PART ONE - 5 YEARS LATER
He knew Jake was somewhere in the crowd, he just couldn't seem to find her. It was ridiculous, really. She shouldn't be the center of attention, but she should be pretty easy to spot. Hamilton scanned the ballroom of Rawley Academy, smiling as he watched the crowd. Scout, all decked out in his tuxedo, was dancing with his date, Caroline Busse. No one had seen that attachment coming, but it made perfect sense. Bella, radiant and stunning tonight, was chatting with her sister, Grace, both of them smiling and giggling like teenagers. Will was...Hamilton shook his head, amused. Will was talking with Ryder, of all people. He'd have to remember to ask about that one.
He left the ballroom and walked down the hall, still searching for Jake. He grinned as he passed the Men's Room. "Somehow, I don't think she's in there this time, Hamilton," he muttered to himself. She wasn't in the billiard room, either, so he made his way to the terrace, taking a deep breath as the summer breeze ruffled his hair. It was a beautiful night. A shadow down by the lake caught his eye and he smiled. "There you are."
Jake heard him coming. Of all the things Hamilton was, silent and subtle were not on the list. She smiled and turned to him as he strolled out onto the dock.
"Bella looks gorgeous tonight, doesn't she?" Jake asked, smiling at Hamilton.
He smiled back. "Yeah, but then, it is her wedding night. I thought girls were supposed to be gorgeous the day they get married."
Jake bit her lip and turned to look out at the dark water. "Yeah. They are. I'm really happy for her and Will." She glanced down at her bridesmaid's dress. "At least she had the good sense not to stick me in something...hot pink and with ruffles and bows in places I don't need ruffles and bows." She sighed softly, glancing up at Hamilton before looking back out at the water.
The breeze ruffled through his hair as he tilted his head, staring at her intently. "Jake...what is it?" Her voice had sounded odd to him, as if she was holding back. She wouldn't look at him, either, and that was most definitely unusual.
"Sorry, Hamilton. I'm just feeling...contemplative. It's one of those quiet moods. Nothing major, I promise."
Her voice was too quiet, Hamilton thought. Like she was trying too hard to convince him. Jake might be enigmatic and quiet at times, but she didn't ordinarily try to cover how she felt. At least, she didn't do that with him. He thought.
"Jake...c'mon...it's me..." his voice faded as she turned to look at him. Her eyes begged him not to push any further; she needed to work through it first. He bit his lip and thought fast. "So...Ryder? Dare I ask why you brought him to Bella and Will's wedding?"
She smiled, silently thanking him for understanding. "He and I ran into each other in this coffee shop in New York. Turns out he's actually a decent guy, once you talk to him. And once I found out about him and Grace, I couldn't resist."
He looked surprised. "Ryder and Grace? Grace Banks? Huh?"
"Yep." Jake grinned triumphantly. "Apparently they dated during his senior year at Rawley. We were just...oblivious." Her smile faded slightly for a moment; she and Hamilton had been breaking up during Ryder's senior year. She caught herself quickly and grinned again. "So what could I do? I had to bring him. I guess they never really got over each other, 'cause when I told Bella and she told Grace, she said Grace's whole face lit up and then sort of fell...I wanted to see what they'd do." She arched an eyebrow. "Considering the way they were staring at each other, I think it worked."
He thought about it for a moment, then nodded. "I think you might be right."
She smiled at him briefly, then turned back to the water, her face pensive once again. He watched her for a moment, biting his lip as he considered his options. Something was bothering her. He just wished... "Jake, what's wrong? Please tell me?"
Her shoulders tensed as her head dropped. "Hamilton, please. It...it's nothing - "
"It's not nothing, Jake," he sighed. "I can see it all over your face. Something's bothering you. Please don't shut me out?" he pleaded softly, moving closer to her.
She looked into his eyes, admitting defeat to herself. She never could resist those clear blue eyes that saw straight past her defenses. To her utter horror, her eyes filled with tears. "I - "
"Jake! Hamilton! There you are!"
Hamilton fought back a groan as Jake turned quickly, wiping her eyes and hiding any evidence. "Scout, what's up, man?" he asked as Scout walked out on the dock.
"We've been looking for you two. Will and Bella are about to leave." Scout looked curiously over at Jake as she straightened and smiled.
"We better go, then...c'mon, boys, wedding party duties await. Let's go see the happy couple off." She walked past Hamilton and Scout towards the Rawley ballroom, smiling and happy, no trace of the pain that had been in her eyes just minutes before.
Hamilton watched, sighing. "Thanks, Scout," he said, rolling his eyes as he followed Jake up the hill, Scout following closely.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Jake surveyed the room. Bella and Will had left a little while ago and the party was finally dying down. The ballroom was filled with their friends and family, all gathered to see a marriage that had been in the making since both the bride and groom had been in diapers. The general consensus was that it was about damn time. The DJ announced the last song, and she grinned as she saw Ryder lead Grace out to the dance floor, both of them smiling nervously.
"Looks like that paid off, huh?" a voice asked from behind her.
"Good God, Hamilton! Don't sneak up on me like that!" She turned to glare at him. She hadn't heard him coming and he'd scared the hell out of her when he spoke. She smiled at him, though, when she saw the apologetic look on his face.
"Sorry," he said sheepishly. "Didn't mean to scare you like that." He smiled and held out his hand. "Can I have the last dance to make up for it?"
She took his hand and smiled. "You don't have to ask, you know. Come on."
He pulled her to the dance floor and they wrapped their arms around each other, moving slowly to the music. Years of familiarity with each other made their movements easy...natural. Jake relaxed in Hamilton's arms and sighed softly, resting her head on his shoulder as some of the day's tension drained away. Here she was safe. In Hamilton's arms, nothing could hurt her. It was...a dangerous thought. She pulled her mind back from where it had been wandering and forced herself to just relax and appreciate what she had in that moment.
Hamilton held her close, one hand sliding down her spine, easing the tension in her back. She thought she could hide from him, but she couldn't. After all the years they'd known each other, he knew every look, every gesture, every sign of what she was feeling.
"I haven't forgotten," he whispered softly in her ear.
Her head snapped up and she stared into his eyes, shocked. "Wh...what?" He couldn't mean what it sounded like he meant...could he?
He looked down at her. "Earlier...on the dock. You were going to tell me what was wrong."
She bit her lip and her eyes slid away from his. "Hamilton, I...I don't think..."
"Jake, please?" He took her chin in one hand and tilted it up so he could look into her eyes. "It's me. I'm your best friend. Please tell me? Let me in?"
She swallowed hard, whispering, "Best friend...I know...and I..." her voice trailed off. What was she supposed to say to him? He was watching her...watching her with those intense blue eyes that never missed anything she tried to hide. This, though, this had to stay hidden. She couldn't afford to lose everything they had.
He watched her carefully; watched her emotions play across her face as they danced. She was trying so hard to hide it from him, but she couldn't. He'd always been able to read her expressions, even when they had been teenagers. Now he held her close while they danced, watching her try to hide from him.
It hurt to know that she was keeping secrets. They had always told each other everything, and the idea that she was hiding something from him made his heart ache. It wasn't like he was Scout...or Ryder...or Will...it was him...Hamilton. He was one half of HamiltonandJake. He swallowed hard. Even after five years, it was hard for him to think of them as Hamilton and Jake, separate people rather than one being. He caught her eyes with his, his breath catching as their gazes locked.
"Jake..." he whispered. He couldn't look away from her. He didn't even realize that they had slowed down so that they were barely even swaying to the music.
She trembled in his arms as they stared at each other. Oh God, she couldn't hide. She was so tired of hiding. The music faded into the background as he pulled her closer. As much as she thought that she should pull away...run as fast as she could in the other direction...she couldn't. She tightened her arms around him as he began to lower his lips to hers, never once breaking their gaze.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, that's the last song of the evening. It's been a pleasure playing for you tonight - for those of you driving home, drive safely!"
Hamilton started, the DJ's voice shattering the moment. He caught a glimpse of Jake's bewildered gaze as she realized what had happened, and his heart fell as her eyes clouded over again, hiding her feelings from him. Damn that DJ, anyway. He had been so close...just a moment longer and it would have been...perfect. He closed his eyes as she stepped back.
"Thanks for the dance, Hamilton," she whispered softly as she pulled out of his arms and turned, her head spinning.
He panicked, grabbing her wrist as she started to walk off, pulling her back to him. He heard her startled gasp, saw the confusion in her eyes and knew that the same feeling was in his gaze.
"Let me take you home," he blurted out. Inwardly, he winced. Smooth, Hamilton, he thought to himself. That was just...brilliant.
Jake's eyes widened as disbelief coursed through her. Had he really just suggested...? "Wh...what?" she stammered "Take me...*home*? Are you...I mean...*what*?" Her head spun as she tried to make sense of Hamilton's request. He didn't seriously mean...oh God...what if he did? What do I say?
Hamilton's mind exploded with the possibilities. He hadn't meant it like that...well, not entirely, but he really had just wanted to spend more time with Jake. But now...oh God, now he had all these images in his head. Mental pictures he'd never really been able to banish from his thoughts came rushing into his mind as he fought to come up with a coherent response. He didn't want Jake to think...that...even if.... No. That wasn't an option anymore.
"I just meant...not...not take you home...not to Mom and Dad's...I meant to your hotel..." Jake's jaw dropped slightly as he realized his mistake. "No! Not like that...just...I thought you might need a ride to your hotel and I was offering to take you 'cause I haven't seen you in a long time and we haven't really gotten to talk..." his voice trailed off and he blushed. She was staring, and he was babbling. He was, he decided quickly, an idiot. Then again, he'd known that for years.
"Um...okay," she said softly. Her head was still spinning from what she had thought he was suggesting; thoughts like that about Hamilton always made her weak in the knees. The truth was, though, she really did want to spend more time with him. They rarely got to see each other, and although they spoke often, it wasn't the same.
She smiled shyly at him. "I'd really like that. Thanks, Hamilton," she said.
He grinned. "Yeah? Really? That...that's great." He took a deep breath and then smiled sweetly at her, reaching out to trace her cheek carefully with his thumb. "I've really missed you, Jake," he whispered.
"I've missed you, Hamilton," she whispered back, her eyes huge as she took a shaky breath.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Hamilton glanced over at Jake as he drove into town. She was staring out the window, her face virtually unreadable. What is she thinking? And why won't she tell me? he wondered as he made his way to her bed and breakfast. He sighed softly as he pulled up to the house.
Jake turned and smiled shakily. "What's wrong, Hamilton?" she asked as she saw the look on his face.
"You're hiding something," he whispered. "Why?"
She looked down, biting her lip. "Hamilton...please...you know I tell you everything, and I promise...I'll tell you eventually. I just...I need to work through this myself, first. Okay?" She looked over at him, her eyes pleading with him to understand.
He smiled weakly and reached over to trace her cheek gently, whispering, "Okay, Jake. Whenever you want. You know I'll be here."
She smiled. "Thanks. Come on, let's go inside. I'll make you some coffee and we can catch up." Inwardly, she cringed. Catch up?!?! Jake, this is Hamilton...you talk to him three times a week at least!
He shook his head as she opened the car door, giving up all hope of figuring her out. She'll tell you when she's ready, man...just be patient. He got out of the car and took her hand as she led him inside to her room.
"Wow, this place is really nice," he said as she flipped on the light. He knew the Rawley brochures recommended the bed and breakfast to the parents, but he'd never been here in person.
She smiled. "Yeah, your mom recommended it to me." She opened up the cabinet and started the miniature coffeepot. "Do you mind if I change?"
He shook his head no. "I wish I could. This damn tux is choking me." She grinned. "What?" he asked.
"First, you look sexy in that tux...I'd say foxy, but, well..." She smirked.
"Shut up, Jake." He blushed. She always found a way to get to him, he had to give her that.
"Second," she smiled, turning and opening one of the dresser drawers, "I stole these from you last time I visited." She tossed a shirt and a pair of jeans to him.
He cracked up. "I wondered...still dressing like a guy, huh?" He grinned at her, loosening his tie before starting on the shirt buttons.
It was her turn to blush this time. "Shut up, Hamilton. It's not my fault your jeans are more comfortable than mine. Anyway..." she grabbed some lounge pants and a tank top and carried them into the bathroom. "I'm gonna change."
He changed quickly, freeing himself from the uncomfortable rented tuxedo pants and sliding his long-missing jeans on. "She had to take my favorite pair, too..." he smiled to himself as he slid the dress shirt off and reached for the t-shirt she had swiped on her last visit. Just then the bathroom door opened.
"Um, Hamilton? I...oh." Jake stared for a minute. She hadn't seen him shirtless in a while and it turned out that her memory wasn't doing him justice. Her eyes widened, taking in his perfectly chiseled torso, tan from the California sun. He'd filled out more than she remembered, and the change was...stunning.
He swallowed hard as she stared, her sudden silence making him nervous. Jake hadn't stared at him like that in a while. He...missed it. He glanced at her uncertainly before dropping his eyes back to the floor, not wanting her to see what she was doing to him. "Jake, did you...need something?" he asked, trying to fight the reaction he was having.
She snapped out of her daze at the sound of his voice. "Oh...uh...yeah, actually...I...my...um, that is...I can't..." She gestured helplessly to the back of her dress, blushing wildly.
"Zipper?" he asked. She nodded mutely and turned, her face flaming with embarrassment. He crossed the room quickly, sliding his fingertips over the back of her dress, searching for the tiny zipper. "Damn, they make these things hard to find," he muttered.
She trembled slightly at the feel of his hands on her back, praying he didn't notice as he found the piece. "There," she whispered softly as he slid the zipper down, exposing her back to his eyes.
He stared. He knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't help it. It was Jake, for crying out loud. His first girlfriend. His best friend. The only woman who ever...he bit his lip, closing off that part of his brain, refusing to let the thought even form completely.
"I...you can probably get it from there," he said quietly as she turned to look up at him.
Her eyes were huge as she stared into his. "Thanks," she whispered. God...the way he was staring...the feel of his hands on her skin...it made her shiver inside. He always had, and he always would. She could never let him see that, though. He was just Hamilton, now. Her best friend, and nothing more. She looked away, sliding back into the bathroom to change.
Hamilton ran his hands through his hair and forced himself to think of how cold New Rawley Lake was, even in the summer. He pulled on his shirt and searched for coffee mugs, waiting for Jake to reappear.
She changed as quickly as she could, fighting the shivers his touch had created. Wrapped up in comfortable pajamas and feeling a little more in control, she opened the door carefully, only to be met with Hamilton holding up a coffee mug, a mischievous smile on his face.
"You like it black, right?" he asked innocently. She wrinkled her nose as he fought to keep from laughing.
"Hamilton, please...tell me you're kidding." She took the cup carefully, glancing down to see that her coffee was light brown, nearly as much milk as coffee, and she smiled at him. "You brat, you were just being mean!"
He laughed, sipping his coffee as he smiled sweetly. "C'mon, Jake, I know I haven't made you coffee in a while, but do you think I'd forget?"
She blushed, sitting down in the armchair by the window as she sipped her drink. "No, but you've been known to mess it up on purpose, Hamilton," she said, smiling at him.
Somehow, as they talked through the night, the earlier tension between them evaporated, as if it had never been. Maybe it was forced away by each of them, neither willing to admit how they truly felt, but nevertheless, it faded.
Hamilton started to doze off first, about three in the morning. Jake smiled as she watched him try and keep his focus on their conversation. "Time change catching up with you, Ham?" she asked gently.
He blushed and nodded apologetically. "I'm sorry, Jake...I can't...I'll go home now," he muttered, standing up slowly. She took his hand and stopped him.
"Sorry, Munchie, I don't think so. You're way too tired to be driving right now," she said, smiling at him. "Kate would murder me if anything happened to you. Lay down, Hamilton," she ordered gently.
He blinked, surprise drifting through the fog in his mind. "Huh?" Was she offering...? No, he quickly decided. He was tired, but he wasn't that tired. He was pretty sure he'd know if Jake were propositioning him. God knew he'd dreamed about it enough. He sat back down, smiling stupidly. "But...where are you gonna sleep?"
She bit her lip. They were both exhausted, and it wasn't like anything would happen. He'd never make a move on her. Not anymore. She sat next to him and smiled sweetly. "With you, of course. Lay down. And don't hog the covers, okay? You know I hate that."
He lay back, sliding under the covers, mumbling, "Whatever, Jake...you were always the cover hog and you know it..." he smiled at her sleepily before closing his eyes and drifting off.
She rolled her eyes and lay down carefully, staying slightly apart from him on the mattress as she pulled the covers up around her. "Right, Hamilton...whatever..."
When they woke up the next morning, Jake was in Hamilton's arms. As the alarm snapped her out of sleep, her first thought was Mmmmmm...I missed this. Coming fully awake, however, her next thought was the Hell??? She jumped out of bed, staring down at Hamilton's sleeping form as her head spun. How had that happened? Did it even matter? He was still asleep; he most likely wouldn't even remember it.
"Hamilton, come on, wake up," she said, shaking him slightly. He only muttered and rolled over. "Hamilton. Get up. Now," she said, her voice getting louder.
He swatted her hand away. "Mermmmphgh, stop it Jake," he muttered.
She checked the clock. She needed to get dressed and he had to get up so she could catch her train. Swallowing hard, she decided it was time to use her secret weapon.
"Hamilton, come on. It's 8.30 and we're gonna miss breakfast if you don't get out of bed. And Finn's final is after that...you know you're gonna need to eat first..." She stepped back and waited. Sure enough...
Hamilton sat straight up, his hair messy and obviously still half-asleep. "Shit, did we miss breakfast? Why didn't you wake me up?" He blinked, disoriented as the room came into focus.
Jake grinned. "Good to know that still works, Munchie."
He woke up fully as his surroundings sunk in, a blush spreading over his cheeks as he realized what she'd done. Dammit, he thought. She always knows how to get me. He glared at her. "Don't call me Munchie," he muttered as he got out of bed.
"C'mon, you have to take me to the train station," she said, unfazed by his grouchiness. He'd always been cranky until he was fed.
Despite her best efforts, though, it was a little tense as Hamilton drove Jake to the train station.
"A banana?" he asked, for the hundredth time.
Jake rolled her eyes. "It was all they had. God. If we had time for Friendly's, you know I'd let you stop."
He muttered something under his breath. In the interest of peace, she chose to attribute it to his grumpy mood caused by lack of what he considered a "real" breakfast.
He knew she thought he was upset simply because of the lack of food. The truth, though, was that he was still brooding over her behavior from the night before. It hurt that she was shutting him out. He just hadn't figured out how to make her talk to him. One thing he knew - Jake wouldn't be forced to tell him something she didn't want him to know.
He sighed inwardly, knowing he only had two options. He could either wait for her to tell him, or he could try and force it out of her. Neither worked for him. They traveled silently through town as he debated with himself. Finally, though, he had to say something.
"Jake, I haven't forgotten."
"Wh...what?" She looked over at him in surprise.
He sighed softly as he pulled up at the station. "Hang on to that thought, okay? Let's get your stuff and get you to the platform."
She swallowed hard, nodding slowly as she got out of the car, helping him pull her bags from the trunk. Her head was spinning as they walked to the platform, wondering what he was talking about.
He glanced at the clock nervously as they found her platform. "Okay, look...there's not much time, but...last night, you were so lost in whatever you were thinking about that you wouldn't even tell me what it was. And I know...I could see...whatever it is, it's something that you have to work out. I just..." he sighed and ran one hand through his already messy hair, smiling sweetly at her.
"You're my best friend, Jake. No one knows me like you do, 'cause no one's been through as much with me as you."
She smiled shakily, melting inside at his words and the sincerity in his smile. "Hamilton, I just - "
He carefully placed a finger over her lips, silencing her. "Shhhh...we don't have much time, okay? Let me finish. I just want you to know...whatever it is, I'm here when you're ready to talk. No matter what time or where I am, call me. Okay?"
She swallowed hard, nodding slowly as emotion overwhelmed her. He was so amazing...he'd always been amazing. And now this was between them, and it was her fault. She smiled shakily at him, mesmerized as always by his incredible eyes.
"Your train's here," he said quietly, picking up her bags and helping her find the right compartment.
She turned to him before climbing on board, smiling softly. "Thanks, Hamilton," she said quietly. "I...just...thanks."
He leaned down and kissed her forehead, pulling her close for a tight hug. "Anytime, Jake," he whispered. "I mean that. Promise me you'll tell me when you're ready?"
She nodded as she pulled back, climbing onto the train as the whistle sounded. "Bye, Hamilton," she said as the doors closed. She sighed as she made her way to her seat, her thoughts jumbled in her mind. As she looked out the window, she could see him on the platform as the train started to pull out. One thought stood out. "I want to tell you, Hamilton, but...I can't. I'll never be able to..."
Hamilton's eyes were troubled as he watched the train pull away. He'd seen the look in Jake's eyes. She was still hiding from him, and she didn't plan on telling him any time soon. He bit his lip, whispering, "Call me, Jake...I'll be here, I promise."
He knew Jake was somewhere in the crowd, he just couldn't seem to find her. It was ridiculous, really. She shouldn't be the center of attention, but she should be pretty easy to spot. Hamilton scanned the ballroom of Rawley Academy, smiling as he watched the crowd. Scout, all decked out in his tuxedo, was dancing with his date, Caroline Busse. No one had seen that attachment coming, but it made perfect sense. Bella, radiant and stunning tonight, was chatting with her sister, Grace, both of them smiling and giggling like teenagers. Will was...Hamilton shook his head, amused. Will was talking with Ryder, of all people. He'd have to remember to ask about that one.
He left the ballroom and walked down the hall, still searching for Jake. He grinned as he passed the Men's Room. "Somehow, I don't think she's in there this time, Hamilton," he muttered to himself. She wasn't in the billiard room, either, so he made his way to the terrace, taking a deep breath as the summer breeze ruffled his hair. It was a beautiful night. A shadow down by the lake caught his eye and he smiled. "There you are."
Jake heard him coming. Of all the things Hamilton was, silent and subtle were not on the list. She smiled and turned to him as he strolled out onto the dock.
"Bella looks gorgeous tonight, doesn't she?" Jake asked, smiling at Hamilton.
He smiled back. "Yeah, but then, it is her wedding night. I thought girls were supposed to be gorgeous the day they get married."
Jake bit her lip and turned to look out at the dark water. "Yeah. They are. I'm really happy for her and Will." She glanced down at her bridesmaid's dress. "At least she had the good sense not to stick me in something...hot pink and with ruffles and bows in places I don't need ruffles and bows." She sighed softly, glancing up at Hamilton before looking back out at the water.
The breeze ruffled through his hair as he tilted his head, staring at her intently. "Jake...what is it?" Her voice had sounded odd to him, as if she was holding back. She wouldn't look at him, either, and that was most definitely unusual.
"Sorry, Hamilton. I'm just feeling...contemplative. It's one of those quiet moods. Nothing major, I promise."
Her voice was too quiet, Hamilton thought. Like she was trying too hard to convince him. Jake might be enigmatic and quiet at times, but she didn't ordinarily try to cover how she felt. At least, she didn't do that with him. He thought.
"Jake...c'mon...it's me..." his voice faded as she turned to look at him. Her eyes begged him not to push any further; she needed to work through it first. He bit his lip and thought fast. "So...Ryder? Dare I ask why you brought him to Bella and Will's wedding?"
She smiled, silently thanking him for understanding. "He and I ran into each other in this coffee shop in New York. Turns out he's actually a decent guy, once you talk to him. And once I found out about him and Grace, I couldn't resist."
He looked surprised. "Ryder and Grace? Grace Banks? Huh?"
"Yep." Jake grinned triumphantly. "Apparently they dated during his senior year at Rawley. We were just...oblivious." Her smile faded slightly for a moment; she and Hamilton had been breaking up during Ryder's senior year. She caught herself quickly and grinned again. "So what could I do? I had to bring him. I guess they never really got over each other, 'cause when I told Bella and she told Grace, she said Grace's whole face lit up and then sort of fell...I wanted to see what they'd do." She arched an eyebrow. "Considering the way they were staring at each other, I think it worked."
He thought about it for a moment, then nodded. "I think you might be right."
She smiled at him briefly, then turned back to the water, her face pensive once again. He watched her for a moment, biting his lip as he considered his options. Something was bothering her. He just wished... "Jake, what's wrong? Please tell me?"
Her shoulders tensed as her head dropped. "Hamilton, please. It...it's nothing - "
"It's not nothing, Jake," he sighed. "I can see it all over your face. Something's bothering you. Please don't shut me out?" he pleaded softly, moving closer to her.
She looked into his eyes, admitting defeat to herself. She never could resist those clear blue eyes that saw straight past her defenses. To her utter horror, her eyes filled with tears. "I - "
"Jake! Hamilton! There you are!"
Hamilton fought back a groan as Jake turned quickly, wiping her eyes and hiding any evidence. "Scout, what's up, man?" he asked as Scout walked out on the dock.
"We've been looking for you two. Will and Bella are about to leave." Scout looked curiously over at Jake as she straightened and smiled.
"We better go, then...c'mon, boys, wedding party duties await. Let's go see the happy couple off." She walked past Hamilton and Scout towards the Rawley ballroom, smiling and happy, no trace of the pain that had been in her eyes just minutes before.
Hamilton watched, sighing. "Thanks, Scout," he said, rolling his eyes as he followed Jake up the hill, Scout following closely.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Jake surveyed the room. Bella and Will had left a little while ago and the party was finally dying down. The ballroom was filled with their friends and family, all gathered to see a marriage that had been in the making since both the bride and groom had been in diapers. The general consensus was that it was about damn time. The DJ announced the last song, and she grinned as she saw Ryder lead Grace out to the dance floor, both of them smiling nervously.
"Looks like that paid off, huh?" a voice asked from behind her.
"Good God, Hamilton! Don't sneak up on me like that!" She turned to glare at him. She hadn't heard him coming and he'd scared the hell out of her when he spoke. She smiled at him, though, when she saw the apologetic look on his face.
"Sorry," he said sheepishly. "Didn't mean to scare you like that." He smiled and held out his hand. "Can I have the last dance to make up for it?"
She took his hand and smiled. "You don't have to ask, you know. Come on."
He pulled her to the dance floor and they wrapped their arms around each other, moving slowly to the music. Years of familiarity with each other made their movements easy...natural. Jake relaxed in Hamilton's arms and sighed softly, resting her head on his shoulder as some of the day's tension drained away. Here she was safe. In Hamilton's arms, nothing could hurt her. It was...a dangerous thought. She pulled her mind back from where it had been wandering and forced herself to just relax and appreciate what she had in that moment.
Hamilton held her close, one hand sliding down her spine, easing the tension in her back. She thought she could hide from him, but she couldn't. After all the years they'd known each other, he knew every look, every gesture, every sign of what she was feeling.
"I haven't forgotten," he whispered softly in her ear.
Her head snapped up and she stared into his eyes, shocked. "Wh...what?" He couldn't mean what it sounded like he meant...could he?
He looked down at her. "Earlier...on the dock. You were going to tell me what was wrong."
She bit her lip and her eyes slid away from his. "Hamilton, I...I don't think..."
"Jake, please?" He took her chin in one hand and tilted it up so he could look into her eyes. "It's me. I'm your best friend. Please tell me? Let me in?"
She swallowed hard, whispering, "Best friend...I know...and I..." her voice trailed off. What was she supposed to say to him? He was watching her...watching her with those intense blue eyes that never missed anything she tried to hide. This, though, this had to stay hidden. She couldn't afford to lose everything they had.
He watched her carefully; watched her emotions play across her face as they danced. She was trying so hard to hide it from him, but she couldn't. He'd always been able to read her expressions, even when they had been teenagers. Now he held her close while they danced, watching her try to hide from him.
It hurt to know that she was keeping secrets. They had always told each other everything, and the idea that she was hiding something from him made his heart ache. It wasn't like he was Scout...or Ryder...or Will...it was him...Hamilton. He was one half of HamiltonandJake. He swallowed hard. Even after five years, it was hard for him to think of them as Hamilton and Jake, separate people rather than one being. He caught her eyes with his, his breath catching as their gazes locked.
"Jake..." he whispered. He couldn't look away from her. He didn't even realize that they had slowed down so that they were barely even swaying to the music.
She trembled in his arms as they stared at each other. Oh God, she couldn't hide. She was so tired of hiding. The music faded into the background as he pulled her closer. As much as she thought that she should pull away...run as fast as she could in the other direction...she couldn't. She tightened her arms around him as he began to lower his lips to hers, never once breaking their gaze.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, that's the last song of the evening. It's been a pleasure playing for you tonight - for those of you driving home, drive safely!"
Hamilton started, the DJ's voice shattering the moment. He caught a glimpse of Jake's bewildered gaze as she realized what had happened, and his heart fell as her eyes clouded over again, hiding her feelings from him. Damn that DJ, anyway. He had been so close...just a moment longer and it would have been...perfect. He closed his eyes as she stepped back.
"Thanks for the dance, Hamilton," she whispered softly as she pulled out of his arms and turned, her head spinning.
He panicked, grabbing her wrist as she started to walk off, pulling her back to him. He heard her startled gasp, saw the confusion in her eyes and knew that the same feeling was in his gaze.
"Let me take you home," he blurted out. Inwardly, he winced. Smooth, Hamilton, he thought to himself. That was just...brilliant.
Jake's eyes widened as disbelief coursed through her. Had he really just suggested...? "Wh...what?" she stammered "Take me...*home*? Are you...I mean...*what*?" Her head spun as she tried to make sense of Hamilton's request. He didn't seriously mean...oh God...what if he did? What do I say?
Hamilton's mind exploded with the possibilities. He hadn't meant it like that...well, not entirely, but he really had just wanted to spend more time with Jake. But now...oh God, now he had all these images in his head. Mental pictures he'd never really been able to banish from his thoughts came rushing into his mind as he fought to come up with a coherent response. He didn't want Jake to think...that...even if.... No. That wasn't an option anymore.
"I just meant...not...not take you home...not to Mom and Dad's...I meant to your hotel..." Jake's jaw dropped slightly as he realized his mistake. "No! Not like that...just...I thought you might need a ride to your hotel and I was offering to take you 'cause I haven't seen you in a long time and we haven't really gotten to talk..." his voice trailed off and he blushed. She was staring, and he was babbling. He was, he decided quickly, an idiot. Then again, he'd known that for years.
"Um...okay," she said softly. Her head was still spinning from what she had thought he was suggesting; thoughts like that about Hamilton always made her weak in the knees. The truth was, though, she really did want to spend more time with him. They rarely got to see each other, and although they spoke often, it wasn't the same.
She smiled shyly at him. "I'd really like that. Thanks, Hamilton," she said.
He grinned. "Yeah? Really? That...that's great." He took a deep breath and then smiled sweetly at her, reaching out to trace her cheek carefully with his thumb. "I've really missed you, Jake," he whispered.
"I've missed you, Hamilton," she whispered back, her eyes huge as she took a shaky breath.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Hamilton glanced over at Jake as he drove into town. She was staring out the window, her face virtually unreadable. What is she thinking? And why won't she tell me? he wondered as he made his way to her bed and breakfast. He sighed softly as he pulled up to the house.
Jake turned and smiled shakily. "What's wrong, Hamilton?" she asked as she saw the look on his face.
"You're hiding something," he whispered. "Why?"
She looked down, biting her lip. "Hamilton...please...you know I tell you everything, and I promise...I'll tell you eventually. I just...I need to work through this myself, first. Okay?" She looked over at him, her eyes pleading with him to understand.
He smiled weakly and reached over to trace her cheek gently, whispering, "Okay, Jake. Whenever you want. You know I'll be here."
She smiled. "Thanks. Come on, let's go inside. I'll make you some coffee and we can catch up." Inwardly, she cringed. Catch up?!?! Jake, this is Hamilton...you talk to him three times a week at least!
He shook his head as she opened the car door, giving up all hope of figuring her out. She'll tell you when she's ready, man...just be patient. He got out of the car and took her hand as she led him inside to her room.
"Wow, this place is really nice," he said as she flipped on the light. He knew the Rawley brochures recommended the bed and breakfast to the parents, but he'd never been here in person.
She smiled. "Yeah, your mom recommended it to me." She opened up the cabinet and started the miniature coffeepot. "Do you mind if I change?"
He shook his head no. "I wish I could. This damn tux is choking me." She grinned. "What?" he asked.
"First, you look sexy in that tux...I'd say foxy, but, well..." She smirked.
"Shut up, Jake." He blushed. She always found a way to get to him, he had to give her that.
"Second," she smiled, turning and opening one of the dresser drawers, "I stole these from you last time I visited." She tossed a shirt and a pair of jeans to him.
He cracked up. "I wondered...still dressing like a guy, huh?" He grinned at her, loosening his tie before starting on the shirt buttons.
It was her turn to blush this time. "Shut up, Hamilton. It's not my fault your jeans are more comfortable than mine. Anyway..." she grabbed some lounge pants and a tank top and carried them into the bathroom. "I'm gonna change."
He changed quickly, freeing himself from the uncomfortable rented tuxedo pants and sliding his long-missing jeans on. "She had to take my favorite pair, too..." he smiled to himself as he slid the dress shirt off and reached for the t-shirt she had swiped on her last visit. Just then the bathroom door opened.
"Um, Hamilton? I...oh." Jake stared for a minute. She hadn't seen him shirtless in a while and it turned out that her memory wasn't doing him justice. Her eyes widened, taking in his perfectly chiseled torso, tan from the California sun. He'd filled out more than she remembered, and the change was...stunning.
He swallowed hard as she stared, her sudden silence making him nervous. Jake hadn't stared at him like that in a while. He...missed it. He glanced at her uncertainly before dropping his eyes back to the floor, not wanting her to see what she was doing to him. "Jake, did you...need something?" he asked, trying to fight the reaction he was having.
She snapped out of her daze at the sound of his voice. "Oh...uh...yeah, actually...I...my...um, that is...I can't..." She gestured helplessly to the back of her dress, blushing wildly.
"Zipper?" he asked. She nodded mutely and turned, her face flaming with embarrassment. He crossed the room quickly, sliding his fingertips over the back of her dress, searching for the tiny zipper. "Damn, they make these things hard to find," he muttered.
She trembled slightly at the feel of his hands on her back, praying he didn't notice as he found the piece. "There," she whispered softly as he slid the zipper down, exposing her back to his eyes.
He stared. He knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't help it. It was Jake, for crying out loud. His first girlfriend. His best friend. The only woman who ever...he bit his lip, closing off that part of his brain, refusing to let the thought even form completely.
"I...you can probably get it from there," he said quietly as she turned to look up at him.
Her eyes were huge as she stared into his. "Thanks," she whispered. God...the way he was staring...the feel of his hands on her skin...it made her shiver inside. He always had, and he always would. She could never let him see that, though. He was just Hamilton, now. Her best friend, and nothing more. She looked away, sliding back into the bathroom to change.
Hamilton ran his hands through his hair and forced himself to think of how cold New Rawley Lake was, even in the summer. He pulled on his shirt and searched for coffee mugs, waiting for Jake to reappear.
She changed as quickly as she could, fighting the shivers his touch had created. Wrapped up in comfortable pajamas and feeling a little more in control, she opened the door carefully, only to be met with Hamilton holding up a coffee mug, a mischievous smile on his face.
"You like it black, right?" he asked innocently. She wrinkled her nose as he fought to keep from laughing.
"Hamilton, please...tell me you're kidding." She took the cup carefully, glancing down to see that her coffee was light brown, nearly as much milk as coffee, and she smiled at him. "You brat, you were just being mean!"
He laughed, sipping his coffee as he smiled sweetly. "C'mon, Jake, I know I haven't made you coffee in a while, but do you think I'd forget?"
She blushed, sitting down in the armchair by the window as she sipped her drink. "No, but you've been known to mess it up on purpose, Hamilton," she said, smiling at him.
Somehow, as they talked through the night, the earlier tension between them evaporated, as if it had never been. Maybe it was forced away by each of them, neither willing to admit how they truly felt, but nevertheless, it faded.
Hamilton started to doze off first, about three in the morning. Jake smiled as she watched him try and keep his focus on their conversation. "Time change catching up with you, Ham?" she asked gently.
He blushed and nodded apologetically. "I'm sorry, Jake...I can't...I'll go home now," he muttered, standing up slowly. She took his hand and stopped him.
"Sorry, Munchie, I don't think so. You're way too tired to be driving right now," she said, smiling at him. "Kate would murder me if anything happened to you. Lay down, Hamilton," she ordered gently.
He blinked, surprise drifting through the fog in his mind. "Huh?" Was she offering...? No, he quickly decided. He was tired, but he wasn't that tired. He was pretty sure he'd know if Jake were propositioning him. God knew he'd dreamed about it enough. He sat back down, smiling stupidly. "But...where are you gonna sleep?"
She bit her lip. They were both exhausted, and it wasn't like anything would happen. He'd never make a move on her. Not anymore. She sat next to him and smiled sweetly. "With you, of course. Lay down. And don't hog the covers, okay? You know I hate that."
He lay back, sliding under the covers, mumbling, "Whatever, Jake...you were always the cover hog and you know it..." he smiled at her sleepily before closing his eyes and drifting off.
She rolled her eyes and lay down carefully, staying slightly apart from him on the mattress as she pulled the covers up around her. "Right, Hamilton...whatever..."
When they woke up the next morning, Jake was in Hamilton's arms. As the alarm snapped her out of sleep, her first thought was Mmmmmm...I missed this. Coming fully awake, however, her next thought was the Hell??? She jumped out of bed, staring down at Hamilton's sleeping form as her head spun. How had that happened? Did it even matter? He was still asleep; he most likely wouldn't even remember it.
"Hamilton, come on, wake up," she said, shaking him slightly. He only muttered and rolled over. "Hamilton. Get up. Now," she said, her voice getting louder.
He swatted her hand away. "Mermmmphgh, stop it Jake," he muttered.
She checked the clock. She needed to get dressed and he had to get up so she could catch her train. Swallowing hard, she decided it was time to use her secret weapon.
"Hamilton, come on. It's 8.30 and we're gonna miss breakfast if you don't get out of bed. And Finn's final is after that...you know you're gonna need to eat first..." She stepped back and waited. Sure enough...
Hamilton sat straight up, his hair messy and obviously still half-asleep. "Shit, did we miss breakfast? Why didn't you wake me up?" He blinked, disoriented as the room came into focus.
Jake grinned. "Good to know that still works, Munchie."
He woke up fully as his surroundings sunk in, a blush spreading over his cheeks as he realized what she'd done. Dammit, he thought. She always knows how to get me. He glared at her. "Don't call me Munchie," he muttered as he got out of bed.
"C'mon, you have to take me to the train station," she said, unfazed by his grouchiness. He'd always been cranky until he was fed.
Despite her best efforts, though, it was a little tense as Hamilton drove Jake to the train station.
"A banana?" he asked, for the hundredth time.
Jake rolled her eyes. "It was all they had. God. If we had time for Friendly's, you know I'd let you stop."
He muttered something under his breath. In the interest of peace, she chose to attribute it to his grumpy mood caused by lack of what he considered a "real" breakfast.
He knew she thought he was upset simply because of the lack of food. The truth, though, was that he was still brooding over her behavior from the night before. It hurt that she was shutting him out. He just hadn't figured out how to make her talk to him. One thing he knew - Jake wouldn't be forced to tell him something she didn't want him to know.
He sighed inwardly, knowing he only had two options. He could either wait for her to tell him, or he could try and force it out of her. Neither worked for him. They traveled silently through town as he debated with himself. Finally, though, he had to say something.
"Jake, I haven't forgotten."
"Wh...what?" She looked over at him in surprise.
He sighed softly as he pulled up at the station. "Hang on to that thought, okay? Let's get your stuff and get you to the platform."
She swallowed hard, nodding slowly as she got out of the car, helping him pull her bags from the trunk. Her head was spinning as they walked to the platform, wondering what he was talking about.
He glanced at the clock nervously as they found her platform. "Okay, look...there's not much time, but...last night, you were so lost in whatever you were thinking about that you wouldn't even tell me what it was. And I know...I could see...whatever it is, it's something that you have to work out. I just..." he sighed and ran one hand through his already messy hair, smiling sweetly at her.
"You're my best friend, Jake. No one knows me like you do, 'cause no one's been through as much with me as you."
She smiled shakily, melting inside at his words and the sincerity in his smile. "Hamilton, I just - "
He carefully placed a finger over her lips, silencing her. "Shhhh...we don't have much time, okay? Let me finish. I just want you to know...whatever it is, I'm here when you're ready to talk. No matter what time or where I am, call me. Okay?"
She swallowed hard, nodding slowly as emotion overwhelmed her. He was so amazing...he'd always been amazing. And now this was between them, and it was her fault. She smiled shakily at him, mesmerized as always by his incredible eyes.
"Your train's here," he said quietly, picking up her bags and helping her find the right compartment.
She turned to him before climbing on board, smiling softly. "Thanks, Hamilton," she said quietly. "I...just...thanks."
He leaned down and kissed her forehead, pulling her close for a tight hug. "Anytime, Jake," he whispered. "I mean that. Promise me you'll tell me when you're ready?"
She nodded as she pulled back, climbing onto the train as the whistle sounded. "Bye, Hamilton," she said as the doors closed. She sighed as she made her way to her seat, her thoughts jumbled in her mind. As she looked out the window, she could see him on the platform as the train started to pull out. One thought stood out. "I want to tell you, Hamilton, but...I can't. I'll never be able to..."
Hamilton's eyes were troubled as he watched the train pull away. He'd seen the look in Jake's eyes. She was still hiding from him, and she didn't plan on telling him any time soon. He bit his lip, whispering, "Call me, Jake...I'll be here, I promise."
