This story is rated for the content (consisting of bad language and suggestive-type thingies) appearing in later chapters, but may go up if I decide to be evil. I'm not going to jump right into slashy goodness, so don't expect to see any of it until at LEAST the third or fourth chapter (chapter two and three will be longer than this one). It may sound cliché in the beginning, but do not fear; I'm a twisted individual who plans on..well, wait..I can't tell you. Sorry! You'll see, in time. ^-^ If I do it right, this story will more than likely turn out dark. Very limited humor here, if any. Please review! I really, really would like some constructive criticism! I think I have a problem with getting emotions across and any helpful advice would be greatly appreciated. I'd also enjoy knowing if you like it so far. Anyway . . . I think I'm done rambling now.
Disclaimer: This will also be the only time I mention that I do not own Invader Zim or any of the characters appearing in the show, and this goes for all chapters. Don't sue me, I own nothing but the lint in my pocket. No, I don't even own the pocket.
Warnings: This is slash of the Zim/Dib variety. Possibly foul language in later chapters.
Enjoy! I apologize for the shortness of this chapter.
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All my plans fell through my hands
They fell through my hands on me
All my dreams it suddenly seems
Empty
--Excerpt from "Empty," by the Cranberries
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I always thought that I'd be the one to drive him away. It would be a wholly sweet sensation, having him exposed to the world, unmasked as the true monster he really is. If he didn't end up on an autopsy table, then he'd flee in terror from being discovered and I would be the one standing proudly on the Earth's soil as the rightful champion in a battle of wits. Finally realizing the immense threat he had posed, people would ultimately give me the just recognition I deserve; they would see the truth, and I truly would have won.
That's the way it should have happened. But so much for puerile dreams, huh?
One day, he didn't come to school. No problem, he'd been absent before . . . probably scheming so-called 'doom' for the Earth, conspiring some evil alien plan that I'd inevitably foil in due time. I was itching to see what he'd pull, always up to the challenge of thwarting another plot, reveling in each triumph as it brought me one step closer to his defeat. He didn't show up for school the next day, though. Of course, I was suspicious, but I let it slide until the third day.
Absent three days? He must have been planning something big . . . maybe dangerously big. Letting curiosity get the best of me, I armed myself with a water gun and began the short walk to his house, cloaked by the darkness of night. Along the way, I became lost it my thoughts. What could he possibly be devising that would render him absent for three days in a row? Must have been something huge, I thought.
My mind thought up all sorts of crazy nonsense that an equally crazy alien might come up with, from giant mechs to nuclear lollipops, and my legs started moving faster with anticipation. I simply had to know what he was doing. I had to know so I could stop it, so that people would see the truth, so that I would be one step closer to finally getting rid of him, and so that I could relish that delightful little feeling I get when I see him fail time and again. I needed this, needed the drive I experience every time we battle.
I was pulled from my thoughts upon realizing where I was. I'd passed his house . . . hadn't I? It was hard to miss, with its green aura and unusual lawn decorations, but I must have passed it. I was too far down the block and his house wasn't that far from my own. Retracing my steps, my jaw dropped when I came to his base.
Or rather, the empty lot between two houses where his base should have been.
The ground was undisturbed. There were no markings, no holes in the neighbor's walls, nor any single sign that there had once been an abnormally small house there. Had he left without saying anything? No indication of defeat or maniacal laughter proceeded by an, "I'll be back, pathetic human?" It just wasn't right. Or was it?
Maybe this was victory. Maybe it was what I had fought for so long to accomplish. Perhaps this was a triumph for Earth, but what about me?
No recognition. People still look at me as the same crazy paranormal geek they've always seen me as. He disappears without warning, the Earth is suddenly saved, and nobody else even knows it. I wonder if they'll ever find out the amount of danger they were in, or if they'll ever realize that I was right all along. I wonder if he'll ever come back.
I remember slowly sitting down on the sidewalk in front of the abandoned lot, suddenly becoming aware of how chilly the air was that night. All I could think about was the countless research I'd done; the photographs, the endless note taking, the observations, sneaking out late at night to spy on the enemy. Did it all mean nothing, now? Was it just a waste of time? All the evidence I had, all the proof—he was it. Here one minute, gone the next, disappearing without a trace, and I'm left looking like an idiot.
I don't know why he left, but when he did, something inside of me died . . . possibly the overwhelming impulse I'm known to posses. The paranormal—everything I've studied: I know all of it's true, but his arrival and my relentless pursuance was the closest I came to proving I wasn't some deranged lunatic who didn't know what I was talking about. His disappearance killed that.
That night, as I sat shivering in the cold, I looked up to the sky and hoped to see something. Maybe a flicker of his ship, darting through the sky like I'd often seen before when looking through my telescope, but all that met my eyes were twinkling stars that mocked me with their distance. For as long as I can remember, I wanted to reach the stars, but all those dreams, all those plans I had . . . For the first time, they seemed so . . .
Empty . . .
For a few moments, Dib blankly stared at his latest entry in the journal that held dozens of notes, studies, and plans involving Zim. Involuntarily allowing a sigh to escape, his eyes repeatedly scanned over the last word he'd written, the sum of how he'd been feeling for quite some time now. Shaking his head, he slammed the book shut, threw it in a corner, and lied down on his bed, silently reflecting as he gazed at the ceiling with indifference.
It had been several weeks since Zim's disappearance and Dib had all but given up on the idea that the alien might return. In an attempt to divert his thoughts and perhaps rekindle old fascinations, Dib began to fallback on his poltergeist and werewolf studies, but it just wasn't the same. He'd never gotten even a glimpse of either ghost or wolf, whereas Zim had been living, breathing proof of life beyond Earth, beyond the stars, even beyond the solar system. It just wasn't fair.
Dib let his eyes drift to the open window by his bed as he did every night, glaring heatedly at the taunting stars as they danced freely in the sky. Every time he saw a shooting star, his heart skipped a beat and he drew in a sharp breath until he finally realized what it was, afterwards berating himself for being so foolish. He must have seen hundreds of shooting stars in his lifetime, and yet he still couldn't keep himself from jumping up to get a closer look, eyes squinted with determination each time. He simply couldn't help it.
"I've gotta stop acting like this," he told himself, a realization suddenly dawning on him. "I'm letting him win this way." Dwelling on his own selfish loss was merely giving incentive to believe he was the weaker of the two, and Dib was not about to let Zim win, whether the alien knew of his victory or not. Sitting up, Dib slammed the window shut and forced himself to close the blinds before removing his glasses and snuggling under the blankets.
"Tomorrow will be different," he promised himself, then closed his eyes and drifted into his subconscious, where all the problems in his life seemed to disappear.
But the emptiness remained.
- end chapter 1 -
