Part 4
The flame flickers in the air as he holds it in his hands. He honestly doesn't know what he is doing, but feels that somehow, this is what he should do. As a scientist, he rarely considers the presence of a higher power, as he's relied on concrete observations and things he can actually see.
He admires those whose faith sustains them and faintly wishes he can find even the smallest fraction of that comfort. He wonders what Sara believes and realizes it doesn't matter, because he's at his wit's end and if being here in this chapel and lighting a candle will bring her back to them- to him; then all the science in the world could not stop him from doing this.
His hand trembles as he positions the candle in its cradle near the front of the tiny chapel. Taking a seat once again in the pew, he gazes around the room at the other lost souls as they pray desperately and plead for their loved ones to be spared. He studies them intently; the way their hands are clasped and the words their lips form.
Grissom leans forward and awkwardly, unnaturally, forms his hands together. He closes his eyes and bows his head and says a prayer for her and then recites one that he hasn't since he was a little boy and his mother softly held his hand as they sang hymns in a tiny church that he barely remembers. He speaks the words he hasn't spoken in ages and is surprised to find he remembers most of them. Standing, he exits and hopes that somehow, somewhere, the message was received even if he doesn't believe it.
*~*~*~*~*~*
Nick watches her as they all have; hoping she'll blink or her hand will move just the slightest fraction of an inch.
He feels the enormity and grimness of the situation more so now than he previously had. If Grissom is scared...no, that wouldn't be the right word. Worried. If Grissom is worried enough to pray in a chapel in a hospital that he loathes then things couldn't be more bleak and the thought terrifies Nick in a way nothing else has.
He wonders when Sara started becoming so important to him and realizes he feels the same about the rest of them, except Sara is the one lying in a coma.
He keeps playing that moment out in his mind over and over and over. Thinking of small little details and things he could've done that he hadn't and the guilt is beginning to drive him insane but he doesn't care. He dreams about it and it's with him for every waking moment, but he can't ever change it.
And he's afraid that death will finally decide it's Sara's time to go and knows he can never bring her back.
"Damnit Sara, why did you do it? I was ready. I should've been-"
No one cuts him off, but he stops of his own volition and realizes it wouldn't have been easier on anyone, save Grissom perhaps, if he'd been the one shot. But it surely would've have eased his own heartbreak and he still pleads silently with Sara for an answer he know will never come.
Nick leans over and softly kisses her forehead then speaks slowly.
"Sara, you just wake up whenever you're ready. And-and I'll be here when that happens." That's all he can think of to say and he hopes that's enough.
The flame flickers in the air as he holds it in his hands. He honestly doesn't know what he is doing, but feels that somehow, this is what he should do. As a scientist, he rarely considers the presence of a higher power, as he's relied on concrete observations and things he can actually see.
He admires those whose faith sustains them and faintly wishes he can find even the smallest fraction of that comfort. He wonders what Sara believes and realizes it doesn't matter, because he's at his wit's end and if being here in this chapel and lighting a candle will bring her back to them- to him; then all the science in the world could not stop him from doing this.
His hand trembles as he positions the candle in its cradle near the front of the tiny chapel. Taking a seat once again in the pew, he gazes around the room at the other lost souls as they pray desperately and plead for their loved ones to be spared. He studies them intently; the way their hands are clasped and the words their lips form.
Grissom leans forward and awkwardly, unnaturally, forms his hands together. He closes his eyes and bows his head and says a prayer for her and then recites one that he hasn't since he was a little boy and his mother softly held his hand as they sang hymns in a tiny church that he barely remembers. He speaks the words he hasn't spoken in ages and is surprised to find he remembers most of them. Standing, he exits and hopes that somehow, somewhere, the message was received even if he doesn't believe it.
*~*~*~*~*~*
Nick watches her as they all have; hoping she'll blink or her hand will move just the slightest fraction of an inch.
He feels the enormity and grimness of the situation more so now than he previously had. If Grissom is scared...no, that wouldn't be the right word. Worried. If Grissom is worried enough to pray in a chapel in a hospital that he loathes then things couldn't be more bleak and the thought terrifies Nick in a way nothing else has.
He wonders when Sara started becoming so important to him and realizes he feels the same about the rest of them, except Sara is the one lying in a coma.
He keeps playing that moment out in his mind over and over and over. Thinking of small little details and things he could've done that he hadn't and the guilt is beginning to drive him insane but he doesn't care. He dreams about it and it's with him for every waking moment, but he can't ever change it.
And he's afraid that death will finally decide it's Sara's time to go and knows he can never bring her back.
"Damnit Sara, why did you do it? I was ready. I should've been-"
No one cuts him off, but he stops of his own volition and realizes it wouldn't have been easier on anyone, save Grissom perhaps, if he'd been the one shot. But it surely would've have eased his own heartbreak and he still pleads silently with Sara for an answer he know will never come.
Nick leans over and softly kisses her forehead then speaks slowly.
"Sara, you just wake up whenever you're ready. And-and I'll be here when that happens." That's all he can think of to say and he hopes that's enough.
