Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop, or any of the characters. I also don't own Batman: The Animated Series, or the characters in that. I also don't own Star Wars, or any of those characters. Wow, this is gonna be a crossover.
Warning: For the purpose of comedy, most of the characters are OOC. Just warning you now.
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In a dark alley in a crime-filled city, a meeting was taking place. Five gangsters were meeting up with a crazy, well-dressed fat guy.
"So, Mr. Pierrot, do we have a deal?" the leader of the gangsters asked.
"Yes, we have a deal," the crazy fat guy said, twirling an umbrella around.
"Why are you twirling around that umbrella?" the leader of the gangsters asked.
"You'll find that out… right now! Mwahaha!"
The fat guy laughed evilly as he began shooting the gansters with his umbrella.
"Mwahahahahahahahahahaha!" the fat guy yelled, continuing to shoot the gangsters. "Mwahahaha!"
Soon, all five gangsters were dead.
"The leprechaun told me to burn things! Mwahahahaha!" the fat guy laughed, starting to walk away. But before he could, guess who walked up to him? It was Spike! Duh.
"Hey," Spike said. "You can't do that."
"Mwahahaha!" the fat man laughed evilly.
"Say something," Spike said.
"Mwahahahaha!" the fat man laughed.
"Stop that," Spike said. Suddenly, the fat man did a somersault, kicking Spike in the chin. Spike stumbled back.
"Mwahahaha!" the fat man laughed, continuing to kick the crap out of Spike.
"Ow! Ow! Ow! That hurts!" Spike yelled. He turned around and started to run.
"Mwahahaha!" the fat man laughed, smashing his umbrella over Spike's head. "Mwahahaha!"
The fat man began beating Spike repeatedly with the umbrella.
"Have mercy," Spike said, trying to crawl away as the fat man continued to beat him with the umbrella.
"Mwahaha!" the fat man yelled, continuing to beat Spike. "Mwaha-"
A cat crossed in front of the fat man's path.
"Eeeee!" the fat man screamed. He bolted from the scene, leaving the barely alive Spike unconscious in the street.
---
Session 20: What The Fou?
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Back aboard the Bebop…
"Yeah, you're lucky I found you," Faye said. Spike was lying on a table, completely bandaged up.
"Mmmph mmmph," Spike mumbled through the bandages that had been placed over his mouth.
"Yeah, you are a pretty lucky guy," Faye said. "Because if I hadn't found you-"
"Gmmp hmmph," Spike mumbled.
"Hey," Faye said. "That's not a very nice thing to say to the woman that saved your life."
"Hmmmph mmmph," Spike mumbled.
"Hey! We don't use that kind of language on the Bebop!" Faye yelled.
"Mmmph," Spike said.
"Look, if you're just gonna sit there and cuss me out, I'm leaving," Faye said. She started to walk away. But before she reached the door, someone tapped her on the shoulder. It was Spike. Most of his bandages had been removed.
"Hey there, Faye," Spike said.
"How can you recover so fast?" Faye asked.
"I just can," Spike said. "I can do anything I want. I'm Spike Spiegel, for God's sake."
"You can't kill people," Faye said.
"Actually, I've killed a lot of people in the last nineteen sessions," Spike said.
"Is that a threat?" Faye asked.
"No," Spike said. Jet walked into the room.
"Hey, Spike," Jet said. "Glad to see you've almost recovered."
"Hey there, Jet," Spike said.
"I heard you got your butt kicked by Mad Pierrot. Welp, it was nice knowing you. Can I have your stereo?" Jet asked.
"Wait a second," Spike said. "Mad Pierrot? Who's that?"
"He's a crazy fat guy that runs around killing people," Jet said. "If he fails to kill someone, he hunts them down until he finishes the job."
"Ha ha!" Faye laughed. "Can I have your TV?"
"Hey Jet," Spike said. "You can have my stereo if you tie her to the robotic arm again and leave her out there."
"Oooh!" Jet said.
"Don't even think about it!" Faye yelled, running into the next room.
"I was just joking," Spike said.
"Darn," Jet said.
"Besides, you aren't getting my stereo anyway. I'm Spike Spiegel, and I will NEVER die. Ever," Spike said.
"Never ever?" Jet asked.
"Nope," Spike said. "No matter what."
"Yay!" Edward said, cartwheeling into the room. "Spike-person's never going to die! And Edward and Ein will never leave the Bebop!"
"Yay!" Spike, Jet, and Ed cheered in unison. Faye walked into the room.
"And I'm never getting my memory back!" Faye said.
"Yay!" Spike, Jet, Ed, and Faye cheered.
---
Some time later…
"Hey Spike," Faye said. "That Pierrot guy e-mailed you."
"What does the e-mail say?" Spike asked.
"It says that you suck," Faye said. "It also says that you and your mom are morons."
"Standard e-mail flame," Spike said.
"And he also challenges you to a battle to the death in a Mars amusement park," Faye said. "You gonna go?"
"Nope," Spike said. "Not until he apologizes."
"Then I'm gonna go," Faye said. "I'm gonna go kill Mad Pierrot."
"You can't! It's too dangerous! I love you!" Spike yelled.
"Really?" Faye asked. "Because I love you too."
Spike and Faye facefaulted.
"Er," Spike said. "Uh… I'm gonna go fight Mad Pierrot. Alone."
"I'm coming too," Faye said. "I love you."
Faye facefaulted again.
"I mean, I'm gonna go," Faye said. "To get myself some personal glory. Ya know?"
"Whatever," Spike said, hopping into the Swordfish.
---
Meanwhile, at an abandoned old Mars amusement park…
The Swordfish parked at the gate. Spike walked inside.
"Hello?" Spike yelled. "Anybody here?"
A sinister laughing echoed throughout the park. Spike started to cry like a little baby.
"I'm scared!!!" Spike yelled, tears flowing down his cheeks. "I wanna go home!"
Mad Pierrot swooped down and kicked Spike into the Tunnel of Love.
"Crap!" Spike yelled as the swan he had landed in floated down the tunnel. Mad Pierrot hopped into the Love Tunnel and chased after Spike.
---
Meanwhile, Faye's Redtail had just flown into the amusement park.
"I've gotta save Spike from Mad Pierrot!" Faye said. "But why do I feel that something bad is gonna happen?"
Faye's Redtail landed in the park and skidded to a stop over by a bumper car ride. She climbed out.
"Now where is Spike?" Faye asked. Suddenly, a red punching glove slammed into the side of Faye's head. She was knocked out immediately.
"Oh Mr. J.!!!" a female voice yelled. "We've got her!"
---
Meanwhile, Spike was busy dueling with Pierrot in the Tunnel of Love.
"Crap," Spike yelled. "If I don't figure something out, he's gonna kill me!"
Spike's swan arrived at the end of the Tunnel. He hopped out of the swan and ran off. Pierrot gave chase.
"Mwahahaha!" Mad Pierrot laughed. He took out his amazing umbrella and fired off several shots at Spike.
"He's gonna kill me with an umbrella!" Spike yelled, dodging the bullets. "I don't want to die!"
Spike hopped into a roller coaster ride. It began to take off.
"Ha ha!" Spike yelled. "You can't-"
In a surprising feat of agility, Mad Pierrot leaped up ten feet, right into the car behind Spike.
"How do you do that?" Spike yelled.
"Mwahaha!" Mad Pierrot laughed. He somersaulted up, kicking Spike into another car on the roller coaster. The roller coaster climbed to the top of the hill.
"Oh no!" Spike yelled. "I suddenly remembered… I'm scared of roller coasters!"
The roller coaster plummeted down the steep hill. Mad Pierrot fired at Spike all the way down. Miraculously, none of the bullets hit Spike! What a miracle!
"Mwahahaha!" Mad Pierrot laughed.
"I wish he'd stop doing that!" Spike yelled. "It's really giving me the creeps!"
Spike realized that there was only one thing he could do to escape from Mad Pierrot. It was really, really stupid, and probably suicidal, but it was the only thing that he could do to escape from the crazy guy.
"I've gotta jump off," Spike said. "I have to jump off of a roller coaster."
So, Spike jumped out of the roller coaster. He plummeted down fifteen stories, but because he was Spike, he wasn't injured! At all! How cool is that?
"Wow," Spike said, in a VERY surprised tone of voice. Well, no crap. He jumped off a freaking roller coaster and sustained no damage. How COOL IS THAT? "How cool is that?"
"Mwahaha!" Mad Pierrot laughed, leaping off of the roller coaster and landing right next to Spike. Incredibly, Mad Pierrot also wasn't hurt!
"Darn it!" Spike yelled. "I jumped off a roller coaster to get away from you, but it was all in vain! It's not fair!"
Mad Pierrot kicked Spike ten feet into the air. Spike hit the ground and rolled several more feet.
"Well," Spike said, "I'm gonna die. This really sucks."
Mad Pierrot pointed his umbrella gun at Spike. But just before he got to finish Spike off, another cat walked in front of him.
"Meow," the cat purred. Pierrot screamed out in fear.
"Now's my chance!" Spike said. Taking advantage of Pierrot's fear of cats, Spike proceeded to fill Pierrot full of lead.
"Meow," the cat purred, walking away.
"Yay!" Spike said. "I'm alive!"
Suddenly, another sinister laugh echoed through the park.
"Oh crap!" Spike yelled. "It's his ghost!"
"Not exactly," the same voice said. A man walked out of the darkness toward Spike.
"Who are you?" Spike asked.
"I'm the Joker," the man said.
"You look like 20th Century actor Mark Hamill," Spike said.
"No," Hamill said, "I'm The Joker! Batman, don't you remember me?"
"I'm not Batman," Spike said. "What's going on?"
"Argh!" Hamill yelled. "Maybe you've forgotten after all of these years! Well, let me refresh your memory!"
Mark Hamill snapped his fingers. Another woman stepped out of the darkness. The woman was dressed in a red clown costume with white makeup on her face.
"Harley, turn on the ferris wheel!" Hamill said.
"You got it, Mr. J.!" Harlequin said. The lights on the ferris wheel turned on. Spike squinted at the ferris wheel. Suddenly, he saw something that made his eyes light up with fear.
"Hey!" Spike yelled. "It's Faye!"
Faye had been strapped to the center of the ferris wheel. Her arms and legs were tied to the spokes of the wheel, and there was a piece of duct tape on her mouth.
"It's your beloved Catwoman, Batman!" Hamill said. "Now do you remember?"
"Look, I'm not Batman, and she's not Catwoman!" Spike yelled. "I'm Spike, and she's Faye! Now let Faye go now!"
"Obviously, Batman doesn't want to fight," Hamill said. "Are you just tired from your fight with Mad Pierrot? In reality, he used to be your friend, Dick Grayson, who I turned into the crazy Mad Pierrot with mind control! Mwahahaha! Robin is dead, and it's all your fault, Batman! Mwahahaha!"
"I don't care," Spike said.
Mark Hamill took a lightsabre out of his pocket and lit it up.
"Batman," Hamill said, "I am your father!"
"Oooh, Mr. J.!" Harlequin said. "That's it! Psyche him out! Psyche-"
Suddenly, a shot rang out from behind Harlequin, and she fell over, dead.
"That's for knocking me out," Faye said.
"Hey, how did you get free?" Hamill asked.
"I'm Faye Valentine, and I can do whatever I want!" Faye yelled. "Besides, I'm kinda sick of always being a damsel in distress, ya know?"
Faye pointed the gun at Hamill's head.
"You're under arrest!" Faye yelled. "I bet there's a big bounty on you!"
"Crap," Hamill said.
"Hey," Spike said. "I wanted to save the day."
"You got to kill Pierrot, didn't you?" Faye asked.
"Yeah, but-"
"Shut up," Faye said.
See you, space cowboy...
---
Faye: *laughing*
Spike: Grrr… next time, Jet gets to save the day.
Jet: That's right!
Faye: That means the seventh episode in a row where Spike doesn't get to be the hero! First, I saved the day from that womanizer!
Jet: Then, I got to bust up the guy that busted my arm!
Edward: Then Edward got to save the day from drug addicts!
Mysterious Guy With A "?" Sack Over His Head Who Sounds Suspiciously Like Ry Senkari: Then I sent Faye that Beta tape!
Doohan: Then I saved Spike with the space shuttle!
Spike: Where did you two come from?
Mysterious Guy and Doohan: Sorry. *they leave*
Faye: Then, I saved Spike and myself from Mark Hamill and the Harlequin!
Jet: And now, I get to save the day from… wait, I can't tell you! That would spoil the next episode!
Spike: Next episode of Bebop: "Boogie Woogie Hong Kong Phooey".
Jet: Starring me.
Spike: I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THE PROTAGONIST, DAGNABBIT!
