke failed to stop laughing. "What's wrong, Kuwabara? Finally realizing how ugly you are---GAK!"
In a second Kuwabara was over to Yusuke and had his hands around his neck, choking him. Koenma hinged Kazuma's fingers. Yusuke was left to massage his poor neck.
"Take off that stupid bag, Kuwabara," Koenma demanded.
"No, that's alright, I'll keep it on."
"No you won't."
"I will too---HEY!"
Yusuke held Kuwabara's bag in his hands, revealing a big zit on the former bag-wearer's nose. Kuwabara lunged at Yusuke again and found himself restrained by Koenma.
"LISTEN PEOPLE I HAVE A MOVIE TO SHOOT AND YOU'RE NOT HELPING!" he shrieked. Then he turned to Kuwabara. "And Q does NOT have a zit!"
"Eby-one gets. . ."
"SHUT UP, KURAMA!"
Kurama blew his nose, then went silent.
"Let's try this from the top," said Koenma. "PLACES!"
The five actors scampered into their desired spots on the set.
"Speed. . .rolling. . .ACTION!"
Nothing happened.
Koenma cursed loudly.
"WHERE'S THE CAMERA MAN?!"
"Man?!"
Botan walked into the recording stage, wearing a purple tank top and white capri pants. Koenma nearly fell out of his directing chair, which he had personally requested.
"YOU?!"
"Well, who'd you expect, silly?" Botan teased, giggling.
"I booked a camera man!" Koenma said, pointing wildly to his clipboard.
"Camera man?" Botan asked, furrowing her brow and thinking hard.
In a tiny closet lay a man bound and gagged, who had been drugged and was now sleeping peacefully.
"What camera man?"
Koenma hit his head against the clipboard. "Just get to the camera!"
When Botan was at her place, Koenma tried again. "Speed. . .rolling. . .ACTION!"
"Is that my cue?"
Koenma sipped calmly from his coffee mug, which contained hot chocolate. "Yes," he told her.
There was a pause. "And what do I do?"
"I hate you, Botan."
Botan giggled.
Koenma sighed. "Push the red button."
"This red button?"
"Yes, but---NO! DON'T PUSH IT!"
The camera starts spinning around, Botan included. "Oh dear" is heard from somewhere in the whirling wonder.
Koenma blinked. "Maybe I should operate the camera."
"What do IIIIIIII do?" asked Botan, still spinning.
Koenma reached out a hand and stopped the camera. "You go sit in a far, distant corner of the recording stage. Got that?"
"But. . ."
"Of course you got that. Now, run along."
Botan skipped happily away to her far, distant corner of the recording stage.
"Ditz," Koenma muttered as he manned the camera chair. "Okay, speed. . .rolling. . .ACTION!" He pushed the red button. The camera started spinning around. Koenma cursed profoundly. Some actors snickered. Another push of that dreaded button and the camera stopped spinning. Holding his head, Koenma shouted, "ACTION!" and pushed the OTHER button, the green one.
Yusuke, wearing a cardboard cut-out of a car, zooms into the cliff-side backdrop and starts to walk slowly across. He turns towards the camera. "Zoom zoom!"
Keiko and Kuwabara jump out from opposite ends of the stage and start singing. "Zoom zoom zoom! Yeah zoom-zoom zoom zoom. . .zoom-zoom zoom- zoom!"
"CUT!" Koenma yelled, furiously pushing the green button. "What the hell are you guys doing?!"
"It's in the script," Keiko said innocently, holding out a script that looked like it had been written in blue crayon.
"It is NOT!" Koenma replied, fuming mad.
Hiei snickered from offstage.
"HIEI!!!" There was a loud zap, and then smoke coming from behind the stage. Hiei was quiet.
AN: And that's the end of Chapter One. Like it? Good. Review? You better. Otay? Otay.
47. Overthrow FUNimation and own Yu Yu Hakusho, Inuyasha, and Gundam Wing AC.
Koenma rapped hard on the dressing room doors. He wore tan director's pants, a rather poofy white shirt, and knee-high black boots. In his hand were a megaphone and a script that looked as if it were written in crayon. Blue crayon. And it was smudged. A lot. As if some idiot had tried to erase crayon. Idiot. Everyone knows you can't erase crayon. It's like the world's most non-erasable substance. Well, besides permanent markers and.you know what I mean, damnit! Right, but I digress.
"I sent you all in there two hours ago! What the hell is the holdup?!" shouted the toddler to a bright golden star bearing the name "Yusuke."
A small muffled sound came from inside.
"What?!" Koenma asked, loosing patience with the cast.
"I think I have the wrong costume." came the voice from behind the door.
"The wrong costume?" Koenma smacked his forehead. "Okay, fine, come on out."
There was a slight pause, and the door opened a crack. A brown eye looked out to make sure the coast was clear before pushing it open all the way. It was all Koenma could do to keep from laughing. There stood Yusuke in a shiny, blue go-go girl dress, with high blue boots and a blue and white cap that resembled that of a taxi cab driver's. . .only this too was shiny.
"Well look at that," Koenma said, stifling laughter. "It IS the wrong costume."
"Oh thank gods!" Yusuke said. "I was beginning to think I was the girl. . ."
Koenma grinned. "That could be arranged. I mean, you're already in costume. . ."
"NO!" Yusuke shouted, a little loud.
"Fine, I have to go see what's taking everyone else." And with that Koenma continued down the hallway until he came upon Keiko's room. Again he knocked on the door. Minutes past, and Koenma checked his watch impatiently.
"Keiko!" he shouted. No answer. With a sigh, he reached for the doorknob.
CRASH!
"WHAT WAS THAT?!" Koenma opened the door and found Keiko in a black suit, sprawled across the floor, with a floor lamp lying on top of her. She had a gun prop in her hand.
The toddler in director's clothes stepped over the cluttered papers, no doubt the script to his movie, and asked the girl, "What are you doing?"
Keiko looked up with a grin on her face. "I was practicing."
Confused, Koenma checked the cast list and sighed. "For what?"
"My role, of course!"
"You aren't James Bond."
"I'm. . .I'm NOT?!"
"You're his girl, who doesn't have a name."
"I. . .I don't have a NAME?!"
"'Fraid not. Yusuke got your costume, and you got his."
"Aw crap, I really liked being the hero."
Koenma shut his eyes and counted to ten slowly. Then he found the door marked "Kuwabara". He knocked.
"What?" said Kuwabara.
"Showtime, let's go!"
"Hmmmm. . .no, I'm busy."
"Kuwa---grrrr. . .you better be out here in ten seconds!" The toddler didn't have time for this. He approached Kurama's door. Before he could even raise his hand to knock, the door opened and Hiei came out looking upset.
There was a loud sneeze. Koenma poked his head around the door. The red- haired cutie stood in the middle of the room. His nose was bright red and he stood amidst a pile of used tissues. His eyes looked bloodshot.
"He didn't TELL me he was allergic to tulips!" Hiei insisted. Koenma could only guess what had happened.
"Just. . .just get out on the set. . .now." Koenma rounded on the sneezing Kurama. "And you, you just try to control your sneezing. . .remember, evil doctors don't sneeze."
"Eby-one sneebzes!" Kurama said through a stuffy nose.
"Oh gods. . ."
Once everyone was on the set, Koenma flipped his black sunglasses down and paced back and forth in front of the assembly.
"Now," he said importantly. "We are about to create the finest movie ever made! This will triumph over Casablanca, run circles around Gone with the Wind, and spit in the face of Monty Python! Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries! Any questions?"
"Kuwabara's not here," Yusuke piped in, who, might I add, was in a dashing black suit with shiny black shoes and a blue bowtie.
"And my dad's a barber, he really shouldn't smell of wine," said someone, whose voice was unrecognizable.
"Kuwabara!!!" screamed Koenma, who was surprisingly loud for one so small.
"GAH! Coming!" said Kuwabara as he appeared in the doorway. . .wearing a paper bag over his head with two holes for his eyes.
Yusuke burst into laughter.
"Gr. . .SHUT UP, URAMESHI!" the bag-clad guy bellowed.
Yusuke failed to stop laughing. "What's wrong, Kuwabara? Finally realizing how ugly you are---GAK!"
In a second Kuwabara was over to Yusuke and had his hands around his neck, choking him. Koenma hinged Kazuma's fingers. Yusuke was left to massage his poor neck.
"Take off that stupid bag, Kuwabara," Koenma demanded.
"No, that's alright, I'll keep it on."
"No you won't."
"I will too---HEY!"
Yusuke held Kuwabara's bag in his hands, revealing a big zit on the former bag-wearer's nose. Kuwabara lunged at Yusuke again and found himself restrained by Koenma.
"LISTEN PEOPLE I HAVE A MOVIE TO SHOOT AND YOU'RE NOT HELPING!" he shrieked. Then he turned to Kuwabara. "And Q does NOT have a zit!"
"Eby-one gets. . ."
"SHUT UP, KURAMA!"
Kurama blew his nose, then went silent.
"Let's try this from the top," said Koenma. "PLACES!"
The five actors scampered into their desired spots on the set.
"Speed. . .rolling. . .ACTION!"
Nothing happened.
Koenma cursed loudly.
"WHERE'S THE CAMERA MAN?!"
"Man?!"
Botan walked into the recording stage, wearing a purple tank top and white capri pants. Koenma nearly fell out of his directing chair, which he had personally requested.
"YOU?!"
"Well, who'd you expect, silly?" Botan teased, giggling.
"I booked a camera man!" Koenma said, pointing wildly to his clipboard.
"Camera man?" Botan asked, furrowing her brow and thinking hard.
In a tiny closet lay a man bound and gagged, who had been drugged and was now sleeping peacefully.
"What camera man?"
Koenma hit his head against the clipboard. "Just get to the camera!"
When Botan was at her place, Koenma tried again. "Speed. . .rolling. . .ACTION!"
"Is that my cue?"
Koenma sipped calmly from his coffee mug, which contained hot chocolate. "Yes," he told her.
There was a pause. "And what do I do?"
"I hate you, Botan."
Botan giggled.
Koenma sighed. "Push the red button."
"This red button?"
"Yes, but---NO! DON'T PUSH IT!"
The camera starts spinning around, Botan included. "Oh dear" is heard from somewhere in the whirling wonder.
Koenma blinked. "Maybe I should operate the camera."
"What do IIIIIIII do?" asked Botan, still spinning.
Koenma reached out a hand and stopped the camera. "You go sit in a far, distant corner of the recording stage. Got that?"
"But. . ."
"Of course you got that. Now, run along."
Botan skipped happily away to her far, distant corner of the recording stage.
"Ditz," Koenma muttered as he manned the camera chair. "Okay, speed. . .rolling. . .ACTION!" He pushed the red button. The camera started spinning around. Koenma cursed profoundly. Some actors snickered. Another push of that dreaded button and the camera stopped spinning. Holding his head, Koenma shouted, "ACTION!" and pushed the OTHER button, the green one.
Yusuke, wearing a cardboard cut-out of a car, zooms into the cliff-side backdrop and starts to walk slowly across. He turns towards the camera. "Zoom zoom!"
Keiko and Kuwabara jump out from opposite ends of the stage and start singing. "Zoom zoom zoom! Yeah zoom-zoom zoom zoom. . .zoom-zoom zoom- zoom!"
"CUT!" Koenma yelled, furiously pushing the green button. "What the hell are you guys doing?!"
"It's in the script," Keiko said innocently, holding out a script that looked like it had been written in blue crayon.
"It is NOT!" Koenma replied, fuming mad.
Hiei snickered from offstage.
"HIEI!!!" There was a loud zap, and then smoke coming from behind the stage. Hiei was quiet.
AN: And that's the end of Chapter One. Like it? Good. Review? You better. Otay? Otay.
