Chapter Four - The Ugly Truth

"Willow, slow down!" Buffy said, darting through the cemetery after her hysterical friend. Willow had a slight head start as Buffy had lingered in Spike's crypt long enough to extract a promise that he'd come to her house once it was dark. Giles had gone after Willow but Buffy could see the effects of his injuries still nagged at him. He was slower than she could ever remember him being.

"Stop, Willow!" Hurtling a headstone, Buffy grabbed her and nearly yanked the slight woman off her feet. Willow was chanting, 'Can't be true' over and over. Buffy just stared at her, not knowing what to say. Giles pounded up to them, his breath coming in deep, ragged gulps, his face florid. Buffy had a sudden vision of him gone then shook it off. Giles wasn't in any danger of dying just yet. She was overreacting. She just wished the image wasn't so horribly vivid. Too much loss, that's what it was. She was seeing its specter everywhere.

"How?" Willow asked roughly. The panic left her pretty eyes as a dull rage filled them. It terrified Buffy, shades of the Willow who tried to burn the world down.

"We don't know that's what happened," Buffy said, glancing at Giles hoping he'd say it was impossible Spike had been given Tara's soul. The look on his face wasn't encouraging.

"I feel it." Willow's knees buckled. Buffy caught her and eased her to the ground. "I could almost see her when I looked into his eyes."

Buffy cast a pleading look at her Watcher. "Can it be true, Giles?"

He nodded slowly. "There are various types of possession and spells that could do something like this, not too unlike the spell that switched you and Faith. Let's get you home, Willow, and we'll see if we can figure this out."

"Always with the books." Buffy smiled gently.

"Not this time." The vicious bitterness in Willow's voice dragged their attention to her, fearing the worst. "I emptied the books at the Magic Box.before I destroyed it. Giles, all your books are back in England. Buffy, you and Xander don't even own spell books."

"The Council is a phone call away. And there are other magic shops," Giles said calmingly, taking her hand. "We could even call L.A. if we have to."

Willow started to say something then broke down into a shudder. Her mouth opened to cry out but no sound came forth. Her hand slid limply from Giles'. Buffy sat beside her, cradling her close, hoping this time she'd be able to give Willow what she needed.

Giles touched Buffy's shoulder. "We should get her home." His hand strayed to Willow's hair. She looked up at him, fat tears spilling down her face. "We're going to fix this somehow."

Willow sobbed loudly this time, holding Giles' hand to her cheek. Eventually he and Buffy were able to coax her to her feet. She crushed herself to Giles. With a supportive arm, he guided her to the car.

On the way home, Buffy let guilt gnaw her like a bone. If she had been able to handle Spike on her own this would never had happened. All right, he'd still have someone else's soul but at least she wouldn't have dragged Willow into it. This was all her fault. She glanced over at Giles who seemed to be overly involved in carefully driving Xander's borrowed car. It was partly his fault, too. He should have insisted Willow not interrupt her recovery. He should have made sure she stayed in England. And no matter if it was true that they were to blame, it changed nothing. All she could do now was to try and make it better even if it meant killing Spike to release Tara's soul.

Xander and Dawn, both a little dusty from doing some much needed work on the Summer's residence, greeted them happily, obviously proud of their accomplishment. That joy washed away with one sight of Willow's puffy, wet face. Xander reached out to her.

"Willow, what's wrong?"

She just shook her head and moved stiff and unnaturally to the couch. She all but collapsed on it. Xander's dark eyes flicked over to Buffy searching for answers.

"Buffy?" Dawn questioned in a small voice.

Buffy nodded toward the kitchen hoping to lead them away from Willow, to give her a reprise from the agony. However, Willow's gaze caught hers and in a tone too much like when she had gone bad she asked, "Are you going to make that call, Giles?"

A worried look flickered behind his glasses and he nodded. "Yes, of course. Buffy, check to see if any of my or Willow's books of magic might still be here somewhere." Giles headed for the phone.

Buffy went to the bookcase with Dawn and Xander on her heels as if afraid to get too close to Willow. She studied the books hopelessly. "Giles performed the spell on Spike."

"Good. Is it.is it too hard for Willow to be here?" Xander asked, his dark eyes filled with pain for his oldest, dearest friend.

"Maybe she should go back to England," Dawn whispered. "She looks awful."

"I'm not arguing that but just being here isn't the problem. It's what the spell revealed. We think Spike wasn't given his own soul. It looks like the demon put Tara's soul into him just for laughs.to get back at me," Buffy said flatly. It really was her fault. If she weren't the Slayer, this demon wouldn't have any reason to give Spike someone else's soul just to be more hurtful. That was the whole point of Spike getting a soul. The vampire wanted to hurt her and the demon plucking Tara's soul from heaven to mire her in Spike's life was as cruel as could be imagined.

Both Dawn and Xander stood there, mouths agape, for several long seconds then Dawn blurted out. "But how?"

"No, that's not right!" Xander said, his voice dark and loud. "No way a soul as sweet and kind as Tara could be stuffed into that murder's heart!"

Willow cried out wordlessly at that and her friends' looked pained. Buffy gave up on the books and went to sit beside Willow. She pulled Willow into another embrace. She knew what was coming. Whenever he was frightened or angry, Xander lashed out. Maybe it wasn't his fault. He had learned it from his alcoholic father, after all. Or maybe that was just a cop out. Either way, Buffy just wished he'd either be quiet or go away and she knew he'd do neither.

"This is all your fault, Buffy. If you had just killed Spike any time in the last two years since he had that chip in his head, this wouldn't have happened," Xander raged. "He doesn't deserve to still be walking about and there's no way Tara deserves the hell of drowning in Spike's evil."

"I didn't see you staking Spike, Xander," Buffy shot back. "You let him live with you."

Xander's face set stone-like, infused with blood. "And you let him screw you twelve ways to Sunday just proving I was right all along. A guy does have to be dead before you'll pay any attention to him."

The coldness of Xander's voice felt like frostbite to her heart. Buffy couldn't believe he still had that early rejection pent up inside him. That made their various fights along the way make much more sense.

"Xander, I can't believe you said that!" Dawn shrieked.

"Why not? It's true. It's not my job to kill vampires, Buffy. I'm not the Slayer. I'm not even a Watcher. Will and I have stuck it out with you because we're your friends and look where it's led us." He stabbed a hand in Willow's direction.

"I didn't know I was making everyone so miserable," Buffy said, wanting to cry but she was too angry. Her fire must have been lashing from her eyes judging by the way Dawn and Xander backed away.

"Enough!" At Giles' booming voice the room silenced except for Willow's sniffling. The Watcher glared at them all. "This is counterproductive. It doesn't matter in the least what we did or didn't do in the past. The only thing this arguing is accomplishing is to upset Willow more. You're no longer children so stop acting like it!"

Both Buffy and Xander withdrew into themselves, abashed. Giles came into the room and sat on the other side of Willow.

Willow pulled away from her human bookends, crossing her arms rocking forward on them as if trying to hold herself together. "The gypsies gave Angel a soul so his torment would be endless, so that he would know everything he had done. It nearly destroyed him. How much worse must it be for Tara? Knowing she's trapped, forced to see, hear and feel all that Spike's done and knowing she's suffering for his sins."

"We'll make this right somehow, Willow. I promise you that," Buffy said, her lips trembling. She knew there was no way of making this right.

"A real good way would be to stake Spike now," Xander said, leaning on the bookcase.

"Actually I'd advise against that," Giles said, holding up a hand to silence any protests.

Willow's head came up sharply. "Why? Tara's suffering, Giles. I say killing Spike to free her is a good thing."

"It's not that simple, Willow." Regret hung heavy in Giles' voice.

"Yeah, I mean Spike saved my life a bunch of times or it sure seems like it. If it weren't for him, I'd be dead," Dawn said, drawing in on herself mouse-like.

"That's not what I meant," Giles said, sorrow written into every line of his face like a threnody. "The truth is we have no idea what would happen to Tara's soul if we simply killed Spike. It could be that her soul would be released to go where it was meant to be."

"Or it could be dragged down to hell by sins that aren't hers?" Willow questioned in a hollow tone.

"I don't know. No one does. The only other vampire with a soul," Giles said, glancing at Buffy cautiously. "Is Angel."

"And when he died, he and his soul went to hell." Xander said softly, his anger bleeding away.

"Technically Angel didn't die," Giles replied, taking off his glasses to clean them.

Buffy nodded. "A sword through the heart wouldn't kill him. I sent Angel to hell body and soul. That's different. What did the Watchers say, Giles?"

"That they have no idea. They're doing the research but this case is rather unique. We're leaning toward the idea that it would be better to separate Tara's soul from Spike before he's dust just to be sure." Giles finished fiddling with his glasses and put them back on.

"Can it be done?" Willow asked, a numb look glazing her eyes.

"We think so. We're looking into everything first. I know you don't want to think of it this way but Tara's soul has been melded with Spike now for several weeks. Taking the time to do the research and make sure we do this right isn't going to hurt her more," Giles said, sagging back against the couch pillows. He seemed to have aged years in just the past few hours.

"You don't know that." Willow thumped her heel on the floor. Her breath escaped in an explosive sigh as she visibly relented. "But I know you're right."

"All right then, Spike will be here when it's dark. Xander, could you take Dawn to your place until he's gone?" Buffy asked, hoping his rage had passed like a bad storm.

"What? Wait! You're not just getting rid of me!" Dawn said. "Tara was my friend and I want to know what's happening."

"Dawn, don't argue with me, or you either, Xander. Spike doesn't want to talk openly in front of everyone. He's said so many times over. We need to be a hundred percent sure that what we think has happened is the truth. He doesn't need an audience," Buffy said, leaving out that Xander was bound to just work Spike up and that would get them no where.

"I don't think Willow should stay either. It's too hard on her," Xander said, with a cautious glance in Willow's direction.

"I'm staying!" Willow said sharply.

"Xander's right, Will. You don't need to see this," Buffy said, touching Willow's shoulder.

Willow's eyes slotted, her face losing what little color it had. "I'm staying."

"Willow, this might be a good." Giles started.

"A what? A good time to work on those calming exercises the Watchers gave me?" She laughed harshly. "I think we're a little beyond those, Giles."

"No, I think you're exactly where you need to be for them. I'll work with you to get you started. And you can stay when Spike gets here unless it becomes too much for you. In that case, I'm taking you to Xander's myself." Giles' expression stated he'd brook no argument.

"I'll have the room ready for you, Will. In case you need it." Xander kissed her cheek lightly.

She ran a shaky hand over her face. "Thanks, Xander. Giles, I'm going to need your help with those exercises."

His expression warmed like hot chocolate and marshmallows, a thing of pure comfort that they all drank in. "Of course."