Leaving Well Enough

A FFVII Fan Fiction

By

Lady Aoi

Summary: Reno's thoughts about a certain Turk love triangle

Rating: PG-13 for language (this is Reno after all)

Pairings: Vaguely Rude/Elena and Elena/Tseng

Disclaimer: Rude, Elena, Tseng and Reno are wonderful. But like many wonderful things in this day and age (Hostess li'l angels, for example), they do not belong to me. They all belong to Square Soft. And I don't own Square Soft at the moment, either. Mhh… Square Soft…

Lady Aoi's Notes: The Reno muse got the urge for a little story today. I didn't have the urge to refuse. Oh yeah. This might make more sense if you read "More Than Words" first. But it can stand on its own, too. I hope you enjoy the fiction. I'm still pretty new to writing for Final Fantasy 7, so all comments and suggestions are very welcome.

~*~

            Huh.

You're a real wing nut, Rude. A real wing nut.  Honest to god! I love ya, buddy, but hell if I know what's up with you half the time. Most of the time. Like that time you and me were at Costa del Sol and laid on the beach for an hour just breathing through one nostril at a time. That was weird. Or that day you just up and shaved all your hair off. Bing. Just like that. Hair today gone tomorrow. That was weird, too. And don't even get me started about that painting you did of those weird-ass watches that were all bent out of shape. Yeah, you guessed it. Weird. Weird. Weird.

But dammit, Rude. That shit you pulled at Gongaga last week wasn't weird. It was just plain stupid! God, buddy! 'Lena was right behind you, and what did ya do? You choked, that's what. You friggin' choked. I mean, sure, I got blue balls for that AVALANCHE gal too. But still! Tifa? Tifa?! Yeah, right. You wanna know something, buddy? You're the suckiest liar I ever met. Even worse than 'Lena, and that's saying a lot. At least she's funny when she gets caught with her pants down, but you're just damn pathetic! Heh. Pants down. Bet you'd love to see that kind of thing, huh? Tifa!

Seriously, pal. You wanna know how I really saw through that whole horseshit 'confession' of yours? I'll spell it out. YOU DON'T CARE A RAT'S ASS FOR TIFA LOCKHEART!!! And you know why? Because you don't even remember what the hell she looks like! And don't deny it. I caught you red-handed. After you and me fought those AVALANCHE wing nuts off, I asked you what you thought of Tifa. She was with 'em, you know. Jiggling away every time she cast Fire 2. Yeeeowwwwch! And you know what you did, you lyin' bastard? You turned right around and said: "I dunno. I was too busy fighting." HA. HA. HAAAAA! Joke's on you, wing nut. 'Cause any guy that wasn't either blind or gay coulda been falling off a cliff and still had his eyes glued to those jugs like flies to honey. And you're not blind, and I know you ain't gay. So the only other explanation is that you had someone else's jugs on your brain.

By the way, they're nice enough jugs. But I digress. And besides, you'd beat my ass from here to Midgar if you knew I was looking at your crush.

I ain't lookin' at her, though. Not like that. 'Lena's my buddy, Rude. That's all. Just my buddy like you're my buddy. She's sweet and cute and all, but she's not exactly my type, ya know? She's a little too clueless and besides, I prefer brunettes. Like that Aeris. Whooo-yah!

I'm done now…

But Rude, come the hell on! What do you think just sitting here with your finger up your ass is gonna accomplish, huh?! Hey. It's not like she doesn't know. It's not like we all don't know. Yeah, you may have a kick ass poker face, but it don't work around pretty girls. That's another way I figured you were lying. I see the way you look at 'Lena all the time. Your cheeks just start twitching and then this goofy-ass little grin appears, like you just got a nice surprise right between the thighs. It's subtle, sure. But damn! I know you, man! And you sure as hell don't give Tifa looks like that! But yeah. She knows. Tseng'd know too, if he wasn't too busy doing actual work. And if he didn't have a stick shoved permanently up his corn hole, that is. So since everyone knows how you feel, here's the 50,000 Gil question:

Ahem.

WHY THE HELL DON'T YOU SAY SOMETHING, YOU IDIOT?!?

Come on! It's not like 'Lena would hate you or disown you or whatever. Hell, she'd be flattered! Who knows, she might even say she liked you back! Oh yeah, she goes on and on about Tseng all the time but… please. Her and Tseng?! 'Scuse me while I go puke up a lung.

Mr. Cardboard Cut-Out don't have a thing on you, wing nut! Sure a lot of chicks think he's hot, but so what?! He's bor-ing and probably as asexual as Palmer! I mean, can you imagine him going to bed with anything but his mission reports? The only interest he's got in 'Lena is whether or not she's gonna blab another secret or get herself killed. And besides. Can you really see her being happy with a guy like that? Hell, at least you listen when she babbles on and on or when she does that stupid Hojo impression for the ninety-bajillionth time (what the hell's up with that, anyway?!). You better bet Tseng ain't even aware she's in the room. No. He's too busy thinking about whatever. His work probably. Or maybe Aeris.

Yeah, stick-up-the-ass has a thing for Aeris. And poor 'Lena don't know she ain't even second best. Or third, or fourth or sixteenth for that matter. You really want that for her, Wing Nut? You wanna just leave well enough alone and sit here with your dick in your hand while she pines away for a guy who doesn't think of her as anything but a nuisance on a good day?! You really that cruel or stupid or…. Or are you scared, Wing Nut? Huh? Scared  you might actually have to open your mouth and say those three shitty little words to her? Scared of what that'll change, and maybe the shit it won't change?

Yeah. It's a scary world, ain't it, Wing Nut, when you leave well enough and fall head long into that crazy little thing called love? And here I always thought you were the brave one of us.

Or are you just scared shitless of showing your heart off on your sleeve?

Haha. Betcha didn't see that one coming. Yeah, Wing Nut, I can be a sensitive, clued-in guy when I wanna be. Sometimes I even say "excuse me" when I let one fly, too. Anyway, you're just the same. You put up this whole "ohh ain't I a tough, silent type" attitude, but deep down you're a friggin' marshmallow and you know it! And guess what? Hell, I'd never say this out loud 'cause I got a reputation to keep and all, but it don't hurt sometimes to *be* a friggin' marshmallow on the outside, too. Chicks dig that sensitivity crap in guys. And I just *know* 'Lena'd dig it in you. She doesn't want a task master or a daddy and she sure as hell doesn't want Tseng. Not really, anyway. She just wants someone to laugh at her dumb jokes and treat her good. Same as anyone wants, really.

So what's it gonna be, Wing Nut? You gonna just sit around and let 'Lena bust her heart over some guy who ain't worthy or are you gonna leave well enough for good this time and actually take a chance?

Seriously, man. I love you guys and I want you to be happy. Oh yah. And just to show you that I really am a selfish, nutty prick, I'm only sayin' that mushy stuff 'cause I wanna pour syrup and shit all over your car at the wedding. HAHA! It'll take you a week to get it off and, god willing, you'll never find those Chocobo eggs in the glove compartment!

Trust me. You'll thank me for everything later.

Wing Nut.