Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop, or any of the characters. Also, although feng shui and chi energy are discussed in this session, you will NOT learn how to fire a Kamehameha in this session. Only I may be trusted with that knowledge, as you all would just abuse it by vaporizing your friends. Sorry. ^_^

Warning: For the purpose of comedy, most of the characters are OOC. Just warning you now.

Note: All of Jet's narration is in italics. So look for the italic text, because that's the funny stuff.

---

"I guess it all started when I got that crazy e-mail from Pao."

Jet was standing in front of a small cemetery on Mars.

"Funny, because I thought Pao was dead. Er, not like that's a bad thing that he's alive, I swear!"

Jet walked into the cemetery and up to Pao's supposed "grave".

"See, there's his grave right there. The guy's dead. Or is he? Because I got an e-mail from him… gah, I'm all confused."

Jet stood in front of the grave.

"Hey!" yelled a feminine voice from behind the grave.


"Wha?" Jet said. A teenage girl walked out from behind the gravestone.

"Who are you?" the girl asked.

"Er, I'm Jet, and I came to see a friend's grave," Jet said.

"Jet?" the girl asked. "You wouldn't happen to be Jet Black, would you?"

"Nope, I'm white all the way!" Jet said. "Actually, the proper term is Caucasian, but-"

"No, I meant your name!" the girl said. "My name's Meifa!"

"Meifa?" Jet said. "You wouldn't happen to be Pao's father, would you?"

Meifa gasped.


"You knew my dad?" Meifa asked.

"Yeah," Jet said. "I got this e-mail, so I came to see his grave, and-"

Suddenly, a small space fighter flew above the grave site, firing upon Jet and Meifa.

"Aaah!" Meifa screamed. "We gotta run!"

Jet and Meifa ran out of the cemetery with the ship chasing them. Eventually, Jet and Meifa managed to get away from the ship by jumping into a dumpster.


"Eww," Meifa said. "We're in a dumpster."

"Yes. A dumpster. Very ewww."

---

Session 21: Boogie Woogie Hong Kong Phooey

---

ABOARD THE BEBOP…

"When we finally got back to the Bebop, Meifa and I talked about Pao for a while. Did you know that Pao couldn't hit a baseball with a tennis racket? Wow, Pao really sucks at baseball."

"So Jet," Faye said, "who's your girlfriend?"

"She's not my girlfriend!" Jet yelled.


"Sure she's not," Spike said.


"Jet's got a girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend!" Edward cheered.

Meifa giggled.


"See?" Edward said. "Jet and Meifa sitting in a tree!"

"Stop!" Jet yelled.

"K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" Edward sang. "First comes love, then comes marriage-"

"Shut up!" Jet yelled.

"Then comes Jet with a baby carriage!" Edward sang.


"Argh!" Jet screamed. Faye and Spike laughed.

"I liked that song," Faye said.


"Sing it again, Ed," Spike said.


Meifa giggled again.


"Really, you guys, Jet and I are just friends!" Meifa said. "I mean, I haven't seen him since I was a little girl!"

Meifa giggled again.

"Jeez, Meifa sure was giggly. Sort of like the Pillsbury Dough Boy, except she wasn't fat. And she wasn't a boy."

"So, Meifa," Spike said, "how do you know Jet?"

Spike blew smoke in Meifa's face. Meifa coughed.

"Yeah," Faye said. "I wanna know!"

Faye blew more smoke into Meifa's face. Meifa coughed louder.

"Ack!" Meifa yelled, collapsing onto the ground and going into convulsions. "I'm allergic to cigarette smoke!"

"Aaah!" Jet screamed. He grabbed the cigarettes from Spike and Faye.

"Hey!" Spike protested.


"GET OUT!" Jet roared. "THIS IS A NON-SMOKING SECTION NOW!"

"I was serious. I was getting ready to kick the crap out of both of them if they didn't get their cigarettes out of my spaceship."

"Whatever," Spike said. Spike and Faye walked out of the room.


"Are you okay?" Jet asked, kneeling by Meifa's side.

"Yes," Meifa said, coughing. "I am now."

Jet and Meifa looked longingly into each other's eyes.

"I loved Meifa."

Then, they both facefaulted.

---

Out in the streets of Mars…

"So, Meifa, what are we looking for?" Jet asked.

"The Sun Stone," Meifa said.

"Sun Stone?" Jet asked.

"Yeah," Meifa said. "It's a stone of unreasonable power!"

"Unreasonable power?" Jet asked.

"Well, it really is unreasonable for such a small stone to carry so much power. You know?" Meifa said.

"I see," Jet said. "So, how do we find the sun stone?"

"We find the four mystical creatures of mystical legend," Meifa said. "A phoenix, a turtle, a dragon, and a tiger."

"Couldn't we just find those in the zoo? Well, maybe not the phoenix and the dragon, but there are animals like those! What about an emu and a Gila monster?"

"Sounds good," Jet said. "But where do we find those?"

"Well," Meifa said. "Let's see…"

She took a large object out of her pocket. It consisted of two large disks floating around one another.

"Jeez, this is just like one of those crazy Final Fantasy games. Final Fantasy LVII, or something. No, maybe it's LIX or LX. Meh, they're all the same."

"What's that thing?" Jet asked.

"It senses the presence of chi energy! It's the essence of feng shui!" Meifa said.

"Feng shui? Chi energy? Aaah! I'm trapped in an RPG! Let me outta here!"

"O…kay," Jet said.


"Are you getting annoyed?" Meifa asked. "Because I-"

"No, no!" Jet said. "I'm just kind of freaked out! Er, I mean…"

"Look!" Meifa said, pointing. "Dragon!"

Jet looked out at a large landmark which looked just like a dragon.


"Hmmm… nice," Jet said.


"Turtle! Phoenix! Tiger! Jet, we've found it!" Meifa said. The object in her hand began rotating and flashing wildly. Meifa pointed. "The Sun Stone!"

Meifa ran over to a small enclove and reached inside, pulling out a small rock.


"Is that the Sun Stone?" Jet asked.


"Yeah!" Meifa said. "Look!"

Meifa put the Sun Stone into the object. The object began rotating and flashing even faster.

"Now we can find my dad!" Meifa said. "Let's go!"

---

"And so, Meifa and I began to search around the city for Pao, dodging Syndicate goons the whole way. Meifa fought enough goons to reach level 17 and learn the spell Cura. I'm so proud of her."

"Darn, we haven't found anything," Meifa sighed.

"Well, at least we found the Sun Stone," Jet said. "That's good, right?"

"I guess," Meifa said. She turned around and gasped.


"What is it, Meifa?" Jet asked.


"Syndicate goons!" Meifa yelled. "Let's run!"

"Now now, you don't gain any experience points by running," Jet said. "Don't worry, I'll take them down."

"Hey, you're already at Level 29! I'm only at Level 17! I wanna take 'em down!" Meifa yelled.

"Well, okay, but I get the next ones," Jet said. "I'm only three levels away from learning Firaga."

"Yay!" Meifa said, facing the Syndicate goons. "Time for a battle!"

*cue Final Fantasy fighting theme*

"Take this!" Meifa shouted. "Blizzara!"

Meifa blasted the Syndicate goons, doing 200 hit points of damage to both of them.


"Hey!" one of the goons yelled. He pulled out his gun and fired at Meifa, causing her to lose 54 hit points.


"Ow!" Meifa yelled. "You'll pay for that!"


Meifa ran over and bopped one of the goons with her staff, causing 45 damage. The goon died.


"That was my friend!" the other goon yelled. "Thundara!"

A lightning bolt came down from the heavens, zapping Meifa for 89 damage and causing her to go into the red.

"Oh no!" Meifa yelled. "Cura!"

An aura flashed over Meifa, healing her for 550 hit points.

"Alright!" Meifa said. "Now to finish you! Blizzara!"

The Syndicate goon froze over, causing him to take 250 damage. He died.

*cue Final Fantasy victory music*

"Yay!" Meifa said. She gained 350 experience and 500 wulongs. "Alright!"

"Good for you," Jet said.

*cue Final Fantasy boss music*

"Wha?" Meifa said.

"Crap," Jet said. "The boss! Look!"

Jet pointed at four large flying robotic Syndicate droids.

"Run!" Jet yelled.

"But you can't run from a boss," Meifa said.

"This one you can. There's a subcommand menu," Jet said. "One of the options is 'Fly Into Space'."

"Sounds good," Meifa said. "Let's do it!"

---

"And so, we flew into space. I used an Ether to restore Meifa's magic points, and we were back in business! Unfortunately, so was the boss…"

In space…

"They're still chasing us!" Meifa yelled.

"I'm gonna fly into that gate to lose them," Jet said.

"Good idea!" Meifa said.


Jet and Meifa flew into the gate. The four droids followed them.

"I forgot," Jet said. "You can't escape from a boss! We're doomed!"

"Wait!" Meifa said, pointing down at the console in the Hammerhead. "There's a subcommand menu!"

Jet pressed a button, popping up the menu.


"Hmmm… Toss the Sun Stone?" Jet asked.


"Nooo!" Meifa yelled. "It's the only chance of seeing my dad again!"

"It's also the only way to beat the boss," Jet said.

"Fine," Meifa said. "Do it."

The Sun Stone was ejected from the Hammerhead.

"What do I do now?" Jet asked.

"Well, the Sun Stone is supposed to be filled with pent-up ki energy from the Goku robot that farted, blowing it off the moon," Meifa said. "The Sun Stone is a piece of the Moon that was blown up in the Goku Fart Disaster!"

"Well, why didn't you say so?" Jet asked. "I'm gonna blow it up!"

Jet fired the Hammerhead's lasers at the Sun Stone. The Sun Stone exploded in a huge explosion, causing 9999 damage to each of the space droids. Needless to say, they blew up.

*cue Final Fantasy victory music*

"Alright!" Meifa cheered. "We won! And we both gained three levels!"

"Neat," Jet said. "I learned Firaga."

"Jet?" came a voice from within the gate. "Is that you?"

"Daddy?" Meifa said. Pao's face appeared on the Hammerhead's console.

"Oh, hi there, Meifa!" Pao said. "So, how are you and Jet doing?"

"How do you think?" Meifa yelled. "You're a deadbeat dad!"

"Actually," Pao said, "I'm the evil Feng Shui warlord and the final boss of this game."

"Really?" Jet asked.

"Yeah, you know how the final boss is always related to the heroes," Pao said. "But you see, I'm sort of sealed in this area of subspace. Could you guys break the seal and release me? Please?"

"Could you wait a thousand years?" Jet asked. "That's usually how long the bad guy has to wait."

"Crap," Pao said. "I didn't know."

"It's okay," Meifa said. "You're new at this, daddy."

"Well, bye bye," Pao said. "At least until the next millennia, at which my grand Feng Shui evil will be released on this pathetic universe! Mwahaha!"

Pao's face disappeared from the control console.

"Look what you did," Meifa said. "You spoiled the whole game for everybody."

"I'm sorry," Jet said.

"That's okay," Meifa said. "Let's go back home now, okay?

"I didn't get to admit my true feelings for you, Meifa," Jet said.


"Save that for the sequel, k?" Meifa said, with a sly smile.

---

"And so, Meifa returned back to Mars. Spike and Faye got to smoke on the Bebop again, and Pao continues to wait until the day that some stupid, dimwitted teenage wanna-be hero releases his almighty evil onto the universe. And me? Well, uh… I'm still Jet. I think."

Jet looked in the mirror.

"Yup, still Jet. Darn."

See you, at least until the sequel…

---

Network Censor Guy: The next episode has been pulled from the line-up because it's far too offensive for American viewers to watch.

Spike: What?

Network Censor Guy: It contains Osama Bin Laden blowing up several prominent buildings while waving a gun and pumping up his fake breasts.

Faye: So?

Network Censor Guy: It also contains a scene that gave 600,000 young Japanese children seizures. Therefore, we can't show it.


Jet: But it's arguably the best episode in the series.

Network Censor Guy: *covers ears* Not listening… next episode, which you won't be seeing: "The Banned Episode".

Edward: Ed promises we'll find some way to show it to you! We promise!

Network Censor Guy: No, you won't.