Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop, yada yada whatever.

Warning: For the purpose of comedy, most of the characters are OOC. Just warning you now.

Note: It's finally complete! The greatest Bebop comedy fanfic ever is finally complete! Anyway, I just want to thank all my reviewers and readers… you guys are great! Thank you so much! This grand finale is for you!

---

Spike stood in the graveyard with a stunned look on his face as Julia pointed the gun at his head.

"Okay, it's part 2," Spike said. "You can put the gun down now."

Julia put her gun away.

"JULIA!" Spike yelled, running over and giving her a big hug. "I've missed you so much!"

"Yeah, I missed you too," Julia said. "Spike, I can't breathe. Please stop hugging me."

Spike released Julia.


"Sorry," Spike said. "So, anyway, what's the deal? It's been three freaking years!"

"I've sorta been hiding from Vicious," Julia said. "He wants you dead, and he wants me to kill you. But I'm not going to kill you, so he wants us both dead. Of course, if you really loved me, you'd let me kill you so I could stay alive."

"And if you really loved me, you'd kill yourself so I could stay alive," Spike said.

"But it doesn't matter now, because we're finally together again!" Julia said. "Let's run away to Mars!"

"We're already on Mars," Spike said.

"Oh," Julia said. "Well, let's run away to Earth then."

"But Earth sucks," Spike said.

"We have nowhere to run and nowhere to hide," Julia said. "Both of us are probably going to die before this episode is over."

"Yep," Spike agreed.

---

Session 26: The Real Spork Blues (Part 2)

---

"Vicious has been standing in the ring for an hour," Tazz IV said. "He's breathing heavily."

"You think he's having a heart attack?" Michael Cole IV said. "I hope the big bully dies!"

"I hope the big bully lives," Tazz said. "I'm a heel announcer."

Shin ran into the ring and approached Vicious.


"So many bodies," Shin said. "Did you really kill all those people?"

"Yes," Vicious said. "I'm evil. That's what I do."

"My shoes have blood stains on them," Shin said. "It's all your fault. These were $350 Nikes. I'm going to go wait for Spike now."

Shin ran off.

"Nobody loves me," Vicious said. "Nobody cares."

---

Meanwhile, in the city outside the wrestling arena…

"I sense a disturbance in the Force," Spike said. "Somebody's dying!"

"I wonder who?" Julia asked.


Spike and Julia ran into Annie's shop.

"Annie!" Julia said. Annie was lying on the floor with a large gash on her head. Standing next to her was a car with a smashed-up window.

"I got attacked from behind," Annie said.

"Who did it?" Spike said.


"I don't know," Annie said. "I got attacked from behind, you big idiot."

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Spike said. "Wow, that's a nasty cut you've got too. Blood everywhere."

"I'm dying, Spike," Annie groaned weakly.

"No you're not!" Spike said. "You'll be fine!"

Annie died.

"I'm getting even more angry now," Spike said.


"Are we still going to run away?" Julia asked.

"Yeah, but first, I'm going to make a furious revenge attack on some thugs and get one of us killed," Spike said.


"Sounds fun!" Julia said. "Let's go!"

---

BACK ABOARD THE BEBOP…

"I can't believe Spike didn't stay to hear my great news!" Faye huffed angrily. "I love Spike! I love him!"

"Good for you," Jet said, dipping his leg in hot water. "My leg hurts."

"So?" Faye asked. "You big dumb idiot. Why'd you let him go?"

Jet stood up and reached over to grab Faye. However, his leg was still broken. He fell down.


"Argh!" Jet yelled. "My freaking leg!"

"Ha ha," Faye laughed.


"It's not funny, Faye," Jet said. "Spike's my friend!"

"He's my boyfriend," Faye said.


"He's not your boyfriend," Jet said, "and he never will be. Give it a rest."

"Grrr… lots of girls love you! Alisa, Meifa, and the list goes on!" Faye screamed.

"No duh," Jet said. "I'm the mack-daddy pimp, yo. Wanna board my ho train?"

"Not really," Faye said.

"Maybe Julia wants to join my ho train," Jet said. "Is she a fly chick?"

"Yeah, but I hate her because she likes Spike. God, she's gonna get him killed one of these days," Faye said.

---

Meanwhile, in Annie's store…


"Why are we still here?" Julia asked.


"Because I want to kill people!" Spike said. "I'm Spike freaking Spiegel!"

Triple H IV and the UnAmericans entered the shop.

"There they are!" Test IV yelled, waving the American flag upside down. "Show those dirty Americans who's boss!"

"We're not from America," Spike said. "America got wiped out in the Goku Fart Disaster."

"Serves those bloody Americans right!" William Regal IV said. "Get them!"

Triple H IV ran at Julia and threw a punch at her while the four UnAmericans leapt on Spike. Spike immediately shot Lance Storm IV and Christian IV dead immediately, but then went ran into a Big Boot from Test IV.

"Yeah!" Test IV yelled.

Suddenly, a leg swept under Test IV, knocking him to the ground. Spike stood up and pointed his gun at Test IV.

"Say goodnight, UnAmerican!" Spike said.


"Hey!" William Regal IV yelled. "You bloody bloke!"

William Regal IV reached into his pants and pulled out a pair of brass knuckles. He put them on.

"Time for the Power of the Punch!" Regal IV yelled. He pulled his fist back… and was shot dead by Spike. Spike then shot Test IV dead.

"Nothing like the smell of dead UnAmericans in the morning," Spike said.


"Spike, help!" Julia yelled. Triple H IV had locked Julia's arms and was about to Pedigree her.

"Julia, noooo!" Spike yelled. He pointed his gun at Triple H and fired… but it was too late. Triple H leapt up and Pedigreed Julia just as Spike had shot him through the head. The dying Julia and the dead Triple H fell to the ground. Spike rushed to Julia's side.

"Spike…" Julia said weakly. "I'm… I'm dying…"

"No, you can't die! Not from a stupid wrestling move!" Spike said.

"That no-jobbing idiot Triple Roids botched it," Julia said. "He crushed my ribs into my heart…"

"Yeah, he can't wrestle for crap," Spike said. "Julia, don't die!"

Spike began giving chest compressions to Julia.

"That just makes it worse," Julia said. "My ribs were crushed, remember?"

"No!" Spike yelled. "You will live!"

Spike picked up Julia and gave her the Heimlich maneuver repeatedly.

"I'm not choking, Spike," Julia said.

Spike pressed a defibrillator against Julia's chest.


"CLEAR!" Spike yelled, coursing thousands of volts of electricity through her body.


"Nope, still dying," Julia said.

After trying several more methods of resuscitating Julia, including ancient voodoo rituals and a Phoenix Down, nothing worked.

"I suck!" Spike yelled. "Why won't you live?"

"Goodbye, Spike…" Julia said, fading away from the mortal plane.


"NOOOO!" Spike yelled. He stood up and began breathing heavily. His eyes began flashing blue and his hair began flashing from green to gold. "I…won't…let…you…GET AWAY…with THIS! ARGH!"

In a brilliant flash of energy, Spike went Super Saiyan. It was really mondo cool! *calls all his friends* Did you see that? Oh my God, Spike went Super Saiyan! Yeah, I know it was cool! Wow! *hangs up phone* Okay, I'm done now.

---

Meanwhile, at the Indian oracle's tent on Mars…


"Spike's going to die," the Indian said.


"No he's not," Jet said.

"Yes he is," the Indian said. "Spike's gonna die."

"No," Jet said.

"He's about to kick the bucket. Spike will cease to be," the Indian said. "If you call Spike on the phone tomorrow, he won't answer. Why? Because he's going to die!"

"You suck," Jet said, leaving the Indian's tent.

"Spike's going to die," the Indian said. "Oooh… and while Julia's going to Heaven, Spike's going to burn in Hell. Wow, sucks to be him."

---

BACK ABOARD THE BEBOP…

"The Indian said you were going to die," Jet said, staring at Spike's super-cool Super Saiyan-ness. "Wow, you are totally mondo cool."

"Yeah, I know," Spike said. "I'm a Super Saiyan. I'm going to kick the crap out of Vicious."

"If you go, you'll die," Jet said.

"Jet, you're my best friend," Spike said.

"I know," Jet said. "That's why-"

"You're my best friend," Spike said.


"Stop saying that!" Jet yelled. "You're only foreshadowing your death!"

"You're my best friend, Jet," Spike said.

"Spike, I have to tell you something," Jet said. "I have a huge crush on Faye. I think I love her."

"You're my best friend, Jet," Spike said.

"Spike, you don't understand-"

"Once upon a time, there was a tiger-striped cat," Spike said. "He lived a thousand lives, then he died."

"What's the moral of that story?" Jet asked.

"You're my best friend, Jet," Spike said, getting up and leaving the room.

---

Spike walked through the halls of the Bebop.


"I'm gonna fight Vicious, yes I am," Spike sang. "And no one's gonna stop me, no way, no how…"

Faye walked up to Spike and pointed a gun at his head.


"Second time I've had a gun pointed at my head today," Spike said. "Faye, what do you want?"

"Spike, I have to tell you my great news," Faye said. "And you're going to stand here and listen, or I'm gonna blow out your brains."

"I don't care," Spike said. "I'm already dead."

"Spike, you are a thick-headed, stubborn moron," Faye said.


"What's your point?" Spike asked.


"Spike Spiegel… I LOVE YOU!" Faye screamed. "I love you with all of my being! You're the love of my life! Being with you makes me feel complete! You're the most incredible, wonderful man on Earth! Spike Spiegel, I want you to marry me right now!"

Spike stared at Faye for a good fifteen minutes.

"Faye," Spike said. "Is that all?"

"What do you mean, 'is that all?' I love you!" Faye shouted.

"Goooood for you," Spike said, continuing to walk toward the door of the Bebop. "I'm going to go fight Vicious now. Goodbye, Faye."

Faye took off all of her clothes and hurled them at Spike.


"Is it sex you want?" Faye asked. "Anything you want!"

Spike turned around.

"Faye…" Spike said.


"I'm up for anything!" Faye asked. "I can make your fantasies come true!"

Spike looked up at the heavens.


"God, you're making it really hard for me to leave and go kill Vicious," Spike said. "If you're trying to keep me from killing him, you're doing a darn good job."

"Come on, Spike!" Faye said. "Don't go! Don't die! I love you!"

Spike stared at Faye's chest.

"Man, this is the hardest decision I've ever had to make," Spike said. "But after Julia died, you see… I sort of… joined the other team, so to speak."

"WHAT?" Faye yelled.


"I'm gay, Faye," Spike said. "I'm really attracted to Vicious, you know? And I thought it would be really romantic for us to die in each other's arms. So I have to kill Vicious, and he has to kill me. That's just the way it is."

Spike left the Bebop.


"Oh yeah?" Faye said. "Well, if Vicious kidnaps me, you'll fall in love with me!"

Faye put on her clothes.


"I'm gonna get captured by Vicious!" Faye said.


"No you're not," Jet yelled from the other room. "You see, nobody cares about us minor characters. So our storylines end here, unresolved."

"Shows what you know!" Faye yelled, running out of the Bebop.

---

At the huge wrestling ring on Mars…


"Spike's coming here," Vicious said. "And I'm going to kill him, and he's going to kill me. I love this!"

---

Super Saiyan Spike parked the Swordfish in front of the huge wrestling arena and climbed out.

"Here it is," Spike said. "The final showdown. Gosh, I really shouldn't have lied to Faye like that. But now that she thinks I'm gay, she won't come after me. Spike Spiegel, you are the smartest guy in the whole wide world!"

Spike walked into the building.

---

"Now, what are we going to do once Spike comes in?" Big Show IV asked.

"Get him!" the other wrestlers yelled.


"Why?" Big Show IV yelled.

"Because Vicious said so!" the other wrestlers yelled.

"Here he comes!" Big Show IV yelled before getting his head punched off by Super Saiyan Spike.

"I'm here for Vicious," Spike said. "But it seems he's having jobbers come after me first. Well, you're all gonna die, if ya smelelelel… aw, enough of that."

Spike took out his gun and shot the other wrestlers dead.

"Now to get Vicious!" Spike yelled, running up the stairs. When he reached the second floor, Shin approached him.

"Spike," Shin said. "Vicious is crazy."

"I know that," Spike said. "What are you doing here?"

"I don't know," Shin said. Suddenly, he was shot from behind.


"Shin!" Spike yelled. He looked to see who the shooter was. "It's Stephanie McMahon IV!"

"That's right!" Stephanie IV screamed in her annoying, high-pitched, screeching voice. "I'm gonna get you, Spike Spiegel!"

Stephanie IV took out her gun and fired at Spike, grazing his shoulder. Spike took out a grenade.

"I don't have time for this crap," Spike yelled, tossing the grenade. It went into Stephanie's big mouth. "See ya later!"


Spike ran past Stephanie as the grenade exploded, blowing her into bits.

---

In the wrestling ring…

"Spike Spiegel is here," Vicious said.

"IF YA SMELELELELELELEL… WHAT SPIKE… IS COOKIN'!" the PA system blared as Spike walked up the entrance ramp. He took out his gun.

"Vicious, you jabroni!" Spike yelled. "You killed Spike's friends, Shin, Annie, and Julia! Spike's not gonna stand for that!"

Vicious unsheathed his katana.

"Your friends were losers," Vicious said.


"What?" the crowd chanted.

"Oh, it's true, it's true," Vicious said.


"What?" the crowd chanted.

"Vicious, do you like pie?" Spike asked.

"I thoroughly enjoy pie," Vicious said.

"What?" the crowd chanted.


"Spike used to eat pie every day," Spike said. "It was baked for Spike by a very special woman named Julia. And every day, Julia would go one-on-one with The Great One! And Spike would get himself a big piece of poontang pie, if ya smelelelelel… what Spike is cookin'!"

The crowd cheered madly.

"So," Spike said, "you roodypoo jabroni. Spike is gonna take this gun, shine it up real nice, turn it sideways, and stick it STRAIGHT UP your roodypoo candyarse!"

"Oh yeah?" Vicious said. "Well, Spike… WHERE ARE YOUR MEDALS?"

"What?" the crowd chanted.

"Vicious, the only medal you have is the medal for being a roodypoo jabroni!" Spike yelled. "And the medal for being the worst wrestler in the SSWWE!"

The crowd cheered.

"Spike, I'm a boy, and you're a man!" Vicious yelled. "And I'm gonna get on top of you, and-"

The crowd laughed.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!" Spike yelled. "What in the blue hell are you talking about, you sick fffffffffffffreak?"

"That's not what I meant!" Vicious yelled. "It's true, it's true! Get your butt in this ring right now!"

Spike ran into the ring and pointed his gun at Vicious.

"Vicious," Spike said. "You're going down!"


"WAAAAAIT!" Faye yelled, running up the entrance ramp. "Spike, I love you!"

"Faye, where'd you come from?" Spike asked. "You're not supposed to be here. Your last scene was-"

"Shut up!" Faye yelled. "I came here to get captured by Vicious and to get Spike to fall in love with me!"

"Faye, if you leave now, you can be in the sequel!" Spike offered.

"Will you be in it?" Faye asked.

"No, I'll be dead. But Cowboy Andy's gonna be in it," Spike said.


"Dreamy Cowboy Andy?" Faye asked. "Okay…"

Faye left the arena.


"Now can we get back to killing each other?" Vicious asked.


"Alrighty," Spike said. Vicious and Spike began sword fighting. Except Spike had a gun.

"Hey," Vicious said. "Why didn't you get a sword?"

"I thought this would be a gunfight," Spike said. "Why didn't you get a gun?"

"Because I was under the impression that this would be a sword fight," Vicious said.


"You mean you were under the influence," Spike said.


"Argh, that does it!" Vicious yelled. Vicious kicked Spike to the ground and put him in the Angle Lock.

"Argh!" Spike yelled. "My ankle!"

Spike began to crawl to the ropes.


"You can't escape!" Vicious said. "Oh, it's true! It's true!"

In an incredible burst of strength, Spike managed to break free from Vicious' ankle lock. He stood up.


"Vicious, you jabroni!" Spike said. "You're gonna get what you deserve!"

Spike put his arm around Vicious' neck, lifted him up, and slammed him to the ground, hard.

"THE ROCK BOTTOM!" Michael Cole IV yelled. "OH MY GOD!"

Spike stood over the fallen Vicious and began to swing his arms. He threw his elbow pads into the crowd.


"OH MY GOD! THE MOST ELECTRIFYING MOVE IN ANIME, SPORTS, AND ENTERTAINMENT! THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW!" Michael Cole IV screamed before dying of an excitement-induced heart attack. Spike leapt off one turnbuckle. He leapt off the other turnbuckle. He ran up to Vicious and prepared to drop his elbow onto him.


"Say goodnight, jabroni!" Spike said. But just before Spike's elbow came down, Vicious picked up his sword and slashed Spike across the stomach.

"You're dead, Spike," Vicious said. "Oh, it's true. It's-"

The fallen Spike picked up his gun and pointed it at Vicious' chest.

"Catch this," Spike said. He shot a single bullet through Vicious' chest, killing him. "Jabroni."

Spike depowered out of SSJ, stood up, and began weakly walking out of the arena.

---

Outside the arena, a group of wrestlers were crowded around the entrance. Spike limped up to them. He took his index finger and pointed it at the crowd.

"I really should have banged Faye," Spike said, making a shooting motion with his finger. He then collapsed onto the ground. "Blue" began to play, but was interrupted as two fanboys ran up to the fallen Spike.

"You know Spike's not dead," the first fanboy said.

"Whatever. Everything throughout the whole series lead up to his death," the other fanboy said.


"Yeah right! Spike's still alive! He'll be back in the sequel!" the first fanboy yelled.

"They're not gonna make a sequel!" the other fanboy yelled. "It would run the series into the ground!"

"No it wouldn't!" the first fanboy protested. "More Bebop would be the best thing that could ever happen to the series!"


"No way! If they made more Bebop, it would end up like DBZ!" the other fanboy yelled.

"Don't EVER insult DBZ!" the first fanboy yelled. "You big loser!"

"You suck!" the other fanboy yelled. "Bring it on!"

The two fanboys began rolling around on the ground, fighting. "Blue" started up again.

Never read a better fic

This story is the greatest thing to ever exist

It's just like sliced bread (only better)

Ask myself what he wrote it for

And now I know the reason he did

To bring meaning to our worthless existence

Our worthless existence

Now that it's over I'm turning blue

Can it really be over? It's gotta be an illusion

No, it really is over?

Oh craaaaaaaap

What a bunch of craaaaaaap

This story's really gone…

I think I'll leap off a bridge!

Oh craaaaaaap

Why did it have to end so soon?

Pleeeeease

Don't end it this soon

There's gotta be more after this!

Oh craaaaaaaap

What a bunch of craaaaaaap

This story's really gone…

I think I'll leap off a bridge!

At least there'll be a sequel

Till then, life is just a bottomless pit of despair

I'm waiting…

You're gonna carry that weight… oops, did it break your back? I knew I shouldn't have made the end so heavy… what's this? *looks* A subpoena? Oh crap, and on top of the copyright lawsuits too… bankruptcy court, here I come! *runs*

FIN

(Well, that's it for The Funny Sessions! I can't believe it's actually over… *sniffles* anyway, to my loyal readers again: Thanks for the good reviews and loyal support! *hugs* You guys (well, mostly girls anyway… I'm a lucky guy ^_^) are great! For all you sequel-watchers, Cowboy Bebop: The Funnier Sessions will be written sometime next year, starting in February or March! My next project, however, will be a Sailor Moon fanfic called "Looking Up To You". It's an Ami/Sammy romance adventure fanfic, and it'll be a bit more serious than this one! That'll come out sometime in late-October to mid-November, so watch for it! Anyway, thanks again for the support, and I'll see ya on the flipside! Signed, your friendly neighborhood author, Ry Senkari!)