Disclaimer: Naruto and Elf-san Can't Diet, I own neither
Story Start!

"Pervy Sage, you useless, piece of ninja GARBAGE!"

Naruto Uzumaki.

14 years old, and having just hit a growth spurt, his body had matured somewhat rapidly over the course of a few months. Blond hair, whisker marks, blue eyes, on the shorter side but still growing, and currently exceedingly pissed off at an older man who was hiding his face and curled up into the fetal position.

After a kick to the nuts.

"How was I suppose to know!?"

"You're the spy, you're the guy who gathers information... oh look, this portal leads to another world... walk through it and you can visit a cool world with neat technologies and stuff!" Naruto was kicking the perverted hermit Jiraiya while he was down on the ground, taking his beating. He knew that he earned the beating that he was getting.

He just wished that Naruto had clothes on.

Earth and Earth.

Their home world was called Earth, but it was different than the world they were currently on. The continents were all separated into 7 of them, compared to the 1 big continent their earth had. The people of this world were exceedingly weak compared to back in their home world, and the last important thing, was that this world had no giant animals. No tigers the size of buses, or centipedes the sizes of houses. They lacked creatures big enough to stand as tall as mountains, and that had allowed humanity to thrive on this world.

There were billions of humans on this world as compared to a few million that lived on thier world... at most.

The portal.

"You two seriously weren't aware that these portals take weight into account?" A TALL woman, as close to 8 feet tall, asked as she snacked on a bag of potato chips. While she stared at a naked teen kicking a grown man in the stomach. She had been the one who had told them why Naruto had been rejected from the portal.

Weight.

Naruto had hit a growth spurt in the few months that they had been in this world researching it, and because he had grown and his body was no longer the same size, he could not pass through the portal again. When he had walked through the portal, he had been rejected and his clothes had been destroyed. He would be more embarassed if he weren't livid over the fact that a simple thing like hitting a growth spurt had trapped him.

"Sorry! If I had known you were about to hit a growth spurt, and if I knew about the weight thing, I wouldn't have suggested it!"

"Go through the portal alone!" Naruto kicked Jiraiya in the ass hard enough to send him through the the open doors to the bunker that served as a portal back to their world. Naruto had a shirt tossed on top of his head, and noticed the woman who had let them know about the portal's system had taken her shirt off. He clothed himself with her shirt. "Thanks... you about to leave?" Naruto asked her.

"Yep, I was just here to do some research on the smithing techniques of this world... and these chips are tasty, but if I stay here much longer I might gain some weight." She walked through the same portal as them, but since she was not part of his world, when she walked through the portal, it sent her back to her own world.

Portals were weird.

Naruto could go through the portal from his world to this world at any weight, but to go BACK, he had to weigh exactly the same as when he entered the portal the first time. At the same time, if he found a portal to a different world, he could go through that portal at any weight, but he would have to be the same weight that THAT portal registered him at to come back to this world.

Jiraiya stuck his head out of the portal.

"... So... uh... you got a plan for-" Jiraiya was hit in the face by a piece of trash Naruto picked up off the ground, and he wisely decided to go back through the portal.

Naruto paused.

He was 14, and in this world you needed to be older to get a job to make money. He sat down on the ground as he tried to think of a way that he could make money and find a place to live, until Jiraiya found some way to get him back to their world.

-4 Years Later-

If he couldn't go through the portal before, he for sure could not go through the portal anymore.

He stood at a height of 180 cm tall now, which was a far cry what where he used to stand, and he had filled out a bit more in the shoulders. He wore a white uniform at the moment as he kneeded the flesh of a young woman, slightly older than him. His hair had slightly grown out, but he kept it at a decent length.

"Aaaaaah... you have these magical hands Uzumaki-kyon."

The woman he was massaging was Ino Akiho, and she was not actually a young woman.

She was 40 years old, with the personality and health of a young woman. Years of taking good physical care of her body had done wonders for her, and with how she acted, she was typically thought to be in her 20s, and not 40 years old. The only plumpness to be found on her body that was not muscle was on her chest and on her hips, she was well endowed.

She was a pervert.

When in doubt, abuse a pervert.

'Thankfully, I can pick out a pervert from 2000 meters.' Naruto thought as he ran his hands over her lower back. She was his plan on making money, taking on an apprenticeship with a pervert, which would eventually lead to a good job and way to make money. He picked her out from a crowd shortly after he got trapped in this world, and wormed his way into studying her practice under her.

She was smart, but perverted.

Other than the times she would sneak a touch or two on his butt, or would insist on washing his back, she would actually put real effort into teaching him how her job worked. At the moment, he was currently doing a massaging test to see if he could qualify for to officially start working. He had already passed several other tests that would get him a liscense in those fields thanks to her, now he just needed a practical exam.

Why go into the weight management industry?

So that nobody else suffered like he did.

"Ooooooooh... that is the SPOT, I feel my body heating up Uzumaki-kyon."

'I hate that nickname... do I really look that much like a fox?' Naruto thought as he looked towards a mirror in the room.

"Yes."

'Shut up Kurama.' Naruto's relationship with the Kyuubi, named Kurama, had changed over the years. For starters, Kurama had stopped even attempting to take over his body, since it was pointless. They were trapped in a new world, a world without any Fuinjutsu users to seal him away into a new Uzumaki once Naruto passed away. That meant eventually, Kurama would be free no matter what happened.

Also, Naruto had surpassed him in strength.

Jiraiya would still visit the world for months at a time, and would teach Naruto things in order to keep him getting stronger. Like how he learned Sage Mode, and managed to complete the Rasengan, or even how he had mastered Kurama's power and could activate it at will. The fact was, if it came to a battle of wills, Naruto would win and Kurama fully knew that would lose.

Jiraiya would come with news every now and again.

Like how all 8 other Jinchuriki had been captured and had their Tailed Beasts extracted from them, meaning that Naruto was the last Jinchuriki. The Akatsuki attacked the village to try and gain information on where he was, but since nobody knew where he was, that led to nothing. Apparently, this happened during some of the months when Jiraiya had been in this world with Naruto so he missed what actually happened.

The Akatsuki went into hiding after that.

They were still trying to find him.

"As if they could beat you if they came here... you've long since surpassed a mere S-class Rogue Ninja... you're mastered both Senjutsu and my power, and can use them at the same time. There is not a single member of the Akatsuki who can match you and I." Kurama stated from inside of his mind.

Akiho got off the massage table.

"You have got magic hands... it feels like I'm getting massaged by a dozen smaller hands, you will pass your exam for sure if this is your skill level. Well, my apprentice... you've done a good job at making me proud." Akiho lifted up her glasses and rubbed the front of his crotch with her other hand, pretending to wipe a tear out of her eye. Her blatant sexual harassment aside, he had her to thank for teaching him about health, diet, and massage.

Why learn it?

So that he could help other people in the same situation as him, because he knew how much it would suck to be trapped in this world because of weight.

By the way.

A few members of the Akatsuki DID find their way to this world, but it did not end well for them when they came face to face with him. It was about 2 months previously, when he came face to face with some dude named Kakuzu.

Naruto killed him.

5 times.

He had some ability that revived him after he died, Naruto didn't care to pay attention to what the man had explained. All he cared about was that it took killing him 5 times for him to stay head. Thankfully, it was easy for him to kill Kakuzu 5 times. Kakuzu didn't stand a chance against him, so the multiple lives thing was more of an annoying than anything.

His partner was even easier.

Hit him with a Rasen-shuriken, and completely vaporized him to the point his immortality was a non-issue. It didn't matter how immortal you were, when you could get murdered on a molecular level and reduced to dust. Kakuzu was different because he could revive after death in such a weird way, but Kakuzu was just weirdly immortal in how he could not die from mere wounds.

Technically, Hidan was still alive.

As dust, so he might as well be dead.

The soul survived in the dust that he had been turned to, which was worse than being dead, because his soul would never pass onto the afterlife, nor could he think without a brain.

"Are you ready to drink."

"I'm only 18, not 20." Naruto told the perverted woman with a deadpan tone. She wanted to get him drunk, since she was a drunk as well as perverted.

"We can drink at my place... I won't tell anyone."

"You are NOT to drink young man!"

"Not before you're 20!"

A male and female voice shouted at him from inside of his mind, and he groaned when he heard Kurama laughing.

His mother and father's chakra lived inside of his soul.

One of the things that Kurama had taught him was how to share his chakra with other people to refill and enhance their chakra, and because of that little fun lesson, the chakra that belonged to his parents that should have disappeared within a short time of meeting him, was now around for a prolonged stay. Typically they were just happy to stay silent, but they would chime in every now and again when it was something that were opposed to.

After all, since his chakra was fueling their chakra, they would never run out of chakra and fade away.

'There are so many people living in my head.' Naruto rubbed the bridge of his nose, and he smacked Akiho's hand away from his junk when she tried to go for another squeeze.

His living situation kind of... was not great.

1. Stuck in the Wrong World.
2. Sasuke was dead, long story.
3. The Kage system was abolished, so no more Hokage.
4. He had 3 people living in his head.
5. His Boss was a Perverted Woman.
6. Her was 18 and still didn't have a girlfriend.

"I can't wait until you officially join the staff here... the Smiley Boar could use a hot young stud like you... we have Naoe, but that is just one hottie... and I want to fill this place with attractive young men." Akiho seemed excited, and he couldn't help himself but sigh when she went into details. "To think... my little apprentice is growing up."

Perverted, but a good person at heart.

She did make a living by people get people healthier after all.

Chapter End!
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