Part Four
A/N: Okay. *clears throat* You know everything you've seen in Angel this season? Forget all that. This is what you need to know. Connor never locked his father in that big metal box and toss him into the ocean. He and Angel are no longer at odds. Justine is nowhere to be found. I like Lorne too much, so he didn't leave for Las Vegas. Groo, however, did leave. Sorry for all you who like him. Angel and Cordy have confessed their feelings and are taking things slow. Oh, yeah, I guess I should mention that Skip never sent her to wherever he sent her. And the Wesley situation? Let's just say he was never cast out of the group and leave it at that, okay?
*****
The door opened and Willow stepped in. "Buffy?" She closed the door. "Spike? Sorry to burst in, but turns out, Tara and I forgot something." She moved up the stairs, hoping she wasn't about to interrupt anything. She heard nothing.
"Buffy?" she called out again. She saw Buffy's door open. She peeked in. And was shocked to see Buffy unconscious on the floor. She ran to her. Though she noticed the twin puncture wounds on her neck, Willow ignored them and focused her attention on looking for a pulse. Relieved that there still was one, she went for the phone on the bedside table. She dialed '911.' When the operator answered, she quickly gave her the needed details and returned to Buffy, placing her hand on the wound, applying the much needed pressure. And she waited for the ambulance.
Xander and Anya ran into the waiting room. They were met by Willow, Tara, and Dawn.
"How is she?" Xander asked desperately.
Willow relayed the news, "The doctor told me she's fine. They gave her a transfusion and she's resting. They want to keep her overnight for observation."
"Where's Spike?" Anya asked.
"What happened?" Xander asked.
"I don't know. Tara and I forgot a few charms, so I went to pick them up. I found her, unconscious. Vampire." Willow looked to Anya, "I don't know where Spike is."
"Vampire?" Xander repeated, "But that doesn't make any sense. I mean, the only vamp with an invitation is - Oh, God."
"What?" Dawn asked.
"Oh, please, don't tell me it's true."
"What?!" Dawn repeated.
"Spike. Spike did this."
"What the hell are you talking about? Spike wouldn't do this. He loves her. He loves us," Dawn said.
Tara didn't want to believe Xander either, but- "Dawnie, it's the only explanation."
"No, it's not. You're wrong."
Xander spoke, getting angry and not paying any mind to the pain his words were casing Dawn, "Damnit! I *knew* it was a mistake to take that chip out of his head. We should have just let it kill him."
"You don't mean that," Dawn said, "He's my friend."
"He's a murderer, Dawn. Look at what he almost did to your sister!"
"We don't know if he *did* do that!"
Anya leaned closer to Xander, "She's right, Xander. We don't know anything. You're just guessing, jumping to conclusions. For all we know, Spike could be out trying to find whoever *did* do this."
"Well, I hope for his sake, you're right."
*****
I did it. I did the unthinkable. God, why couldn't I be strong enough to battle my demon's bloodlust? Why? Why did I do it? I love her. I don't want to kill her.
Every time I close my eyes, I see her on the floor. Unconscious. Dying. From my bite. And I tremble every time I think about how it felt to have her life's blood draining into my throat. And I hate myself more every time I think about how much I liked it. How I wanted to finish it. Make her mine forever with a kiss.
Why am I feeling like this? I can't remember ever feeling so weak against my demon even during my worst times. I've always been able to control it. Why isn't this the same? Why am I a slave to it?
I can't go back to Sunnydale. Not after....what I did. I can't risk it again. I love her too much. I love Dawn too much. To put them through that again. I was a fool to think I could reign my bloodlust in when this started. A bloody fool.
I know I'll never see them again. It's best that way. And it kills a part of me every time I think about it. I'll never see her smile. Hear her laugh. Watch her fight. Feel her. Never again. But...I want to try to live the way she would have liked me to. I need to.
*****
Buffy opened her eyes and groaned when the harsh white lights hurt her eyes, causing her to close them again.
"Buffy?" Xander asked.
"Spike?" she whispered, keeping her eyes closed.
"No," Dawn said.
She opened her eyes and started to site up. But she moved too fast and suddenly felt dizzy. She laid back down.
"What happened? Where am I?" she asked.
Xander pressed the button on the side of the bed to raise the head slightly.
Tara explained, "You're in the hospital, Buffy. But don't worry, it's only for one night. You-you were attacked. Willow found you. Vampire."
Buffy's hand flew to her neck. It was covered in white gauze. Then the memory slowly came as the fuzziness faded. No. That couldn't be. Spike. Spike'd never...
"Spike? Where is he?" she asked.
"We don't know. Willow said he wasn't at the house when she found you," Dawn said.
Buffy nodded. No, of course, he wasn't there. He knew better than to stay...
"Buffy, what the hell happened?" Xander asked.
She looked at her hands in her lap. "I-I don't remember," she lied.
She couldn't tell him. Or anyone. They'd try to stake him. She couldn't deal with that. Not right now.
"You sure?" Xander prodded. "Buffy, try to remember. Did Spike-"
"Xander," Willow and Anya warned.
He ignored them, "Did Spike attack you?"
"I can't. Not right now. Xander, please, just drop it," Buffy pleaded.
He saw the tears in her eyes. That was enough for his answer.
"I'll kill him," he vowed.
"Xander, please. He didn't mean to-"
"Did mean to what, Buffy? Didn't mean to sink his fangs in you? Buffy, he could have killed you," Xander admonished.
"But he didn't, okay? Something made him stop. He couldn't...couldn't finish."
"But, Buffy-"
"Please, can you just drop it? For now, at least? I'm tired. Please, just leave me alone."
Tara intervened before Xander could speak, "Okay. Buffy, you get some sleep. We'll be by in the morning to pick you up, okay?"
Buffy nodded and Tara herded everyone out.
Spike stood in front of the Hyperion. Home of Angel Investigations. He made it to Los Angeles in record time. When he left Sunnydale, he had been so sure as he fled here. But, as he stood here, he felt more and more insecure. The last time he and Angel met, they didn't part of the best of terms, what, with the whole torture and Gem of Amara bit. He also had absolutely no idea if Angel was aware of his situation and new life, so to speak. Did Angel even know he worked with the Scoobies? Or did?
Deciding it best not to stall any further, he walked up to the steps and opened the door.
He found the lobby empty. Now he felt himself getting nervous again. He feared he'd chicken out. Then he heard it.
Footsteps coming down the stairs. Angel's footsteps. He waited until Angel was in the room. Then he faced him, his expression one of pure desperation.
"How do you do it?"
End Part Four
A/N: I'm thinking of putting this story on the back burner (again) and focus my attention on "Within My Heart Are Memories" and possibly a continuation of my short fic "Save Me." If you want me to finish this story now, let me know. And I will. :)
