Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Don't sue.

The Way You Love Me

September 24, 2001

**************************************************************************** **********

**Maria**

Sometimes I can't believe how lucky I've been. I remember the first night that you told me how you felt. Not in any verbal way, but just in the way you looked at me and the way you touched me. You and I have always had a physical relationship, even before we ever kissed.

Every touch, every look, every feeling was a part of the way we communicated together. I know that I always told you that I needed to hear the words from you. I needed to hear you say 'I love you'. But it wasn't really true. I've always known it, even before you admitted it to yourself.

Right now, I look up at the stars and I think about you. I think about how you felt all those years without anybody to love you. How horrible it must have been to love Max and Isabel and at the same time feel such an intense jealousy and anger toward them. I know how you felt because I felt it too.

You of all people should know how much I love Lizzy. You should also know how it hurt every time I would catch Mr. Parker and her together. You know how I felt every time I had to hear him say how proud he was of her. Knowing that my dad will never say those words to me. That my dad will never come back to me. Because I wasn't good enough for him. Because my life didn't mean enough to him to make him stay.

Yes, I love Lizzy. But that doesn't stop me from feeling all the hurt and anger that any child would feel who knows that they just weren't enough. But it's different for you. Your hurt and anger extends to a self-hatred. A hatred that makes you feel as if all the pain that you've experienced is your own fault. You were the one who wouldn't take Max's hand. It was your fault that you ended up with Hank. The sorriest excuse for a foster 'father' that ever lived. I know you. I know how you think, how you feel. But you have to remember that those things weren't your fault. You were just a child. You can't blame yourself.

But now you have everything you've ever dreamed of. You have a home, a family. You have someone to love you. I hope that these things have made you happy. Made you forgive. But I look up at the stars and I wonder. Are you really happy?

"Maria".

I turn around and see you there. Smirking down at me. Your hair is a mess. But what else is new?

"I'm coming." "I was just day dreaming."

As you lean down to kiss me, I can't help but sneak one last peak at the stars above. As our lips meet I feel the warmth of your breath caressing my skin. And as we part I lay my head down on your strong shoulder and sigh.

"Maria, you know I love you."

As you wrap your arms around my waist, I realize again how lucky I am. I know you love me. I've always known.