A/N.- Chapter Three in the ENOUGH series.

Disclaimer.- You all should know this belongs to Joss Whedon and the parties involved in getting this show   on the air.

Feedback.- As you wish.

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Decision.

Some tears were still running through his cheeks as he reached his grave. He had been wandering aimessly for the past few hours, and only his sharp survival instinct prevented him from taking a trip in the sunlight. His mind had been fractured, resembling the state in which the slayer had been when her sister had been kidnapped by the hellgod. As he entered his crypt the smell of smoke and burnt wood still pierced his nose. That seemed to snap him a little bit out of his stupor. He reached over for his last bottle of tequila and opened it, drinking a huge amount of it.  He was operating on a basic level, no coherent thoughts running in his mind. There were only random memories, but they were all painful memories. All repetitive in a vicious cycle. Every painful moment in his life was repeated over and over again. Every physical pain and every emotional pain were relived in 3-d and stereo surround.

His parents dying.

Cecily telling him he was beneath her.

Drusilla killing him.

Angelus torturing him all over the years.

Drusilla being hurt in Prague.

The first time he met the blonde slayer.

The piano landing on top of him.

Drusilla leaving him.

The chip in his head.

Every time the scobbies mocked him.

Buffy telling him he was beneath her.

Him telling the slayer he loved her.

Being shut out of Buffy's house.

Joyce dying.

Glory torturing him.

Buffy dying.

Buffy coming back.

Her telling him she was torn from heaven.

Buffy kissing him.

Buffy beating the crap out of him.

Buffy telling him she could never love him.

He stood like that, feeling the pain every time the particular memory came back. When his parents died he couldn't cry because he was the eldest son. He had to remain strong. When Cecily despised him he ran off. Drusilla killing him was final, he blacked out. Angelus tortures had to be met in silence. No screaming. Drusilla's pain had to be soothed and he couldn't crack. No thrill in meeting the slayer, she was a victim. The chip made him a prey instead of a hunter, he had to hide. He had to endure the mocking glares the scoobies gave him. Buffy reopened the old wound of being beneath someone, so he cried. When he told the slayer he loved her she banished him from her life.  The only woman who cared for him died. The physical pain of Glory's torture, nothing Angelus did was near to this. Buffy died and another woman he loved dissappeared. He felt despair when she was denied her peace, the final reward, by being torn from heaven. And then he felt his personal heaven when she kissed him and they shagged. But all that joy crumbled when she cut him off again.

And the circle renewed one more time.

He endured all of the pain and sad memories, but the thing that was tearing him apart was the point when he was with Buffy, in his most joyous moment, and then she'd move on and kick him down.

His hands ran through his hair and he contemplated the possibility of suicide. There had to be a place better than this, even hell. But then again, this was his hell. He was damned and he began paying even here in life. Maybe it was all a twisted game and he had been killed as soon as he was sired and this was his hell. Cursed to love and never be loved back. To be hurt over and over again.

There had to be a way out of this. He had have a few years of contempt. When Angelus and Darla parted ways and there were only Drusilla and him. A little time when he did what he wanted when he wanted and with whom he wanted. He had been able to be free from Angelus influence. He had have Drusilla all for himself. He had been respected and he had been powerful. Most of all, he had no care in the world.

He wanted that back. He wanted his small amount of peace. It hadn't been the killing, or the violence. He had been contempt. He was happy.

Now he was everything but happy.

He tried to recall something good that had happened in his life. But there was nothing. Nothing beautiful that would last. There was always something else that would tarnish his happy memory.

There was one thing that kept him from returning to what he was. He thought it was his love for Buffy but that seemed to be worthless. He was worthless at the point. He had to remedy that.

In his present state there was only one thing that made sense. Only one thing could help him be the vampire he once was. And he had an idea of how to accomplish his goal.

The chip had to go out.

End of chapter.