DISCLAIMER: I don't own Pokémon.

A/N: I'm back, I'm tanned and I'm posting! Yahoo! Sorry bout delays, crashed computers and all see to delays. Anyways, we're getting closer to the end so yay, let's keep going!

Chapter Twenty One - Shattered.

Ash left for his last League tournament five days after the press conference with a brave face and a breaking heart. I trusted him. I knew he would be back to greet me with open arms, no matter how heavy things got up there. I had, at long last, read that letter he had included with my Christmas present, and it had totally assured me of his love and devotion to me - not that I should need any confirmation by now, but still. I kept it in the back of my drawer in my room and if I ever missed him, I only had to read it and feel that he was somehow closer to me.

Misty - my love, my one and only, my other half,

I'm sitting in my room at Indigo Plateau, hundreds of miles away from the one thing I hold dearest and going crazy at the thought of that thing being so far away. So I'm compensating by writing you this letter with the Chrissie present I bought you today. The sapphires match your eyes, and the hearts match my feelings for you.

All I'm really doing with this letter is writing things I've said a million times before but that I just can't say enough without feeling justified. Maybe ink confirms it more than words, I don't know. What I do know is that I love you, that you have changed my life forever and for the better, and that if ever I feel like I'm doubting myself, I think of you and am somehow reassured.

I know all this crap has been raining down on the both of us and I know it's put an incredible strain on our every day lives. I will just never be so grateful to get you away from your mother. If I'd had any idea she was that terrible, I would've had you out of there months earlier!

All I can say in a situation like this is three things - I love you, thank you for everything, and I'm sorry. The apology is for a million different things. Dumping you for this stupid place when I was madly in love with you, gluing us both in what could have been a preventable situation, being called back up here when I should be back in Pallet with you and Mom…so I am incredibly sorry. Then again, I guess all of that has got us stuck together, so I can be both grateful and apologetic.

I hope with all my heart that this Christmas is a break for the both of us. Strain is something neither of us need but have had so much of, and it's not good for anyone concerned. Christmas couldn't be a better time for the both of us to just relax and take our minds off everything for a moment.

So Misty, the one person who makes my life worthwhile, I love you forever. Merry Christmas.

Yours always,

Ash.

If I had shown this to the average teenager, they immediately would have called it sappy, over the top. But it made me smile in a way I hadn't done in a long time. He loved me. I always cringed at the bit where he went on about relaxing at Christmas. What a joke. Christmas was where it had all started.

When Ash left for the League, he repeatedly told me he was fine, which I also considered a joke. He had announced his choice to give up the title with tears running down his face and now he was saying he was fine? I only had one thing to say to that.

"Bullshit you're fine."

"Look, nobody said this was gonna be easy" Ash started as he zipped up his suitcase. "And it's not easy. But honestly, I swear to you Mist, I am okay. I'm more worried about how much I'm gonna miss you. I might lose my concentration or something" he grinned.

"Please don't. I don't wanna get blamed for another downfall" I groaned, although I knew I would be blamed for Ash dropping his title. All I could do was be grateful that the press had, at long last, left us alone and that it was now safe for us to walk outside. Well, sort of safe. The looks we received weren't welcoming but we couldn't do anything about them.

So he left on January the 14th, I hit the six month mark while he was gone and went for another check-up and ultrasound, this time on my own. The little guy was fine, kicking at every opportunity it got and growing steadily with no apparent problems. Once again I was allowed to keep the images and once again I shoved them under my bed without a second glance.

I was also forced to do something else by myself - interview the last candidates of prospective foster parents. Ash and I had hurriedly interviewed the last couple who, at that point, were the best out of all of them. Still, he had left concerned about me undergoing the process, especially since I tended to get a little feisty with the candidates. I had promised him I'd behave because I couldn't promise myself the same thing.

Well, that was what I thought, until the actual interview took place. I despairingly sat down in that same chair, the one next to me noticeably empty, and Sarah facing me with that nervous smile she always liked to use on me. It was as if she was saying, 'Please Misty, I'm doing the best I can. Give them a chance.'

"Sarah, hi, sorry we're late."

I swiveled my head round, as I always did when a new couple entered the room, and the first thing I noticed was that no nerves shot through me, no intuitive worries invaded my mind…I had to take it as a hopeful sign. My most polite smile was flashed at the relaxed couple, who I soon learned to know as Mitch and Rebecca Spence, and the interview was underway.

They were from Cerulean themselves, which instantly put them on a kinship with me, and both seemed like very pleasant and polite people who wanted a child to call their own. They had no qualms about how young we were or Ash's soon-to-be-non-existent status in the League. They didn't want children to look good or accompany their existing offspring - they just wanted a family.

Perfect situation, considering that wasn't what we wanted.

He was an executive at a software company (and I won't lie to you, the first thought that sprung to my mind was the whole money thing - it would be impossible for him not to be loaded with a title like that) and she owned a little bakery that was doing remarkably well in Cerulean. I'd heard of it before but never known who the owner was.

Rebecca had also been through a cancer scare two years ago, resulting in her being unable to have children. Her uterus had been removed to ensure the cancer wouldn't spread, and it hadn't thanks to the operation. But it had meant the end of any childbearing days she may have had.

"So Mrs. Spence, doesn't a bakery take up a lot of your time? If you had a child on your hands you wouldn't be able to look after both" I pointed out.

"I know. That's why I'm willing to hand over the franchise and ownership to my co-owner" Rebecca replied.

"Really?" I asked in admiration. "You'd give up your entire business for the illegitimate child of two stupid teenagers?"

Rebecca slightly laughed. "Two stupid teenagers…gosh Misty, you undervalue both yourself and your boyfriend. You're both incredibly talented people in different ways."

"Yeah, we ruined our lives in the name of love" I groaned.

"Come on, I've seen the work the both of you. You were a very talented swimmer in your day" Rebecca praised. In your day. She made me sound like a veteran, but I couldn't help blushing at her kind and rarely said words.

"Maybe I was. But this has happened and I…" I trailed off as I found myself unsure of how to finish. Why weren't thoughts coming to my mouth as easily as they used to? "Last question guys and then I swear I'll let you go. If we let you keep this baby and it grew up, only to find itself curious about its origins, would you tell it the truth?"

"As in, that it's adopted?" Rebecca asked.

"That and the fact that it's illegitimate through two sixteen-year olds" I added.

"Of course" Mitch answered. "It's not fair to tell a child that your its birth parents, its blood and origin, when really you're not. But we would probably wait until it was a bit older, at a time when it was able to understand properly."

I drew in a shaky breath at his words and avoided their gaze. They had to be the ones. My instinct and my common sense were telling me that, practically screaming at me that these were the foster parents of my unborn child, and now I had to break it to them. It wouldn't be hard news for them to take, but for me…it was like confirming that I was giving away a part of myself, a part of Ash too. Giving it away to my hometown no less. The place I had escaped when I'd heard about this baby.

Irony. It bites you in the ass sometimes, doesn't it?

"Ash and myself have interviewed four other couples before you and I guess the thing of being lucky last would apply here." I noticed their faces simultaneously light up at my words. "You two seem like the loving, capable parents our baby needs." The parents we can't be, I silently added. "So at this point in time I am placing you at the top of our…uh, I guess we have a foster parents list. But I would really feel better if I talked to Ash about it first. I know he'll love you guys, but this is a mutual agreement thing we've got going here."

"Understandably" Rebecca nodded, though she couldn't help the excited smile coming through on her face. I had to be happy for them. It was, in the slightest of ways, pulling at my heartstrings to confirm I was letting go - so much for not getting attached - however, I was happy knowing that I was fulfilling another couple's dream.

"In that case, you're free to leave" a beaming Sarah announced. I shook hands with them again and eyed Sarah with absolutely no expression on my face after they had left.

"You heard me. They're the ones. I have to call Ash, I'll be in touch." I quickly got up and left the room, careful to make sure she couldn't see the tears in my eyes.

*******

"Three weeks into the Indigo League Tournament there have been some major upsets and surprising results. The semi-finals and finals will take place this week, with the unexpected departure of Ashton Ketchum leaving the runner-up or competitor who beats him to take his place as a Pokémon Master. Though we doubt we will see as much greatness as we saw in Ketchum, who has been through three tournaments undefeated and first won the title at the mere age of thirteen…"

"What the hell are you trying to do, rub salt into my wounds?!" I screamed at the TV as I hurled a tea towel at the cursed set. Oh God, Delia's china vase, please don't fall, please don't…

Phew. I was lucky on that count. I wearily walked over to the discarded drying material and turned off the television. Of course, I was interested in how Ash was doing and I had watched a few of his warm-up battles, but I couldn't bear the commentator who, I swore to heaven above, had it in for me with his constant mentions of Ash's send-off.

One more week and he would be home. Would you be surprised if I told you I was counting down the days? Didn't think so. I'd only talked to him twice and they were both very brief conversations. I never found the chance to tell him about Mitch and Rebecca Spence, so instead just told Sarah that Ash would sign his last papers when he got back and I signed mine then and there. I knew he'd love them. The other four had been complete screw-ups, how could I go wrong?

Well, me being me, I went horribly wrong. What more would you expect from my twisted little self? I signed the papers, would've skipped home if it hadn't been for my increasing weight so instead power walked, had a snack and left a message on Ash's answer phone to call me back if he got a chance. Note the word 'if.' He was so busy up there I wasn't pinning my hopes on him returning the call anytime soon.

It was February and the temperature was oh so slightly moving upwards. I got away with a dress or even stretchy trousers from time to time, considering the dungarees were both too much for me to bear and too tight. Ash would be home just after Valentine's Day, which was a little sad but it couldn't be prevented. I was just glad he'd be home in the first place.

I cooked dinner the night after I left the message on Ash's phone because poor Delia had caught some kind of bug and was looking absolutely deathly. Her face was so pale it was almost green, her hair as lank as her disposition had become and she always seemed to be shivering. However, this is Delia Ketchum we're talking about, and of course she assured me that she was fine, even though he teeth were clanking louder than picks and shovels against railway tracks.

So we just had pumpkin soup, which was fine with the both of us. Delia wasn't particularly hungry and my cooking skills were limited. She looked a little better as I served it up and I gave her a sympathetic smile when she started coughing.

"Maybe you should take some sleeping pills tonight" I suggested.

"Oh don't be silly" Delia sighed. "Those things only make me feel worse in the morning. I'll just go to bed early tonight. This soup is delicious" she smiled weakly. God she looked awful. I was seriously considering taking her to a doctor. Bloody hell, if only I had my damn license, I could've driven her there myself. Instead, I would probably have to bundle her up in a taxi. Poor thing.

She managed to consume over half of her soup which surprised me and made me feel slightly shy - surely it wasn't that good? Her bedtime that night was 7.30 but I was so restless I stayed up to watch a poor quality movie on T.V. What else do you expect on a Saturday night? They only play stuff for sad sods like myself who can't go out.

The phone rang halfway through the movie at about 9.30 and I frowned as I walked over to it. No one ever called this late. Maybe, I thought while jumping to conclusions, something terrible had happened to Ash or my father or something. The panic came through in my voice when I answered.

"H-hello?" was my timid beginning.

"Hey sugar." Ash's voice ran through my ears and I instantly let out a sigh of relief.

"Oh thank God you're alright" I sighed.

"Huh? Why wouldn't I be?" Ash asked in confusion.

"Never mind. I've got some good news" I announced.

"Man, I could do with some good news right now." Ash paused to flick on his video phone and I grinned as his face flashed up on the screen. I had missed him more than I'd realised, although he was looking a little…I don't know, drained. It must've been hard for him to be up there so close to the end of the tournament. "So let's hear it then."

"Well, I went for that last interview and I think…no, I know I've found the perfect people." Ash gave a slight laugh at my words.

"How do you know that they're perfect?"

"Because, oh man, they just wanted a family so much. They don't want this child for their own personal gain, it's like they understand our situation and want to help us. I know they're perfect anyways, I'm so sure of it that I signed the papers" I beamed proudly.

Now, this is kinda where it went downhill. I was only beaming proudly for about two seconds before I realised Ash's face was even paler than before. His stare was still on me but I don't think he could really register what was in front of him. There was a long silence until I decided I'd had enough and spoke up with a confused frown.

"Ash? Is everything okay?"

"Of course everything isn't bloody okay!" Ash's words were an explosion of anger and sent me reeling in shock. I actually tightened my grip on the receiver a little tighter and stared at him in total bewilderment, unable to speak or move. I didn't need to, he beat me to it. "What the hell do you think you were doing, signing those papers before I'd even seen those people?! What makes you think your judgment is the know all end all?"

I was stunned beyond belief. This was not what I had expected at all. I thought he'd be happy at the prospect of me finding relatively normal people to take care of our baby, I thought he'd be proud of me for sticking it out alone. Yet here he was, ranting and raving at me in a way I'd never seen him do before. The words got caught in my throat and I finally managed to spit them out.

"Ash, I…they're wonderful people, I swear you'll love them. All you have to do is sign your papers and -"

"What the fuck makes you think I'll sign papers without seeing the people?!" Ash yelled. "Were you out of your mind? Were you stoned or something? I can't believe you would go ahead and agree to something this important, something that I am a part of, without even consulting me."

He had crossed a line he had never been near before very quickly and the anger rose within me at a frightening rate. I didn't need him swearing at me, or accusing me of being stoned, no matter how much of a figure of speech it was. He was starting to sound like my mother.

"There's no reason why you can't meet them when you get back" I calmly pointed out. If I retaliated now, I would only make things worse. I needed to calm the both of us down and I needed to suppress that rising anger before it got out of hand.

"Yeah Einstein, and what if I meet them and hate them? 'Too bad Ash, I've already signed the papers. Off you go, just scrawl away on the dotted line, you've got no say in this.' I'm absolutely astounded by your genius, Mist " Ash replied sarcastically.

"Come on Ash, please be reasonable about this. I wouldn't have signed the papers if I'd have thought you would hate them" I pointed out. Somewhere in the back of my mind I realised my eyes were narrowed at him but made no attempt to stop this action.

"You want me to be reasonable about this? I am being reasonable, Misty! How else would you expect me to react? We both got ourselves in this mess and we're both supposed to have an equal say when it comes to getting out of it. And then you go and sign a document to hand over our child to people I've never crossed paths with in my life! Shit, I hope you realise that's the dumbest thing you've ever done."

"Not as dumb as getting knocked up by you" I mumbled. Oh God. Now I was crossing lines. He gave me a cold glare and shook his head slowly when he next spoke.

"You signed the papers yourself. You can get out of this yourself."

Oh. My. God. Was this happening? Was he…dumping me? No, no. The thought winded me and I tried to find some air as I struggled with the situation in front of me.

"I love you" I blurted out. "Ash I love you so much, I'm sorry I signed the papers, I'm sorry I said what I did, I'm so -"

"No Misty. No. You're obviously very confident about these people so you won't mind giving them the kid on your own. You've got it sussed, you don't need me there holding your hand" Ash said flatly.

"I do need you!" I exclaimed. "I need you more than I need air, please Ash, we've come this far, we can go further. I promise you on my life you'll love these people."

"You can promise till the ends of the earth, it was all I could do for you, but it doesn't change anything. You signed those papers on your own when we both agreed that this was a mutual decision and now there's no going back. I hope you're proud of yourself."

"You sound like my goddamn mother!" I shouted in frustration and desperation.

"Then you won't mind never having to face me again" Ash said coolly. That was when I lost it. I couldn't be angry at him when I knew this was my fault and I burst into the loudest tears I've ever let loose in my life. Being kicked out, falling pregnant at fifteen and being backstabbed numerously by my family didn't compare with this. I was losing the only person who ever truly understood me, who ever truly loved me and made me feel valued and whom I ever truly loved.

"Ash, please…" I choked out. "I can understand why you're angry and I'm so sorry. I love you Ashton Ketchum, I love you so much it eats at my soul whenever you're not within viewing distance or I can't talk to you. Please don't end this over a stupid mistake I made without thinking…" I trailed off as more tears overtook me. Through my blurred eyes, I could see his face was a mixture of chilling emotions that only caused me to cry even more. He wasn't flinching in the slightest.

"You have to learn from your mistakes" Ash announced.

"I thought you loved me" I whispered, the pain I was feeling coming through in my words. I could've sworn I saw Ash biting his lip, almost as a regretful notion, but I had a feeling it was a fragment of my imagination.

"I did. And I think I still do. But I can't be with someone I can't trust" Ash replied quietly.

"It was a one-off! I swear nothing like this will ever happen again!"

"You've got that right. Won't happen if I'm not around" Ash pointed out monotonously. "Look, I've gotta go."

"Why? What's making you go, huh? Is something sooo important up there at 9.30 at night?" I cried out sarcastically. He didn't respond, something I didn't know whether to take as a good or bad sign, and I drew in a calming breath. "Or can you just not face me because you love me?" I whispered in hope.

"Forget it, Mist. Love equals trust. You've just completely abolished both of those in one blow. Now I really have to go." And with that his face disappeared from the screen and I sat there clutching the phone to my ear, constantly receiving the tone that reminded me that he was gone.

He was gone. Gone, gone…the word repeated in my mind like some sort of cruel dripping water torture. I had never seen him so angry before. My stupid assumptions had made me believe he wouldn't mind, but he was right. We were both supposed to have a say in this, and at first I had told Sarah that very same thing. I had said I would wait until Ash came home. So what the hell made me sign those papers before he did?

I slowly put the receiver back on the hook and stared at the screen for…God, I don't know how long I sat there. Not another tear crawled out from my eyes, not one sob escaped my mouth. I was emotionally fighting for breath as his words repeated in my head. He sounded so much like my mother, he didn't sound like himself…he didn't sound like Ash Ketchum. He sounded like a complete stranger.

Why would he break up with me over one stupid thing like this? He could still interview Mitch and Rebecca and refuse to sign the papers, hence making us choose another couple - together. But he had crossed the line by swearing at me, by sounding like a replica of my mother, by over reacting to something like this. I understood that he was angry, but he didn't need to be this angry.

And yet I still loved him. He was a part of me, no matter what.

I didn't hear Ash smashing the framed photo I had given him over Christmas, nor did I hear his sobs of regret and confusion as he sat in his room at Indigo that night. All I heard was the sound of my heart smashing and my own sobs of hurt accompanying it.

A/N: Sorry about any spelling mistakes, I can't be bothered checking it over tonight. So uh, yeah, peace everyone and woohoo, I finally saw "The Fortune Hunters." What a brill episode! Thanks for the reviews too, okay I seriously am going now, I ramble too much. Bye!