AN: This chap's about Rory. It's a bit like a separate mini-songfic. Hope
it makes sense/
Part Three ~ Smart Enough To Know
***
I used to be so happy I could smile
And everything seemed to work out
Now my eyes are starting to close down
I can see you again in my dreams
You're starring my lost and lonely friend
***
Rory Gilmore didn't know how her life had gotten to be like this. How she'd gone from being a relatively happy teenager with a stable life, good grades, great boyfriend and all the rest to being such a mess.
It was 4:45 am and Rory had gotten very little sleep since speaking to her dad the night before about moving to Boston. After putting aside her anger at Christopher for taking off in the middle of Sookie's wedding she'd been happy, more for her mom's sake than anything, that he had returned. When Boston was mentioned she'd been put off at first. There was enough turmoil in her life as it was without having to make a choice like that. But Rory had finally come to a decision. She decided it was exactly what she needed right now. A change.
She was staying with her Grandparents in Hartford because she wasn't ready to go home just yet.
Rory thought she needed some time and space to think, but maybe she thought too much. She thought about the mess with Jess and Dean, which lead, for some inexplicable reason to thinking about Tristan, whom she hadn't seen for nearly a year. Rory guessed it was because they were the only three guys who'd mattered in her life. The ones she'd loved. Was it possible to love more than one person at once? Was it possible to have been in love three times by the age of seventeen? Did she even know what love was?
Rory had professed to be in love with Dean. Her solid, dependable boyfriend; the first boy she kissed.
Was it love when someone made you a car?
***
What do you say, when words are not enough?
Too few won't sum it up, too many's just too much
I've read all the signs, but still don't know the way
I could try and lead you there, but I'd just lead you astray
Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies
If you wanna be with me, cos the truth would set you free
Don't look too closely or you'll see my disguise
I saw the love between us die, but I'm not ready for goodbye
Don't ask for more
Cos what you're searching for, you won't find at my door
***
Now Rory was talking to herself. Not to herself, per se, although there was no one else in the room. She was talking to the tall, dark-haired boy in her mind, practicing how to tell Dean that she was moving to Boston. She already knew how he'd respond. He'd be mad, but pretend he wasn't, he'd insist on attempting a futile long-distance relationship. And when she'd explain why it wouldn't work he'd say how much he loved and would miss her.
In many ways Rory didn't want to break up with Dean. Their relationship made sense. Things with him were simple, predictable and safe. But Rory wanted more than that.
And she wanted to be the one to leave this time. Rory was sick of people taking off and leaving her hurt and confused. Her dad, constantly coming and going, Jess disappearing to New York, Tristan being sent to military school.
***
So rather than being kicked around
I'm gonna kick you to the kerb
So rather than being pushed around
I'm gonna push you away first
So rather than trying to protect you
I'm gonna cover my bases first
So rather than trying to open my heart
I'm gonna lock it with a key
So that only the special ones
Can ever get through to me
***
She had to protect her heart while there was still something left. A part of it had died the day Tristan left. Rory never admitted it to anyone, barely even to herself. She'd never let it show, but it was there. She had cared. Too much for her own good. Rory would catch herself thinking about him, daydreaming, wishing things were different, wondering what might have been.
***
Every last goodbye
Lasts until long after it's been said
And so many times
I think of the words that I
Should have used instead
But I can hold on to this
Close my eyes dream
Picture the things I miss
***
Despite his relentless teasing and tormenting her, Rory missed Tristan. Everything from the way he wore the school uniform to the glint in his eye when he spoke to her.
He was so infuriating, yet Rory loved the way he made her FEEL. There was an undeniable spark between them, something she never got with Dean. But just when Rory would be ready to give in to the chemistry he'd flirt with some other girl and she would feel a strange and unwelcome feeling in the pit of her stomach. Jealousy.
Was it love when you felt a physical ache watching them with someone else?
***
Every day's a contradiction, partly truth and partly fiction
Some wounds not even time can heal
You know you should walk before you learn to run
Take a little time to become the one you tried so hard to conceal
But tonight I'm in some kind of trace and it won't let go
Tonight just a sideways glance and I lose control
I don't wanna want you, even though I want to
I don't wanna want you tonight
***
She didn't know why she'd fallen for him. He was everything she didn't want in a guy, but Rory couldn't ignore what she felt. Even months later she would still occasionally catch herself remembering a particular moment they shared. The kiss at Madeleine's party was a favourite, but right now it was 'Romeo and Juliet' that stuck in her mind. It figured they'd been doing the death scene. That made it somehow appropriate that he'd had to leave before their highly anticipated stage kiss.
So Tristan had taken a little bit of her heart with him to military school and left an inkling of doubt in her mind as to what he was doing with Dean. But Dean was a great boyfriend, apart from his jealous streak. He was caring and dependable. Unfortunately he was also boring. He was too damn nice. What was here obsession with bad boys? First Tristan, now Jess. She was sure there was a psychological explanation for it somewhere, making up for her 'good girl' image.
"Hey Juliet," a voice from outside interrupted her thoughts.
Great, Rory thought, now she wasn't just daydreaming, she was hallucinating as well.
"Juliet!" the voice called again and a rock hit the French doors leading out to the balcony, "come on, Rory, open up."
No way, Rory thought. Slightly dazed, she opened the doors and peered over the balcony railing, half-expecting to see Tristan standing below.
But it was Jess who had been calling out to her.
"Jess!" Rory hissed, "what are you doing here?"
"I was in the neighbourhood, thought I'd say hi." He climbed a tree and joined her on the balcony.
"In the neighbourhood?" Rory repeated.
"Yeah, it's such a nice neighbourhood to take a walk in."
"Now's not really a good time," Rory told him.
"Sorry, but I figured this way you couldn't avoid me. You skipped town so fast.." Jess trailed off.
***
When I wake up, it's in my head
I don't need to take it with me to bed
When you come round, just let me be
I don't need to hear it from you, you see
I don't wanna know about love
***
What did he want her to say? Rory wondered. Explain why she kissed him? Admit she was attracted to him?
"I don't know what to say," Rory admitted.
"About what?" Jess asked.
"About why you're here."
"Why am I here?" Jess asked innocently.
Fine, she didn't want to talk about it either. Rory remained silent.
"Just say anything," Jess suggested.
"I might be moving to Boston."
"Oh."
They just sat on the balcony together for a while, each lost in their own thoughts.
"You better go," Rory said finally.
"Okay, I'll see you round," Jess replied casually.
He turned around just before climbing back down the tree, "hey let me know when you find the best bookstore in Boston. I might see you there some day," Jess hinted.
Was it love when you'd follow each other anywhere?
***
So I keep watch and you keep breaking
Breaking formation to become someone else
And your eyes become corridors
Where I wander, with a candle, calling out to you
And you only hide, because you know I'll find you
You say you just wanna feel the way you used to feel
The way you should feel
And I wander, I wander through the lost city of you
And you only hide because you know I'll find you
***
Well that was an articulate conversation, Rory thought sarcastically.
But it didn't matter what they did or didn't talk about, she felt connected with Jess on a deeper level than anyone before. Despite obvious differences, they had a lot in common - books, music, absent fathers. But Rory was confused. She didn't want to deal with those feelings right now.
Rory wanted to run. Maybe it was a cop out, taking the easy road without really facing the issues, but she wanted a fresh start. She was tired of everyone else dictating who she was and what she was like.
***
Blow the candles out
Raise a glass to the night
Let all the tension out
You've been wound up so tight
It's a tender track
To plan ahead all the time
If you measure the world
By what you leave behind
***
And she wanted a chance to see her parents together. In that respect Rory felt like a little lost girl. She just hoped Chris would stick around long enough for it to work. Things had been good growing up with her mom and now Rory wanted Lorelai to be happy and have everything she'd sacrificed to raise her.
As much as she loved living in Stars Hollow, and all their friends there, Rory knew she could bear to leave. What might have once freaked her out completely didn't seem like a big deal. After all, she's be going to college in a year anyway. After seventeen years in the once place Rory felt grown up and ready to move on. From everything and everyone.
Maybe she would meet someone new in Boston. Maybe one day she'd meet one of her first loves again. Rory didn't know, but she didn't really care either. She was prepared to take the chance.
She knew things couldn't go back to the way they were before. You could only move forward. And that was what she was gonna do.
Rory picked up the phone.. "Hi Mom.."
* Lyrics borrowed from: The Whitlams, Abby Dobson, George, Butterfly 9, Chiara Brown, Wicked Beat Sound System, Something for Kate, Powderfinger. If you've never heard of any of them it's cos they're all Aussie. I think we have some talent down here, hidden among the kangaroos.
Part Three ~ Smart Enough To Know
***
I used to be so happy I could smile
And everything seemed to work out
Now my eyes are starting to close down
I can see you again in my dreams
You're starring my lost and lonely friend
***
Rory Gilmore didn't know how her life had gotten to be like this. How she'd gone from being a relatively happy teenager with a stable life, good grades, great boyfriend and all the rest to being such a mess.
It was 4:45 am and Rory had gotten very little sleep since speaking to her dad the night before about moving to Boston. After putting aside her anger at Christopher for taking off in the middle of Sookie's wedding she'd been happy, more for her mom's sake than anything, that he had returned. When Boston was mentioned she'd been put off at first. There was enough turmoil in her life as it was without having to make a choice like that. But Rory had finally come to a decision. She decided it was exactly what she needed right now. A change.
She was staying with her Grandparents in Hartford because she wasn't ready to go home just yet.
Rory thought she needed some time and space to think, but maybe she thought too much. She thought about the mess with Jess and Dean, which lead, for some inexplicable reason to thinking about Tristan, whom she hadn't seen for nearly a year. Rory guessed it was because they were the only three guys who'd mattered in her life. The ones she'd loved. Was it possible to love more than one person at once? Was it possible to have been in love three times by the age of seventeen? Did she even know what love was?
Rory had professed to be in love with Dean. Her solid, dependable boyfriend; the first boy she kissed.
Was it love when someone made you a car?
***
What do you say, when words are not enough?
Too few won't sum it up, too many's just too much
I've read all the signs, but still don't know the way
I could try and lead you there, but I'd just lead you astray
Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies
If you wanna be with me, cos the truth would set you free
Don't look too closely or you'll see my disguise
I saw the love between us die, but I'm not ready for goodbye
Don't ask for more
Cos what you're searching for, you won't find at my door
***
Now Rory was talking to herself. Not to herself, per se, although there was no one else in the room. She was talking to the tall, dark-haired boy in her mind, practicing how to tell Dean that she was moving to Boston. She already knew how he'd respond. He'd be mad, but pretend he wasn't, he'd insist on attempting a futile long-distance relationship. And when she'd explain why it wouldn't work he'd say how much he loved and would miss her.
In many ways Rory didn't want to break up with Dean. Their relationship made sense. Things with him were simple, predictable and safe. But Rory wanted more than that.
And she wanted to be the one to leave this time. Rory was sick of people taking off and leaving her hurt and confused. Her dad, constantly coming and going, Jess disappearing to New York, Tristan being sent to military school.
***
So rather than being kicked around
I'm gonna kick you to the kerb
So rather than being pushed around
I'm gonna push you away first
So rather than trying to protect you
I'm gonna cover my bases first
So rather than trying to open my heart
I'm gonna lock it with a key
So that only the special ones
Can ever get through to me
***
She had to protect her heart while there was still something left. A part of it had died the day Tristan left. Rory never admitted it to anyone, barely even to herself. She'd never let it show, but it was there. She had cared. Too much for her own good. Rory would catch herself thinking about him, daydreaming, wishing things were different, wondering what might have been.
***
Every last goodbye
Lasts until long after it's been said
And so many times
I think of the words that I
Should have used instead
But I can hold on to this
Close my eyes dream
Picture the things I miss
***
Despite his relentless teasing and tormenting her, Rory missed Tristan. Everything from the way he wore the school uniform to the glint in his eye when he spoke to her.
He was so infuriating, yet Rory loved the way he made her FEEL. There was an undeniable spark between them, something she never got with Dean. But just when Rory would be ready to give in to the chemistry he'd flirt with some other girl and she would feel a strange and unwelcome feeling in the pit of her stomach. Jealousy.
Was it love when you felt a physical ache watching them with someone else?
***
Every day's a contradiction, partly truth and partly fiction
Some wounds not even time can heal
You know you should walk before you learn to run
Take a little time to become the one you tried so hard to conceal
But tonight I'm in some kind of trace and it won't let go
Tonight just a sideways glance and I lose control
I don't wanna want you, even though I want to
I don't wanna want you tonight
***
She didn't know why she'd fallen for him. He was everything she didn't want in a guy, but Rory couldn't ignore what she felt. Even months later she would still occasionally catch herself remembering a particular moment they shared. The kiss at Madeleine's party was a favourite, but right now it was 'Romeo and Juliet' that stuck in her mind. It figured they'd been doing the death scene. That made it somehow appropriate that he'd had to leave before their highly anticipated stage kiss.
So Tristan had taken a little bit of her heart with him to military school and left an inkling of doubt in her mind as to what he was doing with Dean. But Dean was a great boyfriend, apart from his jealous streak. He was caring and dependable. Unfortunately he was also boring. He was too damn nice. What was here obsession with bad boys? First Tristan, now Jess. She was sure there was a psychological explanation for it somewhere, making up for her 'good girl' image.
"Hey Juliet," a voice from outside interrupted her thoughts.
Great, Rory thought, now she wasn't just daydreaming, she was hallucinating as well.
"Juliet!" the voice called again and a rock hit the French doors leading out to the balcony, "come on, Rory, open up."
No way, Rory thought. Slightly dazed, she opened the doors and peered over the balcony railing, half-expecting to see Tristan standing below.
But it was Jess who had been calling out to her.
"Jess!" Rory hissed, "what are you doing here?"
"I was in the neighbourhood, thought I'd say hi." He climbed a tree and joined her on the balcony.
"In the neighbourhood?" Rory repeated.
"Yeah, it's such a nice neighbourhood to take a walk in."
"Now's not really a good time," Rory told him.
"Sorry, but I figured this way you couldn't avoid me. You skipped town so fast.." Jess trailed off.
***
When I wake up, it's in my head
I don't need to take it with me to bed
When you come round, just let me be
I don't need to hear it from you, you see
I don't wanna know about love
***
What did he want her to say? Rory wondered. Explain why she kissed him? Admit she was attracted to him?
"I don't know what to say," Rory admitted.
"About what?" Jess asked.
"About why you're here."
"Why am I here?" Jess asked innocently.
Fine, she didn't want to talk about it either. Rory remained silent.
"Just say anything," Jess suggested.
"I might be moving to Boston."
"Oh."
They just sat on the balcony together for a while, each lost in their own thoughts.
"You better go," Rory said finally.
"Okay, I'll see you round," Jess replied casually.
He turned around just before climbing back down the tree, "hey let me know when you find the best bookstore in Boston. I might see you there some day," Jess hinted.
Was it love when you'd follow each other anywhere?
***
So I keep watch and you keep breaking
Breaking formation to become someone else
And your eyes become corridors
Where I wander, with a candle, calling out to you
And you only hide, because you know I'll find you
You say you just wanna feel the way you used to feel
The way you should feel
And I wander, I wander through the lost city of you
And you only hide because you know I'll find you
***
Well that was an articulate conversation, Rory thought sarcastically.
But it didn't matter what they did or didn't talk about, she felt connected with Jess on a deeper level than anyone before. Despite obvious differences, they had a lot in common - books, music, absent fathers. But Rory was confused. She didn't want to deal with those feelings right now.
Rory wanted to run. Maybe it was a cop out, taking the easy road without really facing the issues, but she wanted a fresh start. She was tired of everyone else dictating who she was and what she was like.
***
Blow the candles out
Raise a glass to the night
Let all the tension out
You've been wound up so tight
It's a tender track
To plan ahead all the time
If you measure the world
By what you leave behind
***
And she wanted a chance to see her parents together. In that respect Rory felt like a little lost girl. She just hoped Chris would stick around long enough for it to work. Things had been good growing up with her mom and now Rory wanted Lorelai to be happy and have everything she'd sacrificed to raise her.
As much as she loved living in Stars Hollow, and all their friends there, Rory knew she could bear to leave. What might have once freaked her out completely didn't seem like a big deal. After all, she's be going to college in a year anyway. After seventeen years in the once place Rory felt grown up and ready to move on. From everything and everyone.
Maybe she would meet someone new in Boston. Maybe one day she'd meet one of her first loves again. Rory didn't know, but she didn't really care either. She was prepared to take the chance.
She knew things couldn't go back to the way they were before. You could only move forward. And that was what she was gonna do.
Rory picked up the phone.. "Hi Mom.."
* Lyrics borrowed from: The Whitlams, Abby Dobson, George, Butterfly 9, Chiara Brown, Wicked Beat Sound System, Something for Kate, Powderfinger. If you've never heard of any of them it's cos they're all Aussie. I think we have some talent down here, hidden among the kangaroos.
