Wilson arrives at 5:30 to pick up Mary. When they get into his car, Wilson leans over and kisses her. He can sense that she is not OK.
"What's wrong?"
"Well, uh, let's just say that today was difficult for me. I completely reverted back to the way I was 6 months ago. It was really pathetic." Mary starts to get choked up over the subject, and becomes teary eyed. "I thought I was over this. I thought I was OK. But I'm not. I'm not OK."
Mary is now in Wilson's arms, bawling her eyes out. She pulls away and he dries her eyes with his fingers.
"No one is forcing you to be over this. I knew today was going to be tough for you, but its not that bad. You made it out of the house, that's a big step."
"We're only in the driveway."
"So?"
Mary laughs, and kisses Wilson's lips.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"No, it's alright. Let's just go."
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
"Wait, where are we going?"
"Anywhere, it doesn't matter to me."
"Did you eat anything today?"
"You know me to well."
"It was just a feeling I had, considering how your day went. It's your pick then. Where to?"
"Dairy Shack for a burger?"
"Sounds fine to me."
After they had gone five minutes down the road, they are stopped at a stoplight. Wilson turns to Mary and notices that she is not focused.
"You still with me?"
"Huh? Yeah, sorry."
"You have to stop apologizing to me."
"Fine."
The light changes and Wilson continues to drive. 30 seconds later, they pull into the parking lot and go inside. They get their food and sit down at a booth. He notices that Mary is only picking at her food, and not really eating it.
"Eat."
"I am."
"No your not."
"Fine." She takes a big bite out of her hamburger.
Wilson grabs Mary's hand in his. "Mare, its me. Calm down, your so tense."
"Sorry, I can't help it. I've put my wall back up. It'll come down, don't worry."
"Good. Do you still want to go somewhere and talk? If you don't, that's fine. If it's too much for you I'll understand."
"I still want to talk to you."
"OK, that's fine."
Mary sets her hamburger down on her plate and aimlessly tears apart the bun. Wilson grabs her hand. She continues to stare down at her plate.
"Mare, listen to me. I'm worried about you. You're not eating again and you seem so upset. Are you sure you're OK?"
"Alright, I'm not OK. But I don't want to discuss it here."
"Fine, we can go eat in the car."
They pick up their food and get back into Wilson's "Volvo". They both climb into the back seat and sit facing each other.
"I'm not going to force you to tell me anything, but what do you want me to do? I'll do whatever you want me to if it will help."
Mary shifts her position so that she is lying against Wilson. He puts his arm around her and she grabs his hand.
"Your easy to please."
"In more ways then one."
Wilson raises and eyebrow and smiles. "Your back. I knew it wouldn't take much."
Mary laughs and sits up. "What time did you tell the babysitter you'd be back?"
"Between 11 and one."
"That's a pretty big gap."
"Depending how you were feeling-"
Mary glances down at her watch and sees that it is only 7:00. "Well, the night is young. I don't feel like talking in the parking lot, though."
"Me either. Where's that big make-out spot?"
"You mean McArthur's Point?"
"Yeah, that's the one."
"Up the street, turn left at the light."
"OK, let's go."
They arrive there and begin to talk.
"So, you pick- your problems or sex."
"There's a sentence I never thought I'd here." Wilson laughs. "Hmm…that's a tough one. Talking about myself will be easier."
"Ok."
"Though I have to admit that today was pretty bad, the thing that kept me going was you. Knowing I was going to see you allowed me to function. I know I wasn't very nice to you before, and I apologize. I should talk to you when something bothers me, not yell at you. None of this is your fault, and I shouldn't take this out on you. I'm feeling a lot better though, honest. It still hurts, but it seems like it was so long ago. Tomorrow is another day, one that does not mean anything special, except if you count the minor stuff, and life will go on. I'm better, really, and I owe it all to you."
She leans over and kisses his lips gently before lying back down.
"I want you to know that you did this all by yourself. I didn't help you that much; I just stood by you. Those are two completely different things. I love you with all of my heart, Mare, and I'd never think of leaving you, especially when you need me to stay."
He can feel the tension run from her body as she relaxes in his arms. "I love you too Wilson, more then you'll ever know. You're my everything, and nothing is ever going to change that."
He kisses the top of her head, savoring the sweet aroma of her herbal shampoo. This feels so right. I can't risk losing her, ever.
After the joy subsides, Mary speaks.
"Wilson, I have a problem. I was wondering if you could help me."
"I'll try."
"See, I want to talk to you, but I don't want to move from the way we are right now. Whatever shall I do?"
"That's tricky. Maybe we could try talking like this."
"Great idea."
They both laugh at the remarks, then turn their tone serious for their talk. Not knowing what to say, Mary let's out a nervous laugh.
"This is stupid. We can't just talk about sex in general. That would take forever,"
"You're right. So let's narrow it down a little bit."
Mary retakes Wilson hand. "Let's talk about us having sex." She feels no signs of apprehension from him, but even more surprisingly none form herself. She never was extremely comfortable talking about sex, but it didn't seem so embarrassing with Wilson. Everything was calm, and it seemed that nothing could go wrong.
"Okay, um, well, how do I put this? You know how much I care about you, but I don't want to make the same mistake twice. And you're still only 18, you're so young."
"You're only 20."
"Yeah, but I'm an old 20."
"I guess. And I can honestly say that no matter what my head is telling me, I am not ready to have a child. It's too much responsibility for me to handle. I have a hard enough time trying to take care of myself."
Wilson laughs.
"But if that wasn't an issue, would you want to?"
"Even though you think this is what you want, I don't think that you are using your best judgment. I wouldn't want to take advantage of you in any way."
"Why would you be taking advantage of me?"
"Because you're still going through all of this. It might seem like the right thing at the time, but in retrospect it probably won't seem like a good idea."
"But I think it is."
"That's not my only reason I wouldn't. I don't want a physical relationship with you, I mean, not that physical. I thought about this for a while, and I think that if we do have sex, it would ruin our relationship. Like right now, we're talking. I love talking with you. I just don't think our relationship would have made it through things of the caliber of the things we went through in the past if we got intimate."
"But our relationship is semi-physical now."
"Yeah, but-"
"I know."
"Good. What I want to know is whatever happened to waiting until marriage."
"I don't know. It doesn't seem that important anymore. I have to admit, though, that things are pretty messed up in my head right now. I don't have a clear answer to anything anymore."
"Well, if I had to guess why your doing this, I would say its because you've tried it now. But if I were you, I think I'd be too afraid to do it again."
"I am scared, you saw how I acted on Sunday. It doesn't mean I don't want to though. Even though I was brought up not to, I've thought about it for years."
Wilson chuckles.
"What's so funny?"
"Nothing. Its just that you do seem like someone who thinks about it all the time."
"Well not all of the time, just a lot of the time."
This time they both laugh.
"Seriously though. I can honestly say that I can picture myself with you, when the time is right."
"Same here. The hard part is telling when the right time is."
"Tell me about it. Do you think we'll ever get to the point in our relationship where we can tell when the right time is?"
"I hope so, Mare. I really do."
They talk for another two hours, and then fall asleep in each other's arms. Wilson wakes up at 10:30, and Mary is still in a deep sleep. Wilson maneuvers himself from under her and gets back into the front seat of the car. He drives back to Mary's house, but parks on the street, not in the driveway. He goes back into the backseat and shakes her awake. She opens her eyes and smiles at the sight of his face.
"I drove you home. Its 10:30."
She sits up and rubs her eyes. "Sit."
Wilson sits down next to her, as she snuggles into the side of his body.
"Wilson," she mumbles, still not fully awake. "I love you."
"I love you too Mary. Sleep, you're tired."
"No, I'm up, I'm up. Its not nice to sleep through our date." She opens her eyes fully and gazes up at him. "Don't go. Don't leave me. I want to stay with you, you know that feeling?"
"Yeah, I have it every time at look at you."
Mary's heart is warmed by his comment. "How did our relationship get this deep this fast?"
"I don't know. Maybe it's all of the stuff we've had to deal with together."
"Maybe. Do you think it's too overwhelming?"
"Not at all. Why, do you?"
"No. I just don't want to be scaring you away, that's all."
"Believe me, you're not. Nothing could scare me away at this point."
"Where do we go from here then Wilson?"
"What do you mean?"
"What's the next step? Is there a next step?"
"Well, why don't we just take it slow."
"As long as things stay like this I have no problem with it."
"Have you ever thought about, um, never mind."
"No, tell me."
"Have you ever considered spending the rest of our lives together?"
"You mean marriage?"
"Yes."
"Yeah, I have thought about it. But to be completely honest with you, I never let my mind wander too far."
"Oh, okay. Because before when I fell asleep, I had this dream, and it was," Mary struggles through the topic, "really nice. I don't know, I'm not saying that that's what I feel the next step is, but it is a step, one worth at least considering."
"I agree. I'll give it some thought."
"Me, too."
Wilson hates lying to Mary. He wonders if she can tell that he has been lying through his teeth about the whole marriage thing. He has been thinking about it, for 2 months now, but hasn't really come to a conclusion. Now, as they sit there together holding each other like they have so many times in the past, he has finally reached a decision.
"You should get home to Billy. It's costing you six bucks an hour to sit here with me and do nothing."
"I like sitting here with you. I'll stay for a little longer."
"Okay, I'd like that."
There is silence as they both think.
"Look, if I did anything to make you think I'm trying to rush into something, I'm not."
"I don't think that. I'm glad that you brought it up."
"Really?"
"Yeah, really. I gained some perspective."
Mary completely misses Wilson's hint. She looks down and notices that Wilson's hand is nonchalantly at his thigh, in an open fist. She takes her pointer and places it inside, and his fingers gently tighten around hers. Her eyes start to get teary, and she rubs them with her free hand.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I'm fine."
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
"OK." Wilson looks down at his watch. "You're tired, it's late, I think I will go now, all right?"
"Five more minutes?"
"You look exhausted though."
"I am a little tired, but I really don't want you to leave. I wish I could go back with you or you could stay at my house with me, or something." Mary's voice gets quiet. "My heart breaks every time you leave me."
"I know. I don't like to leave you either. But you've had a long day. You should sleep. And I do have to get home to Billy."
"You're right, I'm being selfish."
Wilson kisses her lips tenderly. "I like it when you're selfish. I get to spend more time with you then."
Mary smiles. "So, what re you're plans for tomorrow?"
"Well, uh, I have one thing I have to do, but besides that nothing."
"Great. I guess you could leave then, since I'm going to see you tomorrow."
Wilson smiles. "Ok."
They kiss passionately until they run out of air. They both gasp for their breath as Mary leans in for another kiss. Wilson puts his fingers to her lips, stopping her.
"Good night." He kisses her cheek softly.
"I love you."
"I love you, too. I'll call you tomorrow."
"I'll be waiting."
Wilson starts up the car and drives down the street. Mary just stands there, staring at him. Her eyes cannot leave his face, and her gaze follows the car until it is out of sight. I'll see him tomorrow. I can wait until then. I just wish I didn't have to.
