Disclaimer: Rexy and I do not own the Harry Potter books, movies, or any of the characters (not even Wood*sigh*). That honor belongs to J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros. We are just borrowing their characters to use in our twisted little story.

Warning: This is the brainchild of insanity. Please proceed with caution, and watch out for the evil penguins. Also, whatever you do, DON'T GO INTO THE LIGHT!

Chapter One - Welcome to Insanity, by Princess Katie

"Shit!"

"Damn it, no, no, no!"

"F***!"

"Holy shit!"

"What the f***?"

"I've got you now, my fine feathered friend, hehehe."

"Argh!"

"I'm gonna win! Yes!"

A fight? No, just a friendly game of MarioKart. Rexy and the Princess Katie were sprawled out on the Lowly Toilet Cleaner's (Katie's brother) bedroom floor in front of the TV, frantically trying to win the race. Katie cursed once more as Peach, Rexy's driver, crossed the finish line and won. Katie, who had used her character of choice, Yoshi, had lost for the third time in the row. It was time for drastic action.

"I think it's time for drastic action," she said, smirking evilly.

"No, not the penguins! NOT THE PENGUINS!" Rexy cried in horror.

Laughing maniacally, Katie selected the course they called "the penguin level." So they proceeded through the race, Rexy managing to get hit by every single penguin, and Katie lapping her twice to win. The whole time Rexy cursed the penguins and went on and on about how evil they were. (Rexy was convinced the penguins had a conspiracy against her.)

After they had finished, Katie turned off the N64. "We have to leave pretty soon to pick up those exchange students. I want to show you our "guest room" first, though."

"Oh yay!" Rexy said. The mention of the exchange students cheered her.

The girls headed down the stairs, and down yet another set of stairs into the basement. Where there once was - well, there was really nothing there to begin with, but it had been transformed into a guest room of sorts. There was a bunk bed against the wall, and a dresser, small table, and chair were arranged near it. The mismatched room was separated from the rest of the basement by a curtain. Rexy laughed upon seeing this supposed guest room. "It's better than mine, that's for sure."

"Well, what did you do at your house?" Katie asked curiously.

"Because I'm one of the authors, my sister got shipped to England, so the older guy is taking her room, and the other guys are staying in the basement, except we just set up two cots."

Katie snickered, causing Rexy to cry, "But they're really nice cots!" which in turn caused Katie to burst into hysterical laughter.

"Fine. Make fun of me," she said indignantly.

"Okay," Katie said, smiling. She looked at her watch. "Oh, shoot, we'd better walk over to the school."

Three hours later, in the school parking lot

The Princess and Rexy were waiting impatiently-along with several groups of parents waiting for the students-when they were greeted by a most horrific sight.

"Aaaaaah! NOOOOO!" Rexy cried, hiding behind Katie in terror.

"NOOOOO!" was all Katie replied. "It can't be truecan it?"

The sight that made them recoil in horror was none other than Steve, the choir director. (A/N: It's a long story that will be explained in time in this story. Let's just say we spend a lot of choir making Steve absolutely miserable.) He was wearing khakis and a shirt with GAP emblazoned on the front, and a hat with nothing other than "Abercrombie and Fitch" displayed on the front. (A/N: Katie and Sam are somewhat anti-prep. We have nothing against those who are or dress preppy, however. We are just liable to make jokes about preppy clothes, since we despise them.)

"It is a sad, sad story," Katie commented, giggling insanely.

Steve caught them laughing at him, and he asked, "What?"

Rexy just shook her head, but Princess Katie responded by saying, "Steve, Steve, Steve. You were doing so well, and now this?"

Steve rolled his eyes and said, "Whatever," causing the girls to break out into hysterical laughter once more. (A/N: We believe Steve is gay, which we have no problem with, but some of the stuff he says/does)

Just then, the shuttle from the airport pulled into the parking lot, full of the exchange students. They piled out of the bus, where they had to hand forms to Ms. Andrasco (who had appeared out of nowhere).

"Katie!" Rexy hissed. "Look at him!" she whispered excitedly as Wood got off the bus, looking very grumpy.

"Oh God, he's hot!" Katie said.

"Please let me get him," Rexy prayed.

Just then, Ms. Andrasco started to call out names of the families. She went through several before she got to Rexy's name. Rexy came forward eagerly, and Ms. Andrasco pointed to Fred, Harry, and Ron. "Those three are staying with you." She then proceeded to tell Katie she would be taking in Ginny, Hermione, and Oliver.

As Rexy realized what had happened, she shouted, "STOP!" Everyone except for her and Katie froze, unmoving. "Katie!"

"What?" Katie said innocently.

"I said I was going to get Wood, dammit. Stop screwing around with the story line!"

Katie sighed. "Alright"

She waved her hand, and everyone started moving again. Ms. Andrasco forgot what she had been saying, and instead said, "Oh no, wait. Oliver, you go with Samantha, Fred, you go with the Orions."

Oliver looked petrified, and Fred much relieved. Rexy was wearing her black skirt, white and black striped thigh highs, boots, and a black top with long flowing sleeves (even though it was summer). With the (dyed) black hair, she looked quite intimidating.

"Rexy dearest, I think your exchange students are scared of you."

"That was the whole point, Katie."

Katie shook her head. She was dressed much more normally, in shorts and a dark green shirt printed with a shimmering dragon, sandals on her feet, and her brown hair down. She smiled at her guests. "My name is Katie Karas, often referred to as "Princess Katie," and you will be staying at my lovely home." Rexy snickered.

"Yeah, whatever. I'm Samantha, a.k.a. Sexy Rexy, but more commonly referred to as Rexy. So what are your names?"

They all burst out talking at once.

"Geez, one at a time," Katie said in annoyance. She pointed at each one in turn.

"Hermione Granger."

"Ginny Weasley."

"Oliver Wood."

"Harry Potter."

"Ron Weasley."

"Fascinating," Rexy replied. "Now let's just move along."

"Where are we going?" Harry asked stupidly.

"The state prison," Katie said sarcastically. "My house, you idiot, where Rexy's parents'll pick you guys up."

"And we're all going to eat pizza at Katie's house!" Rexy chimed in cheerfully.

"Yeah, that too," Katie said, rolling her eyes. "Let's just get moving."

So the band of seven made their way to Katie's home, where they were greeted by the parents and they all enjoyed Chicago-style pizza.

So far, so good. Or so they thought