A/N: Everything is at the end of the 9th part.
Part Eight
The force of Angel's blow sent Spike flying into the wall behind him. As the blond vampire slid to the ground, Angel approached him.
"You son of a bitch!" Angel seethed as he kicked Spike in the side.
Spike grunted and Cordelia and Lorne, who had hurried outside after the first punch, rushed to his side.
"Angel, stop it!" Cordy ordered as he managed to get another good kick in.
The brunette vampire shot death glares at his grandchilde, "This bastard almost killed Buffy! Admitted his own damned self."
"Yes, I'm quite aware of that. But, remember, he came here for help, not to be beaten to a bloody pulp."
Lorne looked at the fallen vamp who was wiping the blood from his lips, "Are you okay?"
"Peachy," Spike muttered, getting to his feet.
"Okay," Cordy said, "Now, can we maybe try to discuss this like adults?"
Angel growled, "What is there to discuss? He attacked Buffy and for that he should be staked."
Cordy sighed, "You can be so-"
Spike interrupted her, though, "You don't think I know that? God, I mean, Buffy trusted and loved me enough to let me into not only her life but her bed and heart. And the first thing I did was betray that. So, thank you, Angelus for the reprimand, but I was pretty much punishing myself before you even got your shot in." And with that, Spike left the courtyard.
Cordelia turned to Angel, crossing her arms and glaring at him.
"What?" he asked as if he had no idea.
She just rolled her eyes and scoffed, leaving the two males alone, following Spike.
Angel turned to Lorne, "What?"
Lorne sighed, "Angel Cakes, whenever Buffy's concerned, you have a tendency to act first without thinking. You don't know the whole situation, but that doesn't stop you from playing the big strapping hero." He shrugged, "Also, I think your desire to protect Buffy has Cordelia a little jealous."
"Why on earth would Cordy be jealous? She knows I'd do the same for her."
"Does she?"
Cordelia entered the lobby to the sounds of Spike rummaging through the mini refrigerator in the office. She calmly walked to the counter and leaned over, watching the blond vampire.
He growled in frustration. Standing up, he said, "Don't you white hats ever have anything good?"
"Wanna talk about it?" Cordelia asked.
Spike growled again, "And that's another thing. Why do you good guys always want to talk about things?"
Cordy shrugged, "But from what I hear, you could count yourself as one of the good guys."
He shot her a look, "Don't insult me. And, no, I don't want to talk about it. I'm through bloody talking about it. Talking never seems to get you anywhere."
Cordy shrugged again, "Talking always seems to help me."
"Well, good for you."
She sighed, "But doesn't having someone listen to your problems and give you advice help you?"
He shook his head, "Nope. Not really."
"Well, could you just try and humor me. I feel very advice-"givey" tonight."
Spike sighed and moved to sit on the red seat in the middle of the lobby.
"It started about two years ago-"
Cordelia interrupted, "And, lately, he's always been telling me that he loves me. And I believe him, but..."
Spike tried to continue, "I didn't want to fall in love with her, but-"
"And he's always going on and on about how he's finally getting over Buffy and I believe him then, too."
"And then she finally told me she loved me-"
"But, then, of course, when we're finally getting comfortable with each other, you show up."
Spike sighed, giving up. No point in trying to talk if she was going to keep interrupting.
"And Angel, of course, can't hurry fast enough to protect his soul mate," she said this word with disgust, "and leave me out to dry. And I can't help but feel like I'll always come in second whenever she's involved. He'll always love her first and foremost. And I can't help but feel like a consolation prize. Since he can't have Buffy, he'll just have to settle for me. I don't know how much more of that I can take."
During her tirade, she flopped down next to the vampire.
"You know you're not a consolation prize, Cordy," Angel said from behind.
Surprised, Cordelia stood to look at him. She wrapped her arms around herself protectively and almost defiantly. "Really? Could of fooled me," she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Cordelia Chase, you know I love you with my entire heart and soul. I've proven it in more than one way."
She couldn't help blushing slightly, remembering some on the ways he proved it.
He continued, "And, sure, I'll always hold a certain love for Buffy, but it'll never be what it once was. I know that. *You* know that. Buffy and I have both moved on. We lead completely different lives now. You are the one for me now. No one else."
Spike adverted his eyes as the two lovers make up. It made his heart ache. He wanted to go back to Sunnydale, but he couldn't. He blew it.
God, he missed her.
How he wanted to just be able to go back to Sunnydale, give a long apology, explaining his action. Then have her forgive him. After that he'd sweep her off her feet and they'd spend the rest of the night together.
But he couldn't do that. If it wasn't Buffy, it'd be one of her friends that'd drive the stake through his unbeating heart.
Lorne sat down next to him, "You can have that, too, you know."
Spike laughed, "Sure, I can. When hell freezes over, ya mean."
Lorne sighed, "Why do you do this to yourself?"
The vampire shrugged and absently noticed Angel and Cordelia were no longer present. Great. "I don't know what you're talking about."
Spike's denial sent the green reader into even deeper frustration. "This constant self-deprecation you seem to indulge yourself in. Why do you do it?"
Spike squirmed in his seat. did he really hove to bring this up? "I am not self-deprecating."
It was Lorne's turn to laugh, "Spike, Sweet Cheeks, I hate to tell you this, but you are the most self-deprecating man I've met. You even have Angel beat."
"You forget. I'm not a man. I'm a demon, remember?" he said without thinking.
"That! Right there! You constantly fall into that."
Spike stood suddenly and began to pace, "Yeah? So, what? All of it's true, too."
"Is it true because everyone used to tell you that?"
"It's true because it just it. I *am* an evil, soulless thing. I've killed thousands of innocent people and you know what I feel? Absolutely nothing. I don't feel guilt or remorse. I'm incapable. I don't have a soul."
"And yet, here you are, beating yourself up because you, a vampire, did what happens to be natural instinct for a member of...your kind."
"Because I love her! And I made a promise that Id never hurt her. And I told her that I had change. But I didn't. I can't."
"Haven't you, though? William, only two years ago, you wanted nothing more than to see the Slayer dead. And now? You love her. You love her sister. You care about her friends."
"But it's not enough! I still have the demon inside of me. And it will always be screaming to be let out, to relieve its bloodlust. And I don't know when the next time I'll lose control again. Could be with any of the Scoobies, or, God forbid, Buffy again, or Dawn. It's a risk I'm not sure I can take."
"But isn't love the willingness to take those risks? Let's look at Angel and Cordy."
Spike scowled and his grandsire's name.
Lorne smirked, "I know. You really don't want to. But look at them. They know his soul isn't a permanent thing. Neither know when or if he'll lose it. But both are willing to take the risk and be together. And that's something you should be willing to do with Buffy. You should enjoy your time together. Cherish it."
Spike looked around the empty room, "So I should risk the pain and fear?"
Lorne nodded.
"Are you also trying to tell me that I should go back to Sunnydale despite the fact I could be residing inside a Hoover before I even open my mouth?"
The green demon grinned, "That's *exactly* what I'm saying! Now, let's see, if we leave now, we should be able to make it before sunrise."
"Whoa! Whoa! We? Now?"
"Of course. I'm going with you. How else am I going to know what happened?"
"Uh, ever heard of a telephone?"
Lorne ignore him, "And now, because, otherwise, you'll probably chicken out."
Spike looked offended.
Lorne motion to Spike, "Now, let us be on our way."
"Right this very instant...Fine. But shouldn't we let the...lovely couple know?"
Lorne just shrugged, "Go ahead if you really don't mind disturbing them."
Spike's face contorted into that of complete and total disgust, "No, thanks."
Throughout the entire day, Buffy's mind continually wandered back to her dream. She knew she worried her friends with her constant zoning out. But she knew her dream was more than just a mere dream; they always were.
And now, she was alone, Dawn was asleep and her friends were either in their room as well or in their own homes. She decided to step outside and sit on the porch. Perhaps star-gazing would pull her mind away from that dream. But she quickly chided herself for believing that. Nope, if anything, sitting alone on the porch would make her think harder about it.
As she stepped out, Buffy noticed a single red rose lying on the ground. Surprised, she bent down to pick it up. She sniffed the sweet rosy smell before looking abound to see if the person who place it there was still near. A slight rustle among the bushes had her attention.
"Hello?" she called out, "Whoever you are, I know you're there, so you might as well just come out."
There was some more slight rustling before the figure stepped out.
"Spike?"
End Part Eight
