Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop, or any of the characters. And yes, I like Jet a wee bit less than I like the other characters of Cowboy Bebop. (Sorry, Jet fans!)

Warning: For the purpose of comedy, most of the characters are OOC. Just warning you now.

---

ABOARD THE BEBOP...

"When we turn in those bountyheads on Ganymede, we're gonna get a ton of cash!" Faye said.

"No, I'm getting a ton of cash," Spike said.

"But I caught one of them!" Faye yelled.


"Too bad," Spike said. "I'm the hero of this little adventure, so I get all the credit."

"Naughty naughty, Spike-person!" Edward said. "Faye-Faye deserves half of the cash!"

"See," Faye said. "I get half of the cash."

"Whatever," Spike said.

"Why do we have to go back to Ganymede?" Jet asked, sitting by the window. "I hate Ganymede."

"And why is that?" Faye asked.

"Because… uh… well…" Jet stammered.

"Lemme guess. You have three really attractive older sisters, and you left Ganymede promising to become the best bounty hunter ever, right?" Spike asked.

"Or maybe you were banished from Ganymede because you boom de gasser and crashed the boss' heyblibber?" Faye asked.

"No," Jet said. "You see-"

"Oh," Spike said. "I get it now."

"Jet's got a girlfriend!" Faye teased.


"No, Jet doesn't have a girlfriend. Not anymore," Jet said.


"Did she break up with Jet-person?" Edward asked. "Edward is sorry!"

"It's none of your business!" Jet yelled.

"Wow, Jet-person is grumpy today!" Edward said.

"We're about to land on Ganymede," Spike said. "Everyone fasten your seatbelts."

---

Session 10- Jet Is The Star

---

On Ganymede…

"There ya go," Spike said, handing Faye her money card. "500,000 wulongs."

"Is that all?" Faye asked. "That's barely enough to lounge by the beach in my bikini for the day."

"Well, that'll keep everyone else happy," Spike said, chucking.

"You pervert!" Faye yelled, smacking Spike across the face.


"Hey!" Edward yelled. "Faye-Faye and Spike-person shouldn't fight! Don't make Edward mad!"

"Now now, Edward," Faye said, "you just run along like a good little girl."

Edward growled and began nibbling on Faye's leg.

"Ow!" Faye yelled. "What are you, an animal?"

Jet laughed.


"Well, I'm going to visit my old girlfriend," Jet said.

"I thought you and her broke up," Spike said.

"Yeah, but she's hot. Maybe I can get back with her," Jet said.

"You go, Jet-person!" Edward cheered.

"Yeah," Faye said. "You go."

Faye rubbed her leg where Edward had bitten her.


"Ow!" Faye yelled. "That still hurts!"

---

Jet walked around town, searching for the place he knew his girlfriend would be.

"Alisa, here I come!" Jet declared. "Jet, the Master of Love, is comin' back for ya, baby!"

Jet walked up to a small establishment with a sign that said "Alisa's Bar" on it.

"This is the place!" Jet said. He walked inside.

---

The bar was packed with people. Jet walked up to the bar and sat down.

"Hello there," said the woman at the counter. "How may I help- Jet?"

"Alisa!" Jet said. "I've come back!"

"I don't believe it," Alisa said. "A restraining order is permanent, you know. Forever?"

"You took out a restraining order against me?" Jet asked.

"Well, actually, I didn't want to," Alisa said. "But you see… my new boyfriend made me."

"New boyfriend?" Jet asked.


"Yeah," Alisa said. "His name is Rhint. He's a sweet guy, but he's real overprotective, you know?"

"Rhint, huh?" Jet asked.

"Yeah," Alisa said. "You'd better get out of here."

"Why?" Jet asked.

"If Rhint saw you here, he'd kill you," Alisa said. "I told you, he's overprotective."

"Where is he?" Jet asked. "I could punch him."

"I don't think so," Alisa said.

"I'm a cop!" Jet said. "I can punch anyone I want!"

"Cop?" everyone in the bar yelled almost simultaneously. "Let's get out of here!"

The patrons in the bar ran off, leaving Alisa and Jet alone in the bar.


"Crap," Alisa said. "You scared away my customers."

"Sorry," Jet said.


Alisa took out a gun and pointed it at Jet's face.

"Get out. I will shoot you!" Alisa yelled.

"It's not even loaded," Jet said.


"How did you know?" Alisa asked.

"Well, actually, I just guessed," Jet said. "But I'm really good at guessing!"

"What if this gun was loaded?" Alisa asked.

"You wouldn't shoot me," Jet said. "I'm a cop!"

"Get out," Alisa said.

"Fine," Jet said, leaving the bar.

---

Meanwhile, on the beach, Faye was lounging on a chair in her bikini while Ed was playing in the sand.


"This is the life," Faye said. "Except for all the oglers. And the people trying to look down my top."

Faye looked up and noticed five men ogling her and two trying to look down her top. With one sweeping hand motion, Faye slapped them all in the face. The perverted men walked away.

"Faye-Faye's really popular!" Edward said.


"Yeah, well, if you try to look more like a girl, in a few years, you'll be popular too!" Faye said.

"Really?" Edward asked.


"Sure," Faye said. "Now let me get to sleep."

Faye looked up again. Four men were ogling her and four more were trying to look down her top. Faye slapped them all.

"Perverts," Faye said.

---

Meanwhile, near the bridge close to the bar…

"My life sucks," Jet said, smoking a cigarette. "I wish I had some excuse to arrest that Rhint guy. But first, he would have to commit some sort of crime."

Jet sighed again.

"Like that'll ever happen. The way Alisa talks about him, he's Mr. Perfect. A little overprotective, but other than that, he's Mr. Perfect," Jet said.

---

Meanwhile, under the bridge…

"You'd better give me my money!" A mean looking man yelled. He was yelling at a man who looked young and scraggly. Standing next to him was Jet's former girlfriend, Alisa. "Rhint, you owe me ten million wulongs!"

"No I don't," Rhint said. "You must be mistaken."

"That's right!" Alisa said. "You can't talk to Rhint like that!"

"Oh, really?" the man said. "Well then… I'll just have to kill you!"

The man took out a gun and pointed it at Alisa.

"Alisa!" Rhint yelled. Rhint took out his own gun. "If you want to shoot my girlfriend, you've got another thing coming!"

Rhint shot the loan shark in the chest. The loan shark fell over, dead.


"Rhint!" Alisa yelled. "You killed him!"

"He was gonna kill you first," Rhint said. "We've gotta get out of here!"

"No," Alisa said. "You have to stay and face the music!"

"No I don't," Rhint said, pushing Alisa into a space fighter. "C'mon, let's go!"

Rhint turned the key in the ignition. The cruiser sped out over the water.

"Help me!" Alisa yelled.

---

"Hey," Jet said. "Somebody just shot another guy!"

Jet stopped to think.


"And somebody just cried for help! That sounded like Alisa!"


Jet gasped.

"Alisa's being kidnapped! Or worse! I've gotta save her!" Jet yelled. He hopped into a nearby police patrol cruiser and took off after Rhint's cruiser.

---

Rhint looked back.

"Crap, the cops are after us," Rhint said.

"Hey, that's Jet!" Alisa yelled. "Jet, save me!"

"Shut up!" Rhint yelled.

Jet's police cruiser raced after Rhint's cruiser.

"Hey," Jet said, squinting his eyes. "Rhint's in there too!"

Jet quickly put two and two together.

"Rhint shot a guy, and then he took off with Alisa!" Jet said. "Well, nobody escapes from the Black Dog! I'm coming, Alisa!"

Jet took out a can of spinach and opened it up.

"I'll save you!" Jet yelled. He poured the spinach into his mouth and gobbled it up.

"Save me, Jet!" Alisa yelled.

Jet's police cruiser chased Rhint's cruiser around the water.

"Darn it!" Rhint yelled. He turned around and fired his gun at Jet. Jet swerved around, dodging the bullets.


"Rhint, you're going down!" Jet yelled. He pulled his police cruiser alongside Rhint's. "You're under arrest!"

"You'll never take me alive, you donut-stuffing pig!" Rhint yelled. However, the split second he had taken to insult Jet was about to prove fatal. Rhint's cruiser crashed up on the beach.

"Uh oh," Jet said. "That's not good."

Alisa crawled out of the smoldering wreckage of Rhint's cruiser.

"Jet!" Alisa yelled.

"I'm coming, Alisa!" Jet yelled back, turning his cruiser around and heading toward the beach.

---

Some time later…

Rhint was being dragged into a police paddy wagon.

"Well, he's going up the river for a long time!" Jet said.

"I don't want Rhint to go to jail!" Alisa said.


"Wha?" Jet stammered, puzzled.

"I still love Rhint," Alisa said.

"But I thought you wanted me to save you," Jet said.

"That's just because I'm scared of drowning," Alisa said. "I just wanted you to bring me back to dry land."

"But-" Jet stammered. Alisa pointed her gun at him.


"Go away," Alisa said.

"That gun doesn't have any bullets," Jet said. "I-"

Alisa shot Jet in the foot.

"OWWWWW!" Jet yelled.

---

BACK ABOARD THE BEBOP...

"So she hates you again?" Spike asked.

"Yeah," Jet said, his injured foot submerged in ice water. "I'm just not lucky with love."

"Faye-Faye's lucky!" Edward said. "A hundred guys walked up to her today!"

"It's not like that," Faye said. "They were perverts who just wanted to ogle me and look down my top!"

"I'm mad at you, Faye," Jet said.

"Look what you did, Edward," Faye said.

"Faye-Faye and Jet are fighting!" Edward said, giggling.

He's Jet-eye, the boring bounty hunter...

---

Edward: THE HORROR! THE HORROR!

Faye: *screams*

Spike: Wha?

Jet: Spike, it's after us!

Spike: What's after us?

Faye: That! *points*

Spike: I don't see any- waaaah!

Faye: N-n-n-n-next time on B-b-bebop: The F-f-f-funny Sessions, "Smoking In The Toy's Room!"

Edward: THE HORROR!