Not Even Second Best
A FFVII Fan Fic
By
Lady Aoi
Summary: Elena's side of the whole Tseng/Elena/Rude triangle.
Pairings: Vaguely Tseng/Elena and Rude/Elena
Rating: PG for language, angst
Genre: Romance/Angst
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Square Soft does. And Square Soft probably takes better care of them than I would. I mean, let's be honest. If I owned these characters, Rude and Elena would have eloped long ago, Reno would be giving us a play-by-play description of the honey moon, and Tseng would still be sitting in the Temple of the Ancients. Okay, that really made sense…
Lady Aoi's Notes: It seems this is a little series of vignettes now… go figure.
~*~
I guess I'm really the last person in the world who should complain. I mean, when it all comes down to it, I'm pretty lucky. And I wasn't always that lucky. You should know. When I was a kid, I barely had enough to eat, and I the minute I walked through my front door I knew I sure as hell wasn't safe. Now, things are better. I've got a good job, and friends who like me… or who I *think* like me. Well, sometimes. I dunno.
There I go again. Getting all muddled. But I can't help it. Especially when you're around, Rude. Or should I say Rodger. You don't like people knowing your real name, but I know it. I know a lot about you that'd surprise you. Like the fact that you practice hatha yoga every morning. And that you paint seascapes. Stormy seascapes. Calm seascapes. Seascapes at night. Wow, Rude. I could lose myself in your seascapes. Or in your eyes… if you showed them anymore. From what I remember when we were little, they were a lot like the sea. Light green when you were angry, grey when you were calm… but… it's funny, Rude. Whenever we were just sitting there in the playground together eating food we stoled or… or just sitting there quietly… well, they always looked blue. Okay, I only saw the sea for real this year, but you remember that add for Costa del Sol we found in the dumpster that one time? Yeah. Your eyes looked just like the sky in the picture. Blue and calm and so… just so…
Ugh. That's pretty corny, huh? You probably think most of me's pretty corny. I mean, when I crack a joke or do my impersonation of Professor Hojo, you always look at me and give me this little smirk. But not a good, happy smirk. A smirk like you feel sorry for me. And maybe you do. God knows it isn't easy being a Turk, and god knows I do a whole lot wrong. Like in that mine… I really didn't mean to say we were going to Junon! Honest! I just… ahhhghh. I was just so happy to be on my the first day of my first mission ever… and with YOU, no less that I – I just screwed it all up. And when I did, and when Tseng was bawling me out in front of those AVALANCHE people… I saw you shake your head. Like I was a bad puppy that had to be hit with a newspaper for going on the rug again. And I was… I was so ashamed…
And it just got worse from then on out. Tseng and Reno don't like me. I know they don't. Tseng says I talk to much and Reno… he thinks I'm a wimp and that's probably the truth. I mean… I only got this job because he got hurt, right? Not because I'm a good fighter or anything… and that's probably what you like in a girl, huh? Someone that's tough and fights good and looks pretty while doing so. Someone with grace and dignity.
Someone like Tifa Lockheart.
Yeah. I heard the whole thing. How could I not? You know how Reno gets when he's teasing. He gets this… twinge to his voice. Like he knows exactly which of your buttons to push to make you come unglued. Thing is, he's also really loud when he's teasing. Like loud enough that you can hear him even if you're all the way down the path writing your mission report. 'Cause that's where I was when I heard him start in on you. So I stood up thinking, oh great. There goes Reno trying to piss Rude off again. And it bugged me, because he's always going at you like that and you...you're just such a good person that you just stand there and take it. God damn it! He's supposed to be your new best friend! Urrgh! It just annoys me. And it really bugged me that day. I mean, I was already in a bad mood. I'd put up with Reno bitching at me all morning, and now he was bothering the guy that I –
Ahem.
So, I got up and started walking over to tell that idiot to leave you the hell alone when I heard him say…
"So, who do you like?"
I just… I just froze right there. No, really. It was like the whole world had come crashing to a halt and all I could hear was my hear pounding in my ears. Buh-BOOM. Buh-BOOM. Like in an old cheesy movie. And you were so… so thoughtful about it. Like your answer would determine the fate of the world or something. You stood there, licked your lips slightly, looked down and said:
"……..Tifa."
…. Tifa.
Hahaha. I guess the fate of the world really did rest on that answer, huh? Because my world sure came crashing down when you said that. It was… just like somebody'd ripped out my heart, lungs and guts and shoved them into a meat grinder. I really thought I was gonna puke right there. And then fall over and die. But guess what? The shit hadn't really hit the fan yet.
Because then that stupid bastard Reno said something like "Oh no… but you and Elena…" Heh. And it was such a good acting job that I almost believed him. Almost. Yeah, I know what he was up to because I'm smarter than that. Way smarter. He saw me standing a few yards off and he was just trying to drive it right on home to me. Drive what home? Well, basically that I suck and that no one in their right mind would like me.
And I guess you think so, too. Because then you said no, I don't like Elena. Elena likes Tseng.
Rude… god damn it… you stupid son-of-a-bitch….
You guys may not think it, but I'm a fighter, okay? I did *not* survive fourteen years of being tortured by my dad, poverty and starvation to be anyone's cheep entertainment. Not Reno's and not even yours, Rodger. I – I thought we were friends… I mean I really thought… okay, so you go off and join the Shinra military and get promoted to Turk in a few years, you're so good. That's great. And when you get promoted, you make new friends. And you forget about your best friend since you were a kid and replace her with someone like Reno. Okay, so you have shitty taste, but that's still fine. I can live with that. People change, shit happens, life goes on, right? But I at least thought we could still be friends. I dunno. Maybe I'm naive like that. Because I even thought we could maybe…
It was bad enough that Reno was standing there making fun of me. But did you have to join on in? And say someone like Tseng of all people. Tseng? Tseng?!? Okay, okay. I admit it. He's handsome. Downright pretty. And he's suave and mature like someone you might find in a spy movie. And yes, I have had my fantasies about him. But really… Tseng?! Rude, get this through your head. Tseng's a fantasy man. He's like the guy in high school who had the cool car and was quarter back for the football team and always had enough girls around him that he never noticed you. I wish he'd be my friend, and maybe some nights when I'm really lonely I've even fantasized about screwing him. But that's *it*. And it's… to say that I like Tseng when all I'm doing is trying to do good work and make him write good things about me in his mission logs… that's just so… so *rude* of you, Rude!
And when you said that, I admit it. I got mad. I got so mad that I barely even noticed those AVALANCHE people sneaking up on you guys. But when I saw them, I just didn't care. I said hell with it. Reno, Tseng and now even you kept going on and on about how unprofessional and stupid I was. So, hey, I thought. Why not live up to my reputation.
So I turned to that Strife guy and said that you and Reno were terrible and always went on and on about who you liked. And that *Tseng* wasn't like that at all. Yeah. You heard me. He's not like you at all. Either of you. He snaps at me, but at least he's never petty and mean. And at least he never tries to make me the butt of some really sick practical joke when all I'm doing is trying to do my best as a Turk. So yeah. I told them that I liked Tseng, too. And that's how I've been acting this entire mission. Like I like Tseng. And if you and Reno don't like that, then you can both … both….ohhhhh. You can both EAT SHIT AND DIE!
….
….
Oh shit….
Oh shit….
Oh god, I'm sorry, Rude. That was mean… but you made me mad, and you were mean, too. And I'm really upset with you right now. I guess I should just get over the whole joke thing, or try to. I mean, Reno's just like that. And I guess sometimes he just suckers you into being like that, too….
But I'm not gonna forgive you for awhile. Because you're better than that. Or at least you were once upon a time… once upon a time. Heh. That's funny. Sometimes I used to think you were my knight… that maybe you'd save me or something. That maybe you'd love me and be with me and suddenly… poof. My shitty life wouldn't seem so shitty and pointless and lonely anymore because, hey, you'd be there, right? Just like you were when we were kids… only this time maybe we'd have… I dunno. Like a life together. And a house. And maybe some kids… because I really want to have kids… I dunno. Maybe it's just to prove that I can be a better parent than my dad was…
You know what? Maybe I should like Tseng. Maybe I should really go after him. Maybe he's more than just some hunky dreamboat… maybe he really is the right guy for me. I could see him wanting to settle down with someone. And not wanting to jerk that someone around, either.
But Rude, I really think that you're the one, okay? That you and I were…
I dunno. I just dunno anymore.
Well, whatever. Even if it's written in the stars or something, that doesn't mean you'll see it. You can't see the night sky through sunglasses, you know. And you always wear them… I dunno. Maybe you've forgotten how to see everything.
So, fine. I guess that's how it is. I think that Tifa girl likes that Strife guy but who knows? I have a terrible track record in that department, so I wouldn't trust me. I hope she's everything you hope she is, Rude. And that you're seeing her clearly. I hope, if she does end up with you, that you take your glasses off and show her your eyes sometimes. And your seascapes. And I hope the kids are just as handsome as you.
They say you can't help loving the people that you love. I guess you also can't help being not even second best sometimes. But you can help not being a punching bag or a wimp. And I'm not gonna be either anymore.
Just….
Just don't break her heart this time, okay?
