Some things that would just want to kill myself

By Eric Bernhardt Bobber

In some ways' I will rant on this story, but bare with me this is my first and not my last. All I write here is mere fiction to you the readers. It probably all started when I was a child. I was always teased and picked on and overall disliked. I had no friends of any kind. When I reached middle school, it had gotten worse. Classmates were all calling me by my last name to make me angry which later on started moments of depression throughout those school years. Later on when I reached High School, things changed a bit. I wasn't being picked on, but a long time of loneliness. I had absolutely no friends. When my freshman year ended, I didn't have a friend. If there was one they didn't say anything. When I got into tenth I noticed some people that might of made good friends, but they never spoke to me very often. I can only think of once or twice they started a conversation with me. That also goes into another thing. No one liked to talk to me. If they had why didn't they? During the end of my tenth grade, I noticed someone that seemed interesting to know and like. After a play I had been a part of a group of people and myself went bowling. We had two groups. One was the one I wanted to be apart of. The other was the one I was bowling with. It was a fun game, but it didn't seem to work well with my social life. When I was being taken home by a friend the other two people who were in there was the person I had found attractive and the other was holding her. At that one point it seemed I just wanted to hop out the door while the car was moving and simply wither away. For the rest of that school year I was at a serious suicidal posture. When I went to an arts festival to help with the curtains and things. A group I would have called friends were their. Though from there own posture they would have never called me a friend. One in that group was the person I liked. When we were sitting down listening to a band playing at the festival I asked her if she was dating the person from before. She simply says but not quote that she likes to flirt. Now from that point it seems "Wow I have a chance to get into a relationship." That was an outright false. I didn't attempt anything. When that school year ended I had not gotten a friend yet again. I had people I would want to consider friends, but they just didn't care. Through the summer of that year I had gotten lonely and inactive except through consumption, which made me severely overweight when school started again. I went into more theatrical classes to try an attempt to get some friends. That failed from this point. I meet up with the group from last year, which had decreased in numbers because of graduates. The play that the school was going to do had auditions soon. I went to the auditions in an attempt to get a part for one reason. To spend time with the person who will be named only as the Goddess of Love. At the auditions I failed to do my monologue twice and did a pathetic improvising, which got me a part only because there were a few number of boys trying out. When I went to the rehearsals I got to talk to her, but not very often. I noticed many times most of the casts were all friends who got hugs and cheers and all of that stuff and yet I saw nothing even a freshman got more attention than I had throughout high school. I didn't attempt anything until a homecoming dance was coming up and I asked her if she would like to go with me. She was going with someone else. Someone else? "Who" I asked in a struggle to know if she was dating. A group and I almost wept in happiness. After a couple of rehearsals I noticed some guy constantly flirting with her. Hugging, grabbing, and just being all over her. My goddess being all flirty with some other guy when I have had none. At that point I would have broken him in half and I probably could with my strength, which I fear the most..