Heh, acknowledgement-y! Starting to see the process? Threaten to kill me,
and I write faster. No, wait, that came out wrong! Do not threaten to kill
me! Well, perhaps you could try it, but it is highly discouraged because. .
.FIC!! Fic time!
Random mumbles of "the show must go" and "must it go on?" and "damnit, I think he was serious" came from the cast as they scurried into various positions on the set, each looking as though they'd rather be in a pit full of amorous fan-children than where they currently were.
That is, everyone except Botan, who was bouncing happily in her seat. Koenma silently promised himself to seek and kill the person who fed that girl drugs, thus giving him the strength to continue filming.
"Well, ONCE AGAIN, we will skip over the scene with Q in it," this provoked a scowl from Kuwabara, who was still upset over the whole 'scene title' thing, "and proceed to the Mount Evilmore scene. Hiei and Sneezey get in your places!"
Kurama frowned at being called something out of Snow White, but took his place staring out a prop window. Suddenly he noticed a problem with the window.
"Uh. . .Koenma?"
"Yes, Achoo?"
"Atoo? Well, urm, iss about our window."
"The window?"
"Yes. You see, it iss painted bakk and has 'Koenma sucks monkey terds' scrawled in reb ink."
Koenma gave a loud sigh and walked over to the window. Sure enough, there was the untidy writing on the black background.
"We'll edit it out," Koenma stated firmly. They didn't have time to repaint the window. After all, time was money, and if he hadn't been paid a very large sum of money to complete this movie he would have shot them all and quit a long time ago.
Kurama opened his mouth, no doubt to tell the director that they didn't have anyone in the cast who knew how to turn on a computer, but Koenma had climbed back into his directing chair, which bore the name "Junior" across the back, and was ready to start taping once more.
Hiei was sitting at the head of a very long table, stroking what looked like a furry, green pineapple.
"Speed. . .rolling. . .GO!"
No one moved.
"Oh come ON, people! Go! It means the same thing as 'action' and you KNOW IT DOES!"
"Action sounbs more p'ofessional," Kurama pointed out.
Koenma dug his nails into the arms of his chair. "Fine then, ACTION!"
Hiei spoke in a very Dr. Evil-ish voice, all the while stroking the pineapple. "You do realize why I've brought you here, don't you, Number K?"
Kurama turned to speak, but instead of saying his line he said, "Issn't 'K' a lebber?"
"Your point?" asked the irritated director.
"Heh said 'Number K', yet 'K' is not a nummer. Iss a lebber."
"Stupid perfectionist!"
Kurama looked slightly confused. "Thanb you."
"Take two!" Koenma shouted exasperatedly.
"You do realize why I've brought you here, don't you, Number K?"
"Urm, Koenma. . ."
"IGNORE IT, KURAMA!"
"To cabture James Bond, no doubt," said Kurama, trying his best to stifle his cold.
"The plan you devised, hand it over," Hiei said.
Kurama took a roll of parchment from his pocket and handed it to Hiei, who stretched it out and started to read aloud.
"We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry?"
"GOOD GOD, CUT!" screamed Koenma, who had spilled his hot chocolate across the floor. Botan jumped up immediately and rushed over with a mop and pail.
Kurama's eyes had bugged out, slightly, as the scroll was read. He now snatched it back with a nervous laugh and tucked it away again. "Wrong paper. . ."
"No kidding," Koenma said dully, pushing Botan away from the spill idly.
Kurama started searching in his pocket for the correct parchment, pulling out random items as he went along. Finally, when dozens of roses, a few white marbles, lots of green string, and dental floss were piling up on the table, the stuffy-nosed villain pulled out a blue piece of paper that had been rolled up.
"This issit."
"It better be, you just wasted half an hour," stated Koenma.
"Did I realby?"
"PLACES!! Get to your window, Kurama!"
Kurama situated himself near the vandalized window, wincing ever-so slightly at the crude marks. Hiei didn't need to relocate, since he hadn't been arguing with Koenma, or searching for a certain prop in his endless pocket.
"ACTION!" came the command.
"To cabture James Bond, no doubt," Kurama recited again.
"The plans you devised, hand them over!"
However, Kurama never got to hand over the plans. At that moment, the furry green pineapple that Hiei had been petting gave a loud shriek and rolled out of his lap. It hit the floor with such force that it exploded, and pineapple bits were flying everywhere, as the helpless crew ducked for cover.
Through the falling pineapple, Koenma yelled, "HIEI, WHAT WAS THAT THING?!"
"It was a Furby!" said Hiei.
"No it wasn't! It was a pineapple!" Koenma shouted.
"It was a Pineapple Furby!"
Koenma cringed.
"Where did you get this Pineapple Furby, Hiei?"
"They were selling them at the store. Actually, it seemed like they were GIVING them away, can't imagine why."
"I can," Koenma said dryly.
As soon as the pineapple bits had slowed down, Koenma instructed everyone to take their places again, this time minus the pineapple.
"But what will I stroke?" asked Hiei.
Kurama tossed him one of the many roses that he had in his pocket. "Works fer meh."
Hiei eyed Kurama strangely before resting the rose on his lap and running a finger down one side.
"It has thorns," Hiei said, warily inspecting the flower.
"Well ob course it 'as forns!" Kurama responded, as if this were the most obvious thing in the whole world.
Before a quarrel could ensue, Koenma took his place behind the camera and shouted "action".
Hiei took the blueprints from Kurama and unrolled them. He scanned them over quickly and said, "Well done, Number K. . ."
"Lebber K."
"Number K."
"Lebber. . ."
"SHUT UP AND CONTINUE THE SCENE!"
That was Koenma.
"You see, we use the girl without a name to lure Bond into Mount Evilmore and capture him from there," said Number K.
Backstage, Keiko, Yusuke, and Kuwabara gaped. On stage, Hiei stared. Koenma even looked up from the script where he had been following along and seemed slightly dumbfounded. Even Botan, who usually had no clue what was going on unless it involved products with caffeine, gave Kurama a confused glance.
"What?"
More gawking.
"Hey, my cold's gone away, hasn't it?"
A few scattered nods.
"It was the roses," Kurama insisted.
Hiei held up the rose that had been lying in his lap and looked at it. "Perhaps," was all he could say.
"Riiiiiiiight," Koenma said, after he came out of his trance-like state. "Erm. . .this is good! No more cold. . .evil villains don't have colds."
"Everyone gets colds."
"Shut up. Action." Koenma clicked the camera on.
"Number K, who is this girl without a name?" asked Mr. Evil, or Hiei.
"Ah, I just happen to have her here," Number K said. Then he whistled and looked to the prop door, where Keiko was supposed to appear from. Yet, she wasn't there.
"Is that my cue?" came a muffled feminine voice.
"YES!" cried Koenma.
The door opened. Hiei and Kurama burst into laughter.
"I'm ready for my close-up, Koenma," said Yusuke, who was dressed in the blue go-go skirt, knee-high boots, and a shiny white-and-blue hat.
"URAMESHI!" screamed the tiny director. "YOU ARE NOT A CROSS DRESSER!"
Keiko poked her head out from behind the door. "But I rather enjoy playing James Bond!"
"And I rather enjoy. . ."
"No, Urameshi, just no."
Yusuke sulked. "But what if. . ."
"No."
"But. . ."
"Sh!"
"Er. . ."
"Sh!"
"Urm. . ."
"Sh, sh, sh! I've got a whole bag of 'sh!' with your name on it!"
"Now why does this seem familiar?" Hiei wondered out loud.
"Koenma!" Yusuke pleaded.
"WWW.SH.COM!"
". . ."
".ORG!"
"Just. . ."
"Urameshi, I thought I made it clear with all my 'sh'-ing that I do not want to hear your pathetic attempt to alter James Bond. And that no one in their right mind would want to see you in a miniskirt."
Hiei, Kurama, Botan, Keiko, and Kuwabara all decided not to say anything about that last retort.
AN: *grin* This chapter was a tad late, but. . .yeah, it was, okay? I decided to kill off the Kurama cold thing because it got annoying having to hold my nose and say all of his lines to determine where I should change the pronunciation. Heh, flame me if you want. I need a laugh.
Random mumbles of "the show must go" and "must it go on?" and "damnit, I think he was serious" came from the cast as they scurried into various positions on the set, each looking as though they'd rather be in a pit full of amorous fan-children than where they currently were.
That is, everyone except Botan, who was bouncing happily in her seat. Koenma silently promised himself to seek and kill the person who fed that girl drugs, thus giving him the strength to continue filming.
"Well, ONCE AGAIN, we will skip over the scene with Q in it," this provoked a scowl from Kuwabara, who was still upset over the whole 'scene title' thing, "and proceed to the Mount Evilmore scene. Hiei and Sneezey get in your places!"
Kurama frowned at being called something out of Snow White, but took his place staring out a prop window. Suddenly he noticed a problem with the window.
"Uh. . .Koenma?"
"Yes, Achoo?"
"Atoo? Well, urm, iss about our window."
"The window?"
"Yes. You see, it iss painted bakk and has 'Koenma sucks monkey terds' scrawled in reb ink."
Koenma gave a loud sigh and walked over to the window. Sure enough, there was the untidy writing on the black background.
"We'll edit it out," Koenma stated firmly. They didn't have time to repaint the window. After all, time was money, and if he hadn't been paid a very large sum of money to complete this movie he would have shot them all and quit a long time ago.
Kurama opened his mouth, no doubt to tell the director that they didn't have anyone in the cast who knew how to turn on a computer, but Koenma had climbed back into his directing chair, which bore the name "Junior" across the back, and was ready to start taping once more.
Hiei was sitting at the head of a very long table, stroking what looked like a furry, green pineapple.
"Speed. . .rolling. . .GO!"
No one moved.
"Oh come ON, people! Go! It means the same thing as 'action' and you KNOW IT DOES!"
"Action sounbs more p'ofessional," Kurama pointed out.
Koenma dug his nails into the arms of his chair. "Fine then, ACTION!"
Hiei spoke in a very Dr. Evil-ish voice, all the while stroking the pineapple. "You do realize why I've brought you here, don't you, Number K?"
Kurama turned to speak, but instead of saying his line he said, "Issn't 'K' a lebber?"
"Your point?" asked the irritated director.
"Heh said 'Number K', yet 'K' is not a nummer. Iss a lebber."
"Stupid perfectionist!"
Kurama looked slightly confused. "Thanb you."
"Take two!" Koenma shouted exasperatedly.
"You do realize why I've brought you here, don't you, Number K?"
"Urm, Koenma. . ."
"IGNORE IT, KURAMA!"
"To cabture James Bond, no doubt," said Kurama, trying his best to stifle his cold.
"The plan you devised, hand it over," Hiei said.
Kurama took a roll of parchment from his pocket and handed it to Hiei, who stretched it out and started to read aloud.
"We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry?"
"GOOD GOD, CUT!" screamed Koenma, who had spilled his hot chocolate across the floor. Botan jumped up immediately and rushed over with a mop and pail.
Kurama's eyes had bugged out, slightly, as the scroll was read. He now snatched it back with a nervous laugh and tucked it away again. "Wrong paper. . ."
"No kidding," Koenma said dully, pushing Botan away from the spill idly.
Kurama started searching in his pocket for the correct parchment, pulling out random items as he went along. Finally, when dozens of roses, a few white marbles, lots of green string, and dental floss were piling up on the table, the stuffy-nosed villain pulled out a blue piece of paper that had been rolled up.
"This issit."
"It better be, you just wasted half an hour," stated Koenma.
"Did I realby?"
"PLACES!! Get to your window, Kurama!"
Kurama situated himself near the vandalized window, wincing ever-so slightly at the crude marks. Hiei didn't need to relocate, since he hadn't been arguing with Koenma, or searching for a certain prop in his endless pocket.
"ACTION!" came the command.
"To cabture James Bond, no doubt," Kurama recited again.
"The plans you devised, hand them over!"
However, Kurama never got to hand over the plans. At that moment, the furry green pineapple that Hiei had been petting gave a loud shriek and rolled out of his lap. It hit the floor with such force that it exploded, and pineapple bits were flying everywhere, as the helpless crew ducked for cover.
Through the falling pineapple, Koenma yelled, "HIEI, WHAT WAS THAT THING?!"
"It was a Furby!" said Hiei.
"No it wasn't! It was a pineapple!" Koenma shouted.
"It was a Pineapple Furby!"
Koenma cringed.
"Where did you get this Pineapple Furby, Hiei?"
"They were selling them at the store. Actually, it seemed like they were GIVING them away, can't imagine why."
"I can," Koenma said dryly.
As soon as the pineapple bits had slowed down, Koenma instructed everyone to take their places again, this time minus the pineapple.
"But what will I stroke?" asked Hiei.
Kurama tossed him one of the many roses that he had in his pocket. "Works fer meh."
Hiei eyed Kurama strangely before resting the rose on his lap and running a finger down one side.
"It has thorns," Hiei said, warily inspecting the flower.
"Well ob course it 'as forns!" Kurama responded, as if this were the most obvious thing in the whole world.
Before a quarrel could ensue, Koenma took his place behind the camera and shouted "action".
Hiei took the blueprints from Kurama and unrolled them. He scanned them over quickly and said, "Well done, Number K. . ."
"Lebber K."
"Number K."
"Lebber. . ."
"SHUT UP AND CONTINUE THE SCENE!"
That was Koenma.
"You see, we use the girl without a name to lure Bond into Mount Evilmore and capture him from there," said Number K.
Backstage, Keiko, Yusuke, and Kuwabara gaped. On stage, Hiei stared. Koenma even looked up from the script where he had been following along and seemed slightly dumbfounded. Even Botan, who usually had no clue what was going on unless it involved products with caffeine, gave Kurama a confused glance.
"What?"
More gawking.
"Hey, my cold's gone away, hasn't it?"
A few scattered nods.
"It was the roses," Kurama insisted.
Hiei held up the rose that had been lying in his lap and looked at it. "Perhaps," was all he could say.
"Riiiiiiiight," Koenma said, after he came out of his trance-like state. "Erm. . .this is good! No more cold. . .evil villains don't have colds."
"Everyone gets colds."
"Shut up. Action." Koenma clicked the camera on.
"Number K, who is this girl without a name?" asked Mr. Evil, or Hiei.
"Ah, I just happen to have her here," Number K said. Then he whistled and looked to the prop door, where Keiko was supposed to appear from. Yet, she wasn't there.
"Is that my cue?" came a muffled feminine voice.
"YES!" cried Koenma.
The door opened. Hiei and Kurama burst into laughter.
"I'm ready for my close-up, Koenma," said Yusuke, who was dressed in the blue go-go skirt, knee-high boots, and a shiny white-and-blue hat.
"URAMESHI!" screamed the tiny director. "YOU ARE NOT A CROSS DRESSER!"
Keiko poked her head out from behind the door. "But I rather enjoy playing James Bond!"
"And I rather enjoy. . ."
"No, Urameshi, just no."
Yusuke sulked. "But what if. . ."
"No."
"But. . ."
"Sh!"
"Er. . ."
"Sh!"
"Urm. . ."
"Sh, sh, sh! I've got a whole bag of 'sh!' with your name on it!"
"Now why does this seem familiar?" Hiei wondered out loud.
"Koenma!" Yusuke pleaded.
"WWW.SH.COM!"
". . ."
".ORG!"
"Just. . ."
"Urameshi, I thought I made it clear with all my 'sh'-ing that I do not want to hear your pathetic attempt to alter James Bond. And that no one in their right mind would want to see you in a miniskirt."
Hiei, Kurama, Botan, Keiko, and Kuwabara all decided not to say anything about that last retort.
AN: *grin* This chapter was a tad late, but. . .yeah, it was, okay? I decided to kill off the Kurama cold thing because it got annoying having to hold my nose and say all of his lines to determine where I should change the pronunciation. Heh, flame me if you want. I need a laugh.
